ok the sailor song by autoheart as a hammari song. I kind of see it as her from the afterlife looking back on what she’s done. “I was your sailor, your demon, your lover your overbearing best friend hoping for some attention” she was! sayna and kian and laira and tai all loved her but she was their monster. she mutilated sayna drove tai to suicide dragged kian down with her and laira fled in the aftermath. and she did it because she wanted to be good. “and I lost every ounce of myself” she took the child she was and killed her with her own bloody hands she slit that girl’s throat and built her legacy on her corpse. it’s kind of a response to strangers like I tried to be good am I no good am I no good. and the answer is no. you failed. you aren’t even good. you never could be. she’s coughing up blood asking if she’s good it’s 'if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn't know how to be alive i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die' it’s all for nothing it’s all to end a war that years later historians say she didn’t even stop. she was driven mad under the weight of her sins she heard screams every waking moment she’d wander the palace in her nightgown and scream and tear at the walls she begged for help from her friends who were long gone. I never really had it in me, did I? did I? no I never really had it in me, did I? it’s frantic she’s clawing her way through the story through the ink and paper she wants someone to prove her wrong but she doesn’t have anyone. she never really had it in her did she?
WHAT THE FUCK
when will my husband (genocidal war criminal) return from the war (ravine his brother threw him into and followed him down in a final act of fraternity)
god i love doomed romances because it’s like. “what is grief if not love persevering” but the grief and love are happening at the same time. how do you grieve something that’s still alive? how do you love something that has always been dead? and the answer is just. intensely.
crimson peak's ghosts really were such incredible design work. which is to be expected from guillermo del toro, but it's still impressive, especially when you actually stop to consider how much thought and detail went into them. they're visceral, bloody, resembling decaying flesh far more than the typical vaporous appearance you expect when you hear the word "ghost". they're painful to look at, these half-rotted, twisted, moaning apparitions that at first evoke more terror than sympathy, making edith's initial refusal to accept their warnings very understandable, especially when you remember that she's been seeing them since she was a little girl. they reflect the true horror at the heart of the story - of being trapped by the trauma inflicted on you, in perpetual agony from wounds that will not heal, unable to move on, and begging for someone to see you, to understand your pleas for help and acknowledge your pain, that you were wronged, to break the cycle of violence and ensure that it doesn't happen again and render your suffering meaningless.
initially i added ‘there’s a tunnel under ocean boulevard’ by lana del rey to the touya playlist bc the ‘dont forget me’ part makes me actually ascend to the heavens like literally he became everything he was raised to hate everything he was raised to destroy he is dabi now begging only that they remember touya. remember me how i was not as this awful thing but as your big brother who loved you. please god don’t forget me. (and they do. they forget him. they accept his death without a second glance). but also just the entire song is this devastating beg for recognition this inability to be okay unless you’re loved ‘love me until i love myself’ each verse an observation of other people’s love and goodness and the desire to have it just once. to mean something just once. don’t forget me. tell me you like me. he drives me insane
for the love of god stop
you think you’re fine then ethel cain comes in with the line “i tried to be good, am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?” and suddenly you’re very very not fine and laying there like this
Hello this is me Aya.. 🇵🇸
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jcs is so good to me bc like. it isnt about the religion actually. its purely the events leading to crucifixion and the crucifixion itself. jesus hasnt been shown doing any miracles, he doesnt hear the voice of god, he dies all the same at the end and we dont see him resurrected. the story isnt about jesus as a martyr its about stardom and placing people on a pedestal so far away that it topples over and nobody knows how you got here or how to stop it and it doesnt matter if youre a normal man or the son of god you will get eaten up all the same.
this is what started it
I regret ever asking about it
she/her | call me aiaia <3no 1. fan of @tbos-main’s wip, the blood of serpents (hi rori <3). narines supremacy
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