It's late.
Dazai feels a little ashamed, if he were to be honest. How pathetic is it that he's unable to sleep unless in the arms of his coworker? A little pathetic. His eyebrows furrow as he begins to pick the lock to your apartment.
It's late. You're probably asleep.
He's jealous. Yeah; the clenching feeling in his chest is jealousy from your ability to sleep through the nights (a feeling of his that isn't shared towards his well-rested coworkers). You're asleep, and he should be. He will be.
The door clicks quietly, and Dazai doesn't react. How many times has he broken into your apartment? The question is left unanswered as he saunters into the place, making sure to close and lock it behind him.
You're asleep. It's late.
He makes a pit stop by your kitchen, staring blankly into your fridge like he'd do if he lived here. He counts the number of half finished water bottles littering the shelves, dispersed in between random ingredients you don't open and snacks that are dwindling in number.
If Dazai lived here, maybe he could make you dinner sometime. Gather the ingredients to fill your fridge, put a pan on the stove — however people cook, he can't remember. The fridge closes quietly; It's late. You're asleep.
With a final glance towards the sink, taking note of the dirty cutlery delicately balanced around the edges, he makes his way into the hall. Three steps and he'd be outside your door, your bedroom door, where you're asleep.
Dazai pushes away the same thought that keeps appearing in his mind. Of course you're asleep, it's late.
He turns away from your bedroom and finds himself standing in your living room. It's happily lived in - cushions that have lost their fluff, a blanket strewed across the couch haphazardly. His hand runs over it; always the same blanket. Dazai can imagine sitting under this blanket on the couch with you, the couch you two would share, watching some movie on your small tv just across the small room.
If he lived here, he'd make sure to tidy up the living room before you two went to bed. You kept a basket of blankets just next to the tv, and Dazai could easily drape the blanket back into it before following you off to bed. For now, he leaves it; There'd be no trace he was here come morning.
Once again, he finds himself mere steps away from your bedroom door. You live alone, for now, and yet keep the door closed every night. Is it habit? Are you worried some barbarian will break in just to watch you sleep? (Dazai isn't here to watch you, of course; He's here to sleep as well.) If that is what you're worried about, he could always spend the night with you, just to make sure you're safe. Well, spend the whole night with you, rather than breaking in late and sneaking out early.
Dazai turns into the bathroom.
You have the cutest rug next to your shower, one that always makes Dazai smile. A tough persona is applied at the agency, so only he is privy to your cute pink Sanrio bathmat. It's not what he would have expected for you, and that's what makes him smile. Your counter holds an electric toothbrush and has a lot of clutter Dazai wants to sort through. If he lived with you, he could place his toothbrush next to yours and keep your hair care stuff in the cabinet below. Maybe one day you'd let Dazai comb your hair, with a brush or just his fingers.
It's late. You're asleep. The same thought Dazai has been pushing down since he began the walk to your apartment fills his head once more. He's not delusional, no, but what if you weren't asleep? What if you were waiting up, just for him?
His hand touches the doorknob. It's late. You have no reason to think he's coming. The door opens slowly and quietly as he peers in.
You're asleep.
Dazai's chest constricts and he can't help the frown pulling at his lips. Of course you're asleep; He's stupid to get his hopes up. If you were awake anyway, you'd kick him out and probably call the cops. He is trespassing right now, at a time when you're most vulnerable.
Still, Dazai slips into your warm, cream-colored sheets, his hands clasped together under his cheek as he lies on his side. You're so calm, so serene under the dull light of a street lamp just outside the bedroom window. Hesitantly, Dazai's hand moves to brush a strand of hair from your face, the tips of his fingers experimentally tracing your skin.
His eyes flutter shut when you move closer. Were you used to his presence? Dazai likes to think you need him to sleep as much as he needs you. Sure, you could fall asleep without him curled up beside you, but maybe he was soothing nightmares. The thought made him frown. He shouldn't care, he shouldn't be here. His eyebrows furrowed like they had when he first broke in — this is weird. This is illegal, too.
A frustrated puff of air leaves his mouth, his eyes shutting more firmly. Tighter, tighter — why isn't he asleep yet?
He curls more into himself, feeling ashamed and embarrassed and anxious and annoyed and-
Your hand moves from your chest to his, softly resting over his heart. The small smile resides back on Dazai's face as he relaxes, slowly drifting to sleep in your bed.
Light filters in through your sheer curtains, the sun kissing your face as you quickly wake up. The blaring of your alarm was the first thing you'd noticed, rubbing your eyes with one hand as you turned to shut it off. Just a few moments of peace, and then you'd get up....
Those few moments didn't come to pass before you were hit with a boost of energy, sitting up in your empty bed. Of course your bed was empty, no need to emphasize it. You live alone, did you expect someone to be there when you woke up?
y!dazai buying plushies and clothes for you :) but since he’s a massive douchebag he ended making you cry about it (probably didn’t feel bad either bleh)
he feels like he need to coddle you every single minute of the day or else he’ll go batshit crazy
anon i thought this said MAKING clothes for u i was about to cheer imagine dazai with his precise and nimble fingers hand sewing clothing for himself during the two years he spent underground, patching holes in his jacket and such ouughhh.. his darling gifts him a sewing machine after seeing his dodgy sewing set up utilizing a single bent needle and a lot of patience that he doesn’t normally have… ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS TOO…… tbh tho he’d prick himself one (1) time with the needle and never pick one up again he’s such a baby or he’d swallow one
Kidnapper!Dazai who drones on and on about how hard he works to provide for the two of you, the least you can do is cuddle the plushies he got you if not him. That’s money that could have gone towards the betterment of your forcibly shared apartment, rather than some childish plushies just to keep you placated. Stop crying, that’s why he got them for you, remember?
wait hold on
He tries and be all sweet and doting, dropping the plush on top of some cozy pajamas he’d purchased for you that day. With a delusional smile he’d pull you into a hug, tugging at the hem of your pants claiming he wants a fashion show. At least the pajamas are modest — long pant legs and sleeves that at least cover your shoulders. The worst offender has a low neckline, but he’s sure you’ll appreciate that he didn’t go for anything too crazy. You’ll gently push him away, picking up the stuffed plush from the thick paper bags instead: It looks just like the one you had as a child. Dazai knows this, of course, like he knows everything else about you. He sits back with a smug grin, watching as you gently push it from one hand to the other.
The difference between this plush and the one sitting in storage at your parents’ home is the life brought into it: fur that is no longer matted from love and eyes that aren’t scuffed and scraped from kicking it off your bed at night… Wow, you missed those days. You missed your mom. A frown crosses your face as you turn towards your shared bedroom, deciding to spend sometime on your own. Before you can enact these plans, however, Dazai plucks the stuffie from your gentle grip, holding him high above your head. Your eyes widen and your face immediately drops. Hadn’t he already taken so much from you? Tears begin falling before you can even register it, too caught up in the sudden fear that you’d lose another part of yourself. Your parents, your friends, your life before this: it was all imprinted onto that stupid stuffed toy Dazai had gotten as an afterthought.
Yet, he continued to dangle it over your head. “You’ll get this little fella back when you answer me. Don’t you wanna make me as happy as I’ve made you?”
Happy? You couldn’t help but feel sick. With how long you’ve been in Dazai’s home, you knew expressing that wouldn’t get you the plushie back. The sleeve of your current outfit helps to wipe the tears off of your cheeks. “Fa-fashion show, right? Okay, okay,” you mutter while dropping to your knees, digging through the bag of clothing for the first set.
This is not your prompt but Dazai who bought a cam stuffie. Unbeknownst to you, the eye of the cute little teddy your dear friend gifted you fed video straight to his laptop at all hours of the day. He spends his nights watching you sleep peacefully; the rise and fall of your chest soothing him and giving him something to focus on other than the negative thoughts on his mind. Something about the way you’d pat the little bear on the head every morning had him swooning, as though you were doing the action to him. Weirdly enough, you always seemed to turn the little teddy away before changing… Oh well — Dazai would have plenty of time to see everything he wants to once you’re finally together: something he envisions happening soon.
this is not proofread bc i have soo much due rn... classes are kicking my ass!!! hope you like it anon :)
small insinuation of self harm
Dazai realizing he loves his s/o, telling them, and then wanting to tell the world ! He's very dramatic, so he repeats it religiously at the agency - a mantra that follows him everywhere :))
Until afterwards when he's alone in his apartment, heart beating out of his chest and feeling especially anxious. What's wrong with him? He didn't do anything differently today than he normally does...
He thinks hard as to what might be causing this, when the door opens and you step in. Oh, he's anxious about you.
But why? He loves you! He's quick to say it as you close and lock his door, and the feeling suddenly returns.
Oh.
He feels a sudden urge to break up with you, loosen contact, drive you away - Does he love you? He didn't want to tell anyone else (he did, he regrets it now). What happens if he falls out of love? Why did he do that? His chest just keeps squeezing, keeps constricting — feeling almost as though he was drowning in his thoughts. A moment of reprieve is granted only by the gentle placement of your hand over his heart.
"Are you alright?"
A few deep breaths and Dazai's heart rate is back in his control. Yes, he loves you, he thinks. But saying it is too scary.
Dazai just looks at you, a war tearing between his brain and his heart, unable to decide how to feel. His brain wants him to vanish: pack up and leave you forever so he doesn't have to deal with this vulnerability. His heart, however, wants to pull you closer. Never leave you, never let you out of his sight, always keep you within six feet of him to protect and love— and like you.
You pull his head onto your chest, cradling it in one hand as the other cards through his hair. "You can tell me anything, you know."
Dazai knows. But telling you he's not actually sure he loves you after his huge breakthrough what was merely the night before feels cruel.
It took a lot for him to open up and admit that, and he's not sure he can open up and admit that he regrets it. He should leave you - you deserve someone better, someone who can shout from the rooftops that you're theirs. But selfishly, he wants to hold you close and let you sooth him.
Seeing him still so torn, not moving as you hold him, causes a frown to come onto your face. All you want is for him to be happy and healthy and loved, and you'd thought you had a 66.67% success rate (you're working on the health thing). Like Dazai had moments prior, you wrack your brain for a change, and quickly land the same place he did: his love for you.
You smile softly, maybe a little sadly, and pull him closer until he's sitting on your lap. "Osamu," you press a kiss to the crown of his head.
He says nothing, just staring blankly. This is the hardest he's ever had to work to keep his heart in check, to stop the frantic beating. Is it hot in here? Should he take off his coat? Why can't he tell everyone he loves his partner? He does love them, he does.
How are you supposed to approach this? If you say you don't have to love me, he could go on the defensive. You just want him to relax. "I'd never force you to do something against your best interest."
Dazai meekly nods. Of course not. You always focus on him and his needs, emotionally and physically. You pack him lunches so he doesn't skip it at work and force him to eat dinners with you most nights. He just now notices the plastic takeout bag on the table - you must have brought that in when you first arrived. You want what's best for him, and he loves you for that! Doesn't he? Does he?
"I don't want you to force yourself into doing anything— saying anything you aren't ready for yet."
Dazai shuts his eyes tightly. Of course you figured it out. Feeling anxious, his heart beats desperately as he relinquishes control, not caring if you notice. Several soft apologies begin to fall from his lips quicker than you can stop them. The turmoil of this is eating him alive, and he hates it. Is running still an option? Does he even want to? The only thing keeping him from opening up new scars tonight is the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He's not sure if he'd leave even if you made him.
Fuck, but staying is so hard. His hands move up to tightly grip the fabric of your shirt, bunching it up between his fingers in hopes to ground himself.
You say nothing, allowing Dazai time to collect himself. Minutes pass, the food you brought likely cold now as Dazai just breathes in your embrace. A small growl from your stomach pulls him from his head finally, a small smile on his face as he looks up, seeing an embarrassed blush decorating your cheeks.
"Sorry, sorry!" Suddenly you're burying your head in Dazai's chest, seeking solace from your embarrassment. You trust him, love him enough to let him comfort you, just as he does you. A groan comes out of your mouth as your hands cover your face.
Dazai chuckles, pulling your head up before gently removing the hands covering your face. Your shoulders fall as Dazai's smile makes you relax. Whatever's bothering him won't go away over night, but you'll always be there to help.
"Come on, let's go eat," Dazai says, voice much calmer than it is when he's loudly boasting about his s/o at the agency. You don't mind. You like this version of Dazai all the same.
He loves you, he's sure of it. He just needs some time to properly accept it before yelling it from the rooftops - and you're more than happy to give him that time.
scheduled smth for idk 17 hrs from now give or take
it's a draft i've had for a bit now i am still sick and still haven't written anything sorry stuffeddeerers
Your blog is so silly :3 I LOVE IT
uehehehe THANK YOU :3 i strive to be Sillier.
ouuugh i have smth Longer than i intended finally finished
okay um HEAR YE HEAR YE w requests i try n do them in order ! so if you sent smth in and havent heard back im working on it ! or im working on smth else but its coming up !!!!! love yall 💪🏻
hai deer :3 anon who made the aro dazai ask here, thank you for the food 🙏 it was everything i wanted and more 😩
anyway, wanted to wish you well on your essay! i hope school isnt beating your ass too hard, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS !!!
also i was thinking of an emoji to give myself because i plan on pestering you for the near future ?? maybe 🩵, but anything you give me is fine
YAYYY glad you enjoyed!!! mmmm aro dazai good food
AND THANK YOU!!!!! i just turned it in so i'm back to answer requests :3 school isn't too bad when i have y'all to look forward to 😋 cheesy af my bad
YES you can be 🩵 ! my first emoji anon awooga i feel like a real tumblr writer now 💪🏻
do u have any y!dazai hcs?
it definitely depends on how i want to write him! i really like making him deludedly obsessed with his darling ❤️ like ohhh they love me too,,, they're playing hard to get, they're teasing me, etc - leaves room for eerie fluff (got smth like this drafted btw) where he just dotes on his darling while they're terrified 😳😳
BUT THERE'S SOMEThing about dazai who Knows. like he's a smart guy, he understands what he's doing is wrong and he knows you would rather be anywhere else. You freeze up as he enters his dorm day in and day out, flinching away from his gentle touches. He tries not to force you into anything, staying six feet away and sleeping on the couch. He loves you so badly he just can't let you go, but that doesn't mean he enjoys seeing you hurting. Dazai who tries his hardest to slowly get you to see what he does: that he loves you too much to ever hurt you. Oda had instructed him to be better, to do better, but every time he promises he'll let you go, he'll take you out on real dates... Well, there's always next week.
ALSO IMAGINE a harsh dazai who knows both what he wants and how to get it. he's manipulative !!!! dazai who takes away food privileges until you say you love him back; who pulls away and refuses to talk to his darling just knowing they'll feel so alone without any human contact and come running back to him... ouuugh he's the worst! he'll get a tiny mattress just so your options are his cold, hard floors or to huddle so close to him on the fluffy bed.... i hate him.
these all are if he kidnaps you ofc 😭 i kinda like a possessive loser yandere dazai who hates to see you w others but won't ask you out (commitment issues ⁉️ ) so he just stews from afar. constantly mad. still definitely manipulative, like withdrawing from you because you went on a mission without him (never mind that you don't get to pick..) or spent time with Anyone Else. he has to cradle you closely but if you try to take it further he just gets all pouty because what you have works, but if you look for someone else to date instead....
no matter what i think ada yan!dazai is unlikely to kill! (maybe delusional dazai would pretend he has no choice or he's just putting them to sleep ❤️) he'll definitely threaten, maim, and hinder the lives of those showing slight interest in his darling tho :)
urrrgggg hc that yan dazai pets his darling like a fucking dog or smth. just because he never experienced real love and only sees ppl with their pets so he's like yeah that's enough affection 👍🏻
my new years resolution is to clear out my inbox and reply to everyone's requests 😼 so im locking tf in !!!
Nikolai Gogol asks you to stay. You decline.
This is part of a series of standalone works about Nikolai Gogol. The rest can be found here including content warnings for each separate part.
general cw: yandere tendencies (possessiveness, manipulation...), very toxic, could be dubcon?, he deffo doesn't ask you to stay he more just tells you to, sorry! "deline" cw: above + solidly dubcon, nikolai is the worst, sorry in advance
Pinned down onto Nikolai's couch, he sinks his teeth into you again and again, littering your skin with harsh bruises as he marks up your neck.
"Don't leave," he nearly growls, pressing gentle kisses over the bites.
You shift underneath him, shying away from his harshness. "Nikolai," comes out breathlessly, the sound catching in your throat as your hands grip his shirt tightly to try and keep yourself grounded.
The white-haired man looks at you beneath him as his hands clamp down on your waist, holding you tighter as he moves his lips to your shoulder. For a few moments, Nikolai plants kisses along your neck while you catch your breath. Just before you can fully calm down, his teeth are right back on your collarbone and biting down with reckless abandon.
"Stay," he growls once more, teeth digging in to send another batch of shockwaves all across your body.
You whimper beneath him, thrashing tirelessly under his hold. "Nooo!"
Hot breath against your skin and sharp teeth grazing your flesh overwhelms your senses, sending you into a spiral while his fingers trail up and down your arms gently. It's hard to soothe someone while also causing them pain, but Nikolai's ministrations lead to your thrashing subsiding, chest heaving up and down as you merely breathe against him.
"It hurts?" he asks hoarsely.
The only response he gets is a feverish nod. Your eyes are screwed shut as your hands fumble with his shirt, clenching and unclenching the black fabric. It's an attempt to ground yourself, but your stinging neck keeps it from fully working.
Nikolai looks down at you, his eyebrows raised as he slides his teeth against your neck again, this time applying only enough pressure to be noticeable, ghosting over your bruised and ruined skin.
Monotonously, he replies, "Then I won't stop," as though merely stating a fact and not deciding your fate. Your breath catches, holding it for a moment while he lets out a low growl of satisfaction.
An unwanted hiccup passes your lips, tears spilling from your eyes while squirming beneath him. The feeling of pain clouds your mind, your head spinning from the sensations he's causing.
"Keep struggling," he demands softly while his eyes flare with excitement.
"Niko...lai," you pant.
The man grins excitedly over you, seemingly taking this as a challenge as he increases his biting pressure. Nikolai's tongue licks around the areas he's previously bruised before his teeth sink into you just right, breath stopping again at the pain. The action happens twice more before he yanks on your hair, forcing your head to crane back to give him better access.
A yelp sounds from you as your grip tightens on Nikolai's shirt, knuckles turning paler as the fabric stretches under your hold. You whine out a pathetic pleeease, tears turning to big globs while squirming once again.
He doesn't let up though, choosing instead to slide his mouth down your neck in search of another sensitive spot.
With his teeth hovering over your shoulder, threatening to bite down once again, Nikolai whispers, "Tell me you'll stay.” His voice is soft, the gentle tone he uses making your mind hazy.
You hesitate contemplatively, trying to weigh your options. All you have to do is promise you'll stay and he'll stop, right? That's not such a bad trade. Why did you even want to leave again? He protects you, always doing things in your best interest, right? Sure, he's hurting you now, but it's only because you hurt him first when you tried to leave. If you had just stayed in the first place, this wouldn't have happened.
Honestly, this predicament is entirely your fault, isn't it?
"P-please," you still hesitate, feet moving back and forth to try and maintain blood flow as he continues to sit on your thighs. "I just w-want," you gasp, tears still running off your cheeks. "I wanna go!"
Nikolai wastes no time in biting as harshly as he can, a yell escaping your throat as you push on his chest. He pulls back to stare down at you, eyes glaring nearly as harshly as the dig of his teeth a moment ago.
The glare drops into a look of adoration, a soft smile appearing on his face as well. "I must've misheard you, dove," he speaks as sweetly as he looks at you. "Why, I could've sworn you said you want to go."
All-encompassing is Nikolai's scent as he leans down to nuzzle against you, his nose brushing against the side of your face for a moment. "But that doesn't make sense, does it?" He whispers against your skin.
"Because," he presses a kiss to your left cheek, "why on earth," and then your right cheek, "would you want that?" He grins, his lips now only a few inches away from yours.
With a dramatic sigh he pulls back, sitting upright now while still on your thighs. "If my dove really wants to leave, then who am I to stop her? But be warned, any man you try to move on with will never be as good as I. You'll forever think of me - my lips, my teeth - as you fuck useless, unworthy men.
"And then," he beams maliciously, "I'll climb in through your window after and finally get you off, biting and marking you while the other man watches." Nikolai's hands dig into your side, fingers gripping your waist in a way that makes you yelp.
"You are mine. And if I have to watch you play with other losers before you accept that, then they have to watch me properly please you."
Dazai's playful grin falters as you chastise him once more, the words punctuated with his name. His last name, once again.
"Why don't you ever call me by my first name?"
Your playful attitude freezes at his question, your fake pout dropping as you turn slack jawed. "W-what?" A stutter passes through your lips as you just continue to stare.
"We've been dating for a few months now, and you never call me by my name." He plays off his words as a joke, something to fluster you, but with the way his fingers slightly pinch and pull at the edges of his bandages, you can tell he's being vulnerable.
An embarrassed blush decorates your face as you just continue to stare at him.
"I'd like it if you'd call me by my name, love." His flirting isn't helpful. From vulnerable fidgets to a cocky grin, Dazai (for once) inaccurately pegs your blush as a flustered reaction, likely feeling shy at the notion he'd now mentioned.
Inaccurate, because it wasn't a matter of not feeling ready, or close enough, but rather because-
"...What's your first name..?"
-you'd forgotten.
Dazai's eyes widen in a rare expression of genuine shock, his movements pausing at your timid question. The embarrassed blush decorating your face that had briefly fooled Dazai only began to grow.
You bury your face in the palms of your hands and let out a groan as Dazai begins laughing: a genuine, gut laugh that you rarely got to hear.
"It's Osamu," he says politely, not wanting to make you any more embarrassed. As you look up from the palms of your hands, you notice Osamu's soft expression and let out a sigh of relief.
You grin. "Nice to meet you, Osamu."