"Sad Talk"

Ramblings

Ahh, I miss tumblr and Tower of God. I've been worried about our research defense that will be scheduled next week, our teacher keeps dragging the announcement of the sched. I still play Genshin and have been engrossed again with Tower of God, mostly because of Khun. I also notice the lack of fanfics/ficlets/one-shot on "Classroom of Elites" so I might write something about that. BUT, I am in the making of a "Tower of God" fanfic with well, Khun x reader? I might post it here when I reach the chapter of the reader entering the tower, yes the reader has a whole backstory. Of course, it would still follow the plot of the webtoon with a bit of the reader's own story. It will be a challenge for me to also improve in writing. I'm done with the prologue and in the middle of chapter 1. I'm posting my rumblings here since my Twitter is kind of useless, to be honest.

Thank you so much if you read this and I'm sorry for wasting your time shshs

💜Scaramouche x Reader💜

A/N: This is a second part to the one I wrote before. You can read the first part here "💜💜". I'm sorry it took too long, I've been busy on school works. Anyway, hope you have a good day and enjoy reading.

Like the first one, there might be some curse words here 'cause again, it's Scaramouche.

💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜🔮💜

Scaramouche isn’t kind. It’s an obvious observation everyone can deduce if they can’t be fooled that easily. He’s an embodiment of manipulation, in your opinion. You saw how his tactics work every now and then. Putting a mask of a friendly smile and nice words before turning into a venom that traps the prey. Without even knowing, he would slowly devour the knowledge of the prey or worst, even its life.

Every low rank Fatui members are scared of him. You always notice how they immediately fix their posture every time Scaramouche passed by them. It’s almost like they’re hugging themselves to shrink, afraid that one wrong move would send them to the jaws of death. You can’t blame them, not when you saw how cruel and cold his eyes look every time, he looked at them.

So why?

Why did you put yourself into such thing?

A frustrated groan left your mouth as you slumped on your chair. It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since you said those words to him and it’s the last time you saw him too. Though you don’t know if it’s just coincidence but after submitting those files, the Tsaritsa tasked you to a mission to visit the city and look for some people. It’s an easy work, as you found all of them in just a day and a half. But once you’re back, you never crossed path with Scaramouche again.

Until you learned he was also sent into a mission in Liyue. You deduced that it might be because of how the Tianquan of Qixing, also known as Lady Ningguang, is tightening their guard against the Fatui and investigating every Fatui business in their land.

In all honesty, you’re quite relief he’s not around since you didn’t quite plan what would happen next or the conversation after that. But still, you’re quite disappointed upon not seeing the outcome yet. Even after knowing Scaramouche, you can’t say for certain what would he say the next time you meet. Will the two of you talked about it? Or pretend it never did happen?

You sighed, your eyes landing on the clock. It was already past dinner time. You started fixing your table and organizing the files you've done for today. It's already late and you know how colder it is during night in Snezhnaya.

You shivered as you exit the headquarters. Mentally cursing yourself for not noticing the time. You can hear the whispers of the wind and the noise of the city as you walk, looking for a food to eat. You need something hot to control the temperature of your body or else you might find yourself sick the next morning. It's always better to be safe.

You ended up in a small inn that sells some hot soup. It somehow helped you calm your shivers a bit. It has a mild taste, the meat in the soup filling up your stomach.

"Travelling to Liyue is such a pain in the ass, you have no idea how many troubles I've encountered."

You blinked as soon as you heard his voice, stopping in action. You almost thought you're hearing things until he took a seat in front of you. His bored eyes met yours, eyebrows raising in question on how you stare at him.

"You're back."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, finally. Two weeks felt so fucking long."

You wanted to agree but you keep it for yourself in the meantime. You just hum in response, signaling him that you're listening.

"It's kind of late for dinner. Did you forget to eat again?" He questioned, his eyes fixating on the soup.

You wipe your lips, "You know me too much."

He scoffed. "Of course, I do, you're the most tolerable harbinger."

A smile formed your lips. "I wish I could say the same with you."

"No need to remind me. I know myself and if you're trying to piss me off, not a good time." He clicked his tongue, leaning in a chair with crossed arms. "We need to continue the conversation we had two weeks ago."

You coughed. "Sorry, uh, so how are we...?"

"How are we? I don't know Y/n. What do you think?"

"What do you mean 'what I think'?"

"It's your fault, you didn't even bother to wait for my reply. What kind of person is that? Confessing then leaving immediately?"

"I don't want an awkward silence after that!"

"An awkward silence? You didn't even give me a chance to talk."

"I'm nervous, okay? Don't scold me and just give your reply, goodness."

You took a deep breathe, trying to regain your posture. When you looked at him again, his eyes look amused. A small smile on his lips as he stared at you.

"What?"

"Did it bother you?" He questioned.

"What are you on-"

"Did the thoughts of 'I wonder what Scaramouche would reply' bother you so much? You even need to wait for two weeks, I bet that's the reason you're late for dinner."

You didn't answer. Now, you wanted to go out for some cold air. The burning sensation in your cheeks triggers the feeling of flying butterflies in your stomach.

He chuckled, "Wow, Y/n is getting trapped right now."

"I hope you'll have too much in your plate, you won't even leave the office."

He hummed. "If that's the case, how are we going to set the date then?"

"Date?"

He cringed. "Ew, did that word really just came out of my mouth?"

You laughed. "You said it yourself."

He sighed, “I can say it's fair then."

"What's fair?"

"You also make me do unfitting things, not for a harbinger, I don't give a fuck about that. It's just unfitting for me," he explained.

You nodded. "I can see that."

"Good. Now, let's leave this place. I still need to go back to the headquarters to send my reports. Go with me."

You scoffed. "I just got out-"

"Just join me, brat. It won't take that long," he insisted.

You sighed as you watched him stand up and leave the inn. Scaramouche will always be 'the balladeer'. Although, that's the first nickname he called you. It's nothing sweet but for some reason it made you happy inside. Maybe it's also because you're expecting something like this.

As the both of you head back to the headquarters, the same whirling sounds of cold wind surrounds both of you. The dancing of snowflakes all around, surrounding every area possible. It's the same but a little different. It's not that cold anymore, not when he’s here. His presence somewhat warming you and the sound of the tinkling bells in his hat makes you feel safe and comfortable.

Before you know it, you found yourself hiding a smile but if you looked at your side that time, you probably should’ve known that it’s not just you. A small smile is also plastered in his lips, hiding beneath the shade of his hat.

This scene kills my heart with butterflies.

trans rights

Aww, cutie cinnamon roll❤

Khun: Your eyes are very pretty, Bam.

Bam, panicking: Thank you, I need them to see.

Diminuendo | Yoshiya Kiryu

Summary: 

di·min·u·en·do/dəˌmin(y)əˈwendō/

adverb

(especially as a direction) with a decrease in loudness.

“the piece ends as it began, a poem of sorrow and regret that dissolves diminuendo”

Joshua was his name. Joshua. Joshua. Your fingertips tapped at the crease of your lips, pondering of this man beside you and his significance to you. With one hand in the pocket of his jeans, the other was entwined with yours, the glint in his silver irises evidence of his mischievous nature. None of his behavior was familiar to you, even the occasional lean of his body toward you upon your first meeting, yet with a wave of his hand he paid no heed to your dilemma. Surely, Joshua was someone whose presence refused to be forgotten. Surely, there lacked any reason for you to fail to recall his nature; someone like him was difficult to let go, that you were sure of.

With a jostle of your shoulder, you clicked your tongue at the cause and opened your mouth to spout colorful words at him, only to find that your attempts to inconvenience his day were futile. With his arms crossed, one hand grasping at his cellphone, a wide grin complemented the frown you intended on sighting. Your name was what unsettled you, falling from his lips like honey, and he began to close the distance with a greeting that tempted you ever so closer to him. “Hey!” A nickname. “Remember me?” A question with an undesirable answer. Following your perplexity, there rose the proposition he take you somewhere to assist you in jogging your memory: WildKat, the café the people of Shibuya had been raving about since the beginning of time.

“Remember this?” You shook your head, catching the foam of your latte soaking into your drink. The owner mimicked you with a smile, his hand deep into a dish rag as he cleaned the mugs of filth, something difficult to be noticed once the boy in front of you shrugged and faced you with a wistful grin. No worries, he said, I don’t deserve to be remembered by you. When he stood to depart from your form, apparently leaving the responsibility of paying for service onto you, the back of his button up shirt became reminiscent of a moment where the two of you stood in a place far from this, hands in his pocket as his existence in your life was fleeting. The picture was blurred out with your tears, but evident enough that you pinched at the bridge of your nose in hopes of learning more about what you meant to him. What it all meant to him.

You slapped however amounts of yen you had left on the table, your chair whining in protest as your gratitude was shown in your compliments to the chef. Behind you, the chef once again shook his head, a frown tugged upon his lips entirely complementary to the amusement exhibited at his old friend’s puppy love. Of course, how could you have noticed? The world and its rules were diminishing around your search for Joshua–Yoshiya, Yoshiya, how could you forget how effortless it was to call him Joshua instead? How could you fail to remember your missing puzzle piece, a dear friend whose attention was only on you? How could you allow him to push you away after he cherished your existence, regressing towards an isolation from fellow children and ignorant adults before you first approached him? Joshua, what reason did he have for never coming back–

BANG

Your hands grasp at your forehead in the middle of Scramble Crossing, the mass of men walking past your form as if you no longer exist. In their eyes, you are the ghost teenagers shuddered upon, the memory your friends will eventually leave behind. With no one to help you, you are surrounded by monsters beyond your capacity, beyond your sanity, unable to recall of how you ended up here. Creeping towards you, their teeth glimmer in the sun, and no matter how much the thought of them sinking into your skin terrifies you, no one would know. You are no longer relevant, a loss that left more questions than answers, and God, you don’t want to die with that last thought.

“Hold my hand,” he tells you, your saving grace the form of a boy whose silver eyes are wide with the thought of losing you. “If you don’t, you’ll die.” Don’t ever listen to strangers.

Joshua is his name. Joshua. Joshua.

Mood👌

Robber: *points gun at Dazai and Atsushi*

Robber: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

Dazai: bold of you to assume i want to live

Atsushi: bold of you to assume i have money

Kunikida: now iS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT-

Khun Aguero Agnes x Reader (Fanfic)

Cruel. That's one way to descibe him. Khun Aguero Agnes is known as a rich and cruel regular in the tower. He always does anything according to his plan and do everything to make it work. Even if he needs to do something cruel, he will do it.

Of course, he's well aware of that. He's aware how cruel can he be. But that doesn't matter. His loyalty will stay on the team. He won't let his team down, never. He's always composed and kind of cocky. He's emotion are always clouded by his smirks and taunting remarks. He doesn't care how anyone sees him, he's just doing his best to climb the tower like anyone else..

He doesn't care about those talks...

But there's one thing in his mind that's been bugging him.

It was you.

The both of you are kinda opposite, he knows that. That's why everyone who heard about your relationship were just shocked. How? A girl like you? And a cruel man like him? Got together? Just how?

Well, even him can't explain it. It was just funny how you can keep up with his taunts. How you retort back at him. How you smirk back at him and just keep on fighting with your own words though you never win.

On the other side, you aren't that good. You're just normal. You get angry or mad, sad and happy, just like anyone else. Except the fact that you have such a huge understanding on everything. You understand both of the side, your team's goal and the other team's goal. You're just too...too relatable on anything. Shows too much sympathy on everyone. And that makes you a pain. People like you are most likely to be betrayed. And it's a well known fact not to trust anyone in the tower.

Though he can't really complain about that. It's a part of you. And it actually amuses him that you never let go of that characteristic of yours even if you have been betrayed many times. It's funny, just...how can you do that? You told him once that you feel mad about them but...you can't hurt them. And when he asks why. You just simply replied.

"It's hard to hurt someone you use to take care of."

He can't believe what you just said. It's hard? But they hurt you? Even if you take care of them, they still hurt you. Whenever he tries to prove his point on that, you just ended up pouting, saying how all of that are just in the past. That you shouldn't bother digging that up.

And he would just sighed, knowing that you won't listen.

It was fine. Everything was fine for the both of you. He always teases which you "sometimes" tried to retort back. He's kind of sweet whenever the both of you are alone. Though you need to get through his cocky mode and taunting remarks first before you reached his sweet side. And whenever he's sweet, it's always caught you off guard.

He would say some sweet words on you and then back on his cocky mode. He just like messing with you since he know where's the perfect time to drop the sweet candy. And he never failed on doing that. And you never complain also.

He smirked as he stared at the man on the floor. The blood were pooling the floor. Well, it was actually an unexpected event. Someone just got too cocky and tried killing him. He clicked his tounge before glancing at you.

And as usual, you were not looking at him. You're staring far ahead from him. You never moved your eyes from that place since you saw how his knife pierced the man's stomach. You immediately look away, not wanting to see the outcome.

"Y/n", he called.

You hummed in response, not bothering to look at him since you know what's on the floor. You hear his footsteps and soon enough he was now on your side.

"Let's go."

You nodded before following him. The both of you are just heading home when that man suddenly shows up and mess with the both of you.

Eventually, it happens. Him being dead now on the floor and Khun being silent again. You have notice it, everytime he kills someone, he became silent. It was not like him, you know that. But ever since the both of you got together, that became his habit.

Khun can hear those talks and it's making him anxious. You always look away when he do that. He was scared but of course he won't admit it. He was scared that he's losing you because of his cruelty. He's afraid that it would be the reason for the both of you to part ways.

He bite his lip. He can hear you walking just beside him. At this time, he should be holding your hand. But he was scared, he can feel the hot feeling on his hand, the blood from the man was still on his hand.

Everytime it happens, it takes him back to the day when someone shouted from the crowd on how cruel can you be. How the hell can you love him if he just did kill someone in front of you? At first, he didn't mind. But after seeing that one gesture of yours, he became more aware of it.

He was overthinking. He knows that but he can't settle it himself. He needs to know your words but he can't get the words to ask. No, he knows what to ask, but he's pushing it away from his tounge. Making himself believe that he just doesn't know how to start asking you that.

"Khun."

He immediately stopped as soon as he heard you called him. He smiled, trying to hide whatever he's thinking.

"Yes? What is it?"

His tone was normal but you can feel it. There's something wrong. And you know that Khun wasn't great at expressing what he's thinking.

"Wha...What are you thinking?"

As soon as you asked that, you heard a sudden bang on him. Well, not literally, it's just like you heard a sudden click on him, like you just manage to ask what he's wanting you to ask for.

A moment of silence pass the both of you. You can feel your nervousness on the pit of your stomach, threatening to flow to your entire body. You gulped, hoping he would say something until you heard him sigh.

"Everytime I killed someone in front of you..." He started, his eyes locking on your eyes. "Do you doubt your love for me?"

The cold wind of the night blews, making your skin cold. You slowly gulp as the silence covers the both of you. You're trying your best not to shiver from the cold but his stare was enough to make you to. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to distract yourself from the nervousness swirling on your stomach.

Khun waited. But your silence scares him, he knows that it was barely ten seconds since the silence started but he felt like it has been so long. He can feel his self, being suffocated. He doesn't even know if he's still breathing properly. He curled up his fist but immediately shake it off, gulping slowly he turns around.

"Forget it. It's just a random thought."

That's enough, he thought. He can't stand it. The blank look at your eyes was too much to look at. Maybe it was better for you not to answer. Maybe it was better for the both of you. Maybe..maybe he should---

His thought was cut off when you suddenly hold his hand. He flinched a little but stopped immediately to look at you. He blinked at you, you were smiling. A sweet smile was on your lips as you held his hand.

"Aguero." You called.

"What?" He asked, trying to stay composed, despite the fact that you caught him off guard.

You looked at him as you slowly lead his hand to your lips. You closed you eyes and kiss the back of his hand and his knuckle.

You opened your eyes, he's looking at you with too much confusion in his eyes. You smiled again, intertwining your hand to him.

"Were you scared that the blood on your hands will make me stop loving you?"

You slightly chuckle, shaking your head as you draw circles on the back of his hand.

"Does that one question from the crowds bugs you too much? Do you want me to answer it?"

He didn't response, he's still looking at you. Just waiting for the words you spill on your mouth.

You sighed. "I don't care if people look at me as a cruel-hearted one. I'm going to stand by your side, even if you are the cruelest one in this world. I don't care if they see me as a monster for loving you. Well, I don't like the idea of killing someone so I'll look away but that doesn't mean my love would change. It will stay the same as how much I love you since the first day of ours. I'll stay be your side. I don't care being the devil on everyone's eyes if I'm beside my angel. I love you...so much more than you think."

Khun opened his mouth to say something but words aren't just enough for a reply for what you've said. That was too much to hear. He just wanted to make sure but hearing all those words makes him more than sure. He sighed before chuckling.

"That's too much words coming from a shortie like you."

You pouted. "I'm just stating fact, you dummy."

He smiled. "Can you not say those words on random times?"

"Why not?"

"Just because." He answered as he suddenly pulls you into a hug. It was too fast for you that you didn't manage to react. "And yes, I love you too, shortie."

💙Xingqiu x Reader💙

Author's note: Helloooo. It's been so long since the last time I posted something here. I apologize for taking so long before posting this one. I've been occupied with my research subject lately and we've been preparing for the research defense that will occur in just a few weeks (our teacher hasn't given us any schedule yet).

This is a comfort fic where the reader is trying to comfort his beloved Xingqiu. I hope you enjoy this and have a nice day.

I'll start posting once again after our scheduled experiment on research, which is this weekend.

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It's been almost a week since the last time you saw him. You were always at the bookstore in Liyue, not exactly waiting for him but just returning some books and taking some to read before returning them the next day, it's a simple cycle that you often do during good days. The last time you talked to him, he said that his family will be facing an upcoming task for the Feiyun Commerce Guild. You understand it as you knew he's a part of that guild, so you thought he might be really busy that he's not able to do his routine of reading books in the bookstore and talking to you.

His two best friends don't also have any idea when you asked them. The last time they saw him was when they tried to visit him on Saturday. They only see a glimpse of him and hear his words of apologies. He's busy, that's the summary of his apology. They didn't really talk for too long as Xingqiu was called by his brother, ending the conversation. You sighed. You're not mad about his lack of time, in fact, you're just really worried. And maybe you miss seeing him too or listening to his voice while he reads his favorite books to you. You miss him. You miss holding his hands, drawing circles on his palm, you miss his presence on your side.

Early in the morning, you went to his house. But you only met his assistant, you didn't see any glimpse of him or his smile, just the words of his assistant's excuse and apologies. 

"He's currently working on some important paper for the commerce guild, I'm sorry Mx. Y/n, but he ordered that he can't let any distraction in the meantime. He wanted to finish the tasks as soon as possible."

So you thanked him and bid him farewell. But before entirely leaving, you stop in front of his house, waving your hand as a farewell and sending a smile. You have a small glint of hope that he might see it. A hope that you send your message clearly to him. You're not mad and you'll keep waiting. As long as you know he's going back to you afterward, you can always wait.

"Y/n? We're about to close. It's getting really late, you should be going home now." Your mind snapped back to reality as you heard Ms. Jifang, the owner of Wanwen Book House. You closed the book that you didn't manage to read at all as your mind seems to wander. "Ah, I'm sorry. I guess I will be going now then. Can I keep this book in the meantime? I will-" "You always give the books you lend in time, why would I say no?"

You smiled, "Thank you, Ms. Jifang"

You bid her your last farewell for the day before setting off to a new location. A location just a few meters away from the Bubu Pharmacy. The both of you would always go there to read books to each other, reading random lines from your favorite books. 

The scenery of the moon and the sun can be quite a sight. There's also a tree around to lean on when taking a rest and that's what you're planning to do for the day.

You stopped on your tracks as you saw a familiar figure sitting under the tree, the blue hue of the moon lightning his figures. 

"Xingqiu?" 

You called him. You notice how he slightly flinches at your voice, probably surprised by your sudden presence. He looked at you for a second, smiling a bit before gazing at the moon.

Something is wrong, you can feel it. The way his eyes match the emotion of confusion with worries written all over it makes you feel unsettled. You decided to sit beside him, staying silent for a little while before finally speaking. "Why are you here...at this hour?"

You asked him, but his eyes remained gazing at the moon. Your question stayed lingering in the air and you felt like you didn't need to repeat it too. You waited, discarding the book you planned to read earlier to the side. "A lot of things...happened," he spoke softly, his fingers playing with the grass."I need to take a breath so I went here, you wouldn't mind, right, my dearest?"

His golden eyes met yours, silently pleading for him to let him join you in silence. You wanted to ask why or what happened, but the look on his face states that you didn't need to. He's willing to tell you everything, after all, bottling all emotions at once is not a good idea.

You smiled, "I wouldn't."

A chuckle escapes from his lips, sighing afterward as he leans back to the tree, staring directly at the moon. 

"Do you have any fears, y/n?" You blinked. "Yes, of course. I think that goes with everyone else." "What about, something you hate and fear at the same time?" You hummed, taking in the question deeply and pondering your answer. "Hate and fear, you say? I guess I have some too. I mean, that's a very thin line. At most times, you can hate something because you fear it. Since it's something that makes you uncomfortable, you can grow to hate it." "I see." Silence followed his words after that. You rested your back on the tree.  "I fear...that someday, I won't be able to do the things I enjoy. That one day, I would face all the responsibilities and carry all the burdens for our family's position." He spoke softly. You hummed, making sure that he knew you were listening. You're there to listen to all of his musings and worries, like what he always does to you. "You know, my brother is a bit of a...slacker. He seldom does his work and is supposed to be responsible so I was the one being caught up in it. It's my role to do my own responsibilities and support my brother." He continued. His eyes drifted away from the moon to yours. "I'm quite tired. I'm not really...I mean, it's my responsibility but, I think it's unfair or maybe I'm just being insensitive. This is my responsibility, I should shoulder it but I..."  You stared at him. His eyes look distraught like it's unable to convey the emotion he's feeling. It's too overwhelming for him. Most of the time, he's too calm and collected but his emotions are a haywire right now. He doesn't know how to understand his own frustration right now. Why is he frustrated in the first place? He shouldn't be. It's his role to serve the commerce guild, he's a disciple of justice. What is he thinking? Why is it so loud? Why is everything so loud inside his mind? "Xingqiu." You called him but he remains soullessly staring at you, he's too absorbed by his thoughts and too concentrated on solving them by himself. He doesn't even notice that his eyes are already welling up to tears. "Hey, Xingqiu." You gently caressed his cheeks, wiping his tears away with your fingers. He blinked at you, his eyes slowly returning to consciousness.  "It's alright to feel tired. It's fine to feel pressured. Don't downplay your emotions. It's normal to feel such a thing, you're not being irresponsible. It's not selfish to take a break. Most importantly, you do deserve a break from all of it." "But if I don't-" "But if you don't do your work, it will remain unfinished and might just pile up," you cut him off.  "I understand that, of course." You continued. "So for now, let's take a break together then tomorrow I'll help you. I can go around and ask for the things you need or sign some papers up. When we're done, I'll talk to your brother." "W-Wait, why would you talk to my brother?" He questioned. "Oh, there's nothing to worry about. I'm just going to inquire him with some-" "Y/n, please don't." He looked at you with pleading eyes. "Please don't tell him." You sighed. "I'm not going to. Unless it's from you, I'm not going to say anything. Don't worry about it. I'm just going to tell him that I will take you for a while." "Take me?" "Yes, take you. I would take you for some self-care treatment. You deserve it and I won't take no for an answer." He hummed, his head resting on your shoulder. "And if something comes up..." "If something big of a task came up, we would walk through it together. If it's a small one, leave it to your brother. I'm sure he can handle such small tasks."  You smiled as he sighed. "Are you sure about this?" "I've never been this sure, my dearest." He chuckled, smiling as he intertwined his fingers into yours. "Ah...I miss this feeling." "Feeling of..?" "Relief, my love. The feeling of calm and comfort. You're my safe haven, y/n."

[ REACH ] SCARAMOUCHE.

scaramouche is awkward the first time he lays beside you, rigid and hardly relaxed when his body slides under the covers—you’d almost think he doesn’t want to be near you if you didn’t know him any better. you keep a small distance between you both when you see the way he seems to stiffen the closer you get, whispering a soft goodnight before closing your eyes.

what you don’t seem to see, however, is the way his eyes wander to your figure every few seconds, lingering over your face and raking over your features. you don’t see the way his eyes soften when you curl into the sheets for warmth. you don’t see the way his hand reaches out as you sleep, a little shaky at first—hesitant. he brushes a finger against your cheek as if testing the waters—and then he retreats almost immediately.

because you look delicate like this, soft and fragile, too easy to disappear suddenly, like you were never there to begin with. he doesn’t think he should be here beside you—but then you crinkle your nose in your slumber, and despite his better judgement, he smiles a little at the sight. his fingers run over the swell of your cheeks and brush over the bridge of your nose, delicately tracing the skin as he maps your features.

it’s not until you nibble on his fingertip as he traces your bottom lip does he realize you’re now awake.

“what are you—”

“how romantic,” you tease, grinning cheekily as your eyes flutter open, “and here i almost thought you didn’t like me for a bit.”

“that’s because i don’t like you,” he grunts, pushing you away (though gently) as you scoot closer and wriggle your brows.

“if you wanted to cuddle, you could just ask,” you giggle, and he glares.

you’ve always been bold, far bolder than he should let you get away with—but you throw him the bright grin you always do, and somehow he finds himself softening the harsh edges, like the glass is rounded so he doesn’t cut you as you reach your hand out.

“i don’t,” he huffs, “now go to sleep.”

there’s a slight pout on his face—though, you don’t think he realizes as much, and pointing it out would only sour his mood more. so you smile to yourself, taking in the way his hand falls limply onto the mattress beside him.

if he craves to reach for you again, to feel the warmth of your skin press against the tips of his fingers one more time, he makes no indication of it. scaramouche never reaches first—he simply tolerates your back hugs and linked arms, let’s you follow him around and maybe even hold his hand if he’s in a good mood. there’s always a disgruntled protest, however weak it might be, but just like always, he never pulls away.

and something tells you he doesn’t want to—something about the way his expression breaks for a swift moment before it’s hardened again tells you that maybe he needs your touch more than you need his.

so you flick his forehead, make his brows furrow and his chest ache with that smile you shoot him, the same one that soothes over the cracks the world has left in him over the years and fills them until he’s whole. “i would be asleep, if someone didn’t wake me.”

he hates that you’re right—but more than anything, he hates how easily you trust him. he hates how easy it is for his harsh glares to go ignored, how easy it is not to care about his bitter words and cold resolve, how easy it is to give and give when you get nothing in return. and because you never seem to care just how hard it is to love someone like scaramouche, you wrap yourself around his arm, making him stiffen with a scowl.

“hey, get off,” he says—but even as he pokes your shoulder to make a point, he makes no moves to pull away. it tells you enough, you think, it tells you everything you need to know.

please don’t ever let go.

“are you sure you want that, kuni?” you hum, reaching to poke his cheek, “you sure seem to like touching me—”

“i’ve had enough,” he grunts, “you can go sleep in another bed.”

“this is my bed,” you snort.

you’re right again, which only makes him ten times more irritated, but maybe…maybe he’s also ten times more in love. he wonders for a moment—thinks whether or not someday he can really bring himself to admit it.

so for now, he doesn’t pull away—and he hopes that’s enough to make you keep reaching out.

“whatever,” he mutters, and almost too swiftly, as if he wills himself to do it before he can change his mind, his arm tugs you closer against his side, letting your head fall to his chest. “i’d say it’s ours now,” he says quietly.

you grin, reaching a hand out to grab his, squeezing gently as your fingers lace with his.

and when you whisper, “goodnight, kuni,” with a kiss to his chest, he doesn’t pull away.

© hanmas do not plagiarize, repost, translate to other sites, or recommend on platforms outside tumblr such as tik tok

i’m posting this and running away bc i hate it lmao bye

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