All I Want Is To Stop Being So Depressed....

I'll be starting to post again soon !! Love you all.🖤🖤

Ever just want to change your whole tumblr aesthetic but don't cuz it's so much work 😩😭😂

My Dearest L...

The past few days have not felt real to me I've been feeling as if my world around me is nothing but a dream-like nothing is what it seems, I've been sticking into a dark place again but I seem to be slowly crawling out of my hole. I'm starting to snap back to reality, I started watching downtown abbey it seems to be trading right now so I thought I'd give it a try idk how I really feel about it yet, I'll have an updated post about it but for now, I'll just use it to distract myself from the world around me bec if I don't have anything to keep my mind busy that's when I start to over think and things tend to become bad for me. My OCD seems to be getting worse I'm starting to count things now like I have to run my fingers throw my curtains 4-6 times before I open or close the door or after I wash my hands I have to flick the water off my hands 4-6 times before I dry them.

MY DEAREST L…

I sit here today with a smoke in my hand and some unfortunate news I skipped work the other day not bec I wanted to, well that's I lie, I did want to not go that day but the thing is I hit up crazy girl. you know that series I was going to start but never got around to it, well I hit her up and went out to drink with her that night and I wasn't expecting to buy a bag but I did and things went south for me really fast it wasn't good shit and I wasn't feeling well at all, all night I just didn't want to be bothered and I was at the bar I wanted out of here. I honestly feel so bad with myself for doing that shit again. I just don't. want to go to that stupid job I'm at and drinking and lines are not taking me down the right path there making me feel like there is no meaning to life but when I do them I feel happier than when I'm sober. I've decided to take a break from the drugs and the alcohol for i bit to gather my mind. I've come to the realization that it's not the things I'm doing that's putting me down it's the job I'm at and the people I'm around that's doing it, I need to start actually living I'm 22 now and I still live at home while others are put there living there lives I just want to move on from this time in my life and actually start my own and being stuck in this house and town is starting to eat me alive. I can't take it anymore I can breathe, I have no space but leaving my mom behind is so hard for me I feel like I can't be we're so close together. like what is she going to do once I'm not here with her anymore? what is she supposed to spend her day doing when all she's done since I was born is be with me? I just don't know what to do anymore.

if anymore has any feedback or opinion please shear them I'd love to hear what you'd have to say!

Work is nothing but a never ending chain till death.

My Dearest L...

I woke up today at 4 pm and I didn’t feel sad for once I just feel what I think is “happiness” It such I weird feeling to me but I wonder if this year will be my year to finally spread my wings and fly. I might go on a walk tomorrow it’s supposed to be a nice day out tomorrow so I might as well enjoy some fresh air. I think I’m going to open my window after have it closed for 8 months now...:)

Being with someone who wants to learn about your past history, not to punish or hurt you, but to learn how you need to be loved

My Dearest L…

Well, today went to shit, I had a long car ride and then I got home and found out that my best friend stole my credit card and used it to buy someone that's 172$ I know that doesn't sound like a lot but when you broke asf and only have about 100$ to your name and your credit card is already at 400$ from trying to pay it off for 8 months after losing your job. it's alot of fucking money... so now I'm 900$ in the whole and I am just still a broke as bitch YAAAY ME!!!!

it's really lonely here without you...

♡ marmalade boy ♡

MY DEAREST L…

Gotta love it when a manic ep hits at 3am....