Billy, Talking To A War Criminal Like Mr Mind: “Hey! Can You Please Stop That?”

Before I knew I was bisexual I was just insanely dramatic and weird around guys I liked. I had a crush on this guy in my ward - he was older than me, he played bagpipes and had a cheerful dog and an old Volkswagen bus that he worked on all the time. He also had nice scruff and unnaturally attractive hands and a good sense of humor, so I was like FULLY smitten.

I talked about him a lot and about how he was just so dang COOL, dang it, because he was so frickin’ cool. And I really liked him. I thought he was funny and smart and interesting and cool and fascinating and a bunch of other weird feelings I barely had the attention span to think about (I think my ADHD may have prevented me from coming out for a while tbh).

One day, I’m like 14-15, his dad is called to be my Sunday School teacher. His dad is this ex-military hardass with a chip on his shoulder for absolutely no reason and unattainable standards for his children. He spent most of Sunday School talking shit about his eldest boy and how he was rebellious and didn’t listen to him and how that was going to make him a bad adult and a bad son forever. How his son was too lazy and unmotivated to be successful because he didn’t listen to his advice on how to read the scriptures. He complained about how our generation was too weak to do things right and that our generation would surely be the one that brought the world’s downfall because of our laziness and sin.

And like, first of all, that guy can already go fuck himself for that. To clarify, that’s already stupid. BUT. He was talking about the man I had uncomfortable dreams about at least once a month. I couldn’t stand it. I’d get so mad I’d go home shaking sometimes because how fucking DARE he insult his hardworking stunning son by calling him lazy? For not reading the Bible the way his dad wants? When he’s already spending his time learning bagpipes? And fixing cars? And being cool? And cute? Who the fuck even cares if he uses the footnotes in the Book of Mormon? Who gives a rotten rat’s ass if he doesn’t use the scripture study manual his dad uses? He’s so cool he doesn’t even need it? So fuck off?

And eventually I got fucking Sick Of It and decided to mutiny. And by mutiny, I mean skip class. I’d just not go. And after a bit, adults started noticing and bugging me about it. At first, this was put off by small talk and excuses, but as my absence from Sunday School became more well-known, my excuses began to be rejected.

“Oh, Lizard, why aren’t you in class?” Uhm idk because my Sunday School teacher is mean to his kid and that makes me so mad wtf do you want from me? 🫠🤔

“Where’s your class, I’ll go with you!” Oh no ty I’d rather peel my own eyes than have my taste in men critiqued tyty 🩷

“Lizard, you should go to class, I’m sure they miss you!” And I miss the innocent days where my stomach didn’t hurt when a cool boy I knew was being belittled but unfortunately for us both those days are LONG gone and all that’s left is a budding psychosexual clusterfuck that will render me almost fully incapable of functioning for the better part of a decade so Bye Bye, sister Smith 🙂‍↕️

It had gotten to the point that ward leadership was involved. I was being approached by members of the Young Men’s presidency and the Bishopric to try and make me to back to class. They were telling me God had told them to find me and instruct me on my rebelliousness. This is where I implemented my secret weapon - women. Mormons are weird as hell about a lot of things, but especially about women. And I was GREAT with women. So to combat the leadership’s attention, I started helping women.

Our ward had a lot of new moms with babies who were, as babies tend to be, fussy. But for Mormon women the church is often their only social outlet, so they try to power through as long as they can even if it means enduring the exhausting ordeal of taking care of a fussy baby at church.

For what it’s worth, I have a lot of sway with babies. I got baby street cred. Me and babies have a rapport. I have always known this. I have always loved this. And in this crucial gay time in my faggot life my baby mind powers came in clutch - Every time I saw a member of the bishopric getting close, or a young men’s leader giving me side-eye, I’d start walking slowly towards class, passing by relief society. I’d wait until a mom’s baby had gotten too fussy and needed to leave the room, and I’d swoop in like a knight. “Oh, don’t you worry sister, I’ll bounce him a bit. You go back and hang out with your friends in class. You deserve a break.”

If it was a diaper change or something they’d tell me no. But if it was just some good old-fashioned baby fusses, I mean, they’d be moved almost to tears. They just got their social time back AND a free babysitter who is renowned as the Baby Whisperer. And because I was holding a baby as a favor for someone else, I of course could not reasonably be bothered to return to class.

So just like that, I was out of everyone’s sights. This went on for about a month before the straw that broke the camel’s back, which was that without my class participation the classes were quiet and awkward. I’d often take the brunt of Sunday school lectures by answering questions impulsively and over explaining myself enough that the clock could run out without anyone needing to do or say much. My absence meant everyone else was getting hit with the full unpleasantness of this guy’s bullshit. And so slowly, one-by-one, I had a group of about 8 kids on baby-holding duty. These new moms were so overjoyed, they and their husbands were both so actively in our corner that now chastising us was untenable. Now we had bargaining power. So the Bishopric approached us, confused beyond confused and uncomfortable beyond uncomfortable, and said,

“What’s it gonna take to get you back to class?”

The POWER I possessed in that moment was addictive. By being kind to the women of the ward and ignoring the Mormon de facto Rule of Law of following rules en-masse so the rule breakers feel left out, there were now so many people breaking ranks that we had effectively enacted a church boy labor strike. And they crumbled so fast it was almost like we had swayed God himself to our cause.

“I want brother assholedad gone. He sucks at teaching.”

I didn’t even have to say it. One of my rebels said it for me. I just nodded sagely and said “Yes, his class is not edifying. It’s better to not go and hold babies.”

And just like that, with a snap of my limp-wristed, Christ-wounding, bottom-brained fingers my faggot will was enacted. God’s revelation that brother shitdad was his chosen Sunday school teacher flipped on a dime. Suddenly brother shitdad was asked to be an usher and the fun dad of another one of my crushes was called in to teach us. I still stayed to hold babies a lot, but the rest of the class returned and all was well again.

Although I didn’t recognize it then, I think that was a formative moment for me in a lot of ways. I learned that being really persistently annoying will get me what I want from authority eventually. I learned that God’s will can be swayed by going in strike. I learned that ignoring men’s made up authority forces them to level with you as a person. I learned that caring for women, especially vulnerable women, can make a whole world happier. I learned that letting women rest can help them feel more love for the things that matter in their life. I learned that social bonds make everyone stronger and happier. And I learned that loving others in a gay way can change the world.

Be gayer. Read Terry Pratchett. I love y’all 💕

Tookttoobs

I sorta did it????

GAME IDEA REBLOG THIS AND TRY TYPING YOUR URL EYES CLOSED

VD&diydgbyt-buh

Tate Brombal listen to me. We need you Tate. We NEED you to write Stephcass having sex on page next week to cancel out the inevitable egregious fanon fallout of the upcoming WFA sister-zoning. If you don't do this we're gonna lose ground in the war Tate. I know you're one of us, I believe you will do the right thing

what if instead of cassandra cain she was cassandra wayne and they actually acknowledged she's bruce's kid

Canonically we know that Cass pictures what Steph would tell her in those dire moments where she needs to make sense of her emotions

But what if she pictures Steph in those not-so-dire moments too. Like Steph is just the stopper in all her impulsive thoughts

Cass: *sniffs a bath bomb*

Cass: Ooh. Smells like cupcakes.

Steph's voice in her head: Don't.

Cass: *lifts it to her mouth*

Steph with a metaphorical spray bottle: No! Bad girl! Put that down!

Cass, pouting: Fine.

Scenario where Billy loses one of his last baby teeth but it transfers over to Captain Marvel.

So everyone in the JL is freaking out cause they thought Cap was almost indestructible! So how on earth did his tooth get knocked out?

And when they ask him what happened, he says he bit into an apple and it came out (completely true). But of course none of the JL believe him and they just assume he isn’t telling them the truth cause he doesn’t want to worry them.

And then one day when Captain Marvel flashes another one of his signature megawatt smiles, they see that in the gap of his missing tooth… A NEW ONE IS GROWING IN????

It's still sinking in that The Owl House was about a girl running away to a fantasy world, all because of the ripple effects of losing her father at an unfairly young age — only to eventually learn that the fantasy world itself was made of the bones, and the flesh, of a loving father who'd protected his child with one of his final actions, before dying and giving life to that fantasy world. And eventually, in his truly final action, even giving life to Luz herself. Luz ran away to the Boiling Isles, all because of a single book that her dad gave her — and unknowingly, she spent every day walking over ground that embodied parental loss. A world that was born from a parent's death, a parent who had to leave their child far too soon — and not just any child, but Luz's own new best friend, in all of this new magical world. And King and Luz were only ever brought together because of their fathers' deaths — before they even realized they had anything in common to grieve. Before they realized a reminder of that grief had been beneath their feet this whole time.

But, at the end of the day... their fathers both gave them parting gifts. Their fathers both gave them the key to come of age in a world full of people who'd care about them — maybe not the only world where they could've been happy, but a world they wouldn't want to imagine missing. Their fathers gave them the chance to meet each other. To understand each other. And, ultimately, to heal and grow up together. Until the ground beneath their feet stops feeling so heavy, like grief — and starts feeling lighter again, like a gift, and a happy memory.

Things I think Captain Marvel has done to make money (some are inspired by random posts I remember but can’t find)

Sells embarrassing photos of the JL to the younger superheroes

Sells kryptonite thrown at him to the Fawcett City black market where it’s bought and thrown at him again

Using his lightning to spell stuff out in the sky for other heroes anniversaries (price depends on the person paying)

YJ paid him to juggle all of them at once. Goes without saying it ended in disaster

His tooth was knocked out by Black Adam once and Billy sold it to Batman (Batman wanted to study Cap’s dna and Billy just went “money is money”)

Many of the sidekicks (current or former) have paid him to blow up their mentor’s mailbox with lightning and Billy, once again, went “money is money”

Took kids flying (for a fundraiser, but it still counts)

Paid to eat really hot peppers or anything difficult to eat in general

He did a little jig once for 20 bucks

Some random kid in a red hoodie (Billy) absolutely bolting past Flash: AAAAAA-

A bunch of JL members running after him: *confused yelling and questions being shouted at the kid*

Flash: *long sip from his coffee*

Flash: I feel like I should be doing something… I just can’t put my finger on what…

People will hate me for saying that Steph is probably in the top 5 fighters for the Bat-Fam, but she went up against not only Cass and survived but also a literal student of Lady Shiva, lmfao.

Like I feel like people severely underestimate how good she is as fighting.