Always Me

How I wanna be

Because cosplay has no age.

things that annoy color guard members

-when the wind takes your flag to the other side of the football field -when it rains and your silk gets heavy and sticks to your body/your weapon slides right out of your hands -when you order new gloves and you have to break them in and until then you can’t squeeze -when your flag comes untaped in the middle of flag block -when your friend’s flag comes untaped in the middle of flag block -wind -when it’s windy and you’re holding a pose or something and your flag makes the “whoop whoop whoop whoop” sound -when your instructor says “one more time” (lie) -when you tell people you’re in color guard and they’re like “oh cool my friend is in rotc” -wind -when you tell people you’re in drum corps and they say “i didn’t know you play the drums” -when you have to wear performance blacks because your uniform isn’t ready yet -wind -when it’s hot outside and your uniform is 72829922 layers -when it’s cold outside and your uniform is very revealing -glove tans

audio

Surviving IKEA

Never enter near closing hours.

Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.

Do not trust the arrows.

Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.

Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.

Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.

Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.

In case you are trapped:

Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.

Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.

Hide whenever possible.

The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.

Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.

Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.

When music from the 30s starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.

Run.

He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.

Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.

Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.

If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.

More guides

When driving long hours alone

How to confess to your crush

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Castiel is one of Mary’s boys.

You know what I need in my life?

THE BEST FANFICS MADE INTO MOVIES

With the same actors. Or people that look like they could really be them. Or official animations.

Literally my biggest dream that’s probably most definitely not coming true.