shadyrainy

Latest Posts by shadyrainy

I'm reading the Gift From the Princess Who Brought Sleep novel for the first time and--

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARGARITA IS 16. SHE IS A WIDOW. SHE HAS PRESUMABLY BEEN MARRIED FOR A WHILE. HER FATHER HAD HER MARRIED AS A CHILD (13-14?????) NOT IN SCHOOL NO JOB LIVING WITH AN ADULT MAN AND HE TRADED HER FOR A NOBLE TITLE FOR HIS FAMILY AND HER HUSBAND AND FATHER HAVE CONTROL OF HER FINANCES.

AND YOURE TELLING ME

SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE EVIL?????????

she so deserved a 4* oml

yeah sure i get ayin’s whole thing about angela because of carmen but also LOOK AT HER. SHES LIKE A KITTY. HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT HER AND HATE HER FACE. he might as well be one step off from kicking baby animals for his own entertainment

can you love your everything too, for me?

honestly angela cares so much about others and especially about their opinions and even more specifically their opinions of HER and thinking about it makes me so sad every single time. she tries so hard to paint herself as unflappable and eternally unbothered by what people think of her because what reason does she have to care, but she cares so much!!!!! my special girl :( she’s literally so full of love and care for others and it’s such a fundamental part of her because it was such a fundamental part of carmen and what drove her to do literally anything she did. angela is so fundamentally full of love and im tired of pretending that she isn’t

The absolute Poetry of Roland, having just kicked the entire Ensemble's ass again while Angela fights her own demons (her mom mainly) then turning and clawing his way into the Light so he can pull her back into reality because he doesn't want her to disappear into the Light completely even if it would set everything right back to square zero because he cares about not losing her more than any of that

Reblog this picture of me holding a Family Size box of Honey Nut Cheerios? I’d really appreciate it.

If you would like to support me by purchasing my stand up comedy album “The Squirrels Get Fat”, I would really appreciate it. Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B085DB28D1/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B085DB28D1&linkCode=as2&tag=stupre09-20&linkId=844bec8af249fcef5cb526ee0ecafe09 iTunes: https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-squirrels-get-fat/1501015931 Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/music/album?id=Bxapwmit4c5guvr2pjq3hjdawyy

Mithrun ur so funny to me. Bed bound bc of seveare depression then excerise and a half assed routine just barely giving him a reason to be moderately functional. Thas me thats literally me rn

finished rereading dunmeshi recently

Do you guys ever think about this panel. Do you think about how in this moment he realizes he’s about to be killed by the demon and he is SMILING!!!!!!! He’s about to fulfill his one remaining desire, the one he hasn’t even admitted to himself, and it’s all finally going to be over.

Because I’m thinking about it a lot, in fact I actually cannot stop thinking about it

Bonus in case thinking about it made you depressed:

💞💝💕💖💗💕💓💞💝💕💖💗💖YOUR NEW LIFE BEGINS HERE!!💝💞💖💗💕💓💞💝💗💕💖💕💝💞

im rereading dunmeshi and this one page really made me stop and think. we know that he could just teleport directly to where her body is and bisect & explode her instantly, and he would be fine. we know he knows he can do that from the bonus comic where he does that. but he doesnt

i think this is a choice and not an oversight. we find out in chapter 94 that this whole time, hes been throwing himself back into dungeon after dungeon - not so much because hes on a true quest for revenge, but because the only thing he has left that he wants in the whole entire world is to finish being eaten by the demon. no wants no needs no desires other than the singular, unstoppable drive to kill the demon or be killed trying. and he really REALLY wants to be killed trying, to the point where at the end, hes disappointed he survived (in not quite so many words, as the chapter tries to maintain some levity, but.)

i think he picks this impractical move that's failed in this exact way before because the act of violence itself is more important to him than success. he doesnt actually want to save the world. he just wants to put himself in that things mouth again

consider this alongside the previous time he tried this maneuver. we never see him carrying any weapons, he always has to improvise a knife even though hes so clearly a knife fighter. i think the canaries dont let him carry sharp objects for a reason

there's this lad who was the captain of my football team for seven seasons back in the day (Gordon Strachan) and he is the most sardonic oul get who comes out with the FUNNIEST quotes and I ALWAYS think about Mithrun as a diplomat. and listen I know Mithrun wasn't invited to be a diplomat bc he's "not that friendly" but I'm just saying. it would be so feckin funny. he's sitting there deadpan while Kabru is literally crying. should I make more of these

Lately, I've been thinking about Mithrun and the ways he is dehumanized in canon.

Before I get started, we know that elven society is incredibly afraid of death and illness. This is obvious in how they look down on the short lived races and see them as weak and childlike. We also know that Mithrun himself had ableist views toward his brother and these values did not leave him once he, himself, became disabled. He is a product of the society that raised him, but I also think how Mithrun is currently being treated contributes to his view of himself.

Mithrun has had three different caretaking groups over the years. The first are the ones his brother hired for him. From what we can see, they did the job, but we can understand that they did not know what to do with him. No one had ever recovered from having their desires eaten so the focus was less on rehabilitation and more on keeping him alive.

Later we see Milsiril take an interest in him because of his desire to return to the dungeon. Since she did not bother to visit him for decades after finding him, we can assume that there is an ulterior motive here. Timeline-wise, this was when the majority of the canaries had just been wiped out. They needed more men, and Mithrun is set up to be the perfect single-focused soldier.

Honestly, we can assume that Milsiril doesn't really care about him or see him as a person. Mithrun is just a new project for her to play with. We can see this in how she's focused on superficial level concerns like the fact that he doesn't look nice and wanting him to be overly grateful toward her. She also talks about him like he's not in the room and can't hear her. This is a dehumanizing trait shared by many characters when talking about Mithrun.

When he finally does recover enough to return to the canaries, the military does not make any effort to accommodate his needs. We know the canaries are understaffed and the ethics are already bad, but they really did not even try to care about Mithrun's safety at all.

Entrusting a criminal with his care was questionable at best, especially when Cithis immediately took the opportunity to abuse her power over him and no one stopped her.

While acknowledging the light-hearted nature of the manga, it's uncomfortable that Mithrun was treated like a child and an animal by Cithis for her amusement. Regardless of her 'learning to respect him' later, the point is that Mithrun was taken advantage of and degraded because she believed he couldn't say no. No one bothered to do anything about this until Pattadol yelled at her.

Truly his treatment is summarized well by Milsiril here. Mithrun is extremely vulnerable to being abused by those taking care of him because he won't advocate for himself. He has one desire so he won't fight for himself in any other way.

It is obvious that Mithrun was not treated well by his caretakers and this has resulted in him identifying his needs through a disconnected and frankly, infantilizing lens.

I understand that it may have been a translator's decision, but I always thought it was interesting that Mithrun says that he's "not sleepy" which is a childish term. Otherwise, he speaks like everyone else, if not rather posh.

This, followed by the fact that he is responsive to Kabru treating him like a literal infant to get him to eat, paints a clear picture of the fact that Mithrun is not unfamiliar with being treated like this. He responds to it because he's used to it and has no desire to argue with being treated this way. When we consider the fact that the chapter started with Milsiril treating an older child Kabru in the same way, it is likely that she also did the same thing to Mithrun when he was under her care.

In these panels, we see that Mithrun does not believe that he can sleep without magical assistance, even though it is immediately refuted when Kabru takes the time to bundle him up and help him relax. Not only does he fully believe he can't sleep without external assistance, but he states directly that there is no point in him getting comfortable.

As Kabru observes, Mithrun's inability to recognize his needs applies to needs such as hunger and exhaustion, but it obviously also applies to emotional needs. Kabru just wanting to feed him something delicious and not wanting him to give up on life is the most consideration someone has given Mithrun in years.

The relationship they form over the course of a single week is enough to shape Mithrun's behaviour completely. Mithrun ignores Cithis's demand in favour of asking Kabru's opinion. It is Kabru's hand Mithrun takes to pull him out of his defeated state. It is Kabru Mithrun confessed his true desire to.

Do you realize how depressing that is? All it took was the new perspectives from Kabru and Senshi to make him consider the fact that he should keep living despite no longer needing to fulfill his duty. Being treated well could have helped Mithrun much sooner and this shift in the way he sees himself contributes to his recovery going forward.

TLDR: Mithrun has no desire to be respected, but why does that make people feel comfortable acting like he doesn't deserve it? Someone not caring about being treated well doesn't give you permission to treat them poorly. This feels like a playschool-level consent lesson: just because he's not saying no to a humiliating or degrading act doesn't mean it's a yes and therefore okay to do. Acknowledging this is the bare minimum of treating him as a person.

You know who should have had more interaction with Mithrun? Chilchuck

Dadchuck would have activated so fast.

Mr. Know-Your-Worth Tims who hangs out with Mr. Take-Care-of-Yourself Senshi all the time would have had that self-esteem up in no time.

I know people are just joking when they say stuff like “Mithrun is an old grandpa he doesn’t know he can’t say those words anymore he doesn’t know they don’t have any book tokens anymore” because of these extras below:

and whatever but like it honestly drives me kind of crazy. Like can we look at this for a second.

He was the lord of the dungeon for five years. Then he was being rehabilitated for TWENTY YEARS. That’s not super long for elves, that’s like four years for us, but that’s still a long time. And then he was the captain for another fourteen years, but he didn’t have any desire other than getting revenge on the demon.

Mithrun hasn’t really been properly socialized for a total of FORTY YEARS, which is like eight years for elves. He was totally shut off from the world, then he was rehabilitated, and then he was with the Canaries on a onetrack mindset to go after the demon. Mithrun was doing bad, he was recovering, and then he was better enough to be the captain of the Canaries again, but he was still not “better.” In all that time, the world didn’t wait for him when he was at his low point. It didn’t wait for him when he was spending all that time recovering. And by the time it’s near the end of the story where these comics take place he’s just been so far detached from the world. Like he’s most likely never tried to go buy a book token after becoming a dungeon lord. He’s most likely never talked to people and learned the new slang of the time, he’s never been caught up which words are good versus outdated. Mithrun is technically better enough to be captain, he’s better enough to have reintegrated into society, but he’s not quite adjusted yet. He’s been out for so many years suffering under the hands of the demon and scraping his way through recovery and trying to work to get to the demon that by the time he’s stopped and done stuff like gift exchanges or whatever many aspects of the world are vastly different from what he remembers. I think that’s a lot like a lot of people in real life too who have similar experiences. People in mental health centers or hospitals who spends even just months recovering can miss out on so much.

Does this make any sense? It’s kind of late so I don’t really know what I’m saying and I’m probably repeating myself but like Mithrun was at a low point and then he was recovering for so long!!!! And then when he’s reintegrated back into the world it’s changed without him!!!! He’s not some racist old man!!! The world just kept on turning when he was struggling and how is he even supposed to deal with that? Like he doesn’t have much desire but everybody is so upset with him for not knowing things like outdated terms or using cash because he didn’t know there were no more book tokens and he just can’t have known that because he literally wasn’t in a state to keep up with all of the stuff like that and now everything is different and maybe he doesn’t care because he has no desire to but like aghhhhhhhhhhhh sob sob sniffle oughhhhh 😭😭😭😭 Mithrun 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 imagine I’m shaking him back and forth that’s how I feel right now oughhhhh

i understand the love of college aus but i’m begging y’all to stop making mithrun an undergrad. that man is on his final year of a graduate program after a 10 year break from academia whose biggest enemy is his advisor that won’t stop assigning him to TA 100-level classes.

"Look. All your friends have left."

Or it was the demon who told Msrn that his friends 'disappeared' in the dungeons.

i think part of the reason i love mithrun so muchis that like. his obsession with the demon is so explicitly self destructive.

i mean he literally states that the one desire it left him with after it ate him was for it to finish the job. he felt worthless. less than nothing. leftover crumbs to be thrown away.

just this deeply human story of trauma and how people's reactions and emotions to it vary. i love how human everyone in dungeon meshi is in general. no one is perfect. its just so. ughhh. i love this series.

healing mithrun attack

General headcanons of mithrun and Kabru’s relations hip ? You can add some past!mithrun ones too 💗

Oooh sure!! Thank you for asking of course!!

- It would take them a couple of years to get together, Kabru realizes how he feels for Mithrun first but waits for the right time to say. Mithrun, however, after years of thinking “he’s a friend, a really really good friend who crosses my mind at least twice every hour, whose smile makes me feel warm, who i will die for” finally understands his affection for Kabru, blurts out his confession immediately.

- They would keep their relationship between closed friends, publicizing it means more trouble for the newly found kingdom and kabru’s prestige and position as the court counselor because people think elves are untrustworthy, they would be like “the advisor is banging an elf?! We’re doomed as a kingdom!” Lol. Kabru doesn’t really care because he loves that man to his grave, but mithrun is worried he will be the downfall of kabru’s career.

- They don’t argue a lot, but when they do Mithrun is usually the one to apologize first because it scares him to death whenever it crosses his mind that this trivial gripe they’re having might be taking up what little time Kabru has left with him due to the lifespan difference. They both desperately want to resolve the fight and get back to being lovey dovey as soon as possible lol.

- Mithrun’s parents know about his relationship, but they don’t care that much as long as he keeps it a secret and doesn’t disgrace his family’s name because in their eyes their son had died 40 years ago. He doesn’t see them a lot, once every 10 years or so, one time Kabru insisted on meeting his family if they are going to get serious, he begrudgingly agreed, a terrible idea as it ended with Mithrun teleporting his soup to spill it on his parent’s head and storming out holding Kabru’s hand after they made snarky comments about Kabru.

- Kabru likes to be the little spoon, Mithrun doesn’t mind this.

And here’s my headcanons for past Mithrun:

- Despite his arrogance, he was extremely self-conscious, always fretting over how people perceived him, how a strand of his hair was out of place. He spent a lot of time on the upkeep of his appearance like doing a 10 step skincare routine twice a day even though elves have naturally flawless skin.

- Most of his ex-lovers were people for whom his brother had feelings, he would specifically court them to “win” over his brother, trying to prove to himself that he is superior. These relationships didn’t last because his partners felt like his love for them only goes so far.

- Ever since he was a child he was made aware of his bastard identity, he was told that because of his silver hair and eyes he was lucky enough to be taken in and brought up as a lawful child. Because of this he hated (and loved) his eyes and hair, even though they were his ticket to life of luxury, he felt like he was reduced to less than a person, he was rather a replacement for their legitimate but flawed son. (Now that you think about it lol his situation was kinda the opposite of Kabru’s, who was literally almost killed by his father’s family for his eyes)

- Because of him being born from infidelity, he had to make up for it by surpassing his brother, in fact he spent a third of his life doing so only to be shipped away to the army in place for his brother. Just like that he was thrown away.

playing with the leftovers is your fate!! (♪)

you ever think about how Mithrun actually spent most of his life as a silver eyed insecure pretty boy with a lot of pent up anger and resentment in that 5’1 body? What was it, like 140-ish years? And how he’s only been in his current state for about 40 years now, which is just a drop in the bucket for elves? But it’s probably felt like an eternity to him.

Do you think he misses his old self? I think he thinks he lacks the ability to care about the past— other than the demon part— and he refuses to admit that he despises his old self but also wants him back. Lord, give him one more chance..

past!Mithrun wishing to be safe somewhere with no enemies that would harm him, and current!Mithrun doing risky things bc his sense of self-preservation is lost, is making me feel a certain way

might be a bit odd or a stretch and written poorly by me (sorry if its rambly basically) but mithrun has such interesting but devastating symbolism and importance for a message in dunmeshi.

(TW SA/ABUSE MENTIONS)

the goat (demon) being an abusive relationship that to you who is in it only sees a nice perfect person doing anything for you, only for things to slowly get worse and worse… leading to SA (it’s not actual SA but the imagery has subtle implications of it) and other forms of physical and psychological abuse.

this leaving mithrun in an intense state of depression, ptsd and other issues like getting mana sickness really easily, which is also connected to the physical disabilities he got from said abuse. and due to these states he finds he can not desire anything anymore, he can only feel empty, not even a desire to get help and only feels a strong anger to the person and tries to prevent anyone else from going through the same.

but he’s not a lost cause.

“so.. even vegetable scraps have their uses, huh?”

he blames himself for his trauma, he sees himself as worthless and not one to be desired anymore because of what he went through. and realizing this, realizing that he actually has grown a desire to BE desired even just in a simple way to be needed (helping with falin) he finally can crack through that depression. the ptsd is still there, the physical disabilities are still there, but through surrounding himself with community of people with different views and trauma has helped him realize he is not broken and shouldn’t be blaming himself for something that was out of his control.

he wants to do new things, he wants to live now and it’s so beautiful to see.

plus, as kabru says here how the desires being eaten is not what it seems like is such an interesting fact. sure the demon ate his desires he had in that moment, making him believe he could never desire again but in fact he could get new desires (change/grow/heal) plus, traveling with kabru, he did show desires whether they be small or not.

in this moment he showed full horror about this memory. now if he was loss of desire, then he shouldn’t even desire to feel fear about this right? shouldn’t he only feel anger due to the revenge? which once again, shows his whole healing journey.

he’s such a great character with so much representation, and in turn is also a character that can show hope for someone like thistle who now is going through similar things and is practically hospitalized.

there is hope, you will heal, you are gonna be okay and your trauma is real but it does not shape you as a person, you are safe now.

dunmeshi is such a great depiction of that

Mithrun's desire as an SA analogue

TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.

People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)

So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.

Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.

The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.

In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.

The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously.

This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. It holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. It doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, it takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.

Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.

Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.

This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.

There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.

In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.

Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.

mithrun's desire to live in a world where he has no enemies or people who'd harm him makes me so incredibly upset, but it's a very important piece of the puzzle. the guy clearly was plagued by paranoia and/or anxiety to such unhealthy degree that his biggest desire was… to not have it? i mean, pretty much every bit of extra material confirms that he had troubles with being vulnerable and could never truly trust others, of course, but if it truly was his biggest wish? (if the translation is correct, i mean). it's just. heartbreaking.

because obviously the demon was gonna use it, play the games with him: one day everything is fine and you feel secure and the next day something is starting to feel off. the paranoia would never stop. he'd build hidden passages everywhere in his home just to have safe places. he'd get rid of everyone in his life. turning his partner into a chimera who'd protect him (literally his own words), but still not trusting them enough to be in his bed. and after all these twisted games, after all these defenses were built, the demon couldn't care less of them, it just… intruded into his bedroom and ate right through his body, the last protection he had.

Dungeon Lords and the Human Need for Connection

When I came across these panels again the other day, it got me thinking about dungeon lord parallels again.

...And I spiraled until I was writing my thesis statement about how All Four Dungeon Lords (Yes, Even Laios, Stop leaving him out of these discussions) Are Actually the Same.

Firstly (because on some level everything is about Thistle to me) I thought about how the lion could have very likely given Thistle a similar offer when his loved ones started losing their souls/rebelling/etc. And yet, there is no sign that Thistle ever accepted such an offer, nor any sign that he used magic to forcibly change people's opinions, the way Marcille briefly threatened the party with while she was dungeon lord:

Instead, he ended up with the fucking dining table that drives me insane. Which probably means that either Thistle rejected the offer, or the lion sensed it wouldn't go over well and didn't even try it.

Making replicas of people doesn't seem to be an uncommon part of granting the dungeon lord's wishes. In his time, Mithrun actually took the demon up on it:

(Not pictured; the infamous lamia-version of his love interest.)

What makes Mithrun different from Thistle and Marcille in this instance is that Thistle and Marcille both became dungeon lords for the sake of specific people. Both were motivated by the terror of losing their most important people, and both told themselves everything they did was for the sake of protecting those people.

Because they were motivated by genuine love, copies or mind manipulation were not palatable. I think Thistle even in the late stages of his madness probably would not find these to be acceptable solutions. No matter how twisted, possessive, and obsessive his love became under the dungeon's influence, it was still from the fear of losing those original, irreplaceable people that he was doing all this. Even as his relationship with Delgal and the other Melinis fell apart over the years... even as he was left with only their soulless bodies... he would still rather cling to whatever was left.

Perhaps on some level, Thistle recognized the same thing that kept Marcille from following through with her threats:

Even in the state of endlessly chasing their desires as dungeon lords, they couldn't feel truly okay accomplishing it that way.

For Mithrun, meanwhile, the people in his fantasy world were a means to an end. It was all-encompassing insecurity and the pain of not being wanted that led him to become dungeon lord. His desire was not fixated on any specific people - it was broad enough and desperate enough that anyone could fulfill it. The thing is, Mithrun prior to becoming dungeon lord was by all accounts well-liked. But his emotional walls were up so high that not a single one of his admirers could make him feel known and cared for. The kind of crushing perfectionism he exhibited in that stage of his life often comes with a silent and equally crushing imposter syndrome. No one actually knew him, because Mithrun didn't let them, even though every aspect of his personality then was a desperate plea to be seen and liked. I think the sad truth is that, by the time he became dungeon lord, Mithrun didn't truly believe that happiness was something that could be found in other people. (It's telling that his wish was for a world in which he had never been discarded; perhaps for a world in which he never felt the need to put up those masks.)

In this respect, Mithrun is actually more alike to Laios than he is to Thistle and Marcille.

Laios was told again and again by the world that it was wrong to be who he was - that he was unlikeable when he acted the way that came naturally to him. The lion didn't bother asking Laios about replicas; those would be meaningless to him. Like Mithrun, Laios had lost all hope of being liked for who he was, but took it one step further: Laios had lost hope that he could find happiness in the human world entirely. At that point, all he wanted was an escape. To leave the pain of the human world behind and become someone, something, different. All he really needed in order to be tempted into it was the assurance that his friends would be safe.

All four of these stories have a pretty obvious throughline when you think about it: the deep, intrinsic need for human connection and what happens to someone when that need cannot be met.

All four of them were starving for connection. All four of them experienced alienation and isolation that made them desperate enough to turn to the demon.

Marcille (a half-elf whose unstable aging left her without peers) and Thistle (raised as the only elf in a kingdom of humans) both formed intense attachments to the few people they did become close to, and went off the deep end from fear of losing them.

Mithrun and Laios were both rejected by others for aspects of themselves that were out of their control, and tried to cope by developing masks that left them unable to feel accepted by the people still in their lives.

...So it's fitting, then, that genuine human connection is also what saved all four of them in the end.

(Thistle is a little arguable here; I personally don't think he died, but even if you do believe he died at the end of the manga- Yaad being able to connect and empathize with him is what gave him peace and solace in his final moments.)

Dungeon Meshi is about alienation and connection as much as it is about food and cycles of life. (Or more like, these themes are masterfully intertwined - food is used to represent love and connection over and over again. But that's a whole essay in and of itself!)

Mithrun And His Quest For Death

One of the integral parts of Mithrun's story arc is that his one true desire is not to seek revenge on the demon but that he.....

... desires to die. Specifically at the hands of the demon, who he felt didnt finish the job after he was the dungeon master

There is a lot of foreshadowing up to this reveal such as:

-Mithrun's lack of ability to care about anything. His hygiene, his physical appearance, whether he is hungry or tired. All of this is common in those struggling with suicidal ideation and chronic depression. As Dungeon Meshi often toes the line between comedic and horror , usually comedic upon first inspection, horrifying with hind sight , i think this is best seen here:

...Why would he lie? Except subconsciously he wants to die. Whether through inaction , literally wasting away, or the dungeon monsters getting him. His preference would be for the demon to finish him off, but his actions sometimes show that the goal itself is death, no matter what methodology.

-Mithrun is covered in self harm scars. We know that he acquired them after his time as the dungeon master because of this story extra:

- this is further supplemented by his fighting style in the dungeon. Every action shows he is clearly a knife fighter, and yet he is never seen with a knife. He always improvizes weapons or is handed weapons by his comrades during combat.

Some examples of this:

This is even played as a joke in one chapter where Mithrun reaches towards the ground for a weapon before ultimately teleporting Kabru as his improvized weapon instead :

- which brings us to his teleportation abilities, it is extremely reckless for someone with no sense of direction and one eye leading to a lack of depth perception to rely on teleporting himself as his main trump card in fights. It shows a lack of value he puts on his own well being or survival

Although funny enough, the only time we ever see this go wrong in dungeon meshi is this extra where someone else, not Mithrun, is hurt:

- the reader is led to believe that Mithrun's goal is to defeat the demon for the majority of the story but when he does face Marcille and the demon , his eye glows its original gray, signifiying his desire and he says:

Mithrun is not addressing Marcille, he is addressing himself and ultimately he realizes his true desire is death just as he is about to recieve it

So YOU have chosen death. I'VE failed. The one who chose death has always been Mithrun , aware or not.

Marcille as the demon's proxy kills him. It is his first death in the dungeon, in any dungeon . Once he is revived , he is a blank slate with no desires left from his old self pre dungeon master. We are able to see what has always been hinted at, and Kabru confirms later on: Mithrun is able to gain new desires as long as he chooses to live:

Mithrun must live and seek new desires, he already has by surviving his death wish and then choosing to try and defeat the demon.(as shown by his eye glowing gray once more) He is capable of new desires and will live and find new meaning

After all one of dungeon meshi's major themes is the cycle of death and life :

The main cast learns to accept death, Mithrun to accept life.

Its why having a passively suicidal character realize their behavior and make steps to seek not death, not just surviving , but choosing to live is so impactful.

Once he accepts that, he is able to move on, his final words in the main story show that resolve. When talking about Falin he says this:

At the end of his quest for death, Mithrun chooses to live. As the text declares : your new life begins here

i actually think there's some significance in the fact that mithrun wears oversized shirt with open collar (it most likely belongs to laios) in the final arc of the manga. i mean, not just that kui simply wanted to draw him in oversized clothes, lol.

in all instances we see young (pre-dungeon) mithrun he's wearing clothes that hide his body as much as possible. which seems normal, until you see what other elves prefer to wear: most of them wear light short tunics with no sleeves and they don't usually even wear pants. here's a comparison to his brother's outfit, for example, as they stand next to each other.

it's not like his fashion choices are unique, but it certainly feels deliberate. he doesn't add any variation to his canary's uniform either, but that's not especially notable, i guess, because a lot of canaries don't do that (i mean, it's still their armor).

but in his perfect world he's also one of the few who always wears this type of clothes. never revealing himself. sitting a little further from everyone else.

he even lies in his bed fully clothed, like he can't ever bring himself to let his guard down, never showing his "true" skin to anyone.

btw notice that his bed is a single bed, even though he's been living with his partner for 5 years at that point.

and that's the idea, isn't it? he never lets himself be truly vulnerable with anyone, even in his dungeon, where people are supposed to like him unconditionally. i think it adds something to the horrible scene with the demon: it's especially disturbing that the demon literally doesn't care how much of yourself you wanna hide, it sees (and eats) right through every protective layer. and we all know what the allegory of this scene is.

when mithrun loses all his desires, he no longer cares what clothes he wears. and in some twisted metaphorical sense it's heartbreaking to see him in a simple elven tunic when he's recovering, the one that doesn't hide any of his injuries or scars or terrible physique.

he doesn't care to hide himself anymore, but it isn't on his own volition. it's something that was ripped away from him, as well as his privacy (a lot of people have to go through this when they're in medical care actually).

when he recovers and enlists to canaries again, he starts to wear full uniform again, but i don't think it holds much significance to him anymore. or at least he thinks it doesn't. we can see that cithis forces him to wear frilly dress at some point and it's implied that he goes along with it (cithis is still an asshole for that btw).

at this point he's fully focused on finding the demon, but i think the sad reality is that he's always been capable of developing new desires. i'd argue that there are already some things he cares about without realizing it, in the main story. but what's stopping him from actually realizing it at that point is that he's clinically depressed. his disability makes his life difficult; he lives with the idea that he's completely "broken", he accepted the reality of living like that and always goes along with what others make him do. so, he doesn't believe in his own privacy anymore. it’s actually something kabru talks about in the adventurer’s bible comic, when he tries to help mithrun to figure it out again, to help him see the value of privacy, of choosing what he wanna reveal of himself. mithrun needed a reminder that he still has this choice like anybody else.

i think the scene where kabru asks him about his past for the first time is interesting in that sense. first of all, i like the symbolism of kabru unbuttoning mithrun’s collar and cuffs, revealing the scars underneath (a good amount of them is self-inflicted). he does so unthinkingly, but in his defence he doesn't know anything about mithrun yet. another interesting thing is that the first reaction mithrun has is covering his eyes with his hands. he's trying to hide. he supposedly has no desire to hide, but this reaction is almost instinctual to him. i think kabru notices this as well (of course he does) and i think it's one of the things that prompts him to voice his concerns about mithrun's privacy later. 

so, what about that laios' shirt he wears in the final arc of the comic? he has to change his uniform's shirt for something else because it's covered in spider's guts. it's unclear if someone puts laios' shirt on him or if it's something he chooses to wear himself. regardless, it's still symbolic for his change. it's not particularly revealing or anything, but it's different from the type of clothes he usually wears, and it's tallman clothes. and in this final arc we can see a lot of his true feelings as well. he's visibly mad at kabru, he shows concern and tries to help marcille, he helps kabru to break out of his spiral. and obviously, in chapter 94 he reveals a lot of what he actually feels and think and shows genuine emotions other than anger. and I think it’s the first time he decided to be open and vulnerable on his own volition, probably in his entire life.

we can see him wearing variety of clothes post-canon and it’s ambiguous how much of it he picked for himself. pattadol probably helps him a lot with choosing outfits and she also prefers high collars. but mithrun knows he can choose now; even if he doesn’t want anything in particular, he always can express his opinion or feeling, like he did with kabru’s food. he always can choose how much he wants to be seen. i’m just glad to see him wearing similar shirt with open collar and rolled-up sleeves on the cover of daydream hour book.