I Hate The Idea That I've Hurt Somone, I Can't Stand Thinking That I'm The Reason Somome Has Cried Or

Wet socks are so uncomfortable😭

NOT MY ART

Hello all I hope your having a lovley evening day or night, im just posting these pictures here because I need help on a character. I was just wondering what one may describe the clothing the characters are wearing as or what aesthetic it may be. Ive tried clown and jester but it hasnt really helped so im seeking help here, any help would be very appreciated<33 if I had to choose the one most accurate to what im imagining I'd say 4 and 3.

“I don’t want people to be worried about me. There’s nothing to worry about. I don’t want people to try and understand why I’m the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I don’t understand yet. I don’t want people to interfere. I don’t want people in my head, picking out this and that, permanently picking up the broken pieces of me.”

- Tori Spring, Solitaire (2014)

Cheese

I think I've realised I'm bad luck. Everyone I meet every person I interact with as soon as I come into their lives. It all seems to turn to shit. Every second everyday I'm tourmented with paranoia that gets worse with people and I've found that that it manifests itself and fucks up other people's life. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, and I honestly wish they'd see that too, I think I have attachment issues because as soon as I befriend or come close with someone, I instantly desire to leave them, somtimes for selfish intent and somtimes for altruism but none the less I always do. I wish I had the guts to cut people of cold because as soon as I enter somones life as nice as I try to be I fuck up everyone around me without trying. I don't think I want to do that again. I dont think anyone deserves that, and I dont think I deserve anyone else. No one seems to be able to see that eventually, I'll just end up dragging people down. I'm a very avid reality thinker I often think of every conceivable reality where maybe things could be different but I know everyones life would be better if I wasnt in it, I'd rather they pain staklingly get support then wallow in their sadness while I coddle them, I've given up on myself and so should they. Im the losing dog that people bet on, and unbeknownst to them, they shouldn't.[Not my art] [Oc writing read desc for context]

I always feel like I do something wrong for talking about how I'm feeling idk why

I really love my husband, wilbur. That's about it.[Were married on discord]

I want to experience a million realities in one. I often wonder what my life would be like if i had made different actions if i had made different choices, different desires, and goals. I feel quite tethered to my universe sometimes, i mean.... I've just made these choices, and that's it, i can never go back, never un do never see what might have been? It feels funny that everything you do once you do it is just set in stone. My name is [......] but i dont quite like my name, so you can call me Ell,Victoria,Tori, or Jane. I've claimed lots of names as you can see, none of them being mine. But back to what i was saying, why must everything be how it is? Why must everything just....be? As much as my will to do anything has died, i still bere fading interests. I want there to be a reality where im a teacher, a poet, an author, a jazz artist, a painter, an illustrator why must I be a tired girl who cant acheive anything or do anything at all. If it's not become apparant, i have many dying interests. I think the only one im still passionate about is writing....and reading.. that's about it. Not even just passions and hobbies why cant there be a reality where i have longer hair, smaller eyes, a nicer body, more feminine features? Why are we tethered to one body one mind one reality? It seems like a rather silly question if you believe in past lives, but even those dont fufill what I mean. Even if i was all these things in another universe, im destined not to remember them. It doesn't matter much i guess. I dont feel in tune with any of those things anyway. I dont quite know what i want from the world because if i were to rembember all these other lifes I'd probably go crazy in worry about the next one but then again im already borderlining on crazy so whats one more reality with it?[Not my art]

I've always really liked the rain. I don't know why so many people think of it as a sort of burden. It's quite corny, but I'd like to just sit in the rain and hear it hit the top of my umbrella as i read or listen to music or something. I like to come up with reasons as to why we have the rain [of course, I know the scientific reason but the fantasy ones are so much more fun] My favourite one is the rain comes from the weeping of a villain who's just found their town destroyed they expected to be the hero but along the way, they were broken till they got blindsided by their goal, without realizing they were the downfall of their once lovely town. I think the rain is quite romantic, to be honest. All the most meaningful moments im movies usually happen in the rain or witt a rain like atmosphere at least. I would rather enjoy the sound of it on Windows, too. It's soothing in a way.. Lots of people say they hate the rain and that's fine but who hasnt sat in a car on a long drive watching the trees cars and the world pass by them as the rain falls almost In slow motion tapping on the car and windows lightly.. it's corny, I know, but still. I like to put on soft music and listen to it and the rain. It's also just very calming when you're busy working or writing. Has anyone ever taken a good look at the rain? oh, to sit in a room and stare as the raindrops slide down your window. Sometimes, I imagine that the raindrops are in a sort of race, and I start rooting for one, but then my raindrop starts and is losing. I go onto another one like abt sleazy manager would. I know that's quite silly, but I quite like it, i guess. I'm fine with liking the rain, although lots of kids say it gives the main character syndrome, which makes me want to drop dead. I wish I could go out in the rain and sit quietly and read even if it's just for a split second. Most people would call me cringe as if just letting me enjoy what I like is so hard. They'll say it's pick-me behaviour when people want to dance in the rain wich I don't get why, I think Dancing in the Rain looks quite therapeutic- of course with a raincoat and a sweater on. people should try it rather than judging others for wanting to do it. Rain is lovely, and I will stand by that opinion until the day that I finally die. The villain would, too.[Not my art]

Every so often, I am reminded of my dysfunctional brain as it scrambles to remember thoughts that I feel that I do not have anymore and have lost in the deep sea of changing desires and misery and Like my sanity my brain is slowly decaying with every passing day as I have denied myself a rose coloured life and wallow in the tainted window of my own self reflection and hinder on every small detail of every small thing I did to mess up. Everything in the world is my fault. If I can't save everyone, then I dont deserve saving.[Not my art]