Yay! So Were You Able To Help That Anon With His Cut Off Dong, @consult-johnhwatson? Or Is That Thing

Uhhh... You're not planning to get anywhere near me with that spray, right? RIGHT??? 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍😭😳🥲😅👀🥹🥺💯👉🏻👈🏻

NSFW Christmas headcannons? Love you Jas!

(Creepypasta x Headcanon) NSFW Christmas Headcanons -

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Aw, I love you too <3 

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- Jeff and BEN makes a whole tray of d*ck shaped cookies, despite what Slender says about it, then they laugh whenever someone eats them. smh

- Dr.Smiley likes to watch 50 Shades of Gray with some hot chocolate while everyone is asleep or gone. If anyone catches him, he’ll threaten the Pastas to keep quiet. 

- Always on Christmas day, Smile Dog and Grinny Cat go out and try to find a mate. Their way of mating is not a pretty sight. Jeff once walked into a room with Smile Dog with another poor dog, he wishes he could unsee everything. 

- A few years ago on Christmas Eve, Sexual Offender put rose petals on Slender’s bed, thinking it was one of his victims, not his brother. Slenderman still doesn’t understand how Offender didn’t realize. 

- Toby, Jeff, BEN, & Laughing Jack always try to embarrass each other on Christmas Day with NSFW stuff. Who can get the most embarrassing dirty gift? Who can say the most embarrassing dirty thing to Slenderman without chickening out? It drives everyone up the wall, but it’s fun to hear what they have to say.

Yan hoodie NSFW ?

Unlike other yan!character that I write for, Yan!Hoodie is kind of an opposite rather than slightly twisted like the others. Like regular Hoodie would be more vanilla and easily pleased, but yan!hoodie just wants all that he can get. but we love him just the same, maybe a little too much-

Yan!Hoodie

He’s bigger than one would think

like-

he’s kinda packing tbh-

But what’s the use bc he’d rather eat you out and edge you for like 2 hours before actually fucking you

He likes tying you up so you can’t squirm out of his grip.

He likes to leave hickeys and soft bites on your neck and collarbone, but nothing too extra.

He’s a pleaser, so lucky you~

If you were on good behavior, he’ll find soft ropes or perhaps braided ribbons.

But if you’re bad you’ll get tied to the headboard with scratchy ropes that pull on your skin with every move.

This boi is amazing with his tongue,

He loves to grab your ass and hips and pin you to the bed while his tongue grinds on your clit

He likes seeing how helpless you look when you ride out your orgasms.

And he’ll finger fuck your g-spot until you can’t take it anymore.

Once he’s FINanLY done eating you out, he’ll whip it out

It’s a 50-50 chance he’ll untie you for the main event.

If he does, it’s to just pin your hands down by holding them in his own.

And to feel your legs wrapping tightly around him.

He’ll tease you by just putting the tip in until you start begging.

Then he’ll FUcKiNG RaM into your g-spot at the weight of a truck.

Yes, he will moan and growl in your ear.

He likes missionary better than any other position.

He gets to see and feel your body while he’s causing you to look even more beautiful in that state of pleasure.

He loves feeling your thighs and breasts as he pumps into you.

And he’ll dirty talk the entire time.

Might degrade you a little bit.

He doesn’t want to hit you, even if you had acted up,  but if you really want it he’ll fucking go to town on your ass until it’s beet red while he’s fucking you.

If you’ve been on bad behavior, he’ll give you a few seconds of post-orgasm torture.

He wants to hear you scream his name by the end of the night.

But after, he’s the best at aftercare.

He’ll kiss you and clean you up, and make sure you’re not too hot or cold.

He’ll stroke your hair until you drift off to sleep.

He’ll mumble something that you may not hear through your dreams, “I’m so happy you’re mine.”

Something that'll never happen to me as long as I stay in my spider form, because flies and yummy roaches are pests to humans! 🕷️❤️😘🥰😍💯🤭😁☺️😉😋🥳👀👉🏻👈🏻

I just cut my dick off, and it's bleeding a lot... What do I do, doctor?

Uh, cauterize it?

It would be almost as perfect as our friendship, wouldn't it, Mycroft? 🕷️❤️😘😍🥰😌☺️😉😁✨👉🏻👈🏻

Entomomania doesn't have anything to do with fear. It's the total opposite. It's the abnormal love for insects.

So what do you think about people that are utterly obsessed and head over heels in love with all kinds of bugs?

And yes, the cake is dark chocolate and it's also home made. I hope you liked it.

You are quite right. Thankfully, our resident arachnid expert @talking-tarantula was able to catch that unfortunate blunder.

So, what is my opinion on people that have an unnatural obsession with insects and spiders? Whatever keeps you occupied and away from illegal activities, all the better. Better to have an obsession and make a decent career out of it, than to have no interests and drown in mediocrity.

Oh

Homemade, you say? Well, who am I to deny you the satisfaction of gifting a work of art to someone such as myself. I shall savor it all the more.

Shame the user is anonymous! We'd probably become friends if I could dm them! 🕷️❤️😘😍🥰😌☺️😉😁✨👉🏻👈🏻

Entomomania doesn't have anything to do with fear. It's the total opposite. It's the abnormal love for insects.

So what do you think about people that are utterly obsessed and head over heels in love with all kinds of bugs?

And yes, the cake is dark chocolate and it's also home made. I hope you liked it.

You are quite right. Thankfully, our resident arachnid expert @talking-tarantula was able to catch that unfortunate blunder.

So, what is my opinion on people that have an unnatural obsession with insects and spiders? Whatever keeps you occupied and away from illegal activities, all the better. Better to have an obsession and make a decent career out of it, than to have no interests and drown in mediocrity.

Oh

Homemade, you say? Well, who am I to deny you the satisfaction of gifting a work of art to someone such as myself. I shall savor it all the more.

If you could assign the BB cast basic minimum wage jobs for this holiday season, where would they work & how long do you think they'd last before getting fired (or quitting in a blind rage)

Ciel Phantomhive = buying christmas tree decorations. He would get fired for shouting at people, from having bottled up his angry.He would last about ½ weeks at the most.

Sebastian Michaelis = christmas chef. He would quit, Sebastian would not get fired, he’s perfect. He would quit after a week.

Alois Trancy = Being in charge of a christmas bake sales. He would be fired for always shouting at the customores and using fowl language. He would last 4 days.

Claude Faustus = Cleaning up after christmas dinners. He would quit, from just getting tired of everyones bull shit. He would last 2/3 weeks.

Ronald Knox = He would be in charge of being a bar tender at a cheap bar. He would be fired, because he was caught trying to poison one of the annoying customers. He would last 6 days.

Madam Red = Wrapping gifts for charitys. She would be fired, after she started bitching at a person who demanded to have 4 gifts for her 2 kids, even tho you can only have 1 gift per child. She lasted 5 days.

Do you have any headcannons for slender?

Sure do~

Slenderman Headcanons: 

He should be considered a mafia boss with the number of people working for him.

But he's more accurately like a father with a bunch of children he hires to do work.

He's in charge of the entirety of the manor. What jobs are coming in, who does them, financial stability, electricity, water, medical needs, house repairs, etc.

In the Underworld, the mansion would be considered a business, and Slenderman is the CEO of said business. He recruits all of the residents in the mansion and they then form a sort of contract with him. This gives them immortality for the duration of the contract, grants them disguises when in the human world for reasons other than work, and it grants them room and board at the mansion.

He can project his voice outside normally, although if he needs to have a private conversation with someone he can do it inside their mind. He tries not to do this too often as he views it as an invasion of privacy.

He tries to maintain a personal level with all the residents of the mansion to make sure relationships amongst them are going well and nobody is getting too depressed, too dangerous, too angry. He likes to look out for them.

He thoroughly enjoys reading as his favorite hobby. In the mansion he has a huge library in the center of it that's several stories and has just about every book you can think of. He collects medical ones sometimes for EJ, some manga for BEN, or some YA novels for the younger creeps. One time Jane and Natalie got him into a few different YA romance novels and even though it wasn't his normal taste he got pretty into them and they talked about them over tea. This sparked a weekly book club that any of the residents can partake in.

He's also quite fond of poetry, and he even writes his own. He has that stored in the library as well although it's in a hidden section only a few people can access.

King of the kitchen. He can make just about any dish you could think to want. Being alive for so long grants you lots of time to experiment and try different foods. 

Loves gardening and has a huge garden that circles the entirety of the mansion. He takes an extreme amount of pride in it and thinks any residence isn't complete without some flowers. He is very protective of it and only allows a select few to manage it, Toby is one of them as it puts him to work and he too values flowers and nature.

It's a figure of speech, sweetie, I just wanted you to know that I'm ready to listen to whatever you're about to explain! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹☺️😉😁😌🤣😂👉🏻👈🏻

Does your broken butt fell better today, Sherly? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍🥺🥹😭😳🥲😅☺️😉😁😌😂🤣👉🏻👈🏻

My posterior is not broken. The majority of it consists of muscles like the gluteus maximus, which you can't really break.

Concerning my bruised non-injured coccyx and sacrum, I might have palpated them when if I had fallen on them. And the theoretical palpation showed no broken or moving parts. No x-ray necessary given that a broken coccyx can't be treated with a cast anyway given you can't immobilise the bone properly.

But of course such a theoretical injury takes some days to heal and several impact points on legs and arms have bruises when you fall down the stairs. Hematoma usually take a few weeks to heal, as well as the pain to lessen. All theoretical, of course.

...Now I really wanna sniff an ahpeloria virginiensis. Thanks. Are there any such awesome awesome critters running around in Germany somewhere by any change? I know that it's being said that theraposidae like the phoneutria and lycosidae like the sparrasidae appearantly wandered to Germany. But so far, I had no luck finding one unfortunately.

do millipedes spray cyanide? i relocated a couple while cleaning my yard and now i'm mildly concerned

the millipedes that release hydrogen cyanide release it as a gas. these include various flat-back millipedes, although there’s plenty of flat-backs that just use a benzoquinone-based fluid defense chemical, which is what many other common millipedes produce (including the round-backed juliforms one often finds in the yard). in either case, you’d need to swallow a millipede for it to do you any great harm.

Apheloria virginiensis is one local to me, and I am guilty of picking them up when on walks in the woods to smell the cyanide: it’s a fragrant scent of almonds or cherries.

cyanide-producing millipedes, since their defense chemical is gaseous, really can’t hurt you unless you’ve already ingested the millipede or are like huffing dozens of them, which would both be probably be actions deserving of consequences.

other millipedes’ liquid chemicals usually just smell foul, like burning rubber. most millipedes under 3-4 cm aren’t going to pack much of a toxic punch at all. some of the larger tropical species in the Spirobolida and Spirostreptida can cause caustic burns if it isn’t washed off soon with detergent or if you have very sensitive skin. I’ve harassed plenty a Narceus and gotten some yellow, later dark purple stains on my hands, but that was the extent of it.