Nearly The Entire Non-verbal/non-speaking Community Is Asking It Not To Be Used By Reliably Speaking

As someone who is trans and in love and goes to protest I had a lot of feelings about that art in disco elysium. It's so good

So glad to see this post getting attention! It kills me when I see people ignorantly using that disgusting meme.

I think we desperately need more focus on exorsexism/nbphobia & analysis of nonbinary place in society that doesn't just generalize binary experiences. It's very very exhausting seeing nonbinary things barely every get discussed UNLESS they can be grouped under transfem/transmasc issues.

& this is kind of hypocritical of me to say because I know that "nonbinary" is such an expansive term on purpose! and I like that! maybe we need different terminology because like both as someone who is equally a man and a woman (androgyne) & as someone who is agender+neutrois there are experiences I have that are not addressed by such binary-focused thinking. Even when people are inclusive of nonbinary people... you still rarely see discussions ABOUT androgynes or neutral people that center us and explore the ways we are treated AS nonbinary people. Like the ways that misandrogyny has made me feel scared of being androgynous & the feeling that androgyny is inherently ugly. The internalized distress of wondering if it's even possible to be transneutral when woman/manhood is so defined by community and there just isn't any of that for us (literally smth that caused a huge depressive episode a few months ago). The lack of awareness about alternative HRT/SRS. The lack of androgynous and neutral and third-gendered language for us to describe ourselves & our relationships. The way that a LOT of binary trans people throughout the modern history of the trans community consider/ed nonbinary identity ad a stepping stone towards binary identity, something lesser that you only do when you can't commit (hello biphobia!), AND as something that somehow makes you safer, you don't suffer as much- as if it's safer being physically androgynous around transphobes when it's your desired presentation- you arent as REAL. Literally transmeds will argue that exorsexism doesn't exist because it's all "just transphobia" and "not unique" (god that sounds familiar). The forced binarization of all of us & also the forced degendering of androgynes who are never allowed to be considered "real" men and "real" women. The idea that two transneutral people who present the same SHOULD be forced into the transmasc/transfem binary based on their AGABs because "that's all cis people see so it's what matters the most," which only serves to disconnect us from each other & silence us calling out the exorsexism we experience from those communities.

This got longer than I meant but tl;dr we deserve better methinks

happy tdov!! its a great day to support ur local black disabled trans person manage medical expenses <3

cshp & vnm @/mjthehooman

[ID: mirror selfie of mj in a hospital bathroom. xe is wearing a black graphic t shirt that says "the world ended a long time ago", it's cpunk vest, a spiked and chained mask (with a kn95 underneath) and various pieces of punk style jewelry. xe is leaning on xyr upright rollator, which also has various cpunk patches and chains hanging from it /end ID]

Big brain move

I saw a video that said lgbtq people in public are constantly trying to navigate being true to themself and pleasing cishet people for safety and often in lgbtq only spaces were constantly worried about what a cishet person would think and thats how we get queer discorse. and I think about that a lot.

Hey! I have personally really enjoyed all the guides you have written about cruising, Grindr and your other sex guides. Would you be interested (or maybe I have completely missed this) about writing a guide to sex as a disabled person? I am personally very interested in sex but scared to join the party and cruising culture because of my disability, chronic pain and discomfort (and my questioning to how I can keep covid safe in hook up culture).

Hi there!

This was a complicated ask for me to receive, I think, because it made me very happy to be asked and that someone is asking and feels empowered to ask, but also I just don't feel I'm equipped to answer it - I think that in the past year or two I've been unpacking a lot of feelings about disability and particularly the ways in which I mask or just don't openly discuss disability with ableds and randoms, there's a lot of old anxiety and pain there for me that I'm just not done working with.

Basically, I'm not equipped, I don't think, to write more extensively about cruising and casual sex with disability in mind as I'm exploring it, especially as I've become a lot more disabled in recent years.

I will say that like... For me, what's been most positive in my sex life, and indeed my life as a whole, is being in community with other disabled people, and sex with other disabled people, particularly those who either have similar disabilities to my own and/or who have a lot of experience with others who are similarly disabled, means that they're going to be more aware of my potential limitations.

For me, being autistic and also having various issues - arthritis, some old injuries probably as a result of hypermobility or whatever, my asthma - means that I'm often not very cognizant of my limitations until I reach those limitations exactly, and then I'm immediately like, okay, I have to stop RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW.

With other disabled people, autistic or otherwise, I don't have an issue tapping out like that - and with partners who aren't physically disabled or chronically ill, but are still autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, that's grand. But with like, normie hookups on Grindr? That's a lot more complex.

Like, I frequently don't use words like "arthritis" or similar, I might mention that I have an injury, but normally just that I prefer certain positions, until after we've had sex because of the ways in which people treat and desexualise disabled bodies - a while back I had a hook up, mentioned my arthritis after fucking, and he was immediately like, "Oh, there's this crystal healer on YouTube" etc lmao.

So yeah, I would recommend seeking community with other disabled people if you can - a lot of BDSM spaces and broader BDSM communities tend to have a lot of disabled people in them. Obviously a lot of the older veterans in these communities will become more disabled as they grow older, and so elder members (as in actually old and elderly, not Tumblr's definition of "elder" that's like 30+ lmao) of kink and queer communities, but also disabled people for various reasons are often drawn to kink and power play and different forms of sex work, and subsequently our expertise shows up a lot in these communities. You can always enter these spaces for the social benefits even if you're not interested in or able for harder play, etc.

One benefit about these is that there'll frequently be more online spaces or smaller, more limited munches - I obviously can't promise that people in your area will definitely be covid safe or even super covid aware, but you should at the very least be able to check these boundaries online before you approach them in person, or if you approach them at all, you know?

I did an interview with Transpired Media a few weeks ago, and part of mine and Anonsee Maytrix's discussion was about our respective experiences being desexualised as disabled trans people in queer communities, and while I don't have any more extended guides or similar, this video might scratch a bit of an itch?

But yeah, I just don't feel like I have more valuable advice or useful input, I'm afraid, as I'm still exploring my own feelings and limitations myself other than just... going stealth about being disabled.

I'd definitely encourage people to put their own resources in the replies and reblogs if they do desire!

Conservatives finally say the quiet part out loud:

They would rather have a dead child than a trans child.

i love being trans so much. after i first came out, i was scared, i was afraid to be a tranny, but 10 years later, i'm more in love with the experience than i was when i found out what "transgender" meant and felt alive. i love my identity, i love being able to play with expression and presentation freely now that i know who i am. i love doing drag. i love spending time with other trans people the most out of other queer people. i just love being trans and love seeing other people be happy being trans. i love seeing people transform their identities and bodies in ways that actually fit them. it's awesome!

we do in fact deserve to celebrate this experience. the act of being transgender is one of transformation and ultimately, change for the better. we are allowed to experience joy, elation, and pride. we are allowed to love being trans. it's healthy, in fact. i love being trans and i love every trans person's unique expression of transness. we rule

Listen, I know it's very much a thing that utopian leftists think that religions will simply stop existing once all of our material needs are met, but that is just not the case.

Human beings need ritual. If we are deprived of ritual, we make new ritual. It does not matter if you call it religion or state or whatever it is you call it, human beings will keep making up new rituals.

You cannot stop us, and saying 'this ritual which I like and doesn't hurt anyone else is fine, but that ritual which you like and doesn't hurt anyone else is bad' is just bigotry.

When I say 'you cannot stop us,' I literally mean you cannot stop human beings from making up rituals and religions. Leave a group of six year old girls alone near a mud pit for an hour and you will come back to a newly-minted faith. We make ritual. We make culture. That is what we do.

No, Judaism will not 'naturally cease to exist' when all of our material needs are met. What will happen then is that the Jews will get Jewier, because we will have all the time in the world to study Torah and write stories and make Jewish art. If you met all of my material needs tomorrow, two days from now there would be six more hamsas, a complete bound copy of all the volumes of the Talmud, and a shit-ton of giant Jewish art prints in my house.

You cannot stop people from making up culture and religion. It is, arguably, the thing which makes us human, one of the defining features of our collective humanity. We will always make up silly songs and new religions, and the idea that we'll just give all of that up for some vanilla yogurt and taupe jumpsuits utopian existence is absurd and beyond belief.