Happy BOTW Day!

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Thank you, Instagram

I feel like a sleeper agent. Sleeper for what? WHO KNOWS! Someone's gonna say the word 'mango' or something and I'm either going to blow up a building or make the fastest white boy chicken quesadilla ever seen

Man flu is real- I am allowed to die dramatically every once in a while when I can no longer do my work at full capacity without wanting to explode. I can live with period cramps but the common cold? An atrocity. A torment. The worst thing I have ever experienced.

Cats are already the perfect creatures, simple as can be

had a dream that someone was showing me this camera that could render anything it photographed "flawless." So like it could remove blemishes from people's faces, but also if you took a picture of a cracked glass there would be no crack in the resulting image.

Obviously this is kind of existentially horrifying but that's not the point of this post.

The point is that when dream me got the camera I immediately turned the lens onto my cat to see what she would look like "perfect." And she looked exactly the same.

Rest in peace ❌ Rest in pieces ✅

No, Google Docs, there is a distinct difference between "cussing" and "cursing."

Stepping out the shower, staring down the cowboy in the mirror, and swinging my massive dick like a lasso for our daily showdown. I haven't won yet, but I'll be damned if I don't get his ass one day

I think it was a terrible idea for an English teacher to give a class of high school students a blank sheet of paper and then tell them that each person has to come up with one line of a poem that will end with "We're brave and strong. This is where we belong!"

Anyways, here's the results:

Six-Seven

The woods are off limits to a curious child

The stories tell of a violent presence

A story of a man most wild

A man named Steve

Steve lives in the woods with wild dogs

Dogs with a harrowing presence about them

Dogs with a hungry appetite

Dogs that feast on curious children

Dogs that are always watching from the shadows

Steve went into a cave at night

Don't mine at night

Cause if you do

The ones who watch will be watching you

The one thats watching you goes by the name Herobrine

The cave is his home

His hiding place where no one dares to go

Known for kids sudden disappearance In the dark, deep below

Parents go down there to try to get clearance

A sight to see

Its dark like the park

Hit the arc in the dark

Quick to embark on the arc

Dropping the teachers lounge

Chilling on the couch

Making parents proud

Writing a useless poem

Making everyone frown

Big stinky fart

On the fortnite battle bus

We're brave and strong. This is where we belong!

Shai hulyre

hey babe u see the sandworm from dune in a bow tie playing the harp too right?