Jegulily Is Actually So Powerful

Snow Angels [P.M]

Pairings: Poly!Marauders x bubbly!fem!reader

Words: 3.4k

Summary: A misunderstanding leads to wrongful punishment.

Warnings: slight NSFW (16+) but no actual sex, fluff, spanking, crying, kissing, Lily being the smartest person, bubbly reader, no specific holiday mentioned. As always lmk if I missed anything.

A happy hum echoed off of the walls of the corridor, happy steps clicking along to match the buzz. You giddily walked through the many twists and turn in the castle, finally making it to your final destination - The Great Hall.

You spotted your three boys instantly, walking over to them, a skip in your step. Excitement was too mediocre a word to describe what you were feeling; you just loved this time of year, especially the element of surprise and how happy everyone seemed to look.

“Helloooo, my loves,” you greeted with a grin, sinking into the seat beside Remus.

The scarred boy leaned down to kiss your temple, “hi, honey.”

Sirius leaned his elbows on the table, smirking at your giddiness, “what’s got you so excited, puppy?”

“Nothing…- just happy that the snow is finally sticking.”

“No other reason?” Sirius pressed, seeing right through your terrible attempt at lying.

“Nope…- we have to make snow angels tomorrow!”

“No thanks,” Sirius replied, defeated after your change in topic.

Remus patted your thigh, looking down at his book, “I’ll watch you make snow angels, bunny.”

You pouted, annoyed that your boyfriends seemed to have a stick up their butts, “but you have to make one too!”

“- Jamie, you’ll make one with me, won’t you?” you asked with huge puppy eyes.

“Of course I will, poppet,” James smiled, leaning over the table to peck your, now grinning, lips.

“Oi! You’re getting your sweater fluff in my food,” Sirius exclaimed, pushing James back in his seat.

You stuck your tongue out at Sirius, “you’re just mad because Jamie’s not such a sourpuss.”

Remus gave your thigh a warning squeeze, not ever lifting his gaze from his book, “watch it, bunny.”

You giggled, leaning into his side, “sorry, Remmy, but Siri is just a little Grinch.”

He took a moment to ponder, looking over at Sirius, “I see the resemblance,” he finally said as he breathed out a laugh. Sirius huffed, and his lips bore a displeased frown.

“This is bullying… that’s what it is.”

“What’s a Grinch?” James whispered to Sirius, but he just shook his head.

“I don’t know, but if it’s coming from those two, it’s probably not a good thing!”

You just snickered, burying your face in Remus’ bicep, feeling the vibrations from his body as a result of his own laugh.

“Fine, laugh all you want,” Sirius threw his hands up, whispering to himself ‘won’t be laughing when your hair is green for a week’.

James just looked between all three of you, confused, but shrugged his shoulders.

“Do you want to go to Hogsmeade after breakfast, darling?” he asked, looking at you expectantly.

You froze slightly in place, trying to think up a quick lie, “no, I have… homework… lots of homework, so I can’t.”

“-are all of you going?” you asked slowly, hoping they wouldn’t.

“We were really only planning on going because you usually love it, but if you’re not, we’re just gonna stay here,” James answered, taking a bite of his toast.

“I can help you study, bunny,” Remus said with a smile, kissing your forehead.

You shook your head, trying your best to seem casual, “that’s okay; I have a study date with Lily and Marlene.”

“But you’re coming to our dorm after, right?” Sirius interjected.

You smirked slightly, “I thought you were mad at me, Grinch.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, “just because you’re being annoying doesn’t mean I don’t want cuddle time…- come by the dorm after.”

You laughed, nodding your head with a grin, “love you, Grinch.”

.

A study date was the perfect cover for you to go to Hogsmeade alone. The three boys made it impossible for you to get gifts for them without them knowing exactly what you had gotten.

James would insist on carrying the bags and sneak a peek inside when you weren’t looking.

Sirius would flat out just take the bags from you and look inside, ignoring your shouts at him to leave it alone.

Remus would never leave your side, so you’d never be able to purchase anything without him looking over your shoulder and, therefore, losing the element of surprise you loved so much.

So, your last resort was lying - a teensy little white lie, so they wouldn’t know what you had bought for them.

Music blasted in your earphones, and the snow crunched under your feet as you walked the white covered path to Hogsmeade.

Waddling was perhaps a better word to describe how you were moving; your body was protected from the cold by an unnecessary amount of layers.

You kept your double gloved hands in your pockets, bouncing along the path, mouthing along to the words of the song playing.

You hummed happily as you wandered around, collecting the elements of each person's gift, making sure everything was perfect enough for your boys.

You walked for a while, in too much of a giddy hazy mood to notice the voices calling after you.

“YN!” Sirius shouted, a damp cloud forming from his warm breath in the frosty December air.

“Why’s she ignoring us?” James frowned, watching you walk away, never once acknowledging them after they called your name multiple times.

“Why’d she lie?” Remus crossed his arms over his chest, thoroughly disappointed with you.

In the meantime, you bounced blissfully unaware back to the castle, with arms full of bags of presents and cheeky snacks you’d picked up from Honeydukes.

.

After dumping your shopping bags in your own room, you happily skipped up to the boy's dormitory.

You burst through the door, “I’m ready for cuddle time, Siri…- what’s with the faces?”

You tilted your head to the side in confusion as you took in each of their expressions. James looked upset, Sirius looked angry and smug all at once… but Remus, he looked disappointed - which was the worst feeling, knowing you’d disappointed him in some way.

“Bunny, come here,” Remus said calmly, but a frosty bite accompanied his tone. He sat patiently on the edge of his bed, legs spread with an air of dominance around him.

You moved silently across the room, stopping in front of him, your brow raised quizzically at the tension that laid over the room.

“Alright, over my lap,” he sighed, his hand reaching out to tug you forward.

Now, you were really confused. Punishment was not something you’d expected, but it sure seemed like that was where it was headed.

“Wait, what?”

Remus sighed, manhandling you across his muscular thighs, “that wasn’t a suggestion.”

You could feel your heartbeat quicken in your chest; you never really did get punishments, but when you did, you’d been really bad - but now you couldn’t think of anything you’d done to upset them directly.

“But what did I do?” you whimpered, squirming across Remus’ lap.

Sirius scoffed, crossing his arms and moving over to sit with his back against the headboard, looking positively bored.

“Don’t play dumb now… didn’t peg you as stupid, pup, but I guess that’s what lying does to you.”

You whimpered at his words, shutting your eyes tight as tears were already leaving a glassy sheen on your eyes.

“‘M not stupid…- was this because of what I said this morning? I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean it.”

“Shush, bunny,” Remus said, bunching up the fabric of your skirt and pulling down your tights enough for the smooth skin of your bum to be displayed for him.

He rubbed a scarred hand over the smooth flesh, squeezing and kneading a couple of times to warm you up.

James stood from his own bed, walking over to sit beside Remus, right by your face. He was close enough, so you leaned forward, resting your head on his thigh and waited for impact.

“If you wanted to be alone, you could’ve just said so,” James murmured, running a smooth hand over your hair, soothing you absentmindedly, but hurt still lingered in his voice.

“Wha-“ you started, but a surprised yelp cut off your words as the first smack landed on your bottom.

You gripped onto James’ trousers, whimpering as another stinging slap had you jolting forward.

By the fifteenth slap, tears streamed down your cheeks as you babbled through broken sobs.

“Didn’t even do anything,” you hiccuped, clutching onto James so tightly, you were surprised he wasn’t wincing. He rubbed slow circles on your back, using his other hand to scratch at your scalp gently.

“Hush, bunny…- almost done,” Remus murmured, bringing yet another slap down on your already bright red ass.

By this point, Sirius had moved behind Remus, standing on his knees to look over the lycanthropes shoulder, watching the subtle flesh jiggle with every hit.

Your breathing kept catching in your throat, but as much as you tried to swallow the noise, it was impossible.

You didn’t even register how many smacks landed on you before your tights were pulled completely down your legs, and your skirt was flipped down once more.

Remus pulled you up, trying to settle you on his lap, but you just scrambled off of him.

You stood in front of them on shaky legs, cowering away when James reached out for you.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, you’re done now,” he tried softly, but you just shook your head, trying to get your sobs to stop, but they just kept coming.

“Didn’t even do anything,” you whimpered out, voice barely above a whisper, a deep pout decorating your usually happy face.

You kept mumbling to yourself, brain clouded with fog and your vision blurred from tears. The back of your hands were wet from trying to wipe away and dry the streaks of tears that leaked down the apples of your cheeks.

“Honey…” Remus tried gently, standing from the mattress, to pull you to him, but you only backed away, leaving a small crack in the scarred boys heart.

“Mean,” was the last thing you muttered before swiftly leaving the room and leaving behind three very confused Marauders.

“What just happened?” Sirius sat back crossed-legged on the bed, brows furrowed in confusion

Remus couldn’t find the words; he only stared at the door, scratching mindlessly at his arm.

“Shouldn’t we go after her?” James asked tentatively, looking between Sirius and Remus expectantly.

None of them knew what to do; this was completely new. You’d never reacted that way before; you were always well aware when you deserved punishment, even if you weren’t the type to typically act up.

Remus sat defeated back on his bed, releasing a sigh; he never wanted to actually hurt you - just a little discipline, nothing you hadn’t agreed on - but now he just felt horrible; felt like you finally saw him as the mean monster he saw himself as - and that would surely kill him. He fiddled with his fingers; his focus lost as he drowned in his own thoughts, confusion and uncertainty running through his mind.

“Hey, Moony, none of that…- come on,” Sirius whispered, crawling up to Remus, manoeuvring himself onto his lap to straddle him, forcing him to stop fiddling and look up.

James came over as well, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder and snuggled close to him.

“We’ll talk with her tomorrow…- she’ll come around,” James spoke softly, grasping Remus’ hand in his, playing with his long pale fingers.

The lycanthrope could only nod, closing his eyes briefly, trying to ground himself with the help of the two boys keeping him warm.

.

A solemn chill ran through the castle as the three Marauders sat and ate their breakfast glumly. They all kept a close eye on the entrance, waiting for a certain bubbly happy girl to enter, but she never did; instead entered a sad and tired looking you, walking with slow steps as you scanned the table, strategically choosing a seat at the end of the table, away from them, as you spotted the three boys.

They all frowned, a stabbing feeling touching right at their hearts and guts. Remus visibly cringed, watching you very obviously wince as you sat down, a plethora of bruises and marks decorating your bottom, no doubt.

They watched as you spoke animatedly with Lily and Alice, the smile on your face never fully reaching your eyes. You laughed, as you always did, but it sounded fake and forced… Lily noticed, and she shot the boys a look before leaning in to speak quietly to you.

They watched as you stood with Lily, leaving the hall with your head hung. All three of them wanted to follow, but the raise of Lily’s hand halted their movements; she shot them another look, one that said “wait, not now,” and they begrudgingly complied, sinking back into their seats as you disappeared out of sight.

.

The courtyard was covered in white. Sirius kicked at the soft snow, muttering to himself while pacing. James and Remus sat close on a stone bench, watching the small flurries float around. Remus couldn’t keep away the thoughts of what it would be like if you were there with them; you wouldn’t be bothered by the frosty air, you’d blow out and laugh at the steam cloud, or you’d force them all to build a snowman. Last year you had built three snowmen, one to look like each of your boys. Remus smiled at the memory, letting his head fill with dramatic sombre thoughts, always expecting the worst because overthinking lived forever in him.

James grasped Remus’ hand gently, squeezing it and smiled a gentle smile, leaning his head on the Lycanthropes shoulder.

An exasperated sigh gained their attention, watching as Lily trudged her way through the snow.

“Do you remember when we talked about the importance of communication in relationships?” she asked, her face neutral.

All of them nodded, looking a little lost.

“-well, I’d advise you to start maybe using what I taught you,” she crossed her arms over her chest, looking tired and a little annoyed.

“We communicate…” Sirius muttered, kicking idly at the snow, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Lily sighed again, “did you communicate before punishing YN? Did you listen to what she had to say? Did you give her a chance to explain?”

Remus looked down guiltily, feeling deflated and stupid.

“She lied to us,” James mumbled, squeezing Remus’ hand.

“Come on! Think about it…- what time of year is it? Why do you think she’d want to go to Hogsmeade alone and not tell you about it?” Lily threw her hands up in frustration.

She did feel a little triumphant when the same look of realisation passed over each boy. Remus felt like he was going to throw up - damn Lily for always being right.

“Where is she?” Sirius asked hurriedly, already ready to take off to find you.

“I told her to go to your dorm room,” she smiled, watching all three of them race away with quick steps. James almost slipped on an ice patch, but Sirius’ hand in his saved him from tumbling to the ground.

.

You looked down at the white-covered grounds, feeling warmth in your chest, wanting nothing more than to roll around in the cold snow, just to get a good cuddle and perhaps a hot cocoa when you got back inside.

The door to the dorm opened, and in stumbled three red-cheeked Marauders. They breathed heavily, scanning the room until their eyes landed on your figure curled up in James’ quidditch jumper on the windowsill.

A moment went by where you all just stared, waiting for someone to start - normally Remus would, but at this moment, nothing but guilt and hatred for himself clouded his mind.

Even in your hurt mindset, you still considered yourself an expert on the three boys, therefore instantly recognising the far-out look Remus had as he stared back at you. Standing from the windowsill, you padded your way to them, giving no warning as you jumped into Remus’ arms, wrapping your limbs around him and burying yourself in his warmth. The melted snow on his coat chilled and wetted your skin, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

“Remmy,” you whispered, feeling safe and secure as his arms tightened around you.

“-get out of your head.”

Remus shook his head, tightening his hold on you, “we’re so sorry…- we should’ve listened.”

You untangled yourself from him, feeling the cold floor under your feet as he set you down, looking in your eyes, sorrow swimming in the honey pools.

“Yeah, you should…- but I’m okay now, look,” you did a little dance, a small smile lighting up your face, the smile contagiously spreading onto all of their faces.

“Gods, what did we do to deserve you?” Sirius murmured with a grin, gripping your wrist and tugging you into his embrace.

You sighed, burying your face in his chest and breathing in his scent - the faintest smell of cigarettes lingering on his shirt.

“Kiss?” James asked, or more accurately whined.

You giggled and turned in Sirius’ arms, keeping them securely around your middle as you reached out for James. He happily came over, placing a long kiss on your smiling lips, cupping your face and softly caressing your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“Love you, sweet pea,” he murmured into the kiss.

“Honey, can I rub some ointment on you?” Remus asked softly, grabbing your hand to pull you out of Sirius’ grip.

You nodded, letting him pull you into his arms as James scurried to the bathroom to grab the cream.

You inhaled deeply, shutting your eyes as you felt Remus’ soft hands bunch up the fabric of James’ jumper.

You jumped, body jolting, as you felt a pair of warm lips leaving a small kiss on your backside. You turned your head, seeing Sirius kneeled behind you, wearing a tiny mischievous smile.

“Sorry, baby pup, looked too good,” he smirked.

You turned your head back into Remus’ chest just as James returned with the cream, opening it and allowing Remus to scoop out a dollop.

He warmed it in his hands before gently smoothing it over your bum. You winced and a slight hiss fell from your lips as he went over the bruises that now decorated your skin.

“There we go, bunny…- good girl,” Remus cooed, rubbing slowly, being mindful of the soreness.

You breathed slowly, biting your lip to keep in your noises.

With a last small pat, he smoothed down the fabric and pulled your face from his chest with a gentle hand, leaning down to brush his lips over yours.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” he breathed.

“I forgive you…- buuuut there is one thing you can do to make it better.”

“Anything, baby,” James butted in, rubbing a slow hand up your back.

“You all have to make snow angels with me,” you grinned, turning your head to look at Sirius, “all of you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep away the smile that grew on his face, “anything for you, puppy.”

.

You giggled happily as you watched Sirius roll around in the snow, smothering James with snowballs.

Remus’ hand was tucked safely into yours, a large smile on his face.

“Your turn, Remmy,” you smiled cheekily, letting go of his hand.

You turned, falling into the snow with a soft ‘thump’, giggling, moving your arms and legs to create the angel.

Remus shook his head with a fond smile, turning to fall with you.

He moved his arms and legs slowly, matching your movements.

“I love you, bunny,” he spoke softly with a gentle smile.

“I love y… -hmph,” your sentence was interrupted as an overly excited James jumped you, laying his body directly on yours.

“Hiya, sweet pea,” he grinned.

“Jamie… can’t… breathe,” you laughed, pushing at his shoulders.

He laughed, supporting himself on either side of you, taking the pressure off of you, “sorry, sorry.”

“You ruined my snow angel,” you pouted, with no actual seriousness behind your words.

“You’re the only snow angel we need,” Sirius smirked, dropping to his knees beside you.

You rolled your eyes with a smile, “sap.”

“No longer a Grinch, huh?”

James smiled, smoothing a hand over your reddened cheek, “will you tell me what a Grinch is now?”

A/n: to be notified of future work follow @saintlike78slibrary and turn on notifications

Snowflakes

TW!!: suicidal thoughts

Word count: 1 200

Sirius slipped away from the party, when no one could see, or care. He walked up to their dorm, closing the door behind him. He thought about locking it, but nobody would come here anyway. James was too busy trying to make Lily go out with him, Peter was with Marlene, and he didn't even know where Remus was. And no one else would care where he was, not that those three did either.

He brushed a hand through his hair, going to sit on a chair. He pulled out some parchment as well as a quill and ink. He looked out of the window. It had started snowing. First time this year, it'll probably melt by tomorrow, he thought.

Looking back down at the paper in front of him, he couldn't exactly find the words to explain his thoughts, not nicely at least. He dipped his quill in the ink and started to write.

//I'm sorry-

A knock on the door made him drop his quill and made the ink leak to the paper, making a mess out of the words he wrote. He looked out of the window, he could see the black lake, and some of the forbidden forest. He hadn't even noticed the tears going down his cheeks as he let the thoughts in his head take over.

He heard the door open, and close. He heard someone walking closer to him. He heard someone sitting down at the bed that was next to the desk, it was James' bed.

But the comer wasn't James because James would've said something as soon as he came to the room, and James' steps were loud and noticeable. If it had been James, he would have walked all over the dorm to find something and talk about how lily had once again said no.

It wasn't Peter either because his steps were heavy, and he always stepped on the one floorboard that creaked loudly because he couldn't remember which one it was. Also, James' bed was made, he wouldn't have sat on that because James was very focused on how he made his bed every morning. Peter would've walked to his own bed.

It was Remus it had to be. His steps were light and quiet. He was also the only one who would've knocked if he knew someone was alone in their dorm. And he opened and closed the door so carefully because that too -when opened too far, creaked loudly.

“Hey.” Remus whispered, softly, trying to figure out what was going on. He didn't want to push it, but he knew that Sirius wouldn't miss the part after their victory against Slytherin just because of nothing. “Wanna tell me what's going on.”

Sirius thought. Remus knew that not everything was alright, he also knew that the situation wasn't new, even though it hadn't happened in a while. He continued to watch the snowflakes fall down, shaking his head.

“It's nothing rem, don't worry.” He whispered, trying to smile, but he just couldn't. He could hear Remus sigh, it wasn't “I'm annoyed with you” kind of sigh, it was more like “I know it's nothing, tell me” kind of sigh.

“Angel, it's a little hard to believe you now. I can see your tears, you're not looking at me, you got your quill and paper out, and you're missing the party, and you never do that, unless something's too loud in your head.” Remus said. Every Time something was bothering Sirius, he said it was too loud in his head and that he needed it to stop.

“I don't want to do this any more.” He whispered after a while, picking at the hem of his jumper, still starting out of the window. He had always liked winter and snow, especially the first snowfall. There was always something magical about it.

“I need you to tell me a little more.” Remus said, trying to keep calm. Hoping he wasn't guessing right of what Sirius was talking about, scared that he was. He swallowed thickly as Sirius started to speak again. His voice was so quiet and distant? Like it wasn't there.

“I hate the feeling of my heart beating in my chest. And how it rises and falls every time I breathe.” He whispered, scared to look at Remus. This was something he didn't really want to admit. “I don't want to be here any more.”

Remus could feel tears in his eyes as he listened to Sirius' words. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't expect this. He tried to say something, but no words left his mouth and he just stared at Sirius with wide eyes, trying to hold the tears from spilling out.

“Everyday feels like a chore and everything feels like a chore, and that's not what it should feel like. It should be fun and joyful. Something to enjoy.” He whispered, his voice getting quieter and quieter by the end of his sentence. He felt more tears burning in his eyes as he thought about this whole thing.

Remus felt like he couldn't breathe. He tried to gather his thoughts and figure out something to say. He looked at Sirius, seeing more tears fall down from his eyes, he still hadn't looked at Remus.

“It's a little too much, and I'm tired, moony.” Sirius whispered, finally looking at Remus. Feeling bad seeing the tears in his eyes.

“Sirius.” He croaked, coughing, trying to get rid of the dryness in his mouth. “Love, where's all this coming from? Did something happen?” He asked, still trying to figure out what was going on. He looked at Sirius, even though the boy refused to meet his tear filled eyes.

Sirius shook his head. “I don't know.” He said honestly. He wasn't sure where all this was coming from, he didn't know. Nothing had happened that led to this. Of course, there were things in his past that might have something to do with what's going on now, but he still didn't understand.

“Please, don't go, don't leave me. I still need you.” Remus whispered, after a while, wiping his eyes, before looking back at Sirius. “I know you're a little broken right now, but I need you, Sirius, don't go.”

“I won't.” He said, finally looking Remus in the eyes. He wasn't going to do it, even though everything just hurt at the moment, he couldn't do that to the people he loved. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn't. “I promise.”

Remus closed his eyes, nodding slowly. When he opened them after a while, he stood up and walked the short distance to Sirius. He cupped Sirius' cheeks and wiped his eyes with his thumbs. “I love you.” He whispered, kissing Sirius forehead.

“I love you too.” Sirius whispered, looking up at Remus when he pulled away. When Remus let go of his cheeks, he reached one of his hands up to Remus' face, wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

A/N: I wrote this thing in one sitting and only proof read it, so it probably wasn't my best work, but whatever.

<3

First baby steps🐥

August 9 - Cemetery | @jartylusmicrofics | wc: 1519 Character death

There’s a cemetery near the Black mansion that the boys like to visit. Regulus has always had a fascination with all things dark and dismal -- probably from his upbringing if he’s being honest about it -- and with that fascination came along his love for cemeteries. He doesn’t quite know what he likes about them, maybe it’s the idea of cemeteries, bodies hidden just underneath the ground for acres of land. Maybe it’s the weird sense of community that Regulus gets when he thinks of all these strangers buried next to each other. Maybe it’s the comfort that he gets to see people get when he watches them visit their loved ones. Maybe it’s the idea that one day Regulus will be dead and none of the bad that happened to him in life will mean anything. Maybe it’s the way that kids tell horror stories of the ghosts coming to life when they snuck into the cemeteries in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s-

Regulus loves cemeteries. 

And maybe it’s because that’s where he met Barty Crouch Jr. Fellow heir to a Sacred 28 family that he thinks he may have met once at a ball one of the families was hosting. 

They met at a cemetery because Barty loves cemeteries. But, unlike Regulus, he knows why he loves them. It’s the death, a concept that Barty has been obsessed with since his own childhood. It’s a twisted enjoyment, in some way, but he’s never denied that he’s a little fucked in the head. 

Regulus and Barty met when Regulus was perched in a tree near the back of the cemetery near the Black manor and Barty walked straight up to the tree and sat leaning against it, playing with his switchblade and humming a little bit to himself. At first, Regulus didn’t really want to make himself known, but as the last light of day was beginning to fade and the cold street lamps were starting to flicker to life around them casting a faint, eerie glow over the cemetery, Barty looked up and nearly jumped out of his skin upon seeing a deathly pale figure hunched over in the tree, looking right back at him. 

“Jesus you fuckin’ freak,” Barty swore upon getting his heart back in his chest, “What the fuck are you doing up there?”

“People watching,” Regulus muttered into the dark, much quieter than Barty’s own voice, “And I was up here first, it’s not my fault you’re oblivious. This tree doesn’t even have that many leaves left.” And from then on, there was a beautiful friendship that blossomed between the two of them, one that later turned into a long-term relationship full of the two of them visiting the cemetery whenever they could, usually heading straight to the back and finding themselves sitting around the tree that they met. 

Regulus loves cemeteries and maybe it’s partly because that’s where he properly met James Potter. His older brother’s best friend, someone untouchable and someone that Regulus has hated since Sirius started talking about his ‘best friends’ every time he talked to Regulus. 

James’ love for cemeteries is unexpected of a person like them. But unlike the reasons that Barty and Regulus love cemeteries, they love them because they love the idea that there is a place to end up when you die. James has always been scared of death, but they found comfort in the idea that all of those people in the cemetery found their afterlife, found their place to go, and were reunited with long lost loved ones. 

Which is how Regulus and Barty met James. As they usually do, the two were sitting around the tree in the back of the cemetery, watching the sunset that they could just barely see over the houses around them. That’s when Regulus spots a taller figure, silently walking through the back of the cemetery, stopping in front of several graves and wiping away the dirt that has long settled on the graves to reveal what Regulus assumed was the names on each one, before nodding to themself, saying a couple words, then moving on. It was methodical and Regulus could tell that the person had done it many times before, even if not with these graves. 

“Hey B, watch that person.” Regulus mutters, elbowing his boyfriend and pointing in the direction of the person oblivious to the eyes watching them. The couple watch the person for a while, watching as they make their way closer to the tree that they’re sitting at before they finally look up and meet eyes with Barty, nearly jumping out of their skin. 

Originally they clearly intended to ignore the two of them and continue on their routine, but Barty called out to them before they could fully kneel in front of another gravestone, “Hey! What’re you doin’ over there?”

The person once again jumps before slowly, maybe even cautiously, making their way towards the tree, “Nothing of importance.” They shake their head, “Why do you want to know?”

Barty shrugs, “Just like knowin’ things about people. What’s your name?” The person goes to answer, but just as they opened their mouth, Regulus recognised them. Recognised their golden rounded glasses and crazy hair that irritates the shit out of Regulus, recognised their body language. 

“James Potter.” Regulus answered for them, sneering just a bit, “Didn’t know you enjoyed dwelling in places just as unpleasant as yourself. 

“Likewise.” James rolls their eyes in response, before starting to walk away. 

It was a rough first meeting, and a rough second and third before Regulus finally stopped being ‘prickly enough’ -- Barty’s words not his own -- for James to actually want to interact with them. By the fourth time that they met, Regulus had told Barty all about his issues with the taller but that didn’t stop him from calling out to them. 

James once again turns to them upon hearing their name, face dropping at the sight of Regulus before they reluctantly made their way over to the tree just like they always did considering Barty always called to them. This interaction went a little smoother, though not by much and every interaction that the three of them had out in the cemetery by the Black manor went better until eventually Regulus would’ve called them friends -- strong words coming from Regulus who’s adamant that he doesn’t need more friends than he already has. 

In the end it was Regulus that fell for them first, Barty followed shortly after and they asked James out one of the nights that they were all in the cemetery together. 

All three of them loved cemeteries, specifically the one by the Black manor and it became commonplace to find the three of them dancing around the cemetery hand in hand to music that James would play with the cassette player that they had or just sitting around the three. At one point James introduced their boyfriends to their routine and the other two would humor them in it. 

Regulus, Barty, and James loved cemeteries, which is why when things were getting hard with the war and tensions were getting high with the Blacks and the Crouchs, the three of them would secretly meet in the cemetery by the Black Manor that they loved in the cloak of night, illuminated only by the cold, eerie street lamps.

Regulus and James loved cemeteries, which is why Barty would always visit their graves -- James and Regulus paid for a lot that they and all of their friends would be buried together in when their times came -- after he escaped from Azkaban. James loved cemeteries because they found comfort in the idea that everyone was able to find each other in the afterlife and Barty only hoped that Regulus was with James, even if his body had never been recovered. Regulus loved cemeteries because he liked the idea of community that it gave him, he liked the dark and dreary beliefs around them. 

Barty loved cemeteries because he loved the idea of death, he thought it was fascinating. 

That’s why, standing in front of Regulus and James’ grave in the cemetery by the Black Manor an escaped convict and with a completely different face -- one that Barty refused to believe was himself sometimes and one that Barty knew Regulus and James would hate to see yet still love him either way -- Barty decides that he doesn’t love cemeteries anymore. Not when he’s seen too much death, not when he’s seen the death of James and Regulus, and especially not when he’s part of the very group that killed both of his lovers. 

Barty loved cemeteries, but he loves James and Regulus, which is why he walks out of the cemetery by the Black Manor for the last time and vows to protect James and Pandora’s children from the very men that killed his lovers -- them being Dumbledore and Voldemort. 

The next time that Barty is in the cemetery is when his body is being lowered into the ground and he’ll finally get to reunite with his lovers, wherever they are.

It's nice to have a friend.

Remus Lupin x fem!reader

"No one loves a monster like me."

"I do."

warnings- cursing, the prank (with major changes), angst (?), my writing

13k

author's note:- i wrote this listening to taylor and lana. english is not my first language, so beware <3

"What time do you call this?"

You bit down your lips at Remus's flat tone. He looked up from his book with an expression you couldn't figure to be irritated or nonchalant.

"I'm so sorry, Remus. I got carried away with astrology," you said as you attempted to sit beside him. He quickly put his books on your seat with a loud thud. Fortunately for him, the library was empty.

"Then go and play with your stars."

"What?" you asked, a bit confused. "Aren't we supposed to study together?"

"We were. But you're late," he said, shaking his head.

"I'm only twenty minutes late," you furrowed your brows at his uncharacteristic rudeness.

He was staring at you as you glared back.

"You damaged your brain while studying Transfiguration without me, didn't you?"

You arched a brow uncomfortably, getting ready to talk again, but Remus's face softened and changed into amusement. The next thing you heard was his light laughter.

"Hilarious, prick."

"I'm a funny bloke," he chuckled as he lifted the books to grant you a seat, which you took.

"You're not really, James and Sirius are way funnier."

"Weren't you the one throwing a tantrum over their prank yesterday? You certainly weren't laughing."

"They died my hair to green! And don't act like you had no part in it."

"I only told them green is your favourite colour. Was I wrong?"

You blankly ogled his smirk.

"Green suits you."

"You know what suits you, Remus? Purple. Should I do something about it?"

To your irritation, his smirk widened. You turned your hand into a fist. "Which eye is your favourite?"

"I only have two."

"That's not an answer."

"Is there supposed to be an answer? The two are the same."

"Well then," you threw your fist at his eye, Remus raising his arm to protect himself.

"Did Sirius bribe you to hit me?"

"No, but he did offer me some galleons in exchange for your chocolate this morning."

"That was you?!"

This time it's your turn to smirk.

"Time is of the essence, Remus, we have to study." you opened a book before you, waving off Remus as he grumbled something under his breath.

You started to study together, helping each other occasionally.

It was a habit now; you two would study together every week for at least four evenings.

Remus was frustrated today; you could tell from his bouncing leg and twitching lips. But you didn't point it out; you knew he felt uncomfortable when someone coddled him. It was one of the perks of being best friends for five years.

From the first year of Hogwarts to the sixth year, you learned almost everything about Remus by heart. How he scratched the hairs on the back of his neck when deep in thought, or how he never looked up from his book while reading, even if his friends were trying to converse with him.

In return, he knew exactly what to tell you when you were overwhelmed by the studies or how to make you laugh when you were feeling like crying.

You two had always been there for each other, listening, understanding, and supporting one another through everything. You had stayed in the hospital wing all night for Remus when he broke his arm in the third year, and he had been there for you when you were burning with a fever two years ago.

There were too many incidents like these which you and Remus shared that proved the special bond between you. James, Sirius and Peter were also your friends, but with Remus, it was different; unique.

He had made you feel appreciated and loved, never let you down or never let anyone look down on you. Sometimes James and Sirius would mock you two for this affection, but that would always earn them a smack on the head from Remus.

You knew everything about him, and he knew everything about you.

Well, almost everything.

He didn't know that your affection for him was something more; It had been for quite some time now.

At first, you thought it was an innocent crush because of teenage hormones or something, and it would fade away with time.

But it didn't. You grew out of 'I fancy Remus Lupin' to 'I love Remus Lupin'. Of course, you never confided in anyone about your burning infatuation, keeping it secret, burying it deep inside your heart.

The same secret that was fighting to break free from your heart's walls every time Remus smiled at you.

The same secret that was clawing from its grave to get up and fly, bleeding your heart every time Remus embraced you and called you a friend.

The same secret that prickled your eyes with tears every time you remembered that you weren't the only one keeping secrets.

He was keeping something from you, too.

You had always felt it in his eyes, glancing away when you would ask about a scar on his arm or a cut on his thumb.

The first time you fought on it was when you saw the huge scar on his face in the second year. You had worried so much that you pushed Remus's patience, and he had yelled at you. For twelve years old, it was a big hit in their friendship. You hadn't talked to each other for two weeks. In the end, Remus approached you to apologize and explained how the Marauders' prank had backfired, resulting in his scar. You had cried that day because of how much you had missed your friend. Remus hugged you tight, but you could swear you heard a sniff or two from him as well.

Remus would always say the scars on his body were because of a prank, and you would pretend to believe it.

Until this year.

You may be a Gryffindor, but you weren't stupid. You had noticed how he would disappear every full moon and "get sick." You didn't push him before because you thought maybe he needed time, but his distrust was turning the understanding in you into resentment.

It hadn't been to hard make speculations about the situation, but you wanted him to confide in you.

"Are you asleep with your eyes open?" Remus startled you, pulling your focus back to the present.

"Are you calling me a dolphin?"

"You two have a lot in common," he patted your head with his quill.

"Freakingly cute?"

"Freakingly evil."

You elbowed him but regretted it the moment he grimaced with pain.

"What's wrong?" you asked, albeit you immediately guessed another injury under his brown jumper.

He forced a smile. "You just proved my point."

"I didn't even hit you that hard!"

"You tell yourself that," Remus stood up, nodding simultaneously. "That's enough for today."

"Already? You sure you okay?" you worried a bit, standing up. "It's only been forty minutes."

"For you, lazy lady. I've been here for an hour, remember?"

"Go on, rub it in, or I won't hear the end of it until tomorrow."

You two were walking to the exit now with relaxed paces.

"Yeah, about that. I won't be able to study with you tomorrow."

You inhale a deep breath and huff it out.

Here goes nothing.

"Again?"

"Yes," his voice is rusty now.

"Why?"

"Marauders thing."

Same excuse as the last month.

You didn't say anything, giving him one more chance again.

"That's bollocks, Remus."

Remus simply curved a side of his lips to a tiny smile, almost unnoticeable to anyone. Well, anyone but you.

However, you were too irritated to mellow at his smile.

Only for one day, you didn't see him, and he had a new scar, and what a coincidence that the same day was a full moon.

"You really shouldn't curse."

"What truly happened to your arm?"

"Sirius accidentally cut it," he said for the third time that day.

"Stop lying."

Maybe you were wrong to push him like this, but you didn't care at that moment.

"I'm not lying, Y/N," he said before grabbing both his and your books and pressing them between his left arm and torso. "Let's go, we have class in ten."

When you didn't budge, his smile grew, and he stretched his free hand towards you.

"Come on, move your arse. We'll be late."

"You shouldn't curse," you said firmly, trying to look as angry as you could. You were on your limit and had no intention of backing off this time. "And I'm not coming with you."

"Why is that?" he pulled his outstretched hand back to the pocket of his trousers, wearing a soft expression, which his mocking tone contrasted with.

"You know why."

"I'm afraid I don't know why you are not coming to class."

"I will go to class, just not with you," you scowled at his nonchalance.

He pressed his lips into a thin line.

"And why is that?"

"Because I've decided that I'm not talking to you."

"That's not fair."

"Yes, it is," you snapped, standing before him. You waited a few minutes for something, eyes narrowed. When Remus chuckled at your annoyed expression, you walked past him, hitting him with your shoulder.

Striding to the common room's exit, you ignored Remus's call. Only after leaving his sight, you fathomed that you had left your book with him but shrugged it off. You two always sat next to each other, and Remus was too nice of a friend not to bring it back.

"Hey, angry lady." his playfully soft tone danced in your ear, making your heart flutter in your ribcage.

"Go away."

"We're headed to the same class."

"Go away from me, then."

"I'm carrying your book."

"No one asked you to," you still hadn't spared him a glance but could feel the soft smile on his lips.

"No one needed to. I'm a gentleman."

"My arse."

"What about it?"

Your head snapped in his direction. Remus was smirking at you, acting like you weren't almost about to fight ten minutes ago.

You walked into the classroom from the door Remus held open for you straight to your seat.

"Give me my book back."

"You forgot the magic word, lady," he sat next to you. "You know, the one starting with 'P'."

"Petrificius Totalus?"

"That would also work, but I had something nicer in mind. Try again?"

"Periculum."

"What would you need the flames for?"

"To burn you."

"You're so violent this morning. Hadn't had your morning coffee?"

"Just give the bloody book back."

"Now that I think about it, you've been violent for the last three days."

You groaned when the professor started the lesson.

"Don't be bitter, Y/N," he pleaded, watching you snatch your book back. He hated when you were angry at him. "I already told you the truth."

"That's rubbish, and you know that," you whispered so the professor wouldn't hear you. "We're not twelve anymore."

"You were a lot nicer when you were twelve, though."

"And a lot stupider."

"Aye. You'll hear no argument from me."

You knew he was merely attempting to lighten the mood, but he didn't realise it only made you more furious.

"Why are you keeping a secret from me?" you finally blurted out the question gnawing on your insides.

Remus's smile ebbed. He exhaled sharply before turning away from you.

"I am not keeping anything from you."

"Then you must think I am gullible because that's the only explanation for you repeating the same 'prank injuries' lie over and over again."

"That's not a lie."

"Is there a problem?"

You clenched your jaw when you heard the professor's rough voice.

"No, Professor," Remus shook his head, ending the chatter.

You didn't talk for the rest of the lesson. However, to your frustration, you couldn't help but sneak glances in his direction only to find him doing the same.

The moment the class was dismissed, you immediately got up and left the room. The last half an hour in the boring potion class made you question some things. You were at odds with yourself.

And now, in the middle of the hallway, with your books to your chest, your mind was hosting a party for questions.

Was it really about you? Maybe no.

Did Remus deserve some secrecy? Maybe yes.

Did your infatuation with your best friend get in the way of your judgement? Breaking your heart not because he had a secret he didn't want to share but because he didn't love you back? No, of course not (It did).

But you deserved his trust. At least, that was how you were feeling based on the years of friendship.

Were you wrong? Probably.

"Y/N!"

You took a deep breath and blew it out as you turned to face Remus, who quickened his pace to catch up to you. He's smiling. Again.

"What?"

"You still pissed at me?"

"Yes? No? I don't know, Remus," you shrugged and carried on walking to the Great Hall. "I don't understand why you won't share it with me. Don't you trust me?"

"I do," he drawled, and you waited for him to continue. He hesitated at first but gave up after your determination not to make a sound.

"Listen, it's not something about you. I just don't like sharing it."

"Does James know? Sirius? Peter?" you arched a brow, desperately hoping for him to say no. You watched him he open his mouth and close it without a reply.

Well, that was it.

He didn't want to tell you, and you were supposed to be okay with it.

You nodded, hurt at something you didn't want to voice.

Remus stopped you from your arm, turning you so that you would face him. His hands made their way to your sulked shoulders and caressed them back to your hands to hold them tight, sending shivers through your body.

"When the time is right, I will tell you," he said. You looked up into his brown eyes, forcing yourself not to peek at his lips. You had always loved his eyes, and his lips.

"I promise. Just trust me."

You lowered your head, closing your eyes to the pleading in his words.

"I just don't understand why you don't trust me."

Remus stepped forward, letting your head lay on his chest.

"I told you, dove. This is not about you. Truly."

You knew it too.

You knew the reason you were so angry was not Remus but your love for him.

You knew you were not resenting Remus but your own inability to suppress your feelings.

So you nodded, hugging him back.

"What do you smell?" you asked Remus, trying not to sound too eager or excited. You were hoping he couldn't hear your racing heart and couldn't see your trembling hands.

Remus inclined his head to the potion, taking in the smell the Amortentia was radiating.

One, two, tree...

He frowned, looking lost. He clenched his jaw, blinking fast. Something must be wrong.

Six, seven, eight...

He cleared his throat, locking his eyes with yours.

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen...

Remus straightened his back, curling the side of his lips upwards awkwardly.

"What do you smell?"

You gulp, lips parting and then closing and then parting again. You weren't sure it was the right thing to tell him what you smelled from the love potion.

Parchment, coffee, melting chocolate.

Everything that reminded you of him.

"I asked you first."

You sounded taut, internally having a fight between your heart and your brain over the control of your body, mind, and soul.

You didn't know what you wanted to hear from him exactly, but what you did know was that you were praying for it to be something, anything that would remind him of you.

"It's- it's nice," he simply said.

"Mine, too."

"What is it?" he asked, his voice so low that if you weren't so close to him, you wouldn't hear him from all the chatters in the classroom.

You longed to tell him.

Tell him and get it over with. Put down the weighing affection in your shoulders, your lungs and your heart, even if it meant having it broken.

You looked up at him, biting your lower lip so hard it almost bled.

Remus waited and waited and waited for you.

"It's uhm, it's parchment... and uh,-"

"Mr Lupin, are you two done with your potions?

You quickly put a distance between you and Remus. Professor Slughorn stood by the pot, smelling the potion.

"Ah, you are. Well done, you two."

You refused to turn back to Remus, your eyes examining every student in the classroom as Remus cleaned the desk.

James Potter was grinning at Lily Evans, who, in turn, had an unreadable expression on her face. You hoped Lily had smelled James; it would make your friend foolishly happy.

It was a bit chaotic in the room; happy, angry, sad and confused faces were scattered around. A student had even managed to blow up his potion somehow.

You saw Sirius and wondered what he had smelled, but soon your thoughts took a turn when you noticed Sirius was not alone. He was muttering something to Severus Snape with a devilish grin on his face.

"You guys have another prank coming?" you asked Remus, your eyes not leaving Sirius.

You didn't see Remus flinch and almost drop the knife.

"No? Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Then Sirius must be messing with Snape for his own amusement."

Remus hummed softly.

"I love James and Sirius, but was this really necessary?"

It was cold, and you were freezing, not because you had clothed lightly but because it was seven in the morning and in the middle of winter. Remus, seated next to you, was in no better condition. All because your friends insisted you watch them fly around on a broom.

"Well, he had said we were a great support."

"Do I look like any kind of support at this moment?" your teeth were starting to chatter. You closed your eyes at Remus's chuckle, hoping, wishing and praying that you would never forget its sweet melody.

"You look anything but."

You laughed at his words, totally oblivious, his gaze lingering on your smile.

"When is even this game?"

"In two weeks, that's the only thing Pads and Prongs talk about. Where's your head at?"

"I usually tune them out. They're disturbingly loud."

James screamed loudly at Sirius; you threw an 'I told you so' glance at Remus, who rolled his eyes in return. You liked when he did that.

"Try living in the same dorm room with them."

"Must not be fun since you're carrying the scars of the battle in your body."

"And in my soul," he nodded swiftly several of times. You adored the way his brown locks messed into each other, still looking fluffy. "Are you cold?"

"No, I'm sweating," you snarked, peeking at Remus. Maybe you were wrong because he definitely appeared more decent than you were. He beamed at you, sneaking in closer, his leg brushing yours.

Without further ado, he pulled his arm over your shoulder, tugging you to his chest. Your breath hitched as his scent filled your mind.

You hated how your heart reacted every time you were this close to him; a hand away to hold his hand, a breath away to kiss his lips-

"Better now?"

You pushed the image deep into your mind, heat blossoming in your chest, colouring your cheeks.

"Cheers."

The next you-don't-know-how-many minutes later, the practice was over, and the players were now descending to the ground. Remus hadn't let go of you yet, not that you wanted him to.

You watched as James and Sirius joked around, Peter joining them later on.

"Hey, lovebirds! Come down!" James yelled, his hands around his mouth.

You raised your head to see Remus frowning at them before smiling at you, which you returned shortly as you stepped out of his warm embrace.

"Who's hungry?" James asked as you two also joined them and answered before anyone else could. "I am. Let's eat."

"Evans still won't tell me what she smelled in Amortentia."

"Drop it, mate. If she wanted to tell, she would've," Sirius slapped James's back before stepping into the Great Hall before everyone.

"If you push her, she might get irritated, you know," you reasoned with James, albeit you knew it was in vain.

"With me? Impossible, I'm lovely."

"Not to her, apparently."

"Not everyone has a Moony around to cuddle, Y/N."

Peter snorted and dodged the hit from Remus's hand.

"What? James, that's not even relevant!" you hid the crimson of your checks with feigned annoyance, refusing to glance at Remus.

"It doesn't have to be relevant," he shrugged, grinning ear to ear. You shook your head, grabbed a toast and didn't see Remus arch a brow at James.

"Where's Sirius?" Peter asked, making all of you turn around.

"He was there a minute ago, was he not?" you questioned, aimed mainly at James. If there was only one person you could ask about Sirius, and he would have an answer, he was James.

Obviously, not this time because James simply shrugged.

You were jealous. You had never been jealous over Remus until now.

You knew Lily Evans was his good friend, you liked her too, and you knew Remus would never even think about her in that way.

But still, you couldn't help but feel like you were on the edge of a cliff, waiting for someone to push you every time Lily would put her hand on Remus's hand, grazing the tiny cut lightly with her thumb. Your heart was a target to all sorts of knives when you heard Remus chuckle at Lily's words.

You couldn't help but wonder if she knew Remus's secret.

"Jealousy is not a good look on you, Y/N," Sirius cut your thoughts short.

"I don't know what you're talking about," you dismissed him with a shake of your head, pulling your gaze from Remus to the potion top. "Did you add the Powdered Root of Asphodel?"

Remus had always told you that you were the girl closest to him, and it would always stay like this. But you couldn't get rid of the doubts in your mind you were so certain that were emerging because of your feelings.

"Yes, stir twice clockwise," Sirius started working on Sopophorous bean juice. "I'm talking about Moony."

"What about him?" you bit down your lip and hoped your voice didn't shake when Remus's nickname startled your train of thought. How you loved that nickname...

"Others may be oblivious but don't be ridiculous, I see how you stare at him."

You didn't know how to reply to that claim, so you kept silent but turned your eyes to the long-haired boy. He smiled at you as if an encouragement, which almost crumbled your defences. You were on the verge of giving out.

Would it be bad if there was at last a person to share your feelings with?

"So, is it a monthly 'I fancy him' situation or..?"

"Something more," you finished for him, earning a croon. Here, you had said it with no guarantee that he would keep your secret but with the hope that he would help you carry the burden.

"Am I that transparent?"

"Only when you're jealous, love."

You nodded, smiling a little.

Sirius watched the way you were picking the skin around your nails.

"Hey, stop worrying. I'll tell no one."

Relief had hugged you at that moment, thankful that Sirius took your feelings lightly and didn't make a big deal out of it. Also, happy that you weren't alone anymore in this secret; you had someone capable of understanding.

"Sirius?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you think he'll ever...love me back?"

He sighed, drying his hands. You felt his hands on yours, returning the gesture.

"You know Moony, he doesn't talk about feelings," you laughed bitterly, placing your head on his shoulder. "But he is a plonker if he never returns your feelings, and I'll make sure he gets a new scar if he ever hurts them."

"Thank you, Pads," you melt into his hug as you feel his arms around your waist.

"You smell of strawberries," he took a strand of your hair into his hand, sniffing it. "What shampoo are you using?"

"Stop smelling me like a dog!" you pushed him away, giggling when he gasped in fake hurt. "Focus, we still have to finish that potion."

Sirius carried on with his Sopophorous bean, and you looked around for a sloth brain.

"Did you forget the sloth brain?"

"I thought you were going to get it," Sirius shrugged, looking up. "Moony and Evans have one more. Go and grab from them."

You glanced at the pair, noticing that Remus was already staring at you. He didn't budge when you smiled at him and changed his focus back to Lily.

Red hair, green eyes, dainty freckles and graceful stature. Why did she have to be this beautiful?

You sauntered to their seat, passing near a bunch of students that were requiring the Professor's attention. Remus refused to look up to you when Lily offered you a kind smile.

"Hey, Remus, do you mind sharing an ingredient with me and Sirius?"

"You don't have it?" his tone was not kind, and his eyes were cold.

"I thought he was supposed to take it, but it turns out he thought I would take it," you mumbled real quick, still not fathoming the reason behind his coldness. "So here we are."

"You guys were pretty out of it. How do you even manage to get the job done?"

"We are doing fine," you frown. What was wrong with him?

"Yeah, I saw."

"Are you going to let us borrow the ingredient, or should I ask James and Pete?"

His gaze finally changed into something you couldn't quite name. He turned to Lily, who was trying her best not to pry.

"We won't need the spare," she consented in an instant. Remus dashed to the other side of the desk, clutching the jar and dashing back to you.

"Thank you," you mumbled as you clasped it in your hand. He merely nodded one time before carrying on with whatever he was doing.

You could swear you heard Lily whisper to him, 'What the bloody hell is wrong with you?' before parting, but you ignored it.

You couldn't find Sirius when you were back, so you finished the last steps of the potion on your own. He didn't pop up when the Professor checked the work or when he dismissed the class.

"Why are you pissed at me?"

"Moony is pissed at you?" James hopped in as you made your seat next to Remus, who was busy with his meal.

"Yes–"

"I'm not."

You stared at him in disbelief and bemusement.

"You certainly are. Now tell me why."

When Remus looked at you, a smile inched his lips up though his eyes were still grumpy.

"Where's Sirius?" he asked.

"I-I don't know," your head sought him out, giving out in confusion. "How is he any relevant?"

You ignored James muttering, 'You really do like that word, huh?' as your eyes desperately tried to understand why Remus was being weird. But instead of an appropriate reason, all you got was a shrug.

You shook your head in dissatisfaction and stretched your arm for the pumpkin juice. Seeing your attempts, Remus's hand had already grabbed it and now was pouring the juice for you.

"Thank you," you whispered before clearing your throat. "So, we'll study together in the library again, right? Now that you're not 'angry'?"

Remus shook his head when you drew quotation marks with your fingers in the air.

"Today, yes. Not tomorrow, though."

You quelled the rising anger and heartbreak in your heart. In a trice, you twisted in your seat, facing James.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?"

He was taken aback by your sudden query. By the state of his full mouth and the bread crumbs around his lips, you figured out that he wasn't paying the slightest attention to you and Remus.

"Quidditch practice before breakfast?"

"In the evening, I mean."

"We're supposed to–"

"I wasn't talking to you, Remus."

Remus pursed his lips, cursing himself for not talking to James that morning. James's face crinkled in bafflement.

"I am supposed to finish my star chart with Sirius."

You nodded and glowered back at your best friend. James made a face at Remus behind your back as if asking what was going on.

"You don't take Astrology, Remus."

"I'll study with Lily tomorrow," he said, and you froze.

You were supposed to study together. You and Remus. Together. Like the way it had always been.

He wasn't supposed to study with the prettiest girl in the house. The graceful girl with a delicate smile and silky fire-kissed hair.

You didn't know when or how the familiar burn in your chest surged up, but you recognised what it was. You welcomed the acute sharpness of its thorns and the way it cut through your heart.

"Oi! Why didn't you tell me that? I could've finished the chart earlier and joined you!"

You tuned out James's protest. You wished you could tune out Remus mumbling to him, 'We decided in the potions.' too. But if there was one thing you could never turn a deaf ear to, it was Remus's voice; soft yet stern, melancholic yet hopeful. You wanted to tattoo the tune into your brain the way it was engraved into your heart.

You heard Remus call your name. You hated the way you loved your name from his lips. He had always chanted your name so gently, like an incantation, caressing your soul's most hidden-away parts.

"Yes?"

"I couldn't say no to Lily," he said apologetically.

"Yes, of course," you rose from your seat, offering Remus a smile you hoped covered the hurt behind your eyes. "I understand."

"Where you going?" he attempted to grab you by your wrist, but you were agile. You snatched your wrist away unobtrusively.

"I'm going to look for Sirius."

"Hiya, love," Sirius greeted you at the curtail step of the Grand Staircase. You had looked for him in the castle, but you stumbled on him when you finally gave up and decided to head to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Where were you? I couldn't find you close to the end of the potions," you asked him, feeling a bit better now that you're out of Remus's company.

He shrugged, denying you the answer.

"You, too, Pads?" you stopped your steps, making Sirius do the same. He looked confused.

"I, too, what?"

"Somehow, I never get an answer to any of my questions these days, and it's bloody frustrating," you blurted out the grudge that had made home in you within a breath.

"Someone's getting ready to throw a strop," his mocking tone brought you to your senses. You pouted, sighing away the anger and resentment building up in your core.

"Don't sulk, love," he said as he dropped a hand on your shoulder, which impeded your movement on the stairs. "If it is any consolation, I have a problem with Snape."

"What problem?"

"You remember our last prank on him, right?" he smiled sheepishly. He continued when you nodded. "Right, so he may or may not have been trying to get back at me for it."

"So you two have been fighting like two little third-years for the last week?"

"Uh-huh," you rolled your eyes when he showed you his ridiculously white teeth. "I'm setting the ground for something big, but can't tell you, so don't ask."

"Fine."

"Your turn."

"It's silly," you cringed at the thought. Everything always made sense in your head until it was time to actually voice them.

"Good. Then we'll have a laugh. Come on, now," Sirius squeezed your arm as reassurance.

"Remus is a liar. Sometimes..." you purposely left out the once-in-a-month fact, "He stands me up, saying it's a Marauders thing-"

You held your hand up to interrupt Sirius, who was about to back up his friend.

"Don't. It is a lie. I know something is going on, and I have speculations, I'm not stupid, Sirius–"

"Never said you were."

"And it's okay, you know? We talked about it, and he told me he needed time, and I didn't argue. But now he tells me he isn't gonna study with me because he promised Lily, and I know it's an excuse because he couldn't use the 'Marauders thing' lie this time–"

"Don't forget to breathe."

"It's just...she's pretty and smart and–"

"In love with Prongs."

"You don't know that."

"No, but she will be, and you don't even need to worry about Evans. She's just a good friend of Moony."

You exhale heavily, begging for your endeavours to suppress the ache in your throat to work.

Yes, she was a good friend of Remus. But you're supposed to be his best friend.

Howbeit, more importantly, what was muddling you was the thought that Lily knew Remus's secret.

"I know, Pads. I just can't help it."

Sirius said the password to your common room and gave you the way first.

"You should talk to him, you know," he said as you threw yourself onto a sofa.

"And tell him that I'm ridiculously jealous because of his friendship with Evans, yeah?"

You smiled at Sirius's laugh. "I pity you, love."

You pitied yourself, too.

You grimaced when you felt the metallic taste of blood. Pulling your teeth from your lips, you pushed them together so the blood on them would dry.

You've been pacing around your dorm room, contemplating whether to get down to the library.

Part of you yearned for Remus's presence, while the other part wanted to avoid him forever, not ready to face and voice your thoughts to him. You knew he never left any quarrel unsolved, never letting you stay upset.

Ultimately, your love for him overwhelmed your resentment, and before you knew it, you grabbed your book and ambled down the stairs.

Your knuckles were white from clutching the book hard when you entered the empty library. The only thing you could think about was if Remus was going to be there.

And he was.

He raised his head from his book the moment you crossed his sight, brown eyes full of different emotions that you couldn't sort.

You chose to ignore how his leg was bouncing and how his hair was way messier than usual.

He softly smiled at you when you sat next to him. You smiled back.

You hoped maybe he would act like everything was alright and you wouldn't have to think about your feelings.

But you inhaled sharply when he didn't.

"We're fighting a lot these days," he said, looking at your fingers rather than your eyes. "I hate it when we fight."

"We didn't fight."

"It may not be a fight, but," he took your hands into his, "I know you're hurt."

When you kept silent, he took this as his cue to go on.

"I'm sorry, dove. I should've known it would hurt your feelings to stand up our evening studies."

"You know well that it is not the matter," you said, pulling your hands back. "Stop acting like you don't."

"I'm going to need you to be more specific."

Dozens of questions raced through your mind, but you only managed to ask the one tearing you apart with jealousy. You pushed to voice that screamed at you, saying 'you're being too blunt' back in its place.

"Does Lily know your secret?"

Remus sighed. He parted his lips and then pushed them back together. You fathomed that he was getting irritated from the twitch of his hand.

"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't bring this up again–"

"Does she?"

"She does."

"You told her."

"She figured it out herself," he arched his brow at you eloquently. You despised the meaning behind that expression. It mocked you, claiming that you were not as bright as another.

"Of course, she did," You turned your side to him and opened the cover of your book. Little did he know you had figured everything, too. Except, you waited for his confiding.

"Alright, that's it," Remus shut the cover back to regain your attention. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?"

"Y/N, you've been picking fights for the last bloody month. And I try, I really, really try to be patient but I don't understand what your problem is."

Your face wrinkled in confusion. 

"Remus, what are you talking about? We were fine until this morning."

Remus held back for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Maybe. But we're having the exact bloody conversation every once a month, and it's getting on my nerves."

This was the last straw for you. Getting on his nerves? 

You had been patient with him since the day you became friends.

You had been understanding towards him every time he pushed you away when he was upset and pulled you back for support.

You had been gentle with him every time he snapped at you before full moons and every time he broke your heart after full moons.

And you had been loving him for the last five years, first as your friend, then as a boy, despite his flaws, blemishes and imperfections.

And now he couldn't even handle your resentment?

Anger climbed its way to your chest, burning down every wall you've ever built to keep your heart's secrets hidden away.

Words were scattered across your mind, ready for you to use them as your weapon against the pain havocing in your soul.

You couldn't keep anything in anymore.

"You know what's getting on my nerves, Remus? You being a liar–"

"I am a liar?"

"Yes. Yes, you fucking are. You have been lying to me for the last five years, and I've been bloody patient.

You think you're being patient? Well, try being best friends with yourself. Someone who lies to you, keeps secrets from you, but tells you you're his best friend, and then fucking repeats everything again."

"I asked you to give me time!"

"And I did! I've been understanding towards you and acted dumb every time you gave me nonsense excuses like you did today."

Remus shook his head. 

"You're being selfish."

"I am being selfish?" your eyes widened in disbelief. He truly had the gall to call you selfish after five years of his lies, excuses, and your espousing only for his sake.

"It's not always about you, you know. I just wanted to spend some time with Lily tomorrow, it's not an excuse."

You sniggered, awed by the way he could lie so easily.

"How come even Evans knows you better than me?!"

Remus clenched his jaw and rose up to his feet. You knew he was trying his best to keep himself collected, not to take out the anger on you, but you had had enough. You looked up to the veins popping up on his neck from your seat when he raised his voice.

"She figured everything out herself! It's not my fault that you can't do that!"

"So, now I have to try to solve you out by myself? That's not how friendships work, Remus! You're supposed to trust me-"

"No! I don't have to do anything! I've had fucking enough. I don't owe anyone anything, including you. Remus this, Remus that. Everyone has something they want from Remus. Everyone rubs their so-called favours and sacrifices into my face, always demanding something in return-"

"I've never even once harped on anything I did for you! I only wanted you to open up to me-"

"And the only thing I asked from you was patience! Fucking patience!" he dashed at you, grabbing you by the sides. "But here you are, bringing up the same bloody thing every month like a broken record! So yes, you are the most selfish girl I've ever met!"

His words cut through your heart like a sword, the same sword you had placed in his hand.

You looked at his dilated pupils and how they almost swallowed the gentleness of the brown you always loved.

You blinked the tears away that were threatening to invade your vision and swallowed the lump in your throat down.

Patience, he had said. Time, he had said. You were selfish, he had said.

An unfamiliar surge of acrimony washed you down, anger flaming in your chest. Its white flames swallowed your love for the boy whole, echoing his words from nothingness.

You pushed him away as hard as you could. He tottered a few steps back, eyes softening at your raged visage. In a blink, you were up from your seat and closed the distance between you two.

"You want patience? I have been patient when you let everyone in but me. I've been patient when you pushed me away in the second year after learning about your father. When you snapped at me for worrying about you. When you yelled at me because I wanted to touch the scar on your face." 

Remus parted his lips, but you held your hand to stop him from talking. With every sentence, your tone was soaring, the tears were prickling your eyes, and you had let go.

"Don't interrupt me! I'm not done. I gave you time when you got 'sick' every month and didn't let me see you or when you cried in my lap but refused to talk to me later. I gave you time when you didn't speak to me for days because you were angry and when you lied to me every month because you didn't trust me enough!

You want time and patience?!

I have given you my time and patience for the last five years and have been loving you for the past three, Remus! So don't you ever dare to call me selfish!"

You snapped your mouth shut, letting the wave of fury and relief wash over you. Remus's eyes changed into something new, something you had never learned about him.

 Only then did a stronger feeling hit you: dread.

You had confessed your love for him. 

His eyes were heavy with emotion, the crease between the brows still reminding you of his anger, while the benign brown lit up the hope inside your soul.

"You what?" a whisper left his mouth, so low that you wouldn't be able to hear it if it wasn't dead silence in the library.

You didn't repeat yourself. You didn't even reply to him. You simply turned away and dashed out of the library.

xxxxx

When you woke up the next morning, all you could think about was that it was a full moon today.

You didn't think it would be a good idea to see Remus today, but you were worried about him. You wished to know how he was, where he was, and how he would endure this night. Would he have new scars the following day? Or a headache? Did he love you back?

So many questions and not enough answers.

James and Sirius were in the Quidditch practice, probably Remus and Peter as an audience. You had decided not to join them this time, trying to drown the chaos in your mind with homework instead. Or maybe you were too embarrassed to acknowledge Remus. 

Anyhow, one can only tolerate writing an essay to one point.

You slapped your book shut, groaning to yourself when you relived your last memory with Remus. Yesterday was the reason why you hated being angry; you would either cry or lose control of your mouth. And since you had bone both of them in one evening, you were planning on rotting in your room. However, your short span of attention was not helping. With every sentence you managed to put together, Remus's brown eyes would pop up in your mind. 

You glanced at the weather; grey clouds and chilly wind. Who would even want to be outside in this weather?

James (and maybe you).

You shook your head and decided that maybe rotting yourself until everyone would forget about your existence was not a good plan, as it was getting boring. Checking the time, you smiled because the Quidditch practice should be finished by now. Thus, you got up and left your dorm room. If only you could make it out of the common room without being seen by Remus. 

Sauntering down the stairs, you slowed your steps. Before revealing yourself, you checked the common room and saw James and Peter laughing. No Remus or Sirius. You wondered if Remus told them about your love confession. You hoped not.

Stopping into the room, you made your way to them, putting on a genuine smile. You tried to suppress the anxiety rising in your throat and reminded yourself that these boys were your friends.

"Look who's here," James narrowed his eyes at you. "The traitor."

"I missed only one practice, James."

"He and Sirius are way more dramatic today. James almost asked Evans to marry him this morning."

"Seems like a normal morning, Pete," you said, even though you couldn't help but chuckle. "Where's Sirius, though?"

"He went to see his brother. Said he'll be back in ten minutes or something."

You hummed at James, pushing your lips together.

"And Remus?"

"With Evans, I wager."

The familiar burn in your chest resurfaced. 

"I'll go find Sirius. See you guys later."

"You have a death wish, I see?"

You jumped at Sirius's voice. As opposed to what you said to James and Peter, you didn't go looking for Sirius. Instead, you were strolling around the castle yard. You liked how the frigid air sent shivers down your spine, it was refreshing. And you, without a doubt, needed refreshment.

"How'd you know?"

"You're walking around in nothing but your sweater?"

You smiled and shrugged, waiting for him to catch up to you. When he did, he removed his black leather and placed it on your shoulders. You caught the burn on his hand.

"What happened to your hand?"

Sirius glanced at his hand shortly and yanked it back into the pocket of his trousers.

"Ah. Nothing. Snape and I had a little duel just now."

"Sirius, this is getting out of hand. You need to stop."

"Yeah, don't worry. It's going to end tonight."

Your heart dropped. 

"What do you mean?"

He burst into laughter, worrying you more. 

"I'm going to scare the hell out of that prick, he'll never dare touch me again."

You attempted a smile, though you weren't sure it came out smooth.

"What do you mean?"

Sirius turned to you, patting your arm with his fist. "Don't worry about it. Tell me what made you take a walk in such weather."

Now you were both worried and uncomfortable. Embarrassment was burning your ears up, making you wish that the ground would split in two and swallow you whole. However, you decided to bury the worries and awkwardness. You deserved someone listening to you, after all, so you shared everything with him.

After a few gasps and woahs, you quietened while Sirius was contemplating what to say and how to say it.

"You haven't seen him since?"

You shook your head no.

"Well, he was grumpy this morning, but I don't think it's related to you."

Yet, you were certain that it was related to you. 

He was grumpy because he was angry at you. He was grumpy because he didn't return your feelings, and you made him uncomfortable by confessing them. He was grumpy because you just shattered your friendship. Or maybe he was grumpy because it was a full moon.

"I think he hates me now."

Sirius snorted at your declaration. "You're one hell of an overthinker, aren't you?"

When you didn't reply, he pushed you with his side softly, "Hey, come on, it's Moony we're talking about. He can never hate you."

"You can't possibly know that."

"Yes, I can. Remember in the third grade how he literally hated all of us for burning his paper?"

"I mean, he wasn't exactly wrong. We did destroy two weeks' work."

"Exactly. He rained hell upon us for a month. Well, most of us. He didn't touch you, and whenever we would ask him why, he would hit us before saying, 'It would hurt her feelings'."

You smiled at the thought of thirteen years old Remus coddling you.

"I didn't know that."

"You don't know why James changed his wand last year in the middle of the semester, either."

"I thought he broke it."

"Nah, Moony broke it."

Your eyebrows shot up in bewilderment, amusing Sirius. He nodded before resuming to talk.

 "James had a brilliant idea to cast a spell on you that would twist your tongue every time you talked. Remus wanted to waver him from it, but he was stubborn, that bastard. So before he could cast the spell, Remus broke his wand in our dorm and made it look like an accident to James."

Your smile grew wider, your eyes tearing up from intense emotions. Remus always knew about your anxiety, and he had always cared enough to help you through it. Whenever you would fidget with your fingers because you were about to give a big speech, he would put his hand on yours to calm them down. Whenever you would sweat because the professor was criticising you in front of the whole class, he would touch his knee to yours to let you know he was there. Whenever someone would make fun of you, he would be the first one to stand up for you.

"I didn't know he had it in him."

"Oh, he has a lot more in him when you are the matter," Sirius side-hugged you, letting you lean in. "You can ask him if you want."

You frowned, about to ask him what he meant but stopped in your tracks when your eyes sorted Remus from the other side of the yard. He was with Lily. Before you could ask Sirius to return to the castle, he yelled from the top of his lungs to make himself heard.

"Oi! Moony!"

"What are you doing?!" you whisper-shouted at Sirius, who was dragging you to Remus's side. 

"You can't avoid him forever."

As you got closer and closer to his side, your heart picked up the pace. You didn't feel ready to talk to him today. You were sure you wouldn't be ready tomorrow either.

Lily waved at you two when you made it to their side. You noticed the bags under Remus's eyes and his bouncing leg. You refused to lock your gaze, focusing on Lily's glorious smile. Still, you could feel his burning gaze piercing your heart.

You had tuned out their talking, alerting your mind only to Remus's presence. You didn't hear Lily's giggle or Sirius's mocking tone; you didn't even care what they were talking about.

You only cared that Remus was bouncing his leg, snapping his fingers and rubbing his temple.

You longed to put your hand on his leg to calm it down, hold his hand so that he would stop hurting them, and kiss his temple so maybe it would tender the ache.

Your heart was burning up in your chest, clenching in agony. The agony of being so close and yet so far away from him.

Every tune around you was muffled, slave to even a whisper from Remus, but he wasn't making a single sound.

You had lost count of how many heartbeats were beating in your chest, wasting time by beating away from Remus's heart.

Suddenly, they stopped.

"I have to go," said Remus.

His hoarse tone shattered everything into nothing.

He got up from Lily's side and walked back into the castle. You didn't follow him.

You missed his voice.

The weather was dark and still cold. You clung to Sirius's jacket more tightly. He hadn't asked for it back and said he would take it from you tomorrow.

You should return to the common room; it was neither safe nor clever to wander around at night. And you did. You turned around and started striding to the castle, only to flinch when you saw a figure exiting it.

It was hard for you to distinguish the person, so you followed him. You waited for the light of the full moon to reveal the silhouette's identity to you. You bit down your lip when you saw Severus Snape sauntering towards the Whomping Willow.

He must've lost his mind.

Your heart fastened with Severus's every step, dread of what was about to come sending tremors down your body. Your fingers itched in anticipation.

You hid behind a bush and watched him with terror. It was dark at night. It was a full moon. You were near the Whomping Willow.

Why did you even follow Snape?

When he finally crossed the safe proximity, the tree started moving. Your hand covered your mouth, your eyes unable to blink.

You waited for the tree to frantically shake and sway its branches. You waited for it to injure Severus or maybe even kill him.

But it didn't.

The moment it started to move an inch, it stopped. You thought maybe Snape had cast a spell; you could only see his back.

He slowly approached the tree, disappearing into a hole under it.

You rose to your feet and took a few steps towards the tree. You felt uncomfortably vulnerable at that moment, standing out in the open where you could get attacked by every side and wouldn't even be able to prevent it.

What if the tree starts moving when you're near?

Where did Snape go?

Should you even be here?

If there was only one question you knew the answer to, it was the last one.

You wanted to return to the castle and forget about all this in the morning. You truly did. However, you figured that there was no turning back when you heard a howl and a scream coming from the hole.

You jumped back with fear, oblivious to the yelp that left you.

Your first instinct was to run. Run away as fast as you could, without looking back, but something deep in your conscience didn't let you flee.

What if Snape was alone out there, and he needed help?

What if he was injured?

You cursed under your breath and took one more step towards the tree.

Your heart was pounding in your ear, competing with the sound of the howl down on the ground. You convinced yourself that it was the fear that made the howling sound closer than before.

One, two, three.

You exhaled sharply and started running to the hole.

You prayed that the tree wouldn't move.

Your legs made a stop before you could fathom what was happening.

More than one figure emerged from the ground, but your eyes only saw the big, ugly beast. Moonlight was glistening through its thick grey fur, displaying a horrendous sight. The tawny glow in its eyes was impossible to miss, as well as its tall and scrawny bone structure. The snarls from the beast were threatening to change into something more dangerous. 

Snape was screaming. You could swear you heard James, your name or maybe your own scream too.

However, your eyes never left the beast.

You had seen it in the pictures. You knew what it was.

A werewolf.

Remus.

And it was planning to attack Severus.

Your Remus.

You took out your wand, not even once looking away from the beast. Your mind was chasing every charm you've ever chanted, looking for the best one for the situation. 

The beast pounced on Snape with a growl.

Snape slumped into the ground. 

The beast towered over him, ready to attack. 

You aimed your wand at it, screaming the first thing that came to mind. 

"Petrificus Totalus!"

You had diverted the beast's attention, presenting an opportunity for James to save Snape.

"No, Y/N!" 

When James's cry tore your mind from the shock, you understood that you had made a mistake. 

Spells don't work on werewolves.

A gasp left your mouth when the werewolf directed its attention from Severus to you. You didn't see Snape fleeing or James carefully walking to you. All you could see was the icy light in its eyes glaring at you, sending sheer panic down your spine.

You hesitated to make any more sound, no matter how much you wanted to yell James's name for help. 

You didn't know how to fight werewolves, no one had ever taught you that. You didn't want to die, either.

The growl from the beast intensified, sending you enough signals that the inevitable was close. With your every step back, it was taking a step forward. 

No, no, no, no, no, no.

"Y/N RUN!

And you did. 

You ran until your lungs gave out, your legs crippled, and your heart burst.

You ran until your eyes watered from the chilly air, your nose hurt from the sharp breaths, and your ears echoed the beast's growls.

A branch cut just above your cheek, but you didn't stop.

 You ran until you lost control of your mind, giving it up to your body, performing purely under adrenalin.

But the beast ran with you, too. It followed you into the forest, howling and growling, letting you know death was close. Letting you know that the screams drowning in the night were in vain. Letting you know that the tears staining your face were in vain.

Your breaths mingled with your screams, your hair getting into your mouth. Sweat and tears melded into each other, burning up the cut on your face.

Before you could understand what had happened, your body hit the cold ground with a thud. Your eyes clenched shut, taking in pain vibrating through you. You felt the soil staining your face and body. Your weeping turned into a shriek when you felt yourself yanked into the dirt on your stomach.

Your eyes widened with fear when you finally fathomed the claw grabbing your ankle. It dragged you back, hoping to get the claws on your throat, too. Your fingers dug into the earth. You fought to free yourself from the beast. The jagged stones on the ground gashed your forearm. The dirt stung the gash. Your blood glistened under the moonlight. The beast howled. It turned you on your back.

Remus, Remus, Remus.

One last cry left you. The beast raised its claws, towering over you.

Remus.

You closed your eyes. The tears didn't stop.

Moony.

A high-pitched whine soared in the sky. You were sure it didn't come from you. Something hit your hip. You opened your eyes. 

A stag. 

A stag stroke the beast with its horns in the underbelly, tossing it away from you. The stag jumped over you, attacking the werewolf again. Animalistic voices ascended in the middle of the Forbidden Forest.

You crawled behind a large rock and took deep breaths. You knew you had to run. This was your opportunity to flee for your life, but you had exhausted your body. You needed time to recover.

The growls and whines never stopped. They got louder and quieter. Closer and farther. You didn't know.

You raised your head. The Moon was gleaming, casting light your way as if telling you to get going. You couldn't. Not now.

You lowered your head at your hands. They were filthy with dirt, the soil blackening the insides of your nails.Y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶g̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶d̶u̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶a̶r̶t̶h̶. You moved your left arm, checking the backside of your forearm. T̶h̶e̶ ̶j̶a̶g̶g̶e̶d̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶n̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶r̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ ̶g̶a̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶e̶a̶r̶m̶. You winced at the scar and the fresh blood around it. Y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶g̶l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶o̶n̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶

Without warning, a sob left put your mouth, startling you. You pressed your uninjured hand on your lips, listening around. The voices had stopped. Neither the stag nor the beast was there. You were safe.

Your hands didn't leave your mouth, so terrified that if they did, you would make a noise and lure in the beast again. You knew your body was reacting to the shock and exhaustion, but you despised the tears flooding from your eyes. You needed to get it together and leave the Dark Forest. Albeit the beast was gone, the forest was still dangerous. 

You stood up with a groan, not lowering your wand for protection. Your clothes were spoiled, and you were hurting. You looked around to find a familiar way back to the castle.

"Y/N!"

You aimed your wand at the voice, your heart retaking the pace. The voice was familiar, but you were not in the right mind to identify it.

"It's me, hey. Lower your wand," James's gentle voice weakened your muscles, your hand shaking and breath hitching. Relief surged you from head to toe.

You didn't remember when you dropped your wand into the ground and threw yourself into James's warm embrace. You only remembered how he soothed you as you sobbed with exhaustion.

"You alright?" he put a hand on your shoulder and the other on your wrist to check you out after you pulled away from the hug. You nodded, feeling his gaze on your injured arm.

"Where were you?" You didn't recognise your own tone, rasp and brittle.

"Here. With you."

Something hit you in the gut. A realisation twinkled in your mind, finally comprehending the depth of 'Prongs'.

"You were the stag."

He smiled at you. "I knew you were a bright witch."

James Potter being an animagi wasn't the first priority for you tonight. 

"What happened to..." you couldn't let out the rest of the sentence. The beast. R̶e̶m̶u̶s̶

"I led it back to the Whomping Willow."

The next moments passed with silence, you two walking together to the castle and James subtly keeping his hand behind your back to make sure you were fine. You relived everything from the beginning, this time making sense of the incidents. You had so many questions and even more feelings gushing in you.

"I don't understand, James."

"Hmh?"

"Why was Snape there? Where were Sirius and Peter?"

You heard James clear his throat. His tone changed from gentle to furious in a moment.

"Sirius told Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow. That bastard thought it would be a good prank. He told me later because he had started to second-guess himself," he retorded, "Peter was also there, you just didn't see him. I sent him to make sure Severus gets into the castle safely."

No. 

You shook your head, not believing your ears. This couldn't be what Sirius meant by handling the Snape problem. You didn't want to believe it. Not because you were thinking too highly of Sirius but because you imagined how devastated Remus would be the next morning. You knew how much he trusted his friends.

"Remus..." you muttered under your breath, earning a hum from James that signalled him thinking the same thing. 

"Sirius will be in big trouble. I'm sure Snape had already run to Dumbledore."

You turned to James with widened eyes, he talked before you could panic. 

"Don't worry. He didn't see me as the stag or see Peter at all. That's why I was belated. I'm sorry I couldn't make it there sooner."

"Thank you for even making it there," you whispered, closing your eyes when the castle entered your sight. You avoided thinking about the possibility that James might not make it in time. What would happen then was something tragedic you never wanted to admit. "Will you see Remus tomorrow morning?"

James looked at you with such intense emotion that you thought he was pitying you.

"I will but–"

"I want to be there with you."

"No, Y/N, listen," he scratched his chin. You stared at him in question.

"I will have to explain everything to Remus tomorrow. And by that," he said, "I mean everything."

"James, I want to–"

"No. I don't want you to be there when I tell him how he almost killed you. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be there either."

"But it's not his fault–"

"That's not what he's going to think in the morning. I'll talk to him alone. Don't insist."

This was the most serious you had ever seen James Potter. Thus, you knew he wasn't going to back down. So, you didn't insist.

By the time you were in the common room, your body had calmed down, now only exhibiting exhaustion symptoms. James hugged you one more time before sending you to your dorm room.

"Shower with warm water and go to bed. I'll be in the common room if you can't sleep."

You wanted to ask him why he didn't go to sleep, but you couldn't even part your lips. So you simply offered him a weak smile and headed straight to the bathroom. The girls in your room were already asleep, meaning you had to be extra careful not to wake them up.

You scoffed at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Frantic hair, shrunk pupils, a cut on your cheek and dirt on your face. As if all these weren't enough, the gash on your arm was throbbing with pain, blood staining your sweater and maybe even Sirius's jacket too.

You stepped into the shower and let the warm water clean you thoroughly. You clenched your teeth to suppress the groan you wanted to let out of pain from your cuts. The black dirt left you as the water stroke down your body, helping you get this night out of your skin.

Your eyes were glued to the dirt getting washed away, harking back to how the beast hauled you onto the ground. Your skin still remembered the burn from the rough friction.

You couldn't close your eyes, you couldn't even blink. Every time you did, a pair of two glistening yellow eyes would stare at you, threatening to hunt you down if you kept your eyes closed a second more. If you thought about the beast a little bit more, you were sure you would have a panic attack.

So you let your mind wander around something else.

Brown locks, chocolate eyes and pink lips. 

Your lips curved when you recalled his soft voice, the way he called you dove. You warmed up, and not because of the water but because of the memory of how Remus gently stroked your hair. How he wiped away your tears. How he braided your hair perfectly after begging Peter to teach him. How he had always given you something hand-made on your birthdays because he couldn't buy anything.

You missed him. You missed the gentle smile he was always offering you. You missed your tender bickering and his teasing innuendoes.

You had missed your best friend, and no matter what would happen tomorrow, you were going to talk to him.

You couldn't sleep well that night. You even had a nightmare about what happened.

James was late in the dream; you died in the end.

So you stayed up all night, only being able to dive into sleep when the air was lightening up, turning into sapphire blue. At the same time of the day, Remus was turning back to his human self. You would chuckle at the irony if you weren't sleep deprived.

When you woke up, your heart was hammering in your chest. Your roommate was beside you, a glass of water in her hand. You felt sweat drops in your neck and temple; you must be having another nightmare, then.

She offered you the glass, which you gladly accepted. 

"Thank you," you said rather hoarsely. 

"It's almost five in the afternoon, hun."

You sat up in your bed, brushing your hair back with your hands. You had a terrible headache.

"It is?"

"Aye. You sure you're alright?"

"Yes, Lizzie, thank you," you smiled at her before leaving the bad. You were both grateful and uneasy that you had missed the most part of the day. This meant that Remus had already learned about the prank.

You eyed yourself in the bathroom mirror. You looked way better than yesterday night, undoubtedly. Your face had gained its colour back, and your frenzied eyes were glistening with something other than horror. The only flaws were the small cut on your face and the new eyebags.

You got ready and went down to the common room. Because it was Sunday today, the common room was crowded with students. 

Your eyes searched any of the Marauders but failed. They weren't here, and you were hungry. You made your way to the Great Hall, accompanied by nice growls from your stomach. Fortunately for you, it was dinner time.

You were too focused on the food before to find yourself a seat, so you didn't notice anyone approaching you. You flinched when a kind hand touched your arm.

"Y/N?"

"Oh, hiya Lily."

The red-haired girl smiled at you with emerald eyes. She pointed to a corner around the table with her finger. "Potter asked me to call you."

Your eyes found James, who looked as tired as you but still managed to put on a simpering smile. "Cheers," you said to Lily.

You sat next to him, stuffing your plate. Your stomach growled harder at sight.

"How are you feeling?" James asked, watching you nibble on a toast.

"Have been worse. You?"

"Have been worse."

You knew what you had to ask him, but you also knew you needed your appetite at the moment, or you would starve yourself. So you simply hummed and hastened to finish your meal.

You tried not to think about the two empty seats as you sipped your drink. James and Peter were having small talk, trying to lighten the mood. You didn't listen to that either.

You swallowed your last piece as slowly as possible, delaying the inevitable. James looked at you briefly, and you understood what it meant. He raised from his seat, having you follow him.

When you two found an abandoned corner, you turned to him, tuning out the racing of your heart.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" he pointed under your eyes with a nod of his head. You shook your head. 

"Did you talk to him?"

Unfamiliar gloom darkened James's features. "I did. Told him everything."

He glanced at you before averting his eyes away again. "He just listened. Thanked me in the end and said he wanted to be left alone."

Your heart clenched in pain. You didn't want him to be left alone. "Where is he?"

"Dunno. Didn't look for him."

"Where's Sirius?"

James stayed silent for a few seconds. "Dunno, either. We had a fight, but my guess is somewhere in the forest in his animagi form."

You didn't dwell on it any further. You loved Sirius, but you loved Remus more than anyone. Albeit you weren't furious at him, you still didn't plan on seeing him any sooner. 

"I need to talk to Remus, James."

"I truly don't know where he is."

You had to find him. You had to find him and tell him that it wasn't his fault. 

You nodded at James, mumbling a quick bye before wandering around the castle, trying to figure out where he could be.

He wouldn't go to the library. It would be an easy guess for anyone trying to find him.

James said Sirius would be outside of the castle. You were sure Remus wouldn't risk encountering him.

That left you two or three places that you knew Remus would run whenever he wanted to avoid people. So you got going.

You didn't find him at Room of Requirement or Hospital Tower. You cursed the school for being this large in area. It took you almost an hour to get from one side of the castle to another. Fortunately, you were sure Remus was on the Astronomy Tower.

As you got closer and closer to the tower, anticipation chased your heartbeats high, your hands fidgeting with their fingers. You took a moment to regulate your breathing, which had no effect on your pacing heart.

Without wasting one more moment, you entered the tower.

There he was, sitting on the ground, his head low between his hands. Around him was cold and dark, gleaming with the light from the Moon and stars. Your heart ached at the sight of him. You stepped forward, letting the sound of your footsteps alert him. He didn't acknowledge you, but you were sure he had heard you. Heartbreak burned through you, maiming you because of the distance between you two.

Your steps stopped next to him. He still hadn't looked up to you but hadn't asked you to go away either. So you sat next to him, raising your head to gaze at the stars while his head was low between his hands.

"The stars are beautiful, Remus."

He didn't budge. He didn't even move. You peeked at his chocolate-brown hair, suppressing the urge to mess with them.

"Your hair looks nice today."

Silence. You didn't know if he was ignoring you or simply ignoring everyone, and it wasn't something about you.

"Doesn't your neck hurt?"

"No."

You gulped when his voice echoed in the air. 

"It must hurt if you've been keeping it like that for a long time."

"It doesn't."

"Liar."

Silence again. You yearned for his voice once more.

"You can put your head on my shoulder, Remus."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Go away, dove."

His voice was fragile and pleading. It broke your heart, shattered it into million little pieces. A lump made its way to your throat. 

"Why?" you asked, a voice as broken as your heart. "I don't want to go away."

"But I want you to," he loosened his fingers from his hair, dropping them to his lap.

You turned to him. "Don't push me away, Remus."

You reached for his hand, but he gently pulled them away. "Remus, please."

He shook his head, still not looking at you. 

"I need to know why you don't want me here."

He left your side, ambling to the parapet of the tower and leaning to it. You stared at his back in disbelief.

"Remus-"

"Go away, Y/N."

"You won't even look at my face when you kick me out."

Finally, he snapped his head and locked eyes with you. His eyes looked tired, blazing into yours. He had a new scar under his lower lip, from James's horns, probably.

"Go away."

You stood up, frowning in annoyance. "No, I'm not going anywhere," you took stern steps in his direction and closed the disturbing distance. "We need to talk, Remus."

You adored his amber eyes despite your annoyance. You loved to dive into its depth and get lost, sorting out every colour one by one.

He stayed where he was, but you detected his eyes lowering from your eyes. He stared at the cut above your cheek, clenching his jaw.

You unconsciously turned away and hid it from Remus. Memories flooded in a blink and raised the panic inside you. You could still feel the wind hitting your face and the sting from the branch that cut your skin as you fled for your life from the beast.

"It's nothing," you uttered.

Remus scoffed at your face. You saw his eyes change into something harsh and his brows furrow.

"Yeah, sure. The cut in your arm is also nothing."

You didn't ask how he knew that. After all, James did tell you that he would let Remus know everything.

"It'll heal."

"And why is it there in the first place?"

Remus took a step forward when you didn't answer.

What were you supposed to say? Because his wolf form chased you down, and you got injured trying to flee?

"I'll tell you why," he said, voice raised. "Because I hunted you down, tossed you to the ground, and yanked you around. I only did it so I could kill you."

"No–"

"Is that what you wanted to talk about? How I'm a bloodthirsty monster whose first instinct is to kill?"

"You weren't yourself."

"What would happen if James wasn't there?"

You pushed your lips together and closed your eyes. This was the last thing you wanted to talk about.

"No, open your eyes," he raised your head by your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. "Tell me what would've happened if James wasn't there."

You blinked away the tears that were threatening to invade your vision. Remus made you relive the same nightmare you had that night over and over again.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I need you to understand! I need you to understand that I'm not someone you can fucking love!"

You startled in your place, both by his anger and claim. Something had burst into flames inside you now that he had finally acknowledged your feelings.

You opened your mouth to quarrel, to tell him he's wrong, and that you loved him more than anyone or anything in the world. But he didn't let you interrupt him.

"You think I haven't thought about what you said in the last two days? You haven't left my mind for even a bloody second!" his tone was raised but broken.

"You were the one pushing me away!"

"Because I wanted to keep you away from all this shit! I wanted you to see me as something other than a cursed boy. Why do you think I never shared that secret with you?!"

"That secret is part of your story, Remus. If you thought that I wouldn't love you with it, you must've been out of your mind."

You didn't think he understood the depth of your love for him, and you needed him to understand. It didn't even matter if your feelings were not returned.

He shook his head no.

"No one, Y/N, no one loves a monster like me."

"I do," you pleaded.

Words weren't enough to convince him or express your love for him, but you were trying.

He took your arm in his hand and pulled the left sleeve of your sweater up, revealing the gash. You tried to pull your arm back, but he overpowered you, tightening the hold on your arm. You grimaced when his fingers pushed on the scar.

"This is what happens when you love someone like me."

You used your whole strength and tugged your arm back. You marvelled at your tone when you spoke.

"Stop it! You weren't yourself, Remus!"

"How does that even change anything?!" he screamed, his voice breaking and his eyes tearing up. "Don't you understand? I am a danger to you!

"Remus–"

"You think this is easy for me?! I have fucking lost my mind these last two days because you were the only one in it! My brain wouldn't think of any name other than yours! My heart wouldn't beat for any name other than yours! And when I am finally ready to tell you that I love you, too, James comes and tells me that I almost fucking killed you!"

His eyes were blood red, and the veins in his neck had popped up. Tears left his red eyes and paved the way down from his jawline to his neck.

Remus was crying.

It was a sight you had never got used in the last five years.

Your mind refused to work, denying to comprehend the words that left his mouth. It was all too much, and all in one moment.

"You love me, too?'

You didn't recognise your own voice, probably because all you could hear was Remus's confession. You expected your heart to race this time also, but instead, it was dead silent. Or maybe you were just too focused on Remus's eyes.

His tears never stopped, and he never tried to stop them.

He was breaking down at last.

You walked up to him and closed whatever distance was left. You looked up into his eyes as he lowered them to you.

"But you didn't kill me," you whispered, bringing your hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes, raining more tears on your hand. You gently wiped them away.

"I'm here, Remus. I'm here, and I'm telling you that I love you. I don't love you despite your curse, I love you with it."

Remus scrunched up his face, letting out a sob before sinking his head down your shoulder. You felt his tears on your neck.

At that moment, you knew no words would ever soothe the storm in his heart.

So you held him as he bawled like a child.

His crying sent daggers to your heart, ripping it open.

You begged for his pain to become yours so that he would never hurt the way he was hurting now.

You didn't know how many minutes past. All you knew was Remus's sobs and whimpers hurt you like nothing else ever did.

You didn't let go when the heavy sobs turned into heavy sighs or when the tear-fall in your neck turned into warm breaths.

You caressed his hair and kissed his neck when he calmed down. When he talked, it was gritty and low.

"I'm a monster, dove. A monster that will tear you to pieces if you get near."

"I love you," you whispered. You felt him let a short, breathy scoff to the crook of your neck.

"I attacked Snape last night like a beast."

"I love you."

"I almost killed you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

You shut your eyes, breaking your face into a tiny smile. Four words, one sentence, and his lips close to your neck was all you needed for revival.

Remus inched away from your neck, lingering his lips next to your wound. The red in his eyes hadn't worn off, but the brown of his eyes was blazing with affection.

You drew a sharp breath when he kissed above your cheek.

He caressed the nick lengthwise with tender pecks. His hand grazed your other cheek while the other one made its way to your waist.

You held your breath when he lowered his lips, hovering them above your lips. His hot breath tingled your face, you fought the urge to close your eyes.

He whispered your name, and that's when you gave in. You closed your eyes and unknowingly parted your lips.

One second lasted one year. 

Something flamed up down in your chest when you felt Remus's soft lips on yours. He kissed your lips gentle and soft, but short. Pulling back, he stared into your eyes, chestnut brown darkening with every second.

"I love you," he whispered.

Within a blink, his lips crashed into your lips again, this time more intense, more passionate, taking away the air in your lungs. You melted to his touch, letting his lips savour yours while his hand on your waist tugged you closer. Your breaths mingled together, leaving your heart fluttering in your ribcage.

If time had stopped and trapped you at this moment, you wouldn't complain.

You craved his scent on your soul, his touch on your body and his lips on your lips. But most importantly, you were more than glad to be buried in his love.

He pulled away and smiled at the way you filled your lung with air. You felt his thumb caress your face.

"There's no getting rid of me, now, dove." 

His smile was tired, his eyes still carrying the heartbreak of yesterday. You knew he was still a broken boy inside, but you loved him anyway.

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think!

if you enjoyed my writing and this fic, please, buy me a cofee <33

alr let’s get nasty and disgusting w it: Reggie and step sister!reader 69ing, with reader underneath Reggie, holding him open for Sirius who is absolutely demolishing his hole

rating: 18+. mdni.

pairing: stepbrother!sirius x reader x stepbrother!regulus

content: incest, stepcest

note: sirius and regulus engage in incest. don’t like, don’t read!

it’s a little embarrassing to have regulus’s nose brush so close to the quickly dampening apex of your legs. the tip nearly delving between your wet folds, his mouth panting against your throbbing clit between his lips. his deep inhales of your heady scent making you want to squirm. but you don’t. you can’t. regulus is too heavy.

your eyes stay glued to the sight before you, regulus's leaking cock swinging above your face, occasionally catching on your lips for you to suckle at the endless beads of precum, sirius's taut balls repeatedly slamming against regulus's reddening backside.

"oh... merlin, reg..." sirius hisses under his breath, his voice deep and velvety as he fucks into regulus eagerly. you feel regulus grunt against your pussy, his tongue poking out to lick your swollen clit. you moan softly, feeling your hips buck upwards, his nose dipping between your folds, your juices likely smearing across his flushed skin.

“j-just… h-hurry up…” regulus pants, the octave of his voice giving away his arousal, “she… she gets the point.”

sirius scoffs, pressing his hips into regulus further, “tighten up then, would you? I haven’t loosened you up already, have I?”

regulus makes a noise you know too well, a groan of embarrassment as he struggles to come up with a retort for sirius’s words. sirius chuckles, moving his hips rhythmically again, the squelch of his cock slamming into regulus’s tight hole growing faster and louder.

regulus pants against your pussy, his impending orgasm making his balls tighten and his tip trickle beads of his cum. he rubs his face against your cunt, smearing your wetness across his face, breathing you in and mouthing you with increasing ferocity as sirius ruts his hips faster, harder, deeper. he lays a wet kiss to your mound, “you’re next, y/n. are… mmph… are you going to take me well like I’m taking sirius?”

okay, first off, these are amazing, the series always makes me sob sm, like with each chapter i think i cry more and more, secondly this had to be one of my favourites writings ever it’s literally so well written and the story line/plot is EVERYTHING, thirdly I just love how everything worked out in the end, with Draco living with them and everyone living together and JUST UGHH. Everything about this is so perfect and we’ve been blessed 💗💗

Come Back, Be Here Masterlist

Come Back, Be Here Series (complete) - links to every chapter available within each works

One Shots/Blurbs Sirius hears of your death (CBBH hurt no comfort) Can We Try? (padvix's first time after the war 18+) Can We Hold Hands? (vix + James go shopping) 🫧 Bedtime Foul (CBBH Sirius x reader raising their kiddos) Vix's scar (CBBH padvix + Lily + MoonWater tell the kids about the war) You're not my real mum! (padvix deal with a temper tantrum from Draco) Trip to Diagon Alley (CBBH jily + padvix take the boys shopping for Hogwarts) What's One More? (CBBH padvix + family holiday special) Grounded (CBBH raising the golden trio blurb) 🫧

CBBH universe Remus x GN!Muggle Barista padvix moodboard

Chats/Q&A's Sirius & Regulus' relationship The Orb Borders The Black/Potter Children What was Draco's last name? Who all lived in the Potter Manor?

🫧 = elle’s favourites

Let me take care of you

TW: self-harm. Nothing too graphic, but it's there. (A short description of the wounds, that's about it?) So, if you get easily triggered please read carefully.

Word count: 1 800

He opened the door to their dorm, seeing Sirius laying in his bed, he wasn't supposed to be back yet, so it took Remus by surprise. “I thought you had quidditch?” He asked, setting his bag down on the floor, and taking off the cloak.

“Do.”

“And you're here because -?” He asked, but this time didn't get an answer. Something was wrong, though he wasn't sure what it was yet, but he could tell. Remus walked over to the bed, seeing the tear tracks on Sirius' cheeks, they were quite visible even in the dim lighting. He wasn't crying anymore though, he looked like he was sleeping. He sat down on the floor, leaning his head against the bedside table, smiling slightly as Sirius opened his eyes. “What's wrong?”

“N-nothing.”

“Sirius, love, I can tell something is wrong.” he said, reaching to brush a strand of hair behind his ear. “Wanna tell me?”

“Don't feel good.”

“Do you feel ill or-?” Sirius shook his head, eyes tired as he looked at Remus. “Okay. Did something happen?”

“No.”

“That's good, baby.” He smiled softly, trying to figure out what exactly was wrong, maybe it was just a bad day. There was this pained expression on Sirius face, though Remus couldn't quite place what it was or what could be hurting him. “Not feeling up for quidditch?”

Sirius shook his head. “Jamey thinks I'm sick.”

“Okay.” He chuckled, watching as a faint smile flashed on Sirius' face, though it faded quickly. “Talk to me, love?”

Sirius took in a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment as if to prevent tears from falling. Then, with the arm that had been folded under his head, he reached for Remus'. He smiled, intertwining their fingers together, rubbing small circles into his wrist with his thumb, waiting for Sirius to speak.

“I'm sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry, angel?”

“Did somethin’.”

Remus felt his heart sink at the all too familiar situation, dread and worry, but he stayed calm, knowing it would make Sirius mire anxious if he'd panic, and he didn't want that. So, he just reached to wipe away the tear that fell down, being as gentle as he possibly could. “Show me, baby.” Sirius shook his head, more tears spilling out. “Please? M'not mad, never mad. I just wanna make sure you're alright.” he whispered, wiping away more of the tears, shifting so he was sitting on his knees.

“I'm so sorry.”

“Shh, shh, it's okay.” he brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. “Let's get up? Just wanna make sure they're all clean, don't want them to get infected, do we?” Sirius shook his head. “Then we'll have some cuddles, sound good?”

“Chocolate?”

“All the chocolate you want.” Remus smiled, kissing his forehead, getting the smallest of smiles out of the boy. “I should even have a few chocolate frogs left, remember the ones Pete bought for Christmas?”

“Still?”

“I'm not as greedy as you think, baby.” he chuckled, kissing his nose and cheek before getting up from the floor. “Plus, I got a ton of chocolate for Christmas. I got other sweets too, c'mon up love.” he said, taking both of Sirius' hands into his and leading him into the bathroom. “Hop up, darling.”

Sirius did as he was told, hopping up to sit down on the counter, watching as Remus pulled out the muggle med kit he insisted on using, though Sirius didn't mind. He also got out some cotton pads, and a clean towel, kissing Sirius' forehead when he came to stand in front of the boy.

“You have to show me now, okay?” Sirius nodded, looking down, starting to fiddle with his sleeves. “Take your time, baby.” He whispered, brushing his hair back, as he looked at Sirius, who shook his head after a moment. “I can too, if you want me to.”

“Please.” Sirius whispered, looking up at Remus, eyes filling with tears again, threatening to spill over.

“Okay. Don't worry.” he gently rolled up the sleeves of Sirius' jumper, going slowly so Sirius' could stop him if it felt too overwhelming. He winced slightly at the sight, he couldn't make out everything, but small, somewhat deep looking cuts were on both arms, blood slowly dripping down. “We're gonna have to put some bandages on these love, shh, shh, don't cry it's alright. I'm gonna clean them with these first, then with some water, and we'll put bandages on to keep them clean.”

“You have to tell me if it hurts too much.” Sirius nodded, tears falling as he closed his eyes, feeling how Remus started to dab the cotton pads on the deepest looking ones, wiping away blood. Sirius just kept still, keeping his arms where Remus left them, resting on his thighs. He heard the water running after a moment, and he opened his eyes, glancing at Remus, who just wiped away the tears before squeezing the excess water out of the towel.

“You know this is gonna sting a bit, I'm sorry about that, baby.” He whispered softly, waiting for Sirius to nod before starting to clean his arms better, apologizing every time he heard a hurt whimper come from Sirius, going lighter on the next one. “All done with that, love. You did so good. Proud of you.”

“Kiss?”

“You can definitely have a kiss.” He smiled, leaning down to give him a chaste kiss, getting another small smile from him as he leaned back up. “Just one more thing and you'll get another kiss, okay? Maybe even a hug.” Sirius nodded, looking up at Remus through his wet eyelashes, looking tired and still sad, though not as much as before. He gently wrapped his hands up with the bandages. “Not too tight?” He asked, lacing their fingers together when he was done.

Sirius shook his head, looking up at Remus. “Sorry you have to do this.”

“Shh, no, don't be sorry.” He whispered. “All good. I don't have to do anything, you're not making me, are you?” Sirius shook his head. “I want to, baby. Wanna take care of you, if you just let me.” he smiled, helping Sirius down from the counter, who just wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, face pressing into his chest. He did the same, arms wrapping around his waist as he buried his face into Sirius' hair, swaying them just slightly. “Feeling at all better?” he asked after a moment, hand running up and down his back slowly.

“Only ‘cause of you.” He mumbled. Remus smiled to himself, kissing his head. “Don't go.”

“Wasn't planning on that.” he whispered, smiling softly once Sirius looked up at him. “I’m proud of you. So proud.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you.” He leaned down to give him a kiss. “Wanna go to bed?” He nodded, but leaned against Remus rather than moving. “I'm not gonna carry you, love. It's barely fifteen steps, you can make it.”

“Mm no.” He whispered, shaking his head. “Wanted to take care of me.” He grinned, and Remus was just glad there was at least some of his normal cheekiness back. “Please moons.”

“Only this time, baby.” He whispered, kissing his forehead before lifting him up, Sirius' legs wrapping around his waist, clinging on like a koala. He smiled as he was set down onto the bed. “Wanna change into something more comfy?”

“Want your jumper.”

“Okay.” he nodded, going to dig out two of his jumpers, since he definitely wanted to change out of his school uniform. He also dug out the stash of chocolate he kept in there, handing Sirius the jumper before going to the bathroom to clean up the mess he had left before. He changed his jumper while walking back over to Sirius, climbing in bed next to him. Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder, shifting so he could curl up to him, feet over his lap, which was nearly impossible to do comfortably in the small bed, but he didn't mind.

“You promised chocolate.”

“I did.” he reached for his bedside table, grabbing the two boxes of chocolate frogs, giving them both to Sirius. “I'm eating the other one, by the way. Which cards are you still missing?”

“Rowena Ravenclaw at least, then I have all the founders.” he said, opening the package, and giving the frog the Remus. “Then some rarer ones I think, I've had such bad luck, never got Ollivander. No luck.” He said as he looked at the card he just got.

“Maybe next time, baby.” He nodded, opening the other one, this time taking the frog for himself, flipping over the card.

“I have like three of her, what the hell.” Remus laughed quietly. “It's unfair Moony. I will slip it into James' deck, he has like ten.”

“And how many of them are actually his?”

“Maybe two.” Sirius smiled, and he laughed again. “ ‘s only fair, he keeps giving me Dumbledore. But I, unlike Jamey, keep track of my cards.”

“Sure you do love.”

“I do.” He said. “Well, at least I notice if cards suddenly appear.”

Remus smiled, grabbing the trash from his lap to set them down on the bedside table. “Do you want more?”

“A bit?” Remus nodded as he grabbed the chocolate bar, opening it and breaking pieces off, few for himself and few for Sirius, then set it back on his bedside table. “Thank you.” he yawned, leaning even closer to Remus.

“Are you tired?” Sirius hummed. “Should we take a little nap? We have time before dinner.”

“Mhm. Don' wanna go.” he mumbled. “So tired.”

“What if we sleep and see what we'll do after? It's not until a few hours, love.” Sirius nodded. “C'mon, let's lay down, you'll be more comfy.”

Remus shifted so he was laying down, smiling as Sirius laid down too, resting his head on Remus' chest, half laying on top of him just because he could. Remus pulled the blanket over them, holding Sirius close.

“Do you wanna talk?” He asked, starting to play with Sirius' hair, Sirius shrugged, hiding more into Remus' chest, starting to draw shapes to his chest to keep his hands busy. “We don't have to, love. But you know it helps.”

“I'm just tired.” He mumbled. “Really overwhelmed. Just a bad day, I guess.”

“Okay.” He whispered, kissing his head. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Just wanna be with you and sleep.” Remus nodded. “Snuggles.”

He chuckled, holding Sirius a little closer, smiling as Sirius reached for his hand, so he intertwined their fingers together. “I'll wake you up in a few hours, okay?”

“Mhm.”

“I love you.” He whispered into Sirius' hair. “Sleep well.”

“Love you too.”

A/N:

Hi :)

Hopefully you liked this, and remember to take care of yourself <3

Also, both James and Sirius would have the biggest chocolate frog card collection, and would mess with each other constantly. (Remus gives all his cards to Sirius, cause why wouldn't he?)

You can't convince me otherwise on this, like no way that didn't happen

Have a good day/night/something, see you around somewhere, maybe?

<3

I'm not mad at you

TW: Mentions of suicide (it is the topic, but there's nothing too graphic) So that being said, this topic is very sensitive (like most of my writing stuff you shouldn't be surprised if you've been here before) Anyway, please, if you get triggered easily do not read this, or at least be careful

Word count: 2 900

“Jamey?” Remus asked shakily, coming to stand next to James' bed, who was currently the only one beside him in their dorm. “I-i think I need help.”

“What's up, moony?” He asked, sitting up on his bed, immediately getting worried as he looked at Remus. He was shaking all over, skin pale and eyes wide, then he glanced at his hands, seeing blood. “There's blood. Remus, why's there blood?” James asked before he could answer.

“I- um. Don't feel well.” He said, closing his eyes, trying to get rid of the spinning in his head, though it did nothing to help the way he was swaying on his feet. Soon he felt James' hands on his shoulders, he opened his eyes, trying to focus on James' worried gaze.

“Okay, c'mon sit down, I don't want you to pass out.” He said, guiding Remus to sit down on his bed. James bit his lip, looking over Remus, when his eyes landed on his arms, he was starting to panic, the sleeves of his jumper were stained with blood. “What's going on, re?”

“Sirius is mad at me.” He said unhelpfully, looking at James as if it was the most obvious thing.

“That's not-.” He started but stopped himself mid-sentence, knowing that wouldn't help with anything. “I know he is. But did something happen today? Or now?” Remus shook his head, closing his eyes again. “Okay, okay. Can I take a little look at your arms? You're bleeding.”

Remus didn't answer, but James did it anyway, he needed to know why there was blood. He gently pulled up the sleeve of Remus' jumper on his left arm. He couldn't exactly see where all the blood was coming from, it looked like there were many cuts. He had never liked blood, and it made him a little uneasy, but he kept looking, he needed to know. He turned Remus' hand over, there was even more blood dripping from around his wrist, but he couldn't see the wound, not clearly at least.

James was definitely starting to panic now. He quickly checked his other arm, there wasn't nearly as much blood but still some. “Hey, rem, how 'bout we go see Poppy quickly? I think she'll be able to help you, yeah?”

“No, no.” Remus whispered, shaking his head. “Please James n-no.”

“It's good for you, yeah? I'll go quickly grab something, and then we're going.” He said, getting up from the floor, he went to the bathroom, seeing a blade on the floor but ignored it for now and just grabbed a roll of bandages. He quickly wrapped it around the biggest wound on his left hand, hoping it would help at least a little.

“C'mon Remus, please? Let's go.” He said, and Remus looked up at him, his eyes looked hazy and unfocused, making James even more worried. He took Remus' hands into his and pulled him up from the bed, leading him into the hospital wing, even though he was very much against it.

He knocked onto the locked door, hoping madam Pomfrey wouldn't already be sleeping, since it was already late. It didn't take long until the door opened and madam Pomfrey peeked into the corridor, first looking at James and then her eyes landed on Remus, taking in his appearance. He was swaying just slightly, he looked very pale, and then she saw the blood stained bandages.

“What's going on, Mr Potter?” She asked as he let them in, gesturing onto the nearby bed where Remus could sit in.

“I-i don't know. He didn't say. There was so much blood and I thought this was better than um...”

“Well you made the right decision.” She said, quickly glancing at him. “Go take a seat in the corridor, please.” James nodded, though he didn't want to leave Remus alone, but he knew he couldn't stay, he couldn't just say no to madam Pomfrey, so he slipped out of the door, closing it behind him.

“What happened, Remus?” She asked gently, trying to look him in the eyes, but his eyes were very unfocused as he stared at a spot on the floor. She started to pull up Remus' sleeves to see where the blood was coming from. Remus just shook his head.

“I'm going to quickly clean these up and close them.” She explained, taking out her wand, starting to apply the spells she had just told him about. “Then, I'm going to put some bandages on to keep them clean, and I'd like you to stay here for a bit, just to make sure everything is okay.”

Remus didn't answer, but didn't fight back about her treating him, or doing the spells that she knew would hurt at least somewhat. But she kept talking to him, knowing from the countless times she had treated him after full moons that he liked to know what was going on. That he didn't like if he didn't know what was done to him. “You've lost some blood, dear, you must feel dizzy, no? But I have this potion that'll help with it, then it'll be good that you get some rest.” Pomfrey said, finishing up bandaging his arms.

She summoned the small vial of potion. “Now just a warning, this tastes horrible, but it'll make you feel better, think you can take this?” Remus looked up, blinking a few times before nodding, and she nodded, handing him the vial. His hands were shaking slightly as he brought it up to his lips, swallowing the horrible tasting liquid. “Alright, I'm going to give you something to help you sleep. I'll come check up on you a little later.”

Remus nodded slightly, accepting the next thing she gave to him. “Just a small sip is enough.” She instructed, and he did as he was told, handing the bottle back to her. Remus laid down, and Pomfrey pulled the blanket over him before getting up and going to the hall.

She sat down on the bench next to James, who looked up at her with teary eyes. “He's okay, Mr. Potter.” James nodded quickly, wiping his eyes. “Do you know any reason for this? Has anything happened lately, has he been acting differently?”

“No, I don't think so. He said nothing happened when I asked. I-i mean he and Sirius were fighting, even he said that, but- but they always are so I don't know why he did that.” He said, trying to think if something had been different. “He doesn't talk, I don't know.”

“That's okay, don't worry.” She said with a small smile. “Could you talk me through what happened before you came here?”

“Of course, yeah.” he said, running a hand through his hair and fixing his glasses on his nose. “He came from the bathroom and asked for help and I asked him why there's blood, and he just said he didn't feel well.” James tried to explain. “I asked him if something happened, but he just said that Sirius is mad at him and that nothing happened. He tried to fight me on coming here, but I was scared he'd pass out -”

“You did good. Go and try to get some sleep, Mr. Potter.” James nodded, looking at her. “If something comes up, please come see me. And, if you see Mr. Black, ask him to come by in the morning.”

“Okay.”

…

“Good morning, Remus.” She smiled, pulling a chair next to his bed. “How are you feeling?”

“M’tired.”

“That's to be expected, any pains?” Remus shook his head. “That's good, but like before, no need to hide the pain for me. Just tell me and I'll give you medicine.” She reminded, like she did every time after a full moon. “Now, can you tell me what happened?” He looked away, shaking his head. “Okay.” She said with a nod. “Your friend was very worried about you last night, do you remember?”

“He always panics.” Remus said quietly. “No matter what it is.”

Poppy smiled slightly. “Do you want to talk with me?” Remus shook his head. “That's okay. I'll check back in later, but is there anyone you want to see or talk to?” He shook his head again, biting his lip. “A house elf will bring you breakfast soon.” she said, starting to get up.

“Y-you mean I don't get to go?”

“No, I'm sorry about that, but I'd like to keep you here for at least for a little while.” Remus nodded slightly, watching as she got up from her chair, and into her office.

He quickly wiped his eyes, turning to lay on his side and curling up to himself. He felt tired and weird, he wasn't even sure what the feeling was. He felt guilty too, and his arms were burning horribly against the bandages. He fell asleep after a while, ignoring when madam Pomfrey tried to wake him up to eat breakfast. The next time, he woke up to someone opening the curtains around his bed, and the legs of the chair scraping against the floor.

He slowly opened his eyes, seeing James sitting in the chair he had heard. “Hi rem.” He smiled slightly. “Poppy said you're not up for talking, but she also said you're gonna be here a while, so I brought you a book.” James rambled, handing the book to Remus.

“Thank you.” He whispered, setting the book down onto the bedside table. “Why are you here?”

“I brought you the book.” He said simply. “She asked to see Sirius, so I thought to pop to see you and bring you the book.” he said as Remus just continued looking at him, knowing there was another reason for him to be here.

“Why does she want to see Sirius?”

“I don't know, rem.” he said. “She didn't say, just asked me to ask him to come by, last night.”

“Oh.” He looked away from James, closing his eyes for a moment. “What did he say? To you.”

“Nothing, just followed me. I think he was worried.” Remus shook his head. “He still cares about you, y'know. He- he did say he'd like to see you, but then he said that you probably don't want that.”

“Okay.” he whispered. “Can you go, please?”

“Mm yeah, of course. I'll come tomorrow, okay? I can bring you something if you'd like.”

“It's fine.” James nodded, getting up from his chair. “James?” He whispered before he could leave, and James turned to look at him. “Wanna see him.” he whispered even more quietly, James nodded with a smile.

When James left, he picked up the book, just to see what it actually was, of course he had brought the most boring one out of the books he owned. He laid down on his side, wanting to sleep, but he couldn't find himself to fall asleep again. So, he just laid there listening to the faint conversation he could hear in Pomfrey’s office, the voices sounded familiar, but he wasn't exactly sure how he knew them. Then that died down too, and after a moment the curtains opened again.

Remus looked over his shoulder, seeing Sirius, he sat up, blinking a few times. “M’sorry, I-i can go but um James -”

“No, no, don't go, please.” He said quickly and Sirius smiled, closing the curtain before sitting down onto the chair that was still pulled up to the bed. “Why- why are you here?”

“Poppy asked.” He said, pulling one of his knees up to the chair, wrapping his arms around it, resting his chin on it. “She asked if anything had changed lately in your life, if anything had happened, if me or James noticed anything.” Remus nodded. “She said she's going to talk to Minnie as well, probably lily too and Pete, but I'm not sure.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her the truth, Rem.” He said. “I told her what happened, that we fought and haven't talked and that- Nevermind. What happened, Remus? I was so fucking worried when James came back crying, and then I saw what our bathroom looked like. I was so worried, and I couldn't even come to see you cause-”

“Sorry.” He whispered, his voice cracking. “It was just too much. I didn't mean for this to happen. I was- I'm so sorry.”

“No, hey, don't say sorry.” Sirius hesitantly got up from his chair, sitting down onto the bed. “It's okay Re, I understand. I do. You don't have to explain yourself, not to me, okay? Never ever, you know that rem.” Remus looked up, and it hurt to see him like that, eyes filled with unshed tears and so much pain.

“I- thought.” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Why're you not mad at me? Why- you were. Why aren't-”

“What?” His voice was filled with genuine surprise as he looked at Remus. “Why would I ever be mad at you, hey Remus, no look at me? Shh, don't cry, please no. Love, I'm not mad at you, never. Why would I, huh?”

“Love?”

“Shit, sorry. No, not sorry. I mean it, of course I do, just not supposed to now, used to it y'know…” He smiled for a moment. “Anyway, Remus, it's okay. Don't have to explain yourself, and I'll never ever be mad at you for something like this.”

“But before -”

“I know. And I'm so sorry for that, I shouldn't have, not to you. It's been shit, and I've tried to think how to make it up, I really have.” Remus nodded. “I shouldn't have acted like that.”

“It's okay.”

“No, Re. It's not.”

“Can't think.” He mumbled after a moment. “My head's all hazy. Can we, um, talk later?”

“Of course.” He moved to get up, but Remus grabbed his wrist before he could.

“Sorry -” he whispered, letting go of his hand. “Can you stay?”

“Do you want me to?” Remus nodded. Sirius smiled, sitting back down, shifting so he was sitting across from him on the bed. “Have you eaten?” He asked, glancing at the tray on the bedside table.

“M'not hungry.” he whispered, shaking his head. “Don't… I don't want to.”

“I won't, don't worry.”

Remus nodded. “Could- Can you come here?” He asked, nervous as he looked at Sirius, who just smiled, moving so he'd be sitting next to him on the bed. “Thank you.” He whispered, leaning his head onto his shoulder and letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

“Don’t have to thank me.” Sirius whispered, wrapping his arm around him, hoping to make it better somehow. He took Remus' hand into his, seeing a small smile flash on his face at the gesture.

“I'm so sorry.”

Sirius shook his head. “No, don't say sorry, Rem.” He sniffled sadly, tears threatening to fall. “You can cry if you need to. I'm here.”

“I've missed you.”

“I missed you too. So much.” He whispered, starting to run his hand through Remus' hair, gently playing with the dirty blond curls. “I'm sorry for everything that happened.” He spoke into his hair, feeling the need to say it, he needed Remus to know that he was sorry, that he regretted everything. He wanted everything to be okay.

“I'm sorry too.” He turned to look at Sirius who smiled sadly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, then moved to wipe away the tears that were trailing down his cheeks. “I'm so sorry, Sirius.”

“Shh, it's okay.” he whispered softly. “We're okay. We'll be okay”

“You promise?”

“I promise, Rem.” Remus only nodded, giving him a small but genuine smile. “Let's talk later?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you?” He asked cautiously, eyes searching for Remus'. He hummed, looking at Sirius for a moment, closing the distance between them, smiling as Sirius rested his forehead on his when they pulled away. “You should try to get some rest.”

“I'm not tired.” He whispered, laying his head down onto Sirius' chest. “I can't sleep.”

“Okay.” He whispered. “I can read to you? Don't have to sleep, I just thought…”

“Please.”

He nodded, rubbing his side as he reached for the book. “This is what James picked? What the hell is wrong with him?” Remus laughed, and Sirius smiled, kissing his head before he started reading. Remus ended up falling asleep, but Sirius continued reading knowing it calmed him down, and he found it easier to sleep with background noise, it also usually made him stay asleep.

He only stopped reading when the curtain around the bed was opened, it was madam pomfrey, he lowered the book looking at her. “You should leave, Mr. Black. Visiting hours are over.” She said, but smiled as she looked at the pair.

“Please Poppy?” He asked, rubbing Remus' side as he stirred, curling up in an attempt to stay asleep. Pomfrey looked at him, raising her eyebrow, and Sirius blushed slightly. “Sorry, madam Pomfrey. Can I please stay? Only an hour or two.”

“Only this time, Sirius.” She smiled. “I’m glad you two made up.” Sirius nodded, smiling slightly at her. “I’ll be back later, then you really do have to go.”

“Okay.”

Pomfrey left again, making the tray of food disappear from the bedside table as she went, closing the curtain behind herself. Sirius picked up the book again, continuing to read, smiling at the way Remus huffed in his sleep, hiding his face more into his chest, falling back to sleep.

A/N:

Hi :)

Did we like this? I hope we did because I really enjoyed writing this

I am supposed to be studying for my exams right now, but instead I finished this, what a good reason to procrastinate, right?

I would really like to write more of this, but my head is empty, so if you, yes you, would have anything to suggest you can just message me or something? Please, I'm asking nicely

Also, if there is anything else I should tag, please tell me, I do not mind, I wanna know

Anyway, hopefully you're doing well, if you aren't, I hope it gets better soon. See you around somewhere maybe?

<33