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there’s something about when it nears the end of the night that i have to go through internal crises like should i drop out? am i unlovable? am i really meant to be alone for the rest of my life? will i stop dreaming of outfits i’ll never have? feeling nostalgic for where i grew up but would actually rather die than have to be stuck in my hometown again. will i still feel like god hates me even though i haven’t been to a church in years because i can’t bring myself to be in one anymore? am i turning into my mother? was my mother right?
but i usually will just gaslight myself by saying i’m just a girl and that’s that.