“I’m Far Too Goth For Gravey.”

"I can't believe people live in California..."

“Actually I’m Captain America.”

-My science teacher

“Need I remind you of your grandmother’s murderous intentions?”

-Me, probably about to get murdered by one of my friends grandmas

That’s the culprit

“MEEEOOOWWWW!”

-My cat. Loudly. In my face. At 3am. Every night.

“We thought it was a toilet chain!”

-My grandma, talking about my great grandmother’s very expensive jewelry

"I may be dead, but at least I have a ruler. OH SHIT MY RULER!"

“Let’s go watch memes in the Depression Corner!”

-A random kid, in a sing song voice

“Your homework is to pee in a jar for a week...”

-My science teacher

“I do NOT have slugs on my face!”

-Someone who, as I can confirm, did not have slugs on their face

“I am a thot and Thor.”