They Fucking Change It...

Reblog and you’re guaranteed to be successful at whatever you do next!

I'M CHOKINGHAHAHSJKDKDJDJEBSUHS

Gabriel’s nose has been broken on at least 27 separate occasions and Crowley has a list of all of the occasions.

In no particular order…

Arrived at Beelzebub’s office without warning. Beez was taken by surprise and hit him. His nose bled for quite a while before they got fed up and willed it to stop.

Once in the 19th century, he showed up, again unannounced, at Aziraphale’s “discreet gentlemen’s club.” He was dumb enough to make some kind of homophobic comment. And was promptly knocked out.

A few were however self inflicted, like the first time he attempted to open a door and hit himself in the face.

And the time he miscalculated his teleportation game and ran smack into a wall.

And the time Aziraphale had moved a few shelves around and he wasn’t aware, and teleported into the shop only to bust his face on a shelf of Dickens first editions.

But most were done by other people. Once he teleported up behind Aziraphale and got hit because Aziraphale happened to be reading a ~scary story~ late at night and wasn’t expecting any visitors.

He tried to touch Beez’s sash or one of their medals once while telling them “how cute and tiny” they are, and they got fed up really quickly.

Touched a pregnant lady’s belly one time without her permission and said some freakish thing about when he went to tell the Virgin Mary she was pregnant.

Touched a NOT pregnant lady’s belly one time without her permission and made the same freakish comment, thinking she was pregnant.

Back in the day, appeared once to Jesus and said something ridiculous that the J man would not stand for and got hit.

Showed up at Sodom and Gomorrah and said a comment very similar to the one he made centuries later at the gentlemen’s club (he doesn’t learn). Of course, got hit.

Touched someone’s shoulder on the train to ask them a question. That person just happened to be having a bad day.

Tried recreating the “The Hills Are Alive” scene from The Sound of Music, and ran into a fucking pole.

Told a guy in the park (not Aziraphale) he should exercise more. Got punched.

Showed up unannounced while Aziraphale was eating, got elbowed in the face by accident when Aziraphale swung around to face him.

Told a guy in the park (Aziraphale this time) he should exercise more. Got ambushed a few minutes later by Crowley, who punched him in the face and ran away before he saw who it was.

Somehow said something so asshole-ish he provoked a Buddhist monk to break his vow of nonviolence and beat the shit out of him.

Also got hit really hard one time by a nun in a convent sometime in the 12th century.

And a Christian monk in a monastery, just a few days after that.

Hit a third time by Beelzebub for trying to kiss them after agreeing to “do some more human stuff, you know, to blend in,” while having their secret meetings. He thought they meant like PDA, they actually meant like drinking or eating food.

Was also once hit by a screaming Hastur who he frightened by appearing in the wrong room in Hell one time.

Was once hit by a Starbucks barista who was just trying to do her job, when he suddenly appeared right next to her. Not only did he have a broken nose, he also got some pretty bad burns from the coffee that went all over him.

Went to Viking age England, was mistaken for a Viking because he was unusually large and unusually clean. Was beaten up by a group of young Anglo Saxon soldiers who weren’t taking any chances. Aziraphale was standing on the other side of the road and saw the whole thing, but of course did nothing.

Appeared to Adam Young and the Them some time after Armageddon. They took it as a sign something was up again and without a second thought, Pepper chucked the skull from their hideout at his head.

Tried to talk to King David of Israel about his questionable relationship with Jonathan. Crowley was there (he was a member of the court, obviously), and got to see the guards take down the archangel as soon as he started to approach the King.

Appeared in the WRONG Soho establishment sometime in the 70s. Got beat up by a stripper who felt threatened by his sudden presence right beside her onstage.

Later appeared in the right Soho establishment. It just so happened that Shadwell was there at the time to pick up a late payment and was not expecting the sudden presence of a tall, obnoxious American behind him.

IM SCREAMING!!!!!

IM PROUD OF MY INEFFABLE FANDOM SSHSKSKJS

you young people have never experienced real homophobia before. real homophobia is ginger and miles from bright young things never meeting once.

How strong is Aziraphale?

Let’s estimate how heavy is the rock that Aziraphale is lifting in the garden of eden’ scene. Based on the footage we have, I will approximate its shape to a trapezoidal base prism (more specifically, its base is a trapezoid rectangle).

To discover the base measurements, I will use this scene (because is the one where he is closer to the stone, minimizing camera effects)  and Mr. Sheen height (1,78m) to do some pixel measurements.

Some math later and using the fact that two edges of the rock accompanies the junction of the larger stones I managed to get the height and smaller base of the rock, but I still needed the other side and the bigger  base.

For this, I measured the angle shown. With these informations and trigonometry, I concluded these are the base’s measurements. Now, for its depth (this one was hard and probably the source of possible errors), we need some considerations. 

Based on other scenes from the wall, we can safely say that this stone does not represent its thickness. However, we can see the inside of the wall, which is made of three to five layers of pre cut blocks. 

I am assuming, now, that Aziraphale’s stone has the depth equivalent of the first outside layer that we see, since antique stone constructions don’t use mortar and the piece could fairly “break” in that spot. 

Thanks to our adorable Eve, we have a scene to make some pixel measurement using her hand as reference (an average woman hand has a length of 17,27cm) and I concluded that the stone’s length is 28cm.

Using the right volume formula, the result is V=0,03087m^3.

Now, we need to estimate its density. According to some proposed locations, the garden of eden is  in southern Mesopotamia (now Iraq). Based on the book “Ancient Mesopotamian Materials and Industries: The Archaeological Evidence”-Peter Roger Stuart Moorey, the primary construction stones of this region is limestone and gypsum. 

The density of limestone (the most probable one) is 2711kg/m^3, which results in a weight of 83,69kg for our little angel to lift.

To sum up, Aziraphale is lifting approximately 83,69kg (184,5 pounds) without using any knee technique and without even looking discomfortable. Maybe the buff angel we see in the storyboards is not so off, after all.

The Blondes, it's ALWAYS the Blondes

Doctor Who - “Rise of the Cybermen” // Good Omens - “Hard Times”

My 8 year old self:

lol I feel like an idiot I misstaken “half siblings” to “step siblings” fuck do I need someone to proofread my sh#t XD

tropes i will never get tired of

fake dating

omniscient narrator who immediately contradicts the characters (“This is fine,” she said. It was, in no way, shape, or form, fine.)

deadpan jokes while swordfighting

the “I FUCKING LOVE MY WIFE” guy

oblivious pining that slowly escalates until A is going on page rants about how pretty B’s eyes are but still doesn’t seem to recognize they’re in love

Strong Leader Type having to physically fall down in order for the other characters to see how exhausted they are

funny villains who talk and make jokes with their heroes while they’re fighting them

the villains presented as the protagonists

*increasingly pulls out bigger and bigger weapons from more unlikely places*

“I said all of your weapons” *pulls out more*

“ALL OF THEM” *pulls out one last tiny dagger*

traumatized character using humor to cover up ptsd

characters going out for a break at a restaurant/movie/whatever and something bad happening

using the “*gasp* what’s that over there???” trick to avert the enemy’s attention and it working

a villain’s weakness being something totally random and nonsensical

a hero duo arguing over who’s the sidekick while fighting a villain

“don’t be silly, we don’t need [important thing]”  “you lost it, didn’t you?”  “yeah”

“what’s the one thing I told you not to do tonight?”  “raise the dead”   “and what did you do?”  “raised the dead”

“I think that went pretty well” *explosion in the distance*

Hey so I’m not sure why it didn’t post the first time- but uh whatever

I KNOW INEFFABLE HUSBANDS IS MY MAIN SHIP RIGHT NOW

But please consider these two -

They’re quite fucking adorable