The Whole, "K*lling Urself Is A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem" Bullshit Is Spouted By The

i hope everything gets easier soon. or at least funnier.

You gave up on me Michael. A naive part of me still believes you’re a short drive away, because I can’t believe you’d just leave without saying goodbye.

just talk to me. for once. i just want to know what you’re thinking one last time.

Untitled 9.12.23 (excerpt) - My head lolled against the cool glass of the SUV’s window, Bridgers blasting through air pods, the eternally grey world of Western Pennsylvania blurred by intermittent rain. I have the thought that my therapist is the only person on this planet who truly knows me. That she alone is whom I have laid my soul bare to and has been the only one to accept its abominable sin without falter. And even this yields to the fact that this is what she is trained to be. An artificial connection forged on the basis of years of schooling. No one will ever understand me just because they want to, nor just because they care.

the Gods answer things in the most wild ways. i made a new (old) friend!! here i was praying and wishing for michael to come back, but the universe said “nope! have this instead!!” and yk what? maybe this is better. turns out i can’t ever fully leave roc behind, and maybe i didn’t want to :’)

it hurts so bad that i am utterly speechless. nothing comes to mind when i try to write. no creative symbols, no metaphors, nothing. just raw pain.

why will i never be enough to be loved by you, father?

this.

I really thought I was on a good way to finally be okay, to be better as a person and mentally. But I haven't changed, I never will. This sickness has left my brain absolutely rotten, making me ruin every good thing I have.

I feel so helpless and cannot keep living like this. I know I'm the problem. I'm the sickness. I'm no good. Everyone has left for the same reason.