quick dismantle for those who are starting to feel like it’s not worth speaking against narcissistic abuse:
children are being abused by narcissists right now, with no way to find out if there’s no resources being written about it
narcissistic abuse has been found to be so specifically devastating on the human body that even if it’s not physical, it causes long-term physical symptoms (chronic pain, chronic fatigue, inability to sleep regularly, over-active cortisol, over-responsive brain chemicals that give you ptsd symptoms)
there are people organizing forums, writing books, articles, posts, people making videos, checklists and all possible resources for dealing with narcissistic abuse. all of those people are survivors and victims of it. they’re not all making it up. they’re not all doing it for something that doesn’t exist.
dynamics of the narcissistic abuse are so pervasive, a person will usually feel they’re going insane and doubt themselves so hard until they finally find resources on narcissistic abuse, which is going to help them regain their sanity and find sense in what has been happening to them
narcissistic abuse has left millions of people feeling they’re not worthy of attention, care, resources, community, support or trust, and they’re accepting abuse as their normal. we can’t abandon them. we can’t say this is okay and look the other way in order to protect the narcissists.
if you’re worried that speaking out against narcissistic abuse is creating stigma against narcissists, remember that our writings and resources are being spread only among victims and survivors. narcissists are still controlling the mainstream narrative and all articles you look up as a non-survivor will convince you that narcissists are the ‘same as normal people’
for survivors of narcissistic abuse, it’s absolutely vital to avoid future narcissists and to be aware of their tactics. this is not limiting their access to public resources or public people in general, it’s only limiting their success among victims and survivors. ask yourself why would they want access to survivors and victims specifically. why is it so important that to this particular demographic, they look appealing.
narcissists claiming that if we don’t want them to have and abuse children, it’s ‘genocide’, genocide against who? narcissists most often don’t make other narcissists, they’re mostly creating abused kids. so the apparent genocide is against the abused children. they’re accusing us of genocide against ourselves.
narcissists finding abused people taking about abuse and attacking them for ‘smearing their reputation’ is a cover-up and darvo tactics. Only an abuser could turn against an abuse victim to act hurt and police their language instead of feeling rage towards the abuser. Anyone non-abusive would immediately have a problem with a narcissist who did the abuse, not with the victim who speaks out about it.
saying ‘not-all-narcissists’ is still admitting that a lot of them do abuse, and for the sake of their reputation, we have to shut up about it all. shut up. about abusers. to protect reputations. who except an abuser would need that to happen.
other times when they’re claiming no narcissist is abusive, they’re accusing millions of victims to be liars. openly denying experiences of abuse victims only to make themselves look good. we’re going to stand around and allow this?
making one narcissist feel like they don’t belong into safe spaces of victims is not more important than protecting the vulnerable part of the population from narcissistic abuse
abuse victims don’t have to be exposed to anyone who has anything in common with their abuser. we have the right to feel safe at the expense of anyone’s feelings.
Speaking against narcissistic abuse is NOT futile. They’re fighting to shut it off precisely because it’s limiting their access to victims. Every day a victim of narcissistic abuse finds their way to their freedom because there are people who spoke out about it.
I need each and every person who sees this to pay attention to what is going on with the Indian Child Welfare Act.
The same SCOTUS that refered to tribal land as a territory of the state is about to hear a case that might overturn ICWA.
ICWA allows Alaska Natives and Native Americans control over the adoption and foster care placement of Native American and Alaska Children. In practice what this ensures is that if a Native American or Alaska Native child cannot be raised with their parents', the extended family will be given custody. If the extended family cannot care for the child, the child is placed with a family in their tribe or, barring that, with a family who is Native American or Alaska Native.
This act is important for two reasons:
For centuries, Native Americans and Alaska Natives were forcibly assimilated into White culture. From the 1800s to the late 1900s, children were taken from their families and either adopted out to White people or put in boarding schools. If parents refused, they were sometimes incarcerated, and they could lose custody of their other children. There are cases where tribes would hide their children and tell people who came that they had none...so the white people started showing up uannounced. The children sent to these schools were abused. Some were murdered. And survivors still live with the trauma. ICWA was passed to stop this...but not even 50 years after it being passed, it's at risk.
Native Americans and Alaska Natives are constitutionally guaranteed sovereignty. We all know the government picks and chooses when it wants to honor that, but Native Americans and Alaska Natives are supposed to have sovereignty. The idea that one country can step in and tell sovereign tribes and nations that they are not allowed to control the placement of their own children should be absurd. The U.S. doesn't tell Britain what to do with their foster care system...but the SCOTUS knows that Native Americans and Alaska Natives don't have an army or navy like Britain does. Because of this the SCOTUS believes it has the right to violate years of precedent and treaties. It knows that it will be protected no matter what it decides.
So I'm asking people to keep an eye on ICWA. I'm asking them to boost the signal. And I'm asking them to protest if it falls.
I adore this, I adore this so much.
that arm’s gonna get covered in stickers, just u wait
also:
it wasn’t designed w mabel’s artistic genius in mind
To the trans person reading this,
You are worthy, you are valid and you are loved. You matter so so much, and if you are in a enviroment that is not good for your health, I hope you get to be somewhere better soon. I hope you have people that support you, but if you haven’t yet, know that there are people out there who will love and support you. There are people out there with warm hearts and gentle eyes that will welcome you into their lives with open arms and always have a spot for you at the table. You deserve to live a full and authentic life. 🌸
If someone is trying incredibly hard to please me, I know something is wrong. That kind of desire doesn’t come naturally. I know something bad has happened to this person, and they need attention rather than people indulging in their sacrificing acts of servitude.
Nobody should be desperate and try to please anyone out of fear that they’ll be punished, or that they’ll be hated and despised if not useful and pleasing enough. That is a form of control with the threat of terror and pain hanging over a person’s head, their desire to please and be useful isn’t coming from their own sense of fulfillment, but out of fear that there’s no other alternative, no other way they’re allowed to exist.
I would prefer not to exist than to have someone live in fear of what’s going to happen to them unless they make my existence pleasurable for every second of my life. That is not humane, no person alive needs this kind of servitude. This is what abusive parents do to children to terrorize them into convenience and usefulness and it’s a form of torture. Nobody should be benefiting from that torture. Nobody should want that kind of thing to exist.
You have been sentenced to death in a magical court. The court allows all prisoners to pick how they die and they will carry it out immediately. You have it all figured out until the prisoner before you picks old age and is instantly transformed into a dying old man. Your turn approaches.
Smile when you accidentally make eye contact with strangers.
If you think something positive about someone, tell them. Even if they’re a stranger. Even if you feel a bit silly. Tell that girl you love her dress. Tell that dude his tattoo is awesome. Tell your friend how funny she is. I promise you that they will appreciate hearing what you admire about them and there’s a good chance that you using those 5 seconds to give them a genuine compliment will make their entire day.
When you’re around new people, make an effort to go say hi. Go introduce yourself and ask them who they are and how they’re doing. Start a conversation if you feel like it. Who knows, maybe that girl your acquaintance brought to that party has the potential to become your new best friend - and you won’t know before you start talking to her.
If you see someone falling behind while walking in a group, stop and wait for them to catch up even if the others don’t.
If you see someone get interrupted in a conversation you’re a part of, wait for the new person to stop speaking and then look at the person who got interrupted and ask them what they were about to say. Let them know that you care to hear it.
If YOU accidentally interrupt someone, stop yourself and say “hey, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I thought you were done speaking - what were you about to say?”
If you see someone sitting/standing alone, go ask if you can join them - or invite them to come join you and the people you’re hanging out with.
If you’re in a group conversation and someone is trying to say something and no one is really noticing, look at them and let them know that even if everyone else are stuck in their own stuff right now, you’re there and you care to listen to what they’re trying to share.
Remember to tell the people you care about that you care about them. Send a text to that friend you haven’t seen in a while to let them know that you miss them. Tell your partner that you love them. Tell that new person you’re getting to know how cool you think they are. Call your mom to hear how she’s doing. Don’t be afraid to let the important people in your life know that they’re loved and cared about.
When someone is really passionate and knowledgeable about something, take advantage of it! Ask them some questions and make proper use of this opportunity to learn something new. Make sure to show the people in your life that you don’t think their passions are cringy or boring or dumb.
If something reminded you of someone, let them know. Send your friends songs or silly memes which somehow reminded you of them, and tag them in posts you think they’d enjoy. I promise that they’ll be excited to know that you think of them even when they aren’t around.
Remember to check up on people. Ask that friend you haven’t heard from in a while how they’re doing and what they’re up to. Ask the person who’s seeming unusually distant and sad whether they’re okay. Ask the stranger crying on the street whether there’s something you can do. You can’t force them to accept your help, but you can show them that you’re there and that you care and that alone will mean a lot to them.
Stop talking shit about people behind their backs (unless they’re really horrible people/abuses/predators, in which case warning people about them is necessary and valid!) If you have a serious issue with someone, either tell them directly so that you can work on resolving it or stop hanging out with them.
If you enjoy something someone created, make sure to let them know. Especially if they’re a small artist/creator. Leave kudos and a nice comment on that fanfiction you loved. Reblog/share that piece of art or that poem you really liked. And whenever you see something on your social media feed which you really enjoy, make sure to check out the OP and maybe give them a follow.
Every once in a while, take a couple minutes to tell some of the people you enjoy following on social media that you really enjoy their content or their personality or their art and why that is. It could easily make their day. (It’s okay to go on anon if you’re feeling shy!)
Remember to give compliments to people which aren’t about appearance. Tell your friends how much you love their humor or their passion or their honesty or their confidence. I know they’re probably hot too but make sure to remind them that they are much more than a pretty face.
If you notice that someone is struggling, offer your help and support if you can. Take the time to have that deep conversation with them about how they’re feeling and what’s going on in their life - and if they’re struggling with self care, maybe bring them a home cooked meal or offer to help them conquer the mountains of dishes in their kitchen/do their laundry/buy some groceries/clean their apartment a bit.
If you’re sitting with a group of people and you notice that someone is falling out of the conversation, ask them a question to make them feel like someone cares to hear their input.
Make a habit of asking people whether they’re fully comfortable with something before you do it. Some people don’t like hugs or other casual touching and some people don’t always have the energy to help you sort out your dating situation and some people are triggered by talk of certain topics. So make a habit of asking “is it okay if I hug you/vent to you/talk to you about x topic” before you start doing the thing in question.
If people aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, let them be. Even if you think they’re being weird. Even if you don’t get it. Unless they’re doing something which is actively causing harm to someone, don’t comment on, judge or criticize people for doing something unusual. Just let them be. They probably have their reasons.
The Garbage:
Real simple. Here's what you do:
Go to vote.gov and check your registration, or register to vote if you haven't already. If you will be 18 by election day (Tuesday, November 5), you can register right now.
Even if you can vote by mail, know where your polling place, and your nearest ballot drop box are.
Make a plan to vote with at least two friends or family members to vote on or before November 5th. I'm not the boss of you, but voting as early as you can is always a good idea.
Save Democracy.
Flautist Melissa Jefferson plays slaver James Madison's 200-year-old crystal flute in the Library of Congress.
Social Abuse and Communication Abuse: Abuse that will affect the way socialize and see yourself within a social group, and the way you’re able to express and communicate. Bold or copy ones done to you, italicize and copy if you’re not sure! Alternatively, just count how many apply to you and write down the numbers.
Communication abuse:
abuser punishing you for not showing enough interest in what they’re saying
abuser deciding what are appropriate reactions to their words and actions
abuser humiliating you for showing excitement/happiness
abuser shaming you for not showing will to participate when they think you should
abuser punishing you for a certain face expression(s)
abuser punishing you for having a certain emotional reaction to their words and actions
abuser demanding you shut down your emotions except for the ones they find convenient
abuser punishing you for contradicting them/challenging them on anything they say
abuser punishing you for confronting them on their lies
abuser comparing you to others to point out how you’re lacking/somehow worse than everyone else
abuser using any kind of inexperience/lack of knowledge/lack of skill to humiliate and depict you as a failure or an idiot
abuser making you extremely self-conscious about how you look and sound while you’re trying to socialize/communicate
abuser making you feel like everyone is noticing the same faults in you
abuser forcing you to consider how you’re viewed by them to the point of being unable to focus on what you want to say/express/do
abuser watching you when you’re not aware of it and proceeding to humiliate/hurt you for what you were doing while you thought you were unwatched
abuser making you feel like you’re always watched and judged by repeatedly catching you off guard and punishing you for it
abuser disregarding all your expressions of needs and emotions, letting you know that what you want and need is not important, and making you feel stupid for even voicing it
abuser ignoring your expression of pain or repeatedly insisting that you stop expressing it, have no reason to express it and finding your expression of pain an annoyance or a bother or even an attack on them
abuser hurting you even worse in reaction to your expression of pain, convincing you that the more you express it, the more they will hurt you, effectively making you scared of expressing pain and connecting it to further punishments
abuser taking your expressions of emotions as a personal insult and accusing you of hurting them on purpose, or even punishing you for it, just for expressing your personal emotions
Social abuse:
abuser showing off their control and authority over you in front of others
abuser humiliating you in front of others
abuser ordering you around, minimizing your presence and importance, and twisting your words and expressions in front of others
abuser talking in your name to others and making decisions for you
abuser making you seem selfish/cruel/inconsiderate/rude/mean to others if you disagree with their decisions
abuser publicly criticizing your appearance, actions, achievements or problems
abuser talking as if they’re the absolute authority on who you are and what your potential is
abuser talking about you to others as if you’re beneath them, and as if it’s okay to ignore your needs and interests completely, and not feel guilty or concerned about it
abuser encouraging and succeeding in having other people approve of abuse/perpetuate the abuse as well
abuser convincing other people the abuse is for your own good and getting validation for it
abuser having people on their side and rutting them against you
abuser successfully convincing other people you’re just trying to get attention and they should ignore you
abuser spreading information about you to your peers/friends/teachers that humiliates, ridicules, invalidates or villainaizes you
abuser painting a picture of you as a liar, hysterical, too emotional, delusional, crazy, unstable and not to be trusted in order to make sure you will not be believed when you try to speak out against them, or about any issue that bothers you
abuser telling others about abuse and trauma you’ve been thru without your permission/blaming the symptoms you show on trauma of their choosing
abuser telling others you’re abusive/selfish and twisting your intentions and actions to vilify you
abuser telling others about your mental illness, sexual orientation or other sensitive personal information that can easily be used against you, without your permission
abuser isolating you from your friends, support, and community and convincing you that nobody will stand on your side when it matters
abuser punishing you for who you choose to include in your social life and finding ways to make you regret it in order to dictate who you’re allowed to talk to
abuser stalking/eavesdropping/invading your privacy and using information they found against you/to control you
abuser convincing you that even people you thought care about you couldn’t possibly care because of who you are as a person, and shaming you for thinking for a second that you could be lovable to someone
abuser reacting to anything you say as if it was a stupid and unnecessary thing to say, and using it as a proof of you being of less intelligence
abuser continually reminding you how badly will others think of you if you continue doing what they disapprove of
abuser continually finding something wrong with you and pointing out how will others react to it if you don’t change it
abuser lying to you about what others have said about you/what they think of you
abuser deciding how others perceive you and what they think of you
abuser deciding what your place is in society and reminding you to “know your place” if you act outside the role
abuser displaying anger and punishing you if others give you positive attention
abuser denying others the chance to give you positive attention (taking their attention, getting them away from you, interrupting and starting a new topic when they’re trying to talk to you)
abuser making a show of caring about you, only to change it into ridicule and humiliation
abuser putting you in situation they already know is going to end up in public humiliation
abuser having you spend time in an abusive and hostile environment, being forced to endure socializing with people who will take any chance to attack and emotionally abuse you, without the ability to confront them or escape
abuser forcing you to change what you think of yourself based on how they see you, having you look at yourself only from their point of view and deciding it’s who you are
abuser taking away your means of communication (phone, internet, and any other means you would usually use to communicate with others)
If you bold more than 5 of these, you’ve been abused and sabotaged from ever establishing a healthy way of expressing, communicating and socializing with others. In other words, no you’re not bad at expressing, you’re not bad at communication, you’re not at fault for struggling to socialize, this was done to you to sabotage you from ever having a healthy start. (also if you’re struggling with social anxiety it’s very likely abuse has played a part in it, or at least made it worse)