God Damnit, If This Isn’t Me I Don’t Know What Is

On a previous post I said that Bart is the only one in the core four that can actually flirt and i stand by what i said. But it’s only cause he accidentally flirts by being so blunt all the time and no one can change my mind.

Bart: *holding a piece of pizza but staring at Tim*

Tim: what?

Bart: just debating if i wanna eat this or kiss you rn.

————————

Kon: morning Bart.

Bart, without skipping a beat: you look great today. New hair gel?

————————

Jason: why are you so close-

Bart: nothin’. You just have really pretty eyes.

You cant tell me he wouldn’t.

I think it would be funny if the speedsters claimed Duke as their own. Barry hears "light manipulation powers" and is like "Oh! So he's one of mine then :) thanks for looking after him Bruce, but I've got it from here :)"

Bruce is like no, you don't have it actually, he's just a meta, not a speedster, hey, give him BACK-

Meanwhile Duke is having the time of his life because speedsters are so much less intense??? And actually talk to each other most of the time? And AREN'T nocturnal (thank God)??? Duke's still a Gotham vigilante, sure, but he can get used to living in a city that isn't cursed. And help with his photokinesis because, as it turns out, it's very similar to some speedster traits. He appreciates Bruce’s help with everything non-powered, but it just feels nice to have this part of him actively cultivated by people who get it.

Like, sure, sometimes Bart can't bear to wear anything that covers his neck and talks at superspeed about unimaginable horrors of the future he came from with tears streaming down his face and a pained smile. Sure, some days Wally doesn't stop moving, dipping in and out of the Speed Force, because he says feels like if he stops, he'll fade away. Sure, every now and then, Barry can't bring himself to run because he fears that his speed will overwhelm him if he does.

Duke isn't perturbed. Just because it's a different flavor of trauma than the one he's used to doesn't mean he'll forget the basics. Speedsters talk a lot, eat a lot, and smile even more, but he can deal. Iris is amazing and kind and brave and warm and yeah, he cries a bit when she asks him what he's wearing for the family photo.

Duke shuffles nervously, "You know, you don't need to be so...nice to me. I get it if you don't want the kid your husband, nephew, and grandson took on as a joke."

Iris looks at him, smile utterly fond and tinged with mild confusion, "Duke, I'm not doing this because they like you- or, rather, it does play a part in it. But you're an amazing, kind, brave young man, and we're honored that you chose to stay."

"...oh," Duke's eyes are watering a bit. It's probably allergies—he didn't have any in Gotham, but he isn't used to fresh air yet. Not emotions. Nope. Not him.

"Yeah, oh," Iris says, giving him an amused glance, "now, the picture isn't going on the Christmas card because we aren't that white, but it'll be up on the mantle, if you don't mind."

Gotham's underworld whispers, it asks, "what did the Bat do to turn away his newest Bird?"

Gotham's upper class mutter with false sympathy, "did Brucie manage to turn away another one of his children? It really is a pattern with him, poor boy."

Dick's happy Duke is finally branching out to other heroes and not staying in the little Gotham-bubble. Tim reassures Bruce that it's just Duke growing up, and that he'll come home eventually like they all did.

Maybe it's because Tim and Dick both trust their speedsters with not only their lives, but their family's own as well, but they're unbothered by Duke choosing the Flash as his favorite hero.

Damian hates being the only kid constantly in the house again, so he overcompensates by loudly going to the Kents whenever he can.

Duke didn't even abandon them; he still lives in the Manor and goes to school in Gotham. He just spends most weekends and a night or two during the week in Central. He assumes nobody cares because nobody complains to him until one night at dinner when he mentions that Wally wants to take him for a week-long trip at the start of summer break, and Damian slams down his fork.

"You aren't going," Damian seethes.

Duke raises an eyebrow, looking to Bruce. Bruce looks pained. "You've been spending a lot of time with the Allens lately, Duke."

"Yeah, 'cause they're cool."

"Oh, so we're too incompetent for you, Thomas?" Damian snaps accusingly.

"Woah, woah, woah, I never said-"

Tim groans, having being bribed to attend Sunday dinner, "can we not do this now? I promised I'd help Kon with something before patrol."

"I agree," Dick cuts in, "just let Duke go-"

"HE'S NOT GOING!"

"Old man, just let the kid go," Jason sighs wearily, eyeing Damian, "it's just a week. I'm sure you'd enjoy the peace and quiet 'round here."

Duke throws his hands up in the air, "thank you!"

"Been a lot of that lately," Cass mutters, poking at her food. So she's not all that excited another one of her little brothers is growing up. Can you blame her?

"Oh my God," Steph says, realization dawning with a near-wicked grin, "are you guys jealous?"

"I am not so juvenile as to-"

"Jealousy is a strong word-"

"Yes," Cass says.

Duke finds it absolutely hilarious that they're jealous of what is essentially just hanging out at a friend's place and with his family.

"They could've just told me," Duke rants, incredulous.

"They're Bats," Wally wiggles his fingers in a vague motion, "not communicating is their thing."

"Not me this time," Dick says cheerily, "take care of my little brother, West."

"Or we'll break both your legs," Tim adds.

Barry mock-salutes, "yessir."

DC groupchats as my favourite Homestuck quotes #2

Thad: Ever hear of Guy Fieri?

Bart: No? I don't think so.

Thad: How unfortunate for you.

Thad: He was an especially degenerate piece of filth.

Thad: He used his connections and guile to wriggle his way into fame, and other positions of power.

Thad: He somehow landed on the U.S. supreme court. Over the years, other Justices started mysteriously disappearing without means to replace them.

Thad: After helping rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, he weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Captain of Interstellar War.

Thad: I'm going to cut to the chase, cause really this doesn't need to be a full History lesson. Especially with your attention span.

Thad: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final antichrist.

Thad: No human in history was responsible for as much pain and suffering.

Bart: Is that why REACH attacked our planet? Guy Fieri, High Captain of Interstellar War?

Thad: Yes.

Bart: ;-;

___________________________________________________________

-Kaldur joined the chat-

-Batman joined the chat-

Wally: Mom?

Dick: Mom?

Kaldur: Wait, If you're mom

Kaldur: and IM mom

Kaldur: Then who's flying this plane??

Wally: I change my mind, I want a new mom.

___________________________________________________________

Jay: Hello Tim

Tim: Hey Jay

Tim: How's the best brother in the world doing today?

Jay: Best brother in the world, hmm?

Tim: Of course, who else could I mean?

Jay: What is it you want from me?

Tim: You know what I want, Jay

Jay: Money? Affection? For me to write your essays?

Tim: its all I've ever wanted from you

Tim: *he leans in close to him and gently strokes his face*

Tim: *whispers* I want my fucking coffee back.

Adding onto that!

BOTH OF THEM ARE SMART AS HELL

“I know I’m not listening” and “I’m dozing off under this mask” are like- the same

Jason and Bart tropes #5

I will now try an convince you all of how well Bart and Jason would be as a power duo in only images

For one: the whole Pwned thing

Sarcasm in the face of danger

Tell me this doesn’t have Jason Todd vibes

Both died- 😭😭

Remember Bart vs Joker? I do

Both: have a love/hate relationship with their semi-mentors

the coolest thing about bart is the irony in his personality bc he’s called impulse due to the whole single synapse theory with translating thought to immediate action and on the surface that paints him as being pretty impulsive but he’s actually a very simple, smart, and subtle person. he’s not super outgoing so much as he is bored by the world that surrounds him, so after some outbursts he loses himself in thought often and that gives way to this side of him that does think and ponder and reflect, which i feel like is rly comforting for neurodivergent readers who are treated as if their behavioral patterns are otherwise abnormal or inconclusive. it’s so nice to have a character who isn’t ostracized by the narrative for his thought process and who we get to see be insightful and endearing in his own, unique way. i love him so so much

inaccurate Batfam quotes #33

Tim and his adventures with the stubborn demi-goddess the chaotic genius and the mom friend

absolute silence in the room

Bart: Tim, have you given Kon his shirt back?

Cass: Probably not.

Tim: Stop patronizing me. hisses

Kon: That was my favourite shirt, bro.

Tim: TOO BAD!

Enveryone: silence

Bart: ...So pizza for dinner?

Cass: Yea, sounds good.

Kon: Mhmm.

///////////////////////////

Cass, walking in: Morning hoes!

Bart: Language!

Tim: Am not!

Kon: Only on weekends!

///////////////////////////

Tim: Ok, who gave bugs the right-

Bart: Insects have been around for aproxamatly 350 million years while homosapians only for 130,000 years.

Kon: He has a point.

Tim: It's a stupid point.

Bart: No wonder Blue Beetle takes over. Cause of people like you, Timmy Drake.

Tim: Wha-?

Kon: Respect your elders, Tim.

///////////////////////////

Tim, texting the group chat: Yo

Tim: am I the only one online..?

Tim: Good.

Tim: Penis

Kon: Wtf

Bart: PROFANITIES

Cass: Nice.

///////////////////////////

Bart, bursting into the room: WHO THE FUCK SIGNED ME UP FOR WEBKINZ EMAIL UPDATES?!

Tim and Cass: snickering to themselves

Kon: I'll give you one guess-

Bart: So have you told Dick about us?

Tim: What? No. That's like posting it on my Facebook page... if I had a Facebook page.

Tim: or had any desire to share intimate life details with people I'd avoid on the street.

inaccurate Batfam quotes #8

Tim, sighing exasparatingly: I don't know how to get a girls attention.

Jason: Ask Dick. He's gay and still a chick magnet.

Dick: Talking to some girls on the other side of the room

Tim: I can't even get a guys attention! How the hell does he do that?

Jason: I don't know. HEY DICK!

Dick, turns around and litteral sparkles apear around him: Yes?

Jason, confused and distressed: Nevermind. Yea, your screwed as long as he's in the picture.

Tim: Damn.

Jason, raising a gun: I know a way to get him out of the picture?

Tim: We are not going to kill Dick, hijack a garbage truck to feed his corpse to and move to LA, Jason.

Jason: sadly lowers gun

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern

Danny Phantom as a Green Lantern