I Had To. I Have To.

Traumatized Matt, at different stages. And Tom. And me, I'm just glad that I got at least some of it out of my head. It's been killing me.

A Grimmer x Runge playlist

I saw @arayashikiii's Grunge playlist, and for a while I've been considering whether I should share mine or not. After some internal debate, I decided that it won't hurt if I share it. So, here it is! I decided to do it in the same manner Arayashiki did, uploading links to YouTube, since it seemed like the easiest way to go about it. I've also put together some sort of cover. I used to post a lot of character playlists in the past. Shaking the old days, huh?

Arcade Fire - Supersymmetry I know you're living in my mind It's not the same as being alive ---- It's been a while since I've been to see you I don't know where, but you're not with me Heard a voice, like an echo But it came from me

Editors - Bullets If something has to change, then it always does ---- If something has to give, then it always will You don't need this disease, not right now

Goo Goo Dolls - Name And now we're grown-up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one, that's a shame You could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell 'em your name

Matthew and the Atlas - Mirrors (Acoustic Version) My mind folding in the mirror There's no way I'm seeing any clearer Can you taste, taste it on your tongue now It's all that I can do to get around ---- My time is getting shorter I see I'm changing in a photograph My mind folding in the mirror My mind, my time You're the quiet in the violence You're the stranger at the door I don't wanna let you down But I don't wanna do this any more

Micah P. Hinson - It's Been so Long It's been so long Since I've seen you home Open hands and teeth and hearts And dreams I never can compete And I dont' even know your name Unpronouceable Unsatisfactable mind I've seen so gray Tell me theres not a way for all these Stories are the same

Kings of Leon - Wait for Me Cut open my heart Right at the scar And loosen up Gonna do what I'm told Go where I'm told And loosen up Take a shot in the rain One for the pain And loosen up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me ---- Going to soften the blow Soften the blow And give it up I saw the surprise The look in your eyes I gave it up Gonna be who I am Be who I am And give it up I tried all the way Wait for me, wait for me It's all better now, it's all better now Wait for me, wait for me

Sad Lovers & Giants - German Cars I'm in love with German cars Gliding past me on the Autobahn Stainless idols with silent hearts Never turning, as we drift apart Are you a lover or a friend? It's not easy to pretend That you won't leave me in the end It's not easy, the end

Oberhofer - All Through the Night (Cyndi Lauper cover) All through the night Stray cat is crying, so stray cat sings back All through the night They have forgotten what by day they lack Oh, under those white street lamps There is a little chance they may see We have no past, we won't reach back Keep with me forward all through the night And once we start the meter clicks And it goes running all through the night Until it ends, there is no end

Some sketches

Found these in my drafts

Вы читали этот пост? Как думаете, что Урусава убил Гриммера из-за того, что испугался что делать с ним дальше? Ведь же объективной причины убивать его нет. https://www.tumblr.com/arayashikiii/722008653406896128/grunge

Да, я читала этот пост. Понимаете, какая штука – на мой взгляд, Урасава в принципе запорол всю концовку Монстра. Смерть Гриммера здесь это меньшее из зол.

Отвечая конкретно на ваш вопрос, я считаю, что у Урасавы была вполне себе понятная причина, чтобы убить Гриммера: ему нужно было выжать из читателя как можно больше слез. К слову, зачаточная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге тоже служит для укрепления этого эффекта. Не говорю, что Урасава показал ее только для этой цели, нет, я думаю, это еще нужно было для очеловечивания персонажа Рунге. А, в свою очередь, для очеловечивания Рунге живой Гриммер совсем не обязателен. Поэтому вот так.

Еще один момент – живой Гриммер с эмоциями это довольно сомнительный кейс. Если человеку, который ранее не мог ничего чувствовать, вручить весь этот эмоциональный багаж, то он вряд ли с ним справится. И если взвесить, что удобнее: живой и несчастный Гриммер, который не в состоянии держать себя в руках и которого еще надо куда-то пристроить, или мертвый Гриммер, который перед смертью испытывает момент единовременного страдания и счастья, да еще и толкает поэтичную речь? Ответ очевиден. Это удобнее и для истории, и для автора.

И еще один момент! Смерть Гриммера служит для нагнетания атмосферы. После того, как умирает Гриммер, у читателя разбивается уверенность в том, что все хорошие персонажи должны выжить. И, следовательно, теперь в опасности находятся все. Раз умер Гриммер, то может умереть и Рунге (который, к слову, на тот момент уже находится в смертельной опасности), и Тенма, и Нина, и Вим, и Руди... иными словами, кто угодно.

В общем, нет, я не думаю, что Урасава чего-то испугался, я думаю, он просто поленился. Если рассматривать потенциальную дружбу между Гриммером и Рунге исключительно как а) отличную слезовыжималку и б) способ показать, что Рунге тоже человек, то, в общем-то, можно предположить, что для Урасавы это просто был своего рода инструмент. Другое дело, что его персонажи кажутся очень живыми, поэтому по-быстрому сляпанная дружба между Гриммером и Рунге со стороны Рунге выглядит как мгновенная, нехарактерная и очень сильная привязанность. Но, еще раз подчеркиваю, я не думаю, что это было сделано умышленно. Авторы обычно воспринимают персонажей и свою историю не так, как читатели. Для автора это набор инструментов и материалов, с помощью которых достигается тот или иной эффект или та или иная цель. Я считаю, что решение Урасавы использовать Гриммера для выжимания слез было не самым удачным. Но, в целом, я вижу, что это произвело на аудиторию должный эффект. Так что... это работает?

Tom: Melancholic (masking as phlegmatic)

Matt: Melancholic-choleric (masking as sanguine)

Edd: Sanguine-phlegmatic

Tord: Sanguine

Thank you for clarification! I suspected that it might have been some sort of translation issue, and your explanation makes a lot of sense. It's awesome that you can give insight into the original Japanese text! With that information in mind, I doubt Grimmer would use this word in its literal sense, since it's still a very strange, if not inappropriate thing to say to a stranger, haha! 😄 Thank you for putting it so kindly, though. I appreciate it.

Grunge

I hate saying stuff, because I always regret it in the end. But once in a blue moon my desire to say something grows so strong that I crawl from under my rock and make some sort of a statement somewhere. It's that time now.

I've already talked my friend's ear off with this crap, but it's still not enough. It also drives me up the wall that I don't see this stuff being said all the time, or at least some of the time. I guess I don't see it being said at all. So I guess I have to say it myself. 

I'm talking about this huge thing Runge canonically has for Grimmer. Not even in the romantic sense... Let me explain. In the crudest of terms, too.

By the time Runge makes it to Ruhenheim, he is already not quite the same as he was at the start. His path to Ruhenheim was the most tedious, and yet he still got there before everyone else. And Grimmer definitely catches his eye when they intersect. Again, not in the romantic sense. They just go around the town, exploring the surroundings and kinda watching each other. And they both know. They know what's going on, they know who the other person is, but they just waltz around it for quite some time. Until they finally have a proper conversation in that desolate place. And that conversation, man...

They understood each other with half-word, literally skipping a good portion of talking, because that would just be redundant. Runge is absolutely chill with the idea that Grimmer might be a murderer. The guy has a nice smile, so who cares, right? Grimmer states that Runge "smells like a detective". Is it just me, or does that sound, uhhh... extremely weird? Almost in a flirty sort of way. Because you gotta get pretty close to someone to take a good whiff of them. And hearing something like that being said about yourself, it must be pretty embarrassing, or confusing, or thrilling. What does that even mean, by the way? I thought so hard about it, and I still can't tell for sure. What do detectives smell like? Gunpowder, paperwork and cold, hard determination? Do they reek of sweat, or some special kind of cologne? I have no idea. But I guess Grimmer has, and Runge, he just stands there, looking at him like it's a given.

And after that, they just click. "Oh, hey, we're on the same page, we're after the same thing". And without any negotiation, they simply decide that they work together now. I am fully convinced that at this very moment Runge went, "This one". No context, just – "This one", about Grimmer. 

He then proceeded to entrust Grimmer with his most important evidence, the very one that led him to Ruhenheim. And then, at Versteck... Man. His "I'll buy you a beer" says so many things, just because it came from Runge. He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't even communicate with his colleagues properly. But, somehow, he is still willing to bond with Grimmer. I guess it's a "we're the same, so let's be alone together" thing. At the same time, he's just heard Grimmer stating that he cannot enjoy simple pleasures in life. That means, he wouldn't be able to enjoy this suggested after-work-beer either, right? So Runge's invitation serves as a double promise: that they'll get the job done and make it out of Ruhenheim alive, and that Grimmer will be fixed enough to finally enjoy that beer with him. 

Needless to say, Runge really, really wanted to keep Grimmer alive. And he doesn't cope with Grimmer's death well. Say what you will, but visiting someone's grave with a beer after A YEAR that they've passed, lamenting how you wish you would have known them, is pretty damn strange. And I suppose Runge might've visited Grimmer's grave prior, too, with some periodicity. The card, the plans, the beer, the hinted promise – he really wanted Grimmer to become his friend. And just because it's Runge, who refused to even engage in a casual talk with his peers and barely cared that his wife and daughter abandoned him, this thing he has for Grimmer seems to be especially large, unalloyed and special.

Grunge

I hate saying stuff, because I always regret it in the end. But once in a blue moon my desire to say something grows so strong that I crawl from under my rock and make some sort of a statement somewhere. It's that time now.

I've already talked my friend's ear off with this crap, but it's still not enough. It also drives me up the wall that I don't see this stuff being said all the time, or at least some of the time. I guess I don't see it being said at all. So I guess I have to say it myself. 

I'm talking about this huge thing Runge canonically has for Grimmer. Not even in the romantic sense... Let me explain. In the crudest of terms, too.

By the time Runge makes it to Ruhenheim, he is already not quite the same as he was at the start. His path to Ruhenheim was the most tedious, and yet he still got there before everyone else. And Grimmer definitely catches his eye when they intersect. Again, not in the romantic sense. They just go around the town, exploring the surroundings and kinda watching each other. And they both know. They know what's going on, they know who the other person is, but they just waltz around it for quite some time. Until they finally have a proper conversation in that desolate place. And that conversation, man...

They understood each other with half-word, literally skipping a good portion of talking, because that would just be redundant. Runge is absolutely chill with the idea that Grimmer might be a murderer. The guy has a nice smile, so who cares, right? Grimmer states that Runge "smells like a detective". Is it just me, or does that sound, uhhh... extremely weird? Almost in a flirty sort of way. Because you gotta get pretty close to someone to take a good whiff of them. And hearing something like that being said about yourself, it must be pretty embarrassing, or confusing, or thrilling. What does that even mean, by the way? I thought so hard about it, and I still can't tell for sure. What do detectives smell like? Gunpowder, paperwork and cold, hard determination? Do they reek of sweat, or some special kind of cologne? I have no idea. But I guess Grimmer has, and Runge, he just stands there, looking at him like it's a given.

And after that, they just click. "Oh, hey, we're on the same page, we're after the same thing". And without any negotiation, they simply decide that they work together now. I am fully convinced that at this very moment Runge went, "This one". No context, just – "This one", about Grimmer. 

He then proceeded to entrust Grimmer with his most important evidence, the very one that led him to Ruhenheim. And then, at Versteck... Man. His "I'll buy you a beer" says so many things, just because it came from Runge. He doesn't have any friends. He doesn't even communicate with his colleagues properly. But, somehow, he is still willing to bond with Grimmer. I guess it's a "we're the same, so let's be alone together" thing. At the same time, he's just heard Grimmer stating that he cannot enjoy simple pleasures in life. That means, he wouldn't be able to enjoy this suggested after-work-beer either, right? So Runge's invitation serves as a double promise: that they'll get the job done and make it out of Ruhenheim alive, and that Grimmer will be fixed enough to finally enjoy that beer with him. 

Needless to say, Runge really, really wanted to keep Grimmer alive. And he doesn't cope with Grimmer's death well. Say what you will, but visiting someone's grave with a beer after A YEAR that they've passed, lamenting how you wish you would have known them, is pretty damn strange. And I suppose Runge might've visited Grimmer's grave prior, too, with some periodicity. The card, the plans, the beer, the hinted promise – he really wanted Grimmer to become his friend. And just because it's Runge, who refused to even engage in a casual talk with his peers and barely cared that his wife and daughter abandoned him, this thing he has for Grimmer seems to be especially large, unalloyed and special.

I hate it when people get inspired by someone else's work and not give the original author a proper credit, so I decided to not be a douche and do it now. @good-wine-and-cheese, your Grunge fan fiction served as an inspiration to me and in some aspects you could say that I referenced it. Maybe it's not noticeable, but I know I did, since I've reread these fanfics several times. I still keep returning to A Quet Aftermath and Blood and Bone from time to time, so they were bound to have left an impact on me and my own work somehow. It also appears that we share a lot of common ground on Grunge. Personally, I wish there was more, but it's not up for me to decide on this sort of thing.

This came out way too dry, I'm sorry 😭 Also, I would like to say that I read all the tags, and first of all, thank you for your support, and second of all, I don't really hate it when people call Runge 'Lunge', I just think that this spelling is not correct. However, since the translators made this mistake in the official English release (is that correct?) and people are used to this version of his name, I have nothing against them or the fact that they use it. I know I said that I hate it, but to think of it, I just dislike the initial mistake. Like, not even moderately at this point. If you're used to it, you're used to it, nothing to be done about it. As long as everyone understands each other, it should be okay.

And since I'm writing this post, uhh... Returning to the topic of tags, I would like to thank everyone who is leaving them, as well as replies. I really enjoy reading them, so if you're leaving tags on my works and are reading this – thank you, they are fun, and I really appreciate them!

Playing dumb (on purpose)