Parent-child Dynamics Are Soooo Crazy. I Love You I Resent You I Can't Stand You I Adore You I Pity You.

“Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen.”

— Sylvia Plath

via radiantsomatics

Monday

Monday feels different these days, not anxious about the work I am doing or not wanting to do the work, I am doing.

I love what I do, I am happy I get to do this, but it also has its drawbacks, like, when will I get my invoices paid, will I find another opportunity to keep me fed and kept?

And so the anxiety is now about surviving, not the work and in some ways it feels like such a vicious cycle

There are days were the heaviness in my chest is so strong that I want to crawl under the bed or be unconscious for a while till the heaviness lifts off.

Is it always going to be like this?

Not a lot of people talk about GAD but it’s a real and deep struggle on its own

#anxiety #breathless

I feel tender

Wrung out, I feel slapped in the face or better still smacked in the face

I guess on a deeper level, I saw that coming

Moving on

Moving on from something is an entire process, moving on from a person is a different ball game, however watching someone move on from you brings with it a unique different type of sadness, which can be hard to articulate at first but then you sit with it for a bit and you come to the realization of why this sadness feels different, it’s cause you are being de-centered but then you think when did being in the center of another person’s life matter to you so immensely and then you realize it’s simply love.

I don’t think you can fully stop loving someone you truly loved, they will always be a small part of you that you carry forever.

That’s it, that’s the post.