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A squeaky hammer hit the desk hard enough to dent the wood.
"Alright folks, the first meeting of the 'Ulrta Mega-Simp Club' has officially begun!" Daniel announced before pointing to his vice president, Zack. "What's on today's list of discussions?"
The boy cleared his voice and adjusted his fake mustache before reading loudly from his clipboard.
"To begin with, we must welcome our new members and let them introduce themselves and the reason they have decided to join our glorious army-cough! club."
"Did he just verbally cough?" Someone whispered incredulously, causing Danny to slam his hammer repeatedly onto the desk for silence.
"Then we must inspect the status of their inner simp through a trial...TO THE DEATH! Afterward, we have a 30-minute break for tea and snacks and proceed onto the usual afternoon program of simping."
The president adjusted his own neon green fake mustache with a thoughtful look, before motioning for them to go ahead as planned. He sat up and cleared his voice gravely.
"My name is Daniellicus Maximus Eugeneseternalbaneicus Park. I am the devoted and eternal simp of the beautiful, brilliant, generous, superb, glamorous-"
Zack coughed and was rewarded a nasty glare in response before Danny continued.
"JAY HONG, soon to be Jay Park, loop-willing!"
He unraveled a poster bigger than himself with Jay's face while confetti rained down on him from the vents. It made it entirely worth it to have stuffed Vin Jin's goons into the vents the previous night with the confetti cannons. His performance was rewarded with deafening applause before Zack took the stage.
He looked around, leaned into the microphone, and just said, " I love Mira."
His 'secret' was received with deadpan stares that all seemed to say 'we know'. The boy left the stage silently, the tips of his ears burning brightly, but with a proud expression, as if daring anyone to protest.
The whole Burn Knuckles came onto the stage to express their adoration for their cinnamon roll leader, then the Beauty Dept. girls, who had to be escorted off the stage for expressing their love for Eli in a manner that was too frightening for the male population to bare. After that whole fiasco came a few other no-name simps who sang their praises for the object of their affection (someone had literally read a poem about how much they loved the cafeteria, which...fair, it was free food and free drama, what more could you ask for).
The first stage of their meeting ended somewhat peacefully.
Then came the trials.
DUN! DUN! DUN!
Everyone jumped and turned towards Zack, who sheepishly lowered the beatbox he had pulled out from god knows where. They were all lined up and Danny pulled out a tube of toothpaste, while the boxer fished his phone out of his pocket and began filing the interrogation/interviews with the flair of a professional cameraman.
"What would you do for your bias?" was the question addressed to all members and each of them gave an answer that was more worrying than the other, up to the point where homicide and world enslavement was mentioned.
Satisfied with their new simps the two concluded the interviews and awarded each of them with a badge made out of the lid of a noodle cup with the words 'I'm a proud member of the UMSC' written on in sharpie.
Afterward, the newly established UMSC had a wonderful, peaceful tea party in which they bonded over their shared love of their bias and other various things. Unknowingly, Daniel had created the ultimate weapon against the 4 Major Crews, whose own members would slowly be baptized into the simp way and join the UMSC, turning it into an unstoppable force of over 3 thousand fanatic followers and devoted simps.