*I Scream In Terror And Scurry Off, Scaring The Shit Out Of A Few Dozen People In The Bar As I Flee.*

Without asking me to come along? Rude! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😄😁😆😉☺️😌👉🏻👈🏻

... I can't even send a gif? Boooring!

Fascinating that you have been testing it.

Are you bored or are you jealous of the new case I'm working on?

Sibling shit the Slender Brothers do

Offender loves to walk into anyone’s room and just knock every down, close laptops, turn off lights, unplug gaming consoles, and just be a nuisance to those around him. Massive middle child energy that always requires attention

Splendor has mastered these gigantic puppy eyes to get what he wants.

Trender absent mindedly straightens shirts and brushes dirt off of the shoulders of friends and family, he was so used to catering to Splendor it carried over into his adult life.

Slender pointing at the ugly painting on the 3rd floor, “That’s you”

Splendor randomly cuddles up to people he likes, and stays there for the next 12 hours and threatens them if they move.

Offender doing that fake punching thing, or the “I’m not touching you.”

Slender locking his brothers outside and then staring at them through the window.

Trender yelling for Slender and then not replying so Slender has to keep saying “what”.

Splendor holding blackmail against l i t e r a l l y everyone he knows, but he only uses it when necessary.

Offender, Trender, and Splendor staring at people for way too long just to aggravate them, more specifically Slender.

Slender physically restraining himself not to fix Tim’s messy hair, or tie Liu’s scarf.

If one of the brothers has a s/o, they’re automatically a sibling-in-law and will now be annoyed by four people at once.

“Slender get out of my room.”

“I’m not in your room.” He is in the doorway.

Slender dragging people off of the couch or chair if they’re in his spot.

Trender hitting Offender and then running away at the speed of light.

Splendor walking into Slenders room at 3 am “slender i threw up”

“Splendor, you’re almost 260 years old. Deal with it yourself.”

“I’m calling mom.”

“waIT NO, would you like some sprite dearest little brother :)?”

Can I get Masky and Hoodie out on Halloween with their s/o? Thank you love your writing btw!

Masky

Always trying to scare you throughout the entire day.

Why, you ask?

“I dunno.” :)) 

Just one day of Halloween will take at least three years off of your life.

It doesn’t help that Masky’s job is literally to sneak up on people. 

You caught him hiding on top of the kitchen cabinets to jump down and scare you.

Dumbass got stuck, though.

Halloween night will be spent either in the middle of the woods, or on a night out in the town.

It’s your choice, of course. (But Masky would prefer being sketchy in the middle of the woods)

Both are just as scary.

If you choose the woods, Masky will spend the night playing hide and seek with you, along with telling scary stories by the fire while binging on marshmallows.

The city, however, is a night filled with candy, trick-or-treating as grown adults, and maybe a simple restaurant date.

Full of spooks, of course

Hoodie

Hoodie will take you somewhere spooky for Halloween.

Like a haunted house, haunted maze, or even a real haunted house with an EMF and Ouija Board.

Or possibly all three in the same day? 

He’ll protect you through each event, and keep you hidden in his hoodie if push comes to shove.

Hoodie may have also punched a clown actor in the face, but that’s not important right now.

What’s important is how fast he can get away from the crime scene.

An eventful Halloween is a fun Halloween!

And when you go ghost hunting, he mentioned he might punch a ghost in the face too.

Then he mysteriously fell through the floor. Oooo so spooky.

With Hoodie’s injuries and the dying batteries on the EMF making it go crazy, you two decide to chill at home and watch your favorite scary movies.

All while being inconveniently disturbed by trick or treaters.

Trender: What’s a seahorses best sense?

No one: …

Trender: It’s their sight. Because they are a see-horse. They see.

Everyone else at the meeting table:

Slender: Why the hell are you here? What do you even do?

Trender: I bless you all with my presence, so don’t sass me, fuckhead.

NSFW Jeff?

I tried not to say the obvious things (ex. blood play, knife play stuff like that). Also! I forgot to make this gender neutral, but I’ll gladly write one for male!~ 

Jeff

Not too long tbh,

But boi is pACKing some girth

Average sized boi

Continuous stabbing motions is surprisingly a good body work out

So his torso and arms are nicely toned under that hoodie

He usually uses sex as a stress relief so expect some hate-fucking and roughness from time to time

Has a dominating kink, but doesn’t mind being pinned down once in a while.

And maybe a daddy kink shhh

Lick the knife and immediate boner

Not a fan of foreplay

just wants to get into it

But if you want it, he’ll kiss your neck and finger you until you’re ready

Cannot find the g-spot

Even if you show him

But!! He does know where the clit is

Surprisingly good at giving oral

He’s got a NICE tongue

He’ll work wonders eating you out

And if you grab his hair and buck you hips against his mouth

His already hard cock will fucking twitch and throb

He’ll pull your hips closer and hold you down while you squirm

While fucking you tho?

A wild animal, to say the least.

As mentioned earlier, he likes it rough.

He’ll start slow and gather speed to find a pace that he likes.

Which is 214492e miles per hour

He might not be able to find your g-spot, bUT hIS DICK CAN!

He knows the perfect angle but he has to be hella hard for it to work

Will bite your neck and leave hickeys wherever he can

He gets turned on by pain, giving and recieving, so expect that.

Yank his hair, rake your nails up his back, hold his own knife to his throat and he may just cum from that alone

He wildin’ asf

He’ll choke you and watch as your hands grasp at his arm with that FUckINg LOok on your face

He’ll cut you up if you let him, marking you as his

His neck is sensitive so kiss and bite that area,

Also if you put anything sharp to his neck he’ll get this dumbass grin on his face

Hello. Can you do boyfriend scenarios with Ronald knox (from kuroshitsuji / Black Butler). Like how he takes care of his s/o, and how he acts with them.

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve done anything on this blog, man. And since this is more like headcanons I hope you don’t mind that’s what I’m doing.

Ronald Knox 

He’d love taking care of you, especially when you’re sick. He’d be all giggly and super loving, but also kind of a dick. He’d definitely tease you about getting ill so easily.

He’s an even bigger goofball when you’re around, because then it’s easier for him to love and hug up on you. He’s joking and very playful.

Usually he’s very energetic and sarcastic around you, but when he’s around others he’s very overprotective.

When his glasses are off, his hearing is heightened and when he sleeps next to you he likes to listen to your breathing.

He likes surprise kisses.

Slender Brothers Headcanons

#1. Mating Season 

WARNINGS: Heavy content here. Slender’s and Offender’s of course talk about rape. Very violent and graphic rape and mention of necrophilia in Offender’s. Trender’s talks about prostitution? But not in a dark way, really. Splender’s describes some pain- for him. Pain for him. Its unfortunate ): The ‘If he had an S/O’ parts are pretty safe though 

Notes: 

Heed the warnings. If you don’t, then I take no responsibility. 

Or… maybe these aren’t as graphic as I think and I’m just a baby? Dunno, better safe then sorry though!!! 

If you are interested in this stuff, then enjoy! ^^ XD

~~~

Slenderman:

You thought he hid away before… but, man. During this time, no one knows where he is.

In truth, he’s hauled away in a bunker that he set up himself and upkeeps every year, all alone (For his benefit, because he haaaaates, hates, hates being out of control. Not for everyone else’s benefit, I want to make that clear.) and if it wasn’t for the constant, unattended, unquenched heat overwhelming him then he would be in total peace. I mean, here he’s underground (In the earth. His favourite thing) and he’s alone (This favourite thing ties with the earth).

That bunker ends up in teeerible shape after he’s been in there. He loses most of his control, and because his needs aren’t extinguished, he gets violent. He has a lot of pent up tension in every orifice and periodically he snaps. At the walls, at the chairs, at anything that’s a satisfying weight to throw, or break, or crush.

He never leaves the bunker though without repairing and replacing shit though so that when he comes back the next year, he doesn’t feel even worse.

Now, if Slender didn’t hide himself away… Look, Slender is not a good being. He controls himself because he genuinely enjoys controlling things and the most important thing to do is control yourself. But at this time, if he really actually tried, he would have like 0.10 percent control.

And… he wouldn’t feel any reservations about taking a mortal and using them to help himself, raping them. He would feel disgusted with himself later on, for sure, but that’s only because he lost his control. Not because of what he did to the mortal.

I think the only reason he doesn’t normally do this, is not because he’s in any way better, morally, then Offender. It’s because he generally doesn’t feel sexual desire that often. And when he does, he ignores it. He isn’t interested, like Offender is. So, don’t get it twisted, Slender is a selfish and rotten.

If he had an S/O:

If there is even the smallest chance that you won’t find out, he will take it.

Of course, that would be pretty hard to do seeing as the damn thing can last for up to a week (Although that is still very lucky, seeing as cats and dogs last a month or longer. I’ve decided the Slender’s are more like birds XD) and you will be puzzled when your cranky, hermit Slenderman disappears from his beloved home for that long.

Even after its over and he’s back, and you know something out of the ordinary happened, he still won’t tell you. Just very bluntly, so you know he knows you know somethings up but you also know he isn’t about to tell you, says “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”. The ass will even say “I was here the whole time Y/N, for goodness sakes. You must have missed me.”.  

HOW?

I beg to differ, Slendy.

Eventually one of the other brothers will tell you, and get a prompt smack from a stray black tentacle when he finds out. “Oh, my bad. Spasm.” He’ll say, totally deadpanned.

Now, if you decide you don’t want anything to do with it and to respect his decision to keep it from you, he’s happy to go on like normal with you. Whenever the season comes around, he’ll just tell you he’ll be away for a bit for his mating season. No drama! And no more secrets!

On the other hand, if you wanted to help…

Well, he would describe to you everything he feels during his mating season and exactly how strong these urges are, to scare you off. And e tells no lie, and it does sound terrifying.

But if you still want to after that, then fine. Next mating season, he concedes a test run. But he enlists Zalgo to stand by for a bit and if he hears non-pleasure noises, then to come in and take you away.

Slender’s a big fan of informed consent where you’re concerned.

Trenderman:

Trender does a lot of meditation and drinks a lot of calming herbal remedies at this time… and, also, jerks off a lot and is out picking up partners every night for wild one-night stands. He deals with it pretty healthily, actually, compared to the others! Haha

As song as he’s satisfied, everyone who is prospectively around him, will be safe. That’s his thinking, and it’s true.

Also, why treat the feeling like it’s a curse? It is an issue, but if you act like Frollo then you’ll just make it worse for yourself and more importantly, for everyone else.

He will even hire prostitutes if he has no luck picking anyone up himself. Don’t worry, he’s very good to them, and pays them well (Boy makes it a habit to even send them off with breakfast, or at least breakfast money if they don’t feel comfortable spending more time with him then what was professional). Like, from the prostitute’s point of view, he is the best customer. Favourite customer. Love him.

He doesn’t do any work with anyone, during this time. Just stays in at home all day meditating, drinking his tea’s and working on designs and outfits from the safety of his house (He does some of his best work during this time- they’ve been described as ‘Seductive’). If he absolutely has to contact someone, he will text them. Even the sound of someone’s voice might set him off, so he really avoids anything like phone calls and delivery people- he has his groceries dropped off at his front door while he’s out at night.

He wears headphones most of the time (Noise cancelling or music), blocking out anything possible from the outside world, and keeps the blinds closed and windows and doors locked.

If he had an S/O:

If you’re willing to help him out during the season, he’s jazzed. I mean, he was hoping you would XD

Let me tell you, you can satisfy him way quicker than anyone else that he could pick up or hire, so its not really an issue if you want to help him. You will be pretty tired after a night so I’d prescribe you maybe every second night if you’re up to it?? But you won’t be fatally tired or anything like Splender XD And you definitely wont be hurt, because honestly it doesn’t take much from you to finish him, because it’s you!

Theirs no poetic reason. It’s just, simply, because it’s you.

Kinks that he doesn’t mention before this suddenly come out to play… You will learn some new things about yourself, that’s for sure.

Offenderman (I’m saying it again because it’s very necessary. WARNING. Please read with caution):

This is… not an issue for him…

In fact, it affects him much, much less than the others. Offender is always horny, anyway. Its literally in his nature. So, he’s used to living with it.

His temperament does lose its bearings for the duration, though, which makes him even more dangerous then usual. Most of the time he doesn’t even play with his victims at all (Doesn’t tease or go even a modicum slower. Doesn’t care to look into their eyes to see the fear- which tends to be a big part of what he does. He gets off of their terror. But at this time he just seems mad, sloppy and impatient), just rapes them in an the back of an alleyway and leaves their corpses when he’s not getting anything out of it anymore, looking for a new one.

Usually, when it’s not mating season he’ll usually leave them alive, specifically so they have to deal with the trauma, but now the force he uses… breaks them. The force of his hips breaks their bones, the way he bites their neck leaves a gaping, jagged hole that blood escapes out of, he suffocates them to death or crushes their windpipe. Long before he’s done, they’re a corpse. Not that that bothers him. At all. As long as they’re tight, he can work with it.

Also, something about them being dead turns him on also, so…

The body count at night means that he’s fine during the day, except for a normal, gentle buzz of thirst but he can handle that just fine. It’s more like normal.

If it wasn’t for his general lack of care for mortal (Or any other) lives and cruelty he would be able to manage this season like any other time of the year. No one would get hurt and no one would realise he’s any different.

But, this is Offenderman.

If he had an S/O:

Offender is so much more in control. Like, literally, he can date you and have a normal life and everything. He doesn’t want to scare you away or, very much less, hurt you. If he can get away with it, he wont even mention a mating season.

But, if you were happy to help him out (Which, I realise now, may be hard for some of us to imagine after reading what I just wrote about him not 4 dot points ago… ), then he would lose his ever loving mind.

But not in a bad way like before was. Less violent and more… submissive. I guess. He’s still him, and he thinks he’s head honcho and everything (Second only to Slender) but he has absolutely zero issues with bottoming- theirs plenty of pleasure to source from that position.

Your touch and your warm, wet pinkness feel’s 10 times better to him (And he already loved it with his whole, black heart) in this condition. He’ll mule.

Splenderman:

This is ESPECIALLY hard for Splender. He feels everything 10 times stronger than any of his brothers, which is saying a lot because they’re all very passionate about their shit.

But Splender is the most so. (*Cough* Its because I like to believe kindness is a stronger urge then hatred, personal interest or even lust. This is also the reason I headcanon Splender as the oldest).

One year, soon after he reached adulthood and mating season actually kicked in, (The first time shocked him. He had no one to tell him this was about to happen, and it stole the wind from him. He nearly hurt someone when he tried to ignore it, which explains why this that I’m about to explain about, which is the second time, turned out so badly),he tried to haul himself away and do nothing. Not touch himself, not see anyone for help, not do anything.

It caused him to cease up completely. He was just sitting there for a full day, thinking about nothing but his physical need and his pain. First his cock went painfully stiff, then the rest of him, and when he finally tried to move it was agonising.

Ever since then he’s careful not to do that. For a long time he subscribed to Slender’s method of hiding and locking himself away until it’s over.

But, it was not until Trender became an adult and started dealing with his mating seasons that Splender’s eyes were opened up to a much safer and healthier management strategy.

Instead of fighting the season, just accept it. Take care of yourself Splendy, we worry for you.

Nowadays he spends most of his time treating his body the bets he can, in a remote area in some mountains in Switzerland. Beautiful nature to revitalise him, spring weather, clean fresh air… no one around for miles and miles to hear what he’s up to… Haha. Its half an half. Half of the time he spends eating healthily and relaxing in fields and rocky mountain areas, and the other half he masturbates.

A lot of the time actually he’s doing both at the same time. Jacking off outside in the fresh air.

If he had an S/O:

He’s surprised to hear that his mortal mate likes the idea of being… uh… used, essentially. For his personal gain.

“You think that’s okay, Y/N??”? He’s a bit sceptical.

“Yeah, Splender, as long as its you! I don’t mind helping- plus its kinda hot.”

Well, if you’re sure! Splender doesn’t try to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about or that you don’t know what you like in anyway.

He’s kind of excited now XD

He’s going to come up with a plan though to separate the two of you at some point so you can rest and revitalise because while he understands that you’re consenting to a lot and are genuinely interested, he also knows that during this time he can go for a looooot longer then you can, and he refuses to break you. “You can come back if you want once you’re not so tired!” He assures you, when you whine and say you can ‘handle it’.

ALL SLENDER’s:

Final thing.

Imagine having a vagina and being on your period at the same time that he’s enduring his mating season. 

I hope @consult-sherlockholmes didn't dislocate his hip! Because I sure know what that feels like! Can't you just force Sherlock to let you examine him, @consult-johnhwatson??? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍✨💯🥹🥺😅😭🥲😳☺️👉🏻👈🏻

In case anyone claims I fell down the stairs, no I did not fall down the stairs. There is no evidence for that. I am much too agile and have too fast reflexes to do such a simple mistake as slip on the stairs.

It would be almost as perfect as our friendship, wouldn't it, Mycroft? 🕷️❤️😘😍🥰😌☺️😉😁✨👉🏻👈🏻

Entomomania doesn't have anything to do with fear. It's the total opposite. It's the abnormal love for insects.

So what do you think about people that are utterly obsessed and head over heels in love with all kinds of bugs?

And yes, the cake is dark chocolate and it's also home made. I hope you liked it.

You are quite right. Thankfully, our resident arachnid expert @talking-tarantula was able to catch that unfortunate blunder.

So, what is my opinion on people that have an unnatural obsession with insects and spiders? Whatever keeps you occupied and away from illegal activities, all the better. Better to have an obsession and make a decent career out of it, than to have no interests and drown in mediocrity.

Oh

Homemade, you say? Well, who am I to deny you the satisfaction of gifting a work of art to someone such as myself. I shall savor it all the more.

I would love to join! The cases and scientific explainations you may share might be interesting! 🕷️❤️🥰😍😘😚😌☺️😁😉✨💯👉🏻👈🏻

Community

I have been notified of a new feature on this website, so I decided to make a little experiment and create a community of my own. Although I am usually not a very community-oriented person as you all know and rather a recluse, I am still ready to experiment with new features. Maybe it turns out to be useful or fun, who knows.

But anyway, if you want to join and become a part of the only consulting detective's community, you may comment on this post and I will send you an invite. For whatever reason it only works when I send an invite, which is quite tedious.