I Have Actually Yet To Find Rest. My Anxiety Causes Me Much Pain And Distress Like A Storm That Rages

Secondhand thrift stores

and animated movies

This is me; my Life

Decided to make another splice and thought I’d document it. ._.

Who knew feelings were this hard to understand, sort and satisfy.

The man on the left is Me and the man to the right is My Father. And if speaking honestly I have never given that man enough credit. Most of the best things I am, I inherited from him. He takes up most of me. Literally half, and figuratively far more than that. He has been a constant pressure in my life, and first It's like what, that doesn't sound great but then you remember that's what turns carbon to diamonds. And yeah there's has been a lot tension and friction in our relationships past, but nothing has ever been polished or shined without those exact things. My Father has always loved me without any modifier. He has been of a sturdier stock than I, and his firm guidance has always been to a better path than the one he had to walk. Once I remember my youth pastor compared my Father to how fountain square (Our home) used to be, and I am like how Fountain Square is now. And I don't think there could have been a better metaphor because while we are two different people where share the same base, and we may present ourselves differently but our love is just the same. My Father, I call him "old man", because I know I will always be able to depend on him in any age or time. My Father, if my life were a house he would be the frame. My Father, once with reluctance but now with reverence I carry his name. My Father, I have never given that man enough credit, and starting now Id like that to change.

A car just came by and illuminated her face for nothing more than a breathe but in that moment I saw her. In her a beauty that has never before been rivaled or matched. My heart paced faster and my eyes watered and all I wanted was to have my hand on her face.

Damn the stars that shine. Damn the lies that were mine. Damn the lover’s love.

Do you think that Eurydice ever forgave Orpheus? I know I would. I can't help but think we all would look back. Maybe it's just the way we are born? Already gripped and snatched into worry, fear, anxiety and uncertainty. But Apollo gave his Son the gift of a Heavy Heart. And the Courage that comes with it. Even Eurydice made the mistake to be distracted and wrapped up in the clouds, only to be bitten by what's on the ground. But how could you not be? The songs of creation that made even trees dance and boulders sing, the beats were to her name. Eurydice. A Muse to the Highest Order and Element. Orpheus was always meant to lose. Because his Love for Eurydice would always compel him to look back, and his Failure only Proves that. I could Forgive them.

"Yet then again," This was a phrase commonly muttered by my now deceased Grandmother Pat. She used it often as either contradiction or conjecture. It was her verbal crutch that tethered her thoughts together. "Still even in addition to what has already been mentioned" I guess is much more a mouthful than the previous statement. But I keep on thinking about that Yet. How it could also mean "by now or then". Then "Afterward" and Again "Once More". I wonder if she knew all the while she was also saying a secret comfort to us, something that was analogous to Love and how it is omnipresent in our Lives. Love is "Here and There, Now and Then. Afterwards, Once Again."

That woman in the photo is my Mother and that child is me. As you can see I am momma's son. I share her eyes, her hair, and her sense of humor. If you have ever laughed with me. You have laughed with her too. She is the presence who has always had my back. Even if she did not always agree. My Mother. Who had me at 13. Her life barely beginning , already committed to loving someone as small as me. I was a premature baby, very tiny. She was my first best friend, who probably cried more than I did on my first day of school. She wasn't able to finish her schooling but she went back and got her G.E.D. so no one could ever say to her "You Failed, You Didn't Succeed" she set her kids up with a model, and something to try to achieve. They say the love between Mother and Child is sacred, being known and loved by her I'd have to agree. There is no sacrament I could give to her that wouldn't be trinkets compared to what she gave to me. My Mother, who held me and called me precious. She, herself, however is something I will always treasure. Thank you, Mom. I love you dearly.

If a single grain of rice can tip the scale then a single act of kindness can change the spirit.