I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

"It's a sad truth that I will write about everyone I love, but none of them will even try and put me into a sentence."

- Dreaming of Wolves

Uhm?? Sign me up! I love thiss

I wish my hair was still undertoned with purple tho,, pretty accurate to 2018 me, tho

I like having fun

An open letter to future me:

Alright. Here we go. I'm a bit nervous to write this, because if I know myself right now, you are just waiting to read this and cringe at it. I'm sorry. I hope you aren't mad at me.

First of all, self, I know right now I have absolutely no hope and no self esteem for any bright future, but I have a feeling, a singular feeling, that you're going to go far. Maybe not me, but you. I hope you remember me, though. It's okay if you leave me behind. Change is necessary, but don't forget what was once here. Never let me fade away from your mind. Let me strengthen you. And let me remind you to heal and comfort the shattered child inside of you. She needs you. Her fight with her demons is slowly failing. She needs you to protect you. I need you to protect me. I need you to protect yourself. Draw your sword, your bow, and call upon your heart and please - come save us.

Save yourself. But save everyone else too. Save everyone you can. You might not be able to save everyone, and that's okay, but you tried. You tried. You tried so hard. I know. And it's okay. Breathe. It's okay. You tried.

Saving other people has been such a big fear and big strength of yours. I think you knew that you'd never be able to save yourself, so you tried to save everyone else, and when you couldn't, you blamed yourself. You must try to save yourself before you can try to save anyone. Trust me. You are still worth saving. You still can be saved. I promise.

This war within yourself, it has yet to be completed. There has to be a white flag somewhere, right? There has to be peace somewhere. Every war has an ending. Don't give up. The war will be over soon. I give my heart and hope to you. I give you my swords, but I hope you find a way to put your demons to rest without violence. Your demons will transform into something more beautiful. You only have to learn how to heal them too, as you are healing yourself. Your scars may stay the way they came, but they are not a reminder of your present or future. They will heal emotionally, not physically. They are your reminder that you are a warrior; a fighter. You can get through this. You got through that, this is no different. You are not your scars. You are not your past. You can do anything you dream of. Pull yourself together, kiddo. Paint a smile, a true one. You got this.

Your friends? They are your everything. But - you are my everything too. The love you show everyone else? I equally feel that for you and more. I love you. So, so much. I am so proud of you. You deserve every great thing in this world. You may be a mess, but your my mess, and I promise you, this mess is a painting. Some just need to look closer. Don't you dare care what anyone else thinks about you. You are a pretty awesome person. A pretty darn great one. You are trying to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. You try to be better - you try to change for the better everyday. I love you for that. You may not be perfect, and that is okay. I'm not going to tell you to stop reaching for perfection, but don't be hard on yourself. You are getting better everyday. I am so proud of you. I'm proud. I'm proud. I'm proud. Screw the others who never told you that. Screw the others who never loved you. Screw them. I love you. And I frickin care about you. So much. I miss you, too. In every way.

You are worth it. You are loved. You are so much more than you think you are. You are so strong. And to those who said you could never, prove them wrong. Prove them all wrong. I promise you, you will do everything you want. You have time to become the person you want to be. You have time. Change is scary, believe me, we used to fear it, but change is so good and so necessary. Embrace it. Embrace this world everytime you get. Embrace my words. When no one else loves you, I'll be here. I'll always love you, because I know deep down, even if you hate me, I know you still love me. That's why we're alive. We're giving each other chances. That's what is important. This life is worth living. This game is worth playing. Remember me. Remember this letter. Remember my words. They will stick.

Your friends are so important to you, but I want you to know that everything you have said to them, I say back to you. Look in the mirror and smile, my friend. Please. Do it for me. Because whoever looks back at you is enough. Look down at your hands. You are enough. Through every broken crack, you are enough. Let the light overtake you. Let the happiness seep in a illuminate your whole. I give you what is mine, take my heart, my soul, carefully heal yourself with your needle. Stitch yourself back together. Unfold your wings. It's time to soar. And it's time to let go.

Take care of our friends for me, okay? Tell them I love them. And I miss them. Tell them those words everyday. Spend time with them. Forgive people who wrong you and defend what you believe is right. Regret nothing. Absolutely nothing. Live your life the way you want to, not the way they pressure you to.

I hope you've gotten out of your bad situation. I hope you don't turn back. I hope you've gotten into that one relationship you were dying for. I hope you love that person with your whole heart. I hope they are your soulmate. I hope that they give you the love that you deserve. I hope you heal everyone you come in contact with. I hope you give them everything you hav, but leave love for yourself. I hope you talk about your problems and start a much needed conversation. I hope you meet those artist and poet people that you've been dying to have conversations with. I hope you have deep conversations at midnight. I hope your friends come and visit you. I hope you can have those really cool sleepovers at your own house. I hope you get your dream house. I hope you become everything you want to be.

I hope you make so many memories that you are overfilled with joy.

I hope you give yourself everything you deserve.

To all of the heartbreaks and to all of the scars we still have. To past me, present me, and future me, and to the friends who have shaped us,

Future self, you are doing great. I love you.

- Past me

"Don't cry," He whispered to the broken girl beside him on the ground, "you have me."

The girl choked on her own tears. Blood splattered on the dusty dirt ground below them. It was only them left.

"Now... Now the war is over," She wiped her tears away, "when my friends are all dead. And I'm still here."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Story Excerpt

Fun Facts About Me (Part One):

- I am most certainly a heartbreaker, but I always feel bad about it

- I wear my heart on my sleeve

- Sometimes if you listen closely, I'm singing

- Catch me walking anywhere and I'm also singing

- I also randomly dance

- I drink a lot of water. A lot.

- I have a scar on my left hand from clawing myself with my own fingernail

- My fingernails are pointed upwards on purpose

- I have an iconic fashion style

- And by that I mean I only wear black, purple, and blue

- I have tiny arms

- I have tiny hands

- I'm really smol

- Smoller than most. It looks kinda unhealthy

- I have an awkward hunch

- My eyes are very intimidating

"A part of me wonders if you'll even show up to my funeral. Will we still be friends before we die?"

- Dreaming of Wolves//Dark 3AM Thoughts

(Don't worry, I'm okay I swear, I'm just expressing myself.)

I am sick of hearing about shootings and death on the news. I am sick of having to hear about tragedies each day. I am sick of living in a world rooted in fear. I am scared to go to school. I am scared to go home. I am scared to go anywhere. There is no peace for this planet anymore. We need to come together as people. We need to heal those who are hurt. We need to focus on each other. We need to give the world a group hug. I am tired of living in fear. I want peace. And I am going to fight for it.

- dreamingofwolves

I'm scared to form friendships because I know I'm going to give it my all. I'll be loyal every single time. I'll stay up with them until 3AM if they just need to talk. I'll never abandon them. I'll comfort them and give them letters. I'll do everything. But for me? They'll be interested for a little bit. Then they'll drift away and abandon me. They won't care. They won't even think of me. This is why I don't make friendships; because I'll get hurt all over again and I need to protect myself.

- Dreaming of Wolves//Memoir

old 6th grade 2012 percy jackson fans who stopped reading in middle school when they realize percy jackson has an ACTUAL potential tv adaptation coming from disney:

"How dare you. How dare you leave me when I am at my worst. You hold a blank stare as you shatter me with your words. Can't you see I'm bleeding out? You storm away and shut the door, and the only thing I can possibly think of is how I just lost you. And how much I'm going to miss you. But you don't care, and now I realize, you never did."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent