If You Have Ever Met A Slightly Irritable Chicken, You Would Not Doubt That They Are Related To Dinosaurs.

I spent a lot of time handcuffed and in a cage in high school, for a charity bit the grocery store I worked at would do

the bit was that I was "put in jail for having too big a heart" and customers could donate to my bail to get me out (and the money would go to a children's hospital or something)

now. I was very clearly a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a large cage. and I would honestly tell people that I had been in there for hours. and people would say, that's terrible! that's awful! and I would show them my wrists red from the tight handcuffs, and say but I'm sooooooo close to making bail.

and then they would dump some cash in the basket, I'd thank them, and they'd walk away.

and every so often, one of the managers would come by and collect some of the cash, so I could keep being soooooo close to making bail.

I was very good with this bit. Parents with small kids would pay $5-10 if I told their children I had been placed in jail for not cleaning my room/doing my homework, etc. For people in their 20s, I'd threaten that I was very bad at playing the harmonica, but I WOULD play it and we'd all suffer unless they paid me. and for the most amount of money, older men in suits would almost always pay $20s if I avoided eye contact and stammered a lot.

eventually, the managers started to feel bad because I was in the cage so fucking long and often, that I'd need someone to brace me when I got out because I'd have no feeling in my legs. wobbling like a newborn giraffe.

but I would also rake in at LEAST $100 an hour in charity.

so they were like, hey champ. can we, uh, give you a pillow to sit on. in the cage. would you like a pillow so you're not just sitting on a cold metal slab. can we give you a pillow.

and I had to explain to them that if they gave me a pillow, people would think I was more comfortable, so they wouldn't feel as bad, so I'd bring in less money.

the compromise was that they'd bring me a nice coffee every couple hours, which I would have to try to block with my body from the customers.

all this money went to charity. that's what the money was for. it's what was on the sign. but how much they were willing to pay was very contingent on how comfortable I looked, never mind the fact that I was still a teenaged employee handcuffed inside a cage.

and out of the dozens of shifts I did this on, not ONCE did ANYONE say, hey kid I'm going to go talk to your manager because what the fuck is going on here. they would just drop money in the basket, and I'd thank them and sip from my secret drink.

I actually had people get MAD at me that I told them I was far away from bail, they donated like $15, and then 20 minutes I got let out because my shift ended.

again. the money was for charity. it was on the sign that was very clearly placed on the upper half of my cage.

so yeah. even when people think they mean well. people can be really, really fucking stupid.

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺

I think it was a terrible idea for an English teacher to give a class of high school students a blank sheet of paper and then tell them that each person has to come up with one line of a poem that will end with "We're brave and strong. This is where we belong!"

Anyways, here's the results:

Six-Seven

The woods are off limits to a curious child

The stories tell of a violent presence

A story of a man most wild

A man named Steve

Steve lives in the woods with wild dogs

Dogs with a harrowing presence about them

Dogs with a hungry appetite

Dogs that feast on curious children

Dogs that are always watching from the shadows

Steve went into a cave at night

Don't mine at night

Cause if you do

The ones who watch will be watching you

The one thats watching you goes by the name Herobrine

The cave is his home

His hiding place where no one dares to go

Known for kids sudden disappearance In the dark, deep below

Parents go down there to try to get clearance

A sight to see

Its dark like the park

Hit the arc in the dark

Quick to embark on the arc

Dropping the teachers lounge

Chilling on the couch

Making parents proud

Writing a useless poem

Making everyone frown

Big stinky fart

On the fortnite battle bus

We're brave and strong. This is where we belong!

I want to try so many little hobbies. Candle making, soap making, basket weaving, wood carving, book binding, baking, weaving, I want to try them all.

My friend drew me as a goober- this is what real friendship is-

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

KING OF MY LIFE

All hail Shresus (Shrimp Jesus)

@comettingmurder

(Ty to my friend for making this beauty)

There is no greater pain than handing a real Polaroid picture to someone before it's done developing, saying "keep it in the dark," and then watching them immediately accidentally bring it into full second-coming-of-Christ sunlight

fucked up in the crib playing five nights at freddys at the Jefferson memorial

There are many reasons I'm going to hell, but by far the worst is the fact that I was involved with a BAD autism movie

I was only 11 during filming but my god this is gonna haunt me for life-