I Was Doing An Online Quiz My Teacher Gave Me And Uh...

the line that hooked me in, I knew I was gonna be fan after this LOL he's so cute 🐶💙

CONFIRMED THEYRE REMAKINF AC1???????????????

Y'all know what? I was bummed out bc I don't have Diluc and I was complaining to my friend about it. I was also writing a Diluc x reader ff cuz I was salty about it. And I played Genshin Impact all fucking night cuz why tf not? Who needs sleep anyway?

At literally 3 am I decided "Why not roll?"

First 10 rolls, I got Fishcl. Aight fine. I decide to roll again (and waste almost all my primos huhu) and it was after I got my fortune Seelie cuz I heard you get lucky with it and I SAW A GOLD LINE

YES, MY HUSBAND CAME HOME. I SCREAMED AT 3 FUCKING AM. 2021 STARTING OFF REAL GOOD FOR ME PEEPS

Barbatos Is So Pretty

You cannot tell me that he isn't pretty. He's even prettier than Asmo! Fuck getting that simeon card! I need to have this card

GN! MC

You spit out your beverage as you stare at Barbatos with wide eyes who's apparently now a woman. Yes. A woman. The butler notices your staring and sighs, knowing that you're staring at him because he's now the opposite gender. "MC, I know that I've changed into a woman but staring is considered rude, you know?"

You quickly snap back to reality and turn away, laughing nervously. "Ahaha, well, I can't help it."

Barbatos sighs once again but smiles nonetheless. "It's fine. It's understandable why you stare but I appreciate it if you don't. Anyway, I'll be off."

You take one last look at Barbatos, watching as he walks away until he's no longer within your sight. Then, you immediately combust, face turning red and you bury your face in your hands.

'He's so pretty!', you thought.

Yes, he was extremely pretty, prettier than Asmodeus even. With his long hair flowing so nicely as he walks, his lips looking softer and plumper than before and his face so feminine and beautiful that you couldn't help but want to touch. He was so beautiful as a woman that you're now questioning if you like him better as a man or a woman.

"Yo!" A hand harshly hits your back, making you jump.

You turn to face Solomon who's looking at you with a smirk. He then puts a hand on your shoulder and leans towards you. "So, what did you think of Barbatos' new look?"

"What?" It took you a while to register his words. "Wait, you did that?"

"Yes, but not intentionally. You see, I was trying out a new spell to make one disintegrate into thin air but I must've put in the wrong ingredient because while I was going to test it on some random demon asshole, I accidentally bumped into Barbatos because I was in a hurry and now here we are." The wizard explains.

"I'm surprised he isn't angry."

"I'm more surprised he hasn't killed me yet."

Internally, you are praising and thanking Solomon for blessing you with such a thing because Barbatos is so fucking pretty as a woman. As if your friend can read your mind, he smirks and pokes your cheek. "You like him better this way, don't you?"

Your face is immediately flaming once again. "N-No! W-Well... Maybe..."

Solomon's smirk widens. "Oh?"

"You can't blame me! He looks so pretty that I... I, well... Gah! Forget it!" You get flustered when you remember Barbatos again.

"C'mon. Don't tell me you weren't looking."

"I am looking respectfully!"

"Liar."

"Shush!"

You cover your face again and shout out incoherent sentences but if Solomon had to guess, he bets you were saying something like, "Barbatos is so pretty, it's not fair."

The wizard laughs and pats your back. "Let it all out, buddy. I gotta admit, if he were a woman, I'd totally try and woo him. Definitely my type."

You turn your head towards Solomon so quickly you might as well be the Flash. "How dare you."

"Just because I say I'd fuck him, doesn't mean I'd actually do that." He laughs, making you glare at him.

Sure, not like you wouldn't do the same.

AFTER A LOT OF GRINDING AND A LOT OF LOSING

I FINALLY HAVE BARBATOS' ANIMAL OUTFIT

SOLOMON, I'M COMING FOR YOUR CARD NEXT

Solomon and MC being crackheads

"Hey, where's MC?" Lucifer asks, papers in his hand.

"In their room." Satan's attention is diverted to the papers. "Hey, what are those?"

"These are the essays Lord Diavolo wish for MC to write. He wanted to read different opinions from each species but the topics he had chosen are so ridiculous that I could barely take him seriously." Lucifer sighs and shakes his head, making Satan chuckle.

"And what are the topics he had chosen?"

"...Teddy bears, rocks, swings and bags."

If Satan had a cup of tea, he would either choke on it or spit it out but either way, he ended up bursting out of laughter. "May I say, holy shit! Those are the most random topics I've heard in a while!"

The firstborn sighs and leaves his younger brother to his laughing fit. Approaching towards his human housemate's room, he swore he could hear another voice but he brushes it off, thinking that you were imitating someone else and by that someone else, he means some random people online yelling 'yeet' or 'oh, hi. Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage' or anything of the sort this fossil couldn't care to understand. Well, even if he did care, his old mind cannot handle the millennial jokes.

Raising his hand to knock on the door, he stops when he heard a familiar voice. 'It sounded like Solomon', he thought but shakes his head. Maybe he's imagining it which is something he highly thinks is possible seemingly that he's so sleep deprived that he can't think straight most of the times.

But when his knocks went unanswered, he grows impatient. "I'm coming in!"

Upon opening the great wooden barrier between your room and the horrible outside world, there stood both you and Solomon. One of Lucifer's stolen cloak draped around your shoulders, a mask covering the top part of your face and your hands covered with black gloves. Solomon, on the other hand, is wearing one of Asmodeus's dress and a wig.

"Sing, my angel! SING!" Your voice horribly deep and your singing is not making up for it as it sounds like a dying walrus.

Not that the sorcerer was any good. His high-pitched singing sounds like a screeching banshee and nails scraping a blackboard combined but somehow, the both of you weren't bothered by the fact. Well, no shit. Both of you are horrible singers that are perfectly in terrible sync. I'm sure you can make the Demon King pray to God for you two to stop and even then, God wouldn't even be much of a help since your singing might blow up his eardrums so the Demon King's prayers would go unanswered.

Which is true to my statement when Lucifer himself is covering his ears and maybe silently praying to his father that you two would stop to which you two didn't.

"What the blazes? What the hell are you two doing? And how did you get in here Solomon?" The prideful demon asks, not taking off his hands off his ears in fear that you might use your majestic (not) voice to make him deaf.

"I have my own ways." Solomon places a hand on his hip, the dress perfectly fitting his muscular but feminine figure. Someone, please draw this.

"What'chu here for, Lucifer?" You ask.

"Oh, yeah." Your singing might've caused him a small brain damage. "These are the essays you need to do. Lord Diavolo's-"

"Fuck that!" You curse, cutting off the demon's sentence. "F to the U to the C, K, that!"

Lucifer sighs. Help this old man. He's a single mother taking care of seven crackheads who's working under his future (please) husband and he's denser than THE Karasuma Tadaomi whenever Diavolo is flirting with him. "MC, this is Lord Diavolo's orders."

"And call me Obama's twin sibling cause' fuck that shit!" You immediately refused.

"MC."

"This calls for drastic measures."

You quickly open the window and drag Solomon with you then dramatically swing the cape around you and the sorcerer knew what you were about to do. With the deepest voice you could muster, you say, "I am Batman."

And jumped out of the window Papyrus style with Solomon tailing behind you. Lucifer, panicked, runs towards the window and looks out because there's no way a human could survive a two storey fall, right? Well, you proved him wrong when you and Solomon did a front flip and landed on the ground, laughing, "Hee hee!"

The two of you are now Naruto running towards wherever you two want to escape to. A Batman wannabe and a magical girl running off into the sunset, holding hands while laughing like Micheal Jackson. Truly, a romance better than Twilight.

I have no idea what I wrote. I might've been high while writing this but I hope you enjoyed!

WTF (Small... Crack)

GN! MC

*****

Diavolo, Barbatos, Lucifer and MC are in Diavolo's study room to play some card games. While they were playing, MC received a call. Upon picking it up...

MC: Yeah?

MC holds their D.D.D. between their head and shoulder, eyes not taking off from their hand to arrange the cards in strength.

Luke: MC, please help us...

MC: Hm? What happened?

Luke: Solomon... He, uh... He's in the kitchen. Half naked, covered in whatever sauce and is running around the burning stove yelling... Macarena?

Just as he said that, MC grabs their phone and stares at the screen, face unamused. Can they go one day without having to deal with Solomon's shit? Don't get them wrong. They love Solomon with all their heart but often times, they always clean up his mess. With a sigh, MC places their cards downwards and stands.

MC: I'll be there in five...

Luke: *sounds traumatized* Please hurry. Now's he's on the counter doing some-

Simeon: Simeon here. Get here as quick as you can. I've shielded Luke's eyes. He's on the counter... Twerking, as you people say

MC: *pinches the bridge of their nose* Oh, for the love of- I'll be there *hangs up*

Diavolo: What happened?

MC: I'll explain later. I need to save the kitchen for a bit

Barbatos: WHAT?! *gets up and grabs MC's arm before zooming out from the room*

Diavolo: ...

Lucifer: ...

Diavolo: So... Should we peek at their cards?

Lucifer: *sighs like the tired mom that he is*

Concept: experimental modified time materia brought out in sparring malfunctions somehow and now Zack and the Banora duo have a lil Sephling on their hands

LITTLE SEPH!!!!!! <333 Ahhhh this is glorious!!!

I would love to write this out some day dhdhdhd! I don’t have the full energy rn, but bc it’s such a phenomenal idea, I will try my best with one of my good ol’ fic/synopsis hybrids!

For a long while, everyone just stares, three mouths agape and three eyes struck with lightning. One minute they’re sparring, four swords going at it in at blazing speed. And the next—

“WHAT DID YOU DO, PUPPY?!” Genesis roars, whirling around to face the absolutetively befuddled Zack. See?This is why they don’t invite him to their TRAINING SESSIONS. The squirt was a walking heartbeat of destruction, pop songs, and comically large slip-ups. Nothing ever good happened when he was around.

“Don’t look at me!” Zack tries to defend himself. “All I did was cast Stop!”

Angeal gives a slow, incredulous blink, molasses on his lashes. “You stopped him alright.”

Meanwhile, at their feet, a 3yo Demon of Wutai cocks his head, sitting on his butt, his clothes and armor having conveniently shrunk to fit the size of his regression. Not Masamune though. That thing is abandoned on the floor, unaffected and forgotten.

“…Doc’ors?” Sephiroth blinks, his catlike eyes wide and round and sponging up most of the green in his eyes, his quicksilver hair gushing all the way down to his lap. Who are these people? They’re tall. And big. They aren’t wearing white coats either. One looks strong. One looks like he was ready to explode. One of their heads’ looks like a mop.

Upon hearing him speak, hearing him squeak in his little Seph voice, Zack’s heart completely melts; all his bafflement and paranoia and most likely sense of reality is zapped away as he scoops up the little guy, raising him high in the air Simba-style.

“Ohhh look at you! You’re like a little doll! in ShinRa wear, Seph! Look at those eyes! Those pauldrons! Boop!”

Angeal and Genesis proceed to watch in deadlike silence as Zack boops the little guy’s nose, raising him up and down and up and down and upsy daisy and downsy daffodil. Seph is frozen at first, these gestures completely and utterly alien… but it’s not long before he’s clapping his hands and little giggles are bubbling from his throat. He likes mop head!

“Would you cut that out?!” Genesis roars suddenly—loud enough to startle the poor baby Seph, consequently causing him to start crying in the puppy’s arms. Zack’s face immediately hardens as he hugs Seph close, and now it’s his turn to whirl around in disapproval. Yeah, GENESIS.

“Hey! Be gentle with him!” Zack scolds, little Seph clutching at the fabric of his collar.

“That is Sephiroth, you nimrod! Do you not see the issue here?”

“The issue is that you’re scaring him!”

“He’s… SEPHIROTH.”

Angeal is wondering where the nearest retail shop is hiring.

~

After some intelligent discussion, baby Seph is brought back to Angeal’s place—just for the time being. And here’s where the fun starts! Everyone needs to chip in! Sephiroth is thirsty, first things first, having been plopped on the couch next to Zack. Zack is scrolling through the educational TV channels as Angeal fishes out a water bottle out from the fridge, walking it over—

“What’s that?”

Angeal stops in his tracks, blinking in surprise. “It’s water,” he explains—how is he supposed to talk to his friend? Like a preschool teacher? Like a therapist?

Seph’s confusion doesn’t fade. “Hojo always give me water in bowl.”

Zack pauses on Blue’s Clues.

…Excuse him?

Seph proceeds to explain that Hojo always gives him water—and, and food—in a little bowl that sounds suspiciously similar to a dog bowl. Angeal is dumbfounded, having to move Seph’s hands to hold the water bottle right while Genesis throws some untasty swears out there (covering his ears ofc). Zack, meanwhile, is floating somewhere between anger and an ache he can’t even pinpoint. All he knows is that he’s suddenly hugging Seph close, squishing his doll-sized leather jacket against his chest. That wasn’t cool, glasses man >:(

~

Following water break is play time! Zack whips out some crayons and paper to doodle with Seph while Angeal and Genesis prepare dinner—on a plate, thank you. Zack goes on to doodle some very nice pictures~ a giraffe, a river, a flamingo. He’s laughing and telling jokes with baby Seph—mainly ones about a guy name Nemesis, no parallels there—casually glancing over after a while to see—

“Uh, bud… what’s that?”

Seph had doodles what can only be described as a pile of spaghetti—spaghetti that’s green, and had a face, and was dripping slime, and that had a bloody splotch for one of its eyes.

“I see her in dreams sometimes,” Seph says, surprisingly blanched of emotion. “She visits me.”

Aight! Art time’s over!

~

“SEPHIROTH! GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!”

No one could have predicted the Zoomies.

It was all going so smoothly…! Seph was pajama-ed, he had his teeth brushed, he was all snug and toasty and ready for bed—!

And he had Genesis’ favorite copy of Loveless. And zipping around the apartment at Mach 5 speed. And bouncing from furniture to furniture. And singing the Blue’s Clues song.

“C’mon, Seph…” Genesis finally corners him, bringing down his voice. “Give it back to your old buddy Genesis.”

“Okie!” Seph chirps, and proceeds to chuck the book with all his prodigious strength, hitting Genesis square in the nose. Bingo! He scored a touchdown!

“Nice shot!” Zack calls from across the room.

~

It’s bedtime! Angeal and Genesis collapse from exhaustion, Seph settled on the couch with a pillow and blankie. Zack takes an air mattress beside him, having even lent his favorite dragon plushie to the little bean to sleep. He loves it! All is well, the apartment falls silent, the craziness of the day and all its sci-fi stupidity fading away into a blessed oasis of peace.

Until the sobbing starts.

The sound low, dim, stifled… a broken song that is being cracked between Sephiroth’s lips. Zack stirs immediately, shaking the little Seph awake and propping him up. Seph’s eyes are streaked with tears, glistening with beads of Mako-blue as Zack delicately gazes at him. His heart pretzels.

“What’s wrong, little bud…?”

Seph snivels, wiping his tears on Muffin the dragon. “I see her. She’s here. She says I should hurt you. Hurt two guys too.” His sobs break into something louder, splintering, and Zack can’t take it a moment longer; he settles himself on the couch and brings little Seph close, cocooning his arms around him, swaddling him, letting him cry into his chest. He doesn’t move, not an inch. Not even as Seph’s sobs slowly ebb and a faint snore replaces them.

Eventually, the warmth bubbled against him, breathing into him in calm, slow zephyrs, Zack closes his eyes and falls asleep.

~

Thankfully, in this case, time materia is temporary! Woooo! It’s a very strange when Sephiroth wakes up in Zack’s arms, wearing onesie pajamas and holding a plushie. Very strange indeed.

“Oh…” Zack pulls back, coral flaring on his cheeks. “Hi Sephiroth!”

Sephiroth doesn’t say a word. He just glances down, absorbing the floofy sleepwear, his expression steely as a block of steel.

“Seph—“

“Don’t.” Sephiroth says, straightening, stepping over his sleeping best friends as he makes his way to the door.