Now I WOULD Definitely OMAD A Bottle Of Wine

War is over y'all

(I successfully changed my bedsheets in less than an hour)

drinking peppermint tea is like reliving memories of being dehydrated at the hospital and sitting lonely as a kid in the sad summer camp cafeteria

The monster cans have got to be at least a quarter of the experience, heck, a third. Have you ever looked at them closely, because man, these designs are just STUNNING.

(Today I some monster into a glass to check it's color like a normal person just does, and drinking from the can in comparison was just. So much better.)

sisyphus is just how having ana-bp feels lol

hearing "masculine women are not attractive!!" from cishet men is so stupid. like ok bitch. more for me then.

I just want to sit next to the field leaning on her on a cool summer evening with a slight breeze allowing for light jackets and the music, chatter and light of the party we escaped from somewhere in the distance.

I want to hold her hand and taste the evening air and finally LIVE

Imagining, craving all that is so painful knowing I'm fat, thinking that all of the romance will be taken from that moment when all I can feel is myself jiggling as a fat blob next to her

I don't want feeling fat to overshadow what could be so many beautiful moments, because my body has taken so many of these from me

I just want to feel comfortable taking off my jacket to drape it around her shoulders instead of using it to cover my thighs and belly

That's the true reason I've got to be skinny until summer, heck, now, as soon as possible.

I'm going to the store after school today yay :D

I think I'm just going to buy some protein bars and sf energy drinks and gum... I may buy some corn/rice cakes as well and look for new safe foods in general, if I have time... Man, I haven't been shopping like this in a while and I'm more excited than grocery shopping probblably justifies to be lol

Any suggestions on what else I could look for?

you know you’re deep in an ed when you’re triggered by finding out you have a higher than average birthweight 😭 like wdym i was nine pounds as a newborn? ok fatty

I may seem cool, but I guarantee you I get no bitches

Maybe locking in starts with simply logging my calories on my app, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen or "it wasn't that bad".

Yes, I binged, yes, I feel like a piece of shit but I can always draw the line.

I may gain weight today, but I can stay determined during the week and make a realistic plan for the weekend and actually stick to it.

I shouldn't deny my mistakes or wallow in self pity, but rather use them as a reminder what I am actually fighting for and what kind of behaviours even made me (partly) start doing this in the first place, and I can learn from my mistakes. Honestly I'm motivated to take on this week, even if I completely fucked up this weekend, or maybe especially because of that.