Preach I Don't Know Why Some People Can't Understand

so, today we, russian queers, may become "extremists" by decision of russian supreme court and thus our existence will be silenced and erased. any queer activism will be impossible for us. I don't know what to do anymore. I was heartbroken when they passed the laws about "gay propaganda" and transgender people, now I'm just numb. I don't want to escape. I just want to live safely in my own country.

please hear us.

consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about

Concept: A gender reveal party but AFTER the kid is born.

Like when the kid is 6 or 12 or 18 or 24. When the kid has decided what their gender is or isn’t.

I just don’t get it. How can our society act so goddamned normal about seahorses. How can anybody so casually accept that that’s a fish???

This is one of nature’s most anatomically perverse of all beasts. A FISH, like a carp or a bass or a beta is a fish, but it bent its body straight up only to bend its head permanently back down. It stretched its skull into a pipe. It tapered its tail like a lizard, specifically like a chameleon. It can also move its eyes independently by the way, you know, like a chameleon. Fun fact, it can change color to express its mood, like you know whatever does that. It doesn’t properly swim anymore. It buzzes its few remaining fins like an insect’s wings to float itself around at a snail’s pace. It lives its whole life clinging to coral branches or seaweed, which means it decided to become a “tree dweller” in an environment where gravity didn’t even matter anyway. The males get pregnant. They make noises at each other by rubbing some of their neck bones together. Every day, EVERY DAY a mated pair does a little dance and a little neck bone song so they remember which two seahorses they were. They’re a beautiful precious obscenity. Nothing so adorable ever made such a strong case against a logical creator.

They have as little skin and meat as they could get away with. Their skeleton is almost all they are.

[rough draft] Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion and Altruism

relatability 

the quality of being easy to understand or feel sympathy for

- from your own perspective

sympathy 

- removed from the experience another person has: 

 - currently not having the “same” experience as another person currently has or never having experienced something similar as the other person

 - always from your own perspective; doesn’t require imagination; ignorant of, or purposely distancing yourself from another person’s perspective

 -> suppressing the other person’s feelings (usually internally pushing their feelings aside) and at times also your own 

 -> can include overlooking subtle signs and only taking surface meanings

 -> act of commiseration - acknowledgment that you can not possibly feel the same way or truly share another’s grief, but that you can understand it (which may or may not be true) / feeling or expressing that you know what the other person is experiencing regardless whether you actually do (as in: no direct knowledge of how the other person actually feels)

 -> a lot of judgment; can lead to giving unasked advice

 -> often without actionable advice or additional input that may diminish the sufferer’s state of mind 

1. (a feeling or expression of) understanding and care, as well as maybe feeling sorry for another person who is suffering or has problems that have caused unhappiness (trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.)

2. (a feeling or expression of) agreement; inclination to think or feel alike: emotional or intellectual accord

3. (a feeling or expression of) support; feeling of loyalty: tendency to favor    

4. an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other [includes 2. and 3.]

compassion 

awareness of and caring about another person’s distress together with a desire to alleviate it (/ to help them)  

three to five key elements of compassion:

Recognizing another’s suffering

Understanding that other people suffer

(Having feelings for another’s suffering)

(Dealing with uncomfortable feelings)

Feeling compelled to act or alleviate the suffering

- can be sympathetic or empathetic

empathy

- removed from the experience another person has:

 - currently not having the “same” experience as the other person currently has or never having experienced something similar as the other person

 - always at least partially from another person’s perspective; requires imagination

  -> acknowledging both your own and another person’s emotions

  -> can include being sensitive to all kinds of non-verbal cues

  -> (at least partial) sharing in what another person is experiencing

  -> no judgment; just listening to another person

  -> possibly actionable advice or additional input that may diminish the sufferer’s state of mind

general definition: understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another person of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner

1. cognitive empathy: knowing how another person feels and what they might be thinking; also called perspective-taking

- concerned with: thought, understanding, intellect

- benefits: understanding diverse viewpoints, motivating other people, helps in negotiations

- pitfalls: can be disconnected from or ignore deep emotions; doesn’t put you in another person’s shoes in a felt sense

2. affective / emotional empathy: feeling physically along with another person, as though their emotions were contagious

- concerned with: feelings, physical sensation, mirror neurons in the brain

- benefits: first response with children and for our loved ones, close interpersonal relationships

- can be overwhelming or inappropriate in many circumstances

3. compassionate empathy: taking the “middle ground” between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy, and using emotional intelligence to effectively respond to the situation with loving detachment

-> taking the “middle ground” between cognitive empathy and emotional empathy thanks to the connection between thoughts and feelings:

 - considering both the felt senses and intellectual situation of another person without losing your center

-> balancing mindfulness with compassionate caring

- concerned with: intellect, emotion, action

- benefits: considers the whole person

- pitfalls: ? (maybe that it takes time and energy: both developing the necessary components and balancing act, as well as the actual act of compassionate empathy)

Important: 

Having low empathy doesn’t make anyone a bad person. This might be the case when there’s a severe lack of emotional empathy, which is true for psychopaths. However, they can still act kind, act responsible, etc.. So even that is disputable. Cognitive empathy is helpful in order to better understand someone, but if you can truly listen to them, then it isn’t the end of the world if your cognitive empathy isn’t that much developed though I recommend to work on it. Better understanding always helps.

Both sympathy and empathy are important in their own ways depending on situations. However, in the end it’s compassion that makes the difference.

altruism

unselfish regard for, or devotion to the welfare of others:

- the attitude of caring about others and doing acts that help them although you do not get anything by doing those acts

- willingness to do things that bring advantages to others, even if it results in disadvantage for yourself

Femme Fatale Guide: Tips To Become More Emotionally Intelligent

Embrace self-awareness & self-reflection: Observe how you feel, behave, and how people generally respond to your words/actions in different situations

Practice self-regulation: Learn to differentiate between your feelings and the actions that would be appropriate in a specific setting or interaction. Internalize that feelings are fleeting and non-factual. You're in control of how you respond/(don't) act on these emotions

Engage in active listening: Pay attention to what others are saying with the intent of understanding, not responding

Focus on emotional differentiation: Understand where your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and opinions end and another person's identity/perception begins

Display radical empathy and acceptance: Understand that almost all people's words and actions result from their own beliefs, past experiences, and current life circumstances/priorities. Put yourself in their shoes when attempting to understand their choices, behaviors, and times they come to you to discuss a problem, success, or major life decision. Accept that you can only control what you do. Very little of other people's actions/the world's workings are personal. Things are happening around you, not to you

Let go of your ego: View yourself as objectively as possible with the potential for improvement. Abolish any superior complex or overwhelming desire to prove your self-importance in others' lives and decisions

Remain open-minded: Question your own beliefs and opinions. Stay curious as to why you believe them to be true/authentic to you. Allow your opinions to change or have the capacity to modify your beliefs upon hearing new information. Understand your worldview and values are valid, but they're not definitively correct beliefs, just because they resonate/feel comfortable for you

Be receptive to feedback: Embrace constructive criticism as a self-improvement tool. Approach it with curiosity and optimism, not as a personal attack

Differentiate between your feelings and capabilities: Your thoughts are not facts. Remember you can do things you don't feel like doing most of the time (work, waking up in the morning, working out, etc.). Learn the difference between being a slave to your emotions and genuinely running out of energy

Please don't ask me for relationship advice unless you are prepared to receive some truly upsetting information because some people are ready for the "He's exhibiting the literal textbook signs of a psychological abuser and you need to get away from him before he successfully cuts you off from your support network" talk and some people aren't

Took this from Instagram because this is urgent US folks.

You need to call and email your reps no matter if you live in a red or blue state. This cannot be allowed to pass.

It will prevent anyone who has ever changed their name from voting (including their last name)

PSA info from my therapist since I started keeping a journal:

You're not supposed to read back in it. I repeat, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY WRITTEN. The journal is for purging thoughts and emotions, and when you read back over what you've written, you're just reintroducing those thoughts and feelings back into your head. It creates a spiral of wallowing in and perpetuating your own negative emotions, never letting yourself move past them. Reading your journal can literally make you worse.