My Cousins Didn't Come Over Today But I Probably Am The Gay Cousin Since I'm Bisexual.

"Bitch all I'm trying to do is assaininate someone!!!"

“…If all else fails, claim you’re a time traveler and that you’re trying to stop a disaster or something. It’s not exactly a sure bet, but there’s enough people out there who will let you do anything if they think it’s to save the future. Hell, if you’re convincing enough they’ll help you.”

And are those cave paintings??? Cause it's colorful on one side!!!

I move the smol baby to my bed and tuck them in, letting them sleep

Early one morning, you start your normal routine of making coffee, but when you pull your favorite coffee mug from the cupboard, you find a very small dragon curled up in the bottom, sleeping contentedly.

Me: I'll get the contract ready...

You’re a demon. One day, you’re summoned into a living room, and an exhausted woman quickly rambles about needing to get to work and being unable to find a sitter before flying out the door. Now, you stand in your summoning circle, a toddler staring wide eyed at you.

*gets a gun out* START SHOOTING

I know someone who would love these... and he's 2-D! It's..... Warumono-san from Mr. Villain's day off!!!!

Panda Éclair / Panda Roll Cake

Me.

i had dream you were a plum instead of a fish and you were arguing with a grape

any grapes out there looking to start some shit?

Me: Yeah fuck that. I'M TRAUMATIZED AS FUCK SO I QUIT!!!

After being a superhero for decades and experiencing many awful events, you make a horrifying discovery: you don’t age and will never be able to retire

". . . Toche. Sorry for the mix up! Uhhhh, you want this free fro-yo coupon I got as a sorry?" "Yes. Yes I do"

"Halt, villain," said the heroine, pointing her sword at the man. "Hold on, I’m no villain," said the man. "Your eyes are pitch black—those aren’t natural," said the heroine. "And yours are bright gold—those aren’t exactly natural either," said the man.

I love this way too much! LONG LIVE TUMBLR BEING UNHINGED!!

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