I'm Not Sure If Nora Has Discussed The Answer To This Before, But Which Birthday Does Neil Use After

i personally think that even more significant than andrew letting neil touch him, is andrew touching neil.

we're in neil's pov so we obviously mostly see how andrew interacts with him, but andrew is very straightforward with his boundaries and very touch averse with everyone. most if not all instances of andrew touching other people are done out of violence or necessity, but from the beginning he touches neil voluntarily. bringing him down to his level, pulling him into his space, inspecting him, directing his attention, forcing neil back to himself, and eventually, out of affection and lust.

it's the touch before the first kiss that stands out the most to me though. maybe initially he's mostly scouting neil out for potential problems, but still. a man who trusts almost no one, who keeps everyone even his family at an arms length physically and emotionally, who portrays himself as completely apathetic even while drugged, who claims to want nothing, who has had touch used abusively against him for much of his life, purposefully initiates touching neil.

to me it shows even more his intentions and emotions, and attraction/interest, towards neil because he consistently chooses it himself, when he has chosen almost nothing solely for himself his entire life.

"this is nothing" pshh, right.

makes me heart wrenchingly giggly every time.

One of my favourite dumb but funny moments in fantasy/sci-fi books or shows is when everything from the characters, the locations, the houses, to the animals have crazy weird names, like fantasy names that are basically just a bunch of syllables smooshed together, but then one of the main characters or even the main character has the stupidest real life name ever.

My favourite example: the Dune series. All the weirdest names under the sun for everything in that series and then one of the main characters name is Paul. Like why is his name Paul?? (i know there is actual story reasons for it but still) One of the worst white boy names ever imo. His last name is Atreides, and his first name is Paul?? Like we were apparently smart enough up to that point to comprehend all the other weird names but the main character had to be the most recognizable basic name ever. Like come on.

Hilarious and infuriating at the same time.

"How do you read so many books??" I am simply trying to avoid reality, what are you doing

this was my bookmark for tsc and tgr btw hehe 😏😁

"Jean tested the edge of the peeler with his finger"

Jean's entire perspective in tsc is hard to get through, but this one line from Jeremy's pov just... *scream*

i'll leave it to your unwilling imagination

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

i don't think in general it is concerning lol, but given Jean's mentality at the time... it just makes me wonder what he was imagining could be done to skin, his skin, with a peeler, by him or others. and that his instinct is to visualize that possibility by testing it on his finger...

dunno maybe i need to touch grass but it made me shiver reading it.

"Jean tested the edge of the peeler with his finger"

Jean's entire perspective in tsc is hard to get through, but this one line from Jeremy's pov just... *scream*

i'll leave it to your unwilling imagination

Shipping fictional characters isn’t representative of your moral values. It’s representative of your particular psychic damage and the themes and motifs that haunt you. Hope this helps.

andreil :

if you want you can bite me and i won't move

you won't lose me to thunder or lightning, but you could to crowded rooms

if you love me, keep it to yourself

*screams*

i know i'm a bit of a purist when it comes to books in that i don't want to mark or write in them, but flip i really should get into annotating books cause i don't remember half of what i read anymore. like i remember the vibes, and if there are certain moments that i've re read a bunch i'll remember those, but lots of the events and lines that end up being important or that people bring up i'm like "that happened??? that occurred?? i don't remember that lol." even if i just read the book.

seriously i should just start annotating cause i don't remember nothin. ug. what to do.