Me To Me : Hit Me With Your Best Shot

“Blood may be thicker than water, but shared community and experience are thicker than both” – Alice Austen Lived Here, Alex Gino.

In this world, we keep hearing how important it is to function as a society. We create arbitrary norms about relationships, marriage and gender, and thrust people onto a stage where their true selves can never be exposed - where they have to live a performance. Ironically, it those who perform their lives, their identity, that truly live – queer people, living loudly, who thrive as a community. From lived experience – however short that may be – I have witnessed connections bloom in under seconds between queer people in a way I have never between cishet people; mutual aid, a no-questions-asked kind of support, a sense of belonging, of security, of authenticity pervades queer gatherings and relationships.

As discussions arose about amatonormativity and relationship anarchy, I came to a startling realization that amatonormativity, however ingrained, dominates cishet circles very differently from how it exists in queer spaces. To be queer is to be a part of something much larger than you; it is to find kindred spirits in people ten years younger and twenty-five years older than us; it is to know that I am we, and we are one; it is to be tethered to people who lived a century ago who never used the words we do now, but lived our existences; it is to understand that who we are don’t start or end with us – we are from a long line of survivors who fought to be seen, to be heard, and thus, as a patient tells April Kepner on Grey’s Anatomy, it is our duty to practice ‘tikkun olam’, to endeavor to put together the rest of this broken world for our fellow baby queers. In the end, what it means for individuals is that our community makes us stronger, prouder.

And because of this, while monogamous romantic/+sexual relationships are placed at the top of a hierarchy even amongst queer people, it is not as much a fixed triangle as cishet relationships of the same type are. Because being queer is about finding our non-biological family; and the people we choose on our journey to be our people inspire our identity, shape our life, and establish bonds which cannot be unglued. Friendships between queer people transcend false beliefs about platonic relationships. Because of a long history of disownment, estrangement, and exclusion from biological relations and peers, queer communities are a family in their own right. As we see in Anne With An E, You Me Her, Glee, and so, so many other shows, queer people need other queer people – not just for emotional support, but to know where we come from, to belong, to learn, and to know what could be.

Unfortunately, amatonormativity does persist in monogamous, polyamorous, queer and cishet relationships – and it can only be destroyed with reclaiming our autonomy, destroying long-held beliefs, banning the institution of marriage (just kidding… maybe), and the rise of community. Fortunately, this baby has started walking beautifully (was that an intentional wordplay on ‘baby steps’? Yes, yes it was. Mighty proud of it, I am); all we now need is a village to nurture this baby.

-kpm

Could you recommend kid friendly critical/independent thinking/youth liberation/etc material and so on that we can get print outs of?

"like to do whatever, reblog to explode someone bad" yes absolutely we should do that but you know what else we should do

go to this website

Little Free Library

Take a Book. Share a Book. - Little Free Library

Little Free Library is a nonprofit organization with a mission to build community, inspire readers, and expand book access for all through a

find one in your area or search "little library [your city]"

go to goodwill every once in a while and buy whatever you can afford worth of kids books and go stuff every single one of these things full of them.

have a printer? print out kid friendly critical thinking and environmental pamphlets and other appropriate educational materials and shove them in there. who knows what you're indirectly teaching someone that could change their life?

being a radical is doing things that challenge the norms, standards and institutions that are currently established. whatever we do on tumblr matters, it's a form of praxis, but if you wanna get real wild with it, go out into the world and start forcing it to be the way that you want to see it rather than waiting for everyone's cooperation.

what is harm reduction in simple, everyday terms? (because i like applying social justice approaches to my daily life for authenticity)

harm reduction is "here are some ways you can do *insert something with drawbacks/something that could be harmful/something that might cause health issues* safely" instead of "don't do this"; harm reduction "come to me, don't do it alone" instead of "stop doing this"; harm reduction is "you know yourself best, if you're doing something with full information, then it must mean something to you, so instead of judging you, I'll trust you and support you" instead of "if you know it's problematic/unhealthy just stop doing it"; harm reduction is "I'll meet you where you're at" instead of "you should be here instead/I'll bring you here/you should work on yourself and change where you are"; harm reduction is "you don't have to stop doing or start doing *insert above mentioned particular thing* to deserve unconditional acceptance and positive regard/help when you need it etc" instead of "you need to change *insert thing* to be worthy of aid".

this can be applicable for drug and alcohol use, sexual/reproductive health, eating disorders, self harm, and so on. harm reduction is a principle, a social justice approach, and an evidence based practice.

Tomorrow's a sunday and I've literally spent my weekend the same way I spend the rest of my days and I feel this chronic boredom and it's choking me and I was so fucking upset and I want to cry because I'm wasting my life and not doing anything worthwhile.

I feel like I'm unwanted, to my family, you know? Like, um, yesterday my grandpa and I were arguing a bit. I was eating Lay's and he wanted to check what company or something makes it, so while I was eating it he grabbed the packet and twisted it to see and I whined and I was like bad manners, I'm eating, how can you do that while I'm eating - in a whiney tone so that it wouldn't be rude cause they're elders and I can't show anger. And then he got pissed off and was you have so many bad manners, you trouble us and stuff, and then I was like there's a difference between bad manners and that, manners is like please and thank you and excuse me and all that - I was saying everything in a jokey tone, and the argument escalated and my grandpa was like what do you know, you know nothing, you are nothing and that just, fuck, that just hits differently y'know? Something like that.

And um, later on, before dinner, I was lurking around the kitchen cause my mom and grandma were there and I wanted to interact with people. And I was trying not to block the way, but I accidentally did and my grandma was like can you both (at me) give me some peace/quiet/space ( a Malayalam word, that's a rough translation ) - and she's like I'm going to die soon from all this hardwork and stuff, and looking after you (me) is enough for that to happen.

And my mom has MA psych classes and she's always in the room okay, the whole day, and sometimes it feels like that's all she cares about, she never wants to talk to me, never listens when I do talk, always looks at her phone, tries to get away as soon as she finishes eating - the only time she comes out - even if I'm sitting alone in the dining room, the last person to finish. So due to all that, sometimes I go into the room to annoy her in between classes because atleast I'll get some sort of attention, y'know? It's childish, I'm aware, but yeah. And my mom gets super pissed at me and stuff. And it usually is funny, but sometimes it just, it just feels like no one wants me around

In my family

This is my mom's family btw. My dad's family does want me around, but over there I'm nervous of criticism and judgement and stuff, because yeah. And I don't feel that comfortable talking to them because I don't know what to talk about cause it's unpredictable what they find unacceptable and wrong.

And my dad wants me to go to his place cause we've been at my mom's for quite a long time, but I don't want to because my kitten is here and it wouldn't be a good idea to bring the kitty there for many reasons and also because I like the vibe here - the place's vibe, if that makes sense. This house feels better, this area feels better, it feels good. So that's also conflicting.

I just feel like I'm just an annoyance or a burden to my family. And I don't know, I feel super upset

I want people to stop being mean to me, and rude to me. I want them to be nice, but I know I can't control what they say or do and I just feel so fucking horrible

Why are adults so mean to kids

Why do they use tones which seem like they just want to do whatever duty they have and then get rid of me

It's like, when they're angry or upset at me, they say horrible things. My grandpa uses bad language and my grandma would be like (they built a house in Palakkad - a village area, a few years ago because they were planning to move there. But my grandpa wanted to stay here because he wanted to be there for me and all, so they rented out the house) 'we should've gone to Palakkad, I told you (to my grandpa), but noo, you wanted stay here to fix your grandchild, it's all your fault' and stuff. So they just say whatever comes to their mouth without any consideration and that fucking sucks

I don't have any adult I can open up to. I used to open up to my uncle, but he kind of betrayed that, used it against me when he was worried/upset about me, in front of everyone. So I can't trust him anymore. And I told him I'd never be able to open up to him again when we talked about the issue and solved it. And I have no one else in my family, no other adult whom I can be emotionally vulnerable with.

i love lgbt people with bpd or other identity disturbance disorders because its like… its so difficult to know where you fit in in this world when your brain is telling you to change who you are every single day, when your brain is telling you one thing this day and the other thing the next day, when you are constantly filled with the desire to reinvent yourself.

it is difficult even as a non-lgbt person, but when you have this identity thats supposed to be static but doesnt feel static to you at all then its just all the harder, you feel like youre faking but you deep down know that youre not, yet your labels keep changing and it makes it hard to convince the outside world of who you are and to convince them to take you seriously

all my love goes out to us lgbt people with identity disturbance disorders, we struggle so hard but itll get easier with time

thoughts i had/have as a person with BPD that I need to let out or might drown me with guilt and shame:

I want to break up with my best friends because they both have romantic partners now; and they don't like my write-up posts anymore and they don't interact with my insta anymore. Because i feel like something has changed between us after the last time i broke up with them when I was drunk and having a breakdown

I want to cut out a friend of mine who hasn't spoken to me in a long while, even to my happy birthday message on her birthday; but i see that she hangs out with others because a mutual friend posts pictures of them having out and clubbing together

I feel chronic loneliness and i hate everybody.

I want to die because i want to break up with everyone and that's not possible without death.

It's 5:30 AM and someone took away my favorite pillow, the only which is comfortable and suits my neck and I'm thirsty and there's no water bottle in my room and I can't go it rn and wceeytgubt feel so WRING AND I WANT TO DIE

me, doing anything :

my family : what are you doing/why are you doing that/why are you doing that right now/do you have to do that/don't do that

me, eating something :

my family : what are you eating/why are you eating it now/do you have to eat that/why did you not ask us before finishing it, you're so selfish/don't do that

me, unable to do simple things without asking for permission because I want to avoid being questioned and criticised :

my family : why do you ask us everything, you should make your own decisions and be independent, you shouldn't be asking permission for such silly things

me : 👁️ 👄 👁️

She and I : discusses what to post on activism account, decides on bpd info reel

I : work hard on it, and lists one description which goes "congratulated only with one word and no emoji?? Etcetc, time to grab the red marker" and sends it to her cause it's my first time making one and I thrive on reassurance

She : it's nice

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF READING ALL THOSE FUCKING THINGS I WROTE ABOUT BPD THEN IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO APPLY THEM YO, I LITERALLY *JUST* MENTIONED HOW ONE WORD ANSWERS LIKE THAT TRIGGER NY BPD AND SHE GIES AND DOES JUST THAT LIKE WHY