Slender Man: "S⦻rry I'm Late T⦻ ⦻ur Family Meeting."

so maybe im just not british but nobody says “tickety boo” or “get a wiggle on” literally ever so consider Aziraphale just kind of,,, makes phrases up in his head and forgets that they’re not Things People Say.

like he’s bickering with crowley and accidentally slips some weird shit like “put your teeth on a leash right now” and crowley just is like “what the fuck, angel.”

Trender: What’s a seahorses best sense?

No one: …

Trender: It’s their sight. Because they are a see-horse. They see.

Everyone else at the meeting table:

Slender: Why the hell are you here? What do you even do?

Trender: I bless you all with my presence, so don’t sass me, fuckhead.

Trenderman || Headcanons

Mercury Poisoning + General HC’s

Explanation: So I accidentally did general Trender headcanons instead of Trender x Fashion designer reader headcanons (Yes I’m that ditzy) so I’m just gonna post these here and pretend I meant to XD 

Warnings: Mercury poisoning, family’s reaction to horrible illness, mouth sores, anxiety, hand/head tremors, memories, insomnia (All the aforementioned triggers stop being an issue after you see this ~*~ signal. After that, its just random general HC’s ^^) 

~~~

HE HAS HAD MERCURY POISONING BEFORE! Oh boy, I’ve wanted to talk about this in depth for forever but I can never get my thoughts together. The day I manage it, watch out.

Basically, though, Trender is in love with fashion (Obviously). The whole industry, but mostly prac- he loves to design, and create, and be amongst other people who design, and create. So he’s never been a big-wig store CEO or anything. He has always and will always be a worker (Even if he opened up a small boutique or even chain of boutiques. He’d be the manager that’s out with everyone else, on the floor, as often as possible.) and he’s worked far more than his fair share of factories.

Including those factories that used lots of mercury in their felt making. He contracted a terrible case of the ‘mad hatters’ disease through this (Ironically, he literally caught his case during a serious hat phase he was enjoying. Yes, Trender was literally the Mad Hatter.) and since his literal monster of an immune system was about to fight off the disease for a long time (During which time he watched friends and colleagues alike fall to the illness, in total confusion and grief), when he finally started suffering from the symptoms, they were bad. Like, he had one of the worst cases ever.

Splender and Slender took care of him during this time. Offender too, whenever he was in town (And he did visit a lot more often than before) but it’s never been in him to devote himself to others. When he was there, though, he didn’t leave Trenders side. Or, at least, the hallway that his room was on.

His symptoms included:

o   Sores in his mouth that caused a permanent metallic taste, muscle pain. Made even worse by his mania- always wanting to move. And do something. Usually sowing, either by hand or with a machine but he would also suffer outbursts where he would really move, and those are what put his muscles in the most pain.

o   Irritability + lack of patience. Splender was totally patient with him and endlessly kind, of course, but this did cause some nasty, horrible fights with Slender. Slender of course new that it was just the sickness but after a certain point his patience wore totally 2D, plus he was hurting from watching Trender be sick like this and stifling those feelings.

o   Introversion and shyness. He would often hide away in his room / cell cuz of course he wasn’t allowed to go places on his own, or at all to extreme lengths and it got to the point that he would only say 2 words if Splender came in (No one else), if they were lucky.

o   So much anxiety. Splender would do all he could to help him get through it but the attacks lasted days. All they could do was standby, keep his space clean, and continue to empty his vomit bucket.

o   Struggle with focusing on anything. He would keep going, of course, because even terribly ill Trender is determined, but it would get messy.

o   Tremors. In his hands (Which made the cuts he always accidentally gets on his fingers even worse), and his head.

o   Memory loss was one that hit Offender the worst.

o   He would also go days without sleeping. And I’m not gonna lie, Slender did resort to hitting him in the head whenever Splender wasn’t around to just make him get sleep (Cuz the insomnia made everything else 10 times worse).

o   His movements were also all over the place. Jerky.

It last years. At least 2-3 decades.

Wow, I did actually get a bit into this. Oh well. Okay moving on from this sadness.

~*~

If he were to be represented as a planet, he would be Earth.

If they were to be represented as colours, Trender and Slender both would be grey. Because while their brothers are definitely completely different sides of the spectrum, hot and cold (Splender would never do something evil to anyone else and Offender would never do anything good for anyone but himself), Trender and Slender are different kinds of mixed. Slender leans heavily towards black and Trender leans heavily towards white, but they would both do things that counteract what they try to be.

He really hates when people try to define him. He’s not just the ‘fashion’ brother. He’s so much more; He’s Trender. Stop trying to stick him in a box he just doesn’t fit. It hurts, and its frustrating.

He is a self-sacrificing shit. I mean, at least Splender will keep himself safe in a dangerous situation because knows people need him- it would take Trender exactly 2 seconds to throw himself between a random stranger and a car, or cockily dare someone to shoot him whether he knows for sure that they wont or not if it means he could possibly psych them out or distract them so someone else can escape.

He’s also a, uh *Cough* Icarus-Type. He’s willing to risk the danger if it means he’ll fly. In other words, man is a DAREDEVIL.

He can take a mighty beating. Like, have you ever seen Alfred Pennyworth in Fox’s Gotham? Trender’s fighting style, attitude, and philosophy is exactly like that. He has a really good technique and he’ not afraid to fight, at all, but if he knows someone is stronger then him then he’s not at all afraid of outlasting them, either.

He’s a city boy at heart, but do not get him wrong- he’s a rural man at his roots.

Once, Slender was being his dickface self so Trender went under protest. He said, he would not leave the Slender’s toilet until Slender agreed to apologise to Splender and mean it (And *cough* make them dinner). And since Slender refuses to toilet outside or on any toilet other then his own (how unsanitary), it worked. Slender did try to just go in and do his business whether Trender was there or not but Trender anticipated this and had sat himself, draws down on the toilet, so Slender came in, saw, and immediately left again with a strangled scream.

Offender snickers. “Hey Trender, you remember that time you held Slender’s toilet hostage and then whipped your dick out when you weren’t getting what you wanted from him?” “Offender that’s not what happened, but… yes.” Slender, across the room, shakes himself to be rid of that particular horrifying memory that his dear big brother bestowed upon him. “Mmmeurrrg- “ “And I’d DO IT AGAIN, SO SHUT UP SLENDER.”

Sibling shit the Slender Brothers do

Offender loves to walk into anyone’s room and just knock every down, close laptops, turn off lights, unplug gaming consoles, and just be a nuisance to those around him. Massive middle child energy that always requires attention

Splendor has mastered these gigantic puppy eyes to get what he wants.

Trender absent mindedly straightens shirts and brushes dirt off of the shoulders of friends and family, he was so used to catering to Splendor it carried over into his adult life.

Slender pointing at the ugly painting on the 3rd floor, “That’s you”

Splendor randomly cuddles up to people he likes, and stays there for the next 12 hours and threatens them if they move.

Offender doing that fake punching thing, or the “I’m not touching you.”

Slender locking his brothers outside and then staring at them through the window.

Trender yelling for Slender and then not replying so Slender has to keep saying “what”.

Splendor holding blackmail against l i t e r a l l y everyone he knows, but he only uses it when necessary.

Offender, Trender, and Splendor staring at people for way too long just to aggravate them, more specifically Slender.

Slender physically restraining himself not to fix Tim’s messy hair, or tie Liu’s scarf.

If one of the brothers has a s/o, they’re automatically a sibling-in-law and will now be annoyed by four people at once.

“Slender get out of my room.”

“I’m not in your room.” He is in the doorway.

Slender dragging people off of the couch or chair if they’re in his spot.

Trender hitting Offender and then running away at the speed of light.

Splendor walking into Slenders room at 3 am “slender i threw up”

“Splendor, you’re almost 260 years old. Deal with it yourself.”

“I’m calling mom.”

“waIT NO, would you like some sprite dearest little brother :)?”

Well, appearantly you haven't! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘☺️😉😌😁🥳🤣😂👉🏻👈🏻

Hewwo! Guess what! I became a bird mommy to a beautiful () female crow just this morning and she's a precious, very non-aggressive and super chill sweetheart! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘🥳😁😌😉😳🥺🥹☺️😇✨👉🏻👈🏻

A spider raising a crow.

And here I believed I have seen everything.

@criminalisticonsultant, @twireneadler and @consult-sherlockholmes! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😌☺️😁😉😂🤣🤭✨👉🏻👈🏻

Slender Man headcanons?

Slenderman Headcanons

Ooh boy

Probably not the worst boss in the world, not the best one either.

He's so emotionally cold. He tells jokes all the time but no one can tell.

He's about 14 feet tall 😬

He likes to go out and find Proxies and Housemates himself.

He always forgets who he sends on missions and Masky always has to plan it 🤣

He's actually a pretty good father figure. If there were more Slender-type beings I'm sure he would have a couple of kids by now.

Super family oriented, won't admit it.

Sometimes he takes in new Proxies just to baby them. They end up dying quickly though because they think they're safe from him.

He always knows who's in the mansion and who isn't.

He works on the very top floor of the mansion.

Doesn't really need sleep, so he uses his time for virtual meetings with other Urban Legends and High Status Pastas.

Him, Zalgo, and Puppeteer have a FEUD.

No they won't talk good about one another. If you ask what it is, they grumble. 😬

In reality, they're all just power hungry. :/

Doesn't really like the demons in the mansion, but they are good workers, so he keeps them around.

Slender would 100% use his tendrils to do shit. Yes they make the pasta's heads hurt.

Does he give a shit? No.

Since he technically makes the Proxies work, he pays them. Nobody knows where this money is from.

Hint, he robs banks.

Slender used to have an emo-type phase when he was about 6,000 years old. There's drawings of it.

Kills those who find out about the mansion and their loved ones. If you're not dead, chances are you are going to become a Proxy.

He likes to knit items for the housemates. He made Jeff a beanie. Jeff wears it in winter. :>

He is also surprisingly good at cooking, but makes Sadie do it.

I hope these were okay!

Yay! So were you able to help that anon with his cut off dong, @consult-johnhwatson? Or is that thing free to use as food? Never tried human dick before... 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍🤭😂🤣😁☺️😳😉😋🥳👀👉🏻👈🏻

I just cut my dick off, and it's bleeding a lot... What do I do, doctor?

Uh, cauterize it?

Could you please do head cannons for the slender brothers about a s/o who's autistic and is having a break down on how they would help her ✨ I had to after seeing one of your recent posts, thank you!

I’m sorry these are short! I’m not experienced with autism, but I’ve done the research and hope I got everything correct. I understand that not all meltdowns are the same, so I tried to just get the general picture.

Slender

His voice is calming and soothing as he talks to you

He’ll fetch your stim objects and perhaps your favorite snack or drink to get you calm enough to talk to him.

He’ll guide you to a safer/quieter/ dark place.

He’ll try to find the root of the meltdown and see what he can do to fix it.

Or if there’s something that you need, he’ll fetch it for you.

He’s very logical, so it’s likely he’ll creatively work with you to find out the problem by asking questions.

If you need some alone time, he’ll leave if need be. 

But out of habit he’ll peek in on you from time to time to make sure you’re not injuring yourself or getting overly panicked.

After the melt down, he’ll talk soothingly and suggest a warm bath after grounding yourself.

He’ll ask if you want or need anything and he’ll get said item. 

If you’re alright with being touched and held now, he’ll give you a solid hug and squeeze you against him.

Offender

He doesn’t know exactly what to do, but he tries his best to talk you through it. 

He’ll ask you how he can help you calm down, then he’ll try and go from there. 

He’ll fetch you something if you need it, 

But if it’s hidden somewhere he probably won’t find it bc he’s kinda blind when it comes to finding things ngl

But he’ll try and find a nice subsitute in the meantime.

He’s not too good with calming people down, but he’ll use his calming voice to soothe your emotions.

Will mayyybe (definitely) beat someone up if they were being too loud and annoying that triggered your meltdown.

After you’ve cooled off, he’ll hug and kiss you if you want and bring you some water so you stay hydrated.

Trender

He’ll go into New-York-City-Intern mode and fetch anything he thinks you need.

Comfort Item? Check

Stim toys? Check?

Cat? Check

Dog? Already on top of s/o.

WheReS The wATER? Oh, there it is!

Probably more scared than you are because he struggles to be a good boyfriend all of the time and just wants to make you feel better <3

He’ll sit by your side and try to talk it out, even if he’s not the best at communication, or talking at all, for that matter.

He might pull out some special fabrics he knows you like to stim with to help calm you down once the worst part is over.

He’ll also pull out some nifty bath bombs to help you relax post-meltdown.

Splendor

He’s so distressed too bc all he wants to do is HUG YOU and give you his love and affection.

But he can’t so he uses his words to try and help you calm down.

He carries some of your stim things and comfort items in his pockets bc he likes them too and it reminds him of you.

He’ll guide you away from the situation at hand, and sit you down in a quiet place, possibly dark too if he can find one.

He doesn’t have any trouble using his words to calm you down, he’s a great talker.

And if this has happened before, he always knows the path he has to take to calm you down correctly.

But once it’s over, he’ll avoid the area of the meltdown and take you somewhere relaxing, probably the bedroom for you to take a nice nap.

Can you please do a head cannon for a s/o who is from Japan and is never really seen without some Green or Bubble tea and also always wears these cute kawwai Japanese clothes.(tbh it'd be cool if they were so pro with using chopsticks). It'd be great if you can do it with Masky, Hoodie, Toby, Jeff and BEN? Would also want them to keep on telling them to try some of the stuff they eat like sushi. Sorry if it's too long it's my first time requesting for Creepypasta headcannons ;w;

They’re all food nerds. 

Masky

Masky likes tea, but he’s more of a coffee kind of guy.

He wouldn’t think anything much of the style, except that if you try to put him in any cute clothing he’ll bite your fingers.

Unless it’s an edgy jacket that makes him look cool.

But he will accept any snacks.

He likes anything spicy, and sweet for that matter.

He’s a slut for Hi-Chews.

Once you introduce him to the candy, he’ll eat one after every cigarette.

If you speak Japanese to him, he’ll literally stare at you for 20 seconds and try to process whatever tf you just said.

This boi loves fish, and loves sushi for that matter.

Has 100% ate a glob of wasabi and proceeded to regret every single one of his life decisions.

But he’ll eat anything with noodles in it.

And Ramen is his favorite go-to.

Hoodie

Hoodie’s chill asf.

He doesn’t watch much anime except for the mainstream ones, and even those he doesn’t watch all the way through.

But he likes Ghibli films.

He absolutely loves Bubble tea, and he loves the bubbles more bc he’s a total slut for anything tapioca.

It’s his favorite pudding flavor.

Put together an outfit for him and he’ll wear the cutest shit.

Pink shirt, white jeans, kawaii uwu hat, just an entire pink aesthetic will be his jam for the entire day.

He likes anything sweet, so he’ll eat any Japanese snacks you throw his way.

He also doesn’t mind sushi, and he loves anything with chicken in it. Especially if it’s spicy.

He’ll eat a full ball of wasabi for 5 bucks.

Toby

He thinks it’s so cool!

He only watches some anime, he’s more into movies bc he has such a short attention span.

Other than that he doesn’t know much about Japanese culture.

Except that’s it’s cute as all heck.

He doesn’t know how to save his money, so he’s always adding stuff to your collection as little presents.

And maybe some things for himself to match.

He loves the candy, though.

And other tasty Japanese snacks.

Pocky and seaweed chips?

Yes please!~

He will love sushi after you introduce it to him!

And he’ll get a hang of chopsticks through his tics.

He likes tea, so he’s willing to make some for the both of you.

Aka failing terribly and having you make it instead.

Or just buy it from a nearby shop.

Jeff

He’ll steal all of your Japanese snacks that you’ve ordered.

And maybe some plushies.

He thinks the pocky game is dumb, but he lowkey wants to play it.

He doesn’t know how to play tho.

And he just wants to kiss you so this dumbass just fucking deepthroats it and CHOKEs.

He doesn’t know how to use chopsticks, and frankly, he’s too stubborn to try.

This heathen watches dubbed anime and if the anime doesn’t have a dub, he isn’t watching it.

He doesn’t like tea, so you don’t have to worry about him drinking any of it.

But he’ll take the ‘bubbles’ out when you’re done, freeze them, and keep them in his pocket to throw them at people.

He’s just an asshole like that.

But he likes all of the Japanese clothes and merch.

But he won’t eat sushi, he doesn’t like fish in general. (Except for basics like crab, lobster and shrimp). And he’ll scream if you offer him fish eggs.

BEN

He’s a McFreakin weeb.

He’s watches way too much anime and eats too many pocky sticks.

His favorite is strawberry and green tea.

So when you come into his life he just has to fangirl about everything you do and own.

He can speak some Japanese, but not a lot.

Everything he’s learned has been from anime.

And hentai

He wears a lot of Japanese clothing too, even if it’s just bs aesthetic stuff that says “Cool guy” in Japanese.

And like, anime action figures and basic merch.

BEN can pretend that he knows what he’s doing with chopsticks.

But he can’t eat stuff like rice or anything small that he has to pick up.

He’s the kind of guy that stabs the piece of meat to eat it with the chopstick.

He’ll take a drink of your bubble tea, find a way to get one of the 'bubbles’ in his mouth and then proceed to spitball it as a very dangerous projectile at your butt.

Also, if you want to piss off Jeff just have a conversation in full Japanese.

More like, you speak all of the Japanese and BEN only knows like 12 full sentences and keeps repeating them in different tones.