What Video Games Do You Like? Is Chocolate The Best Or THE BEST? What Music Do You Like?

In the morning my coworker asked if everything is okay, because my face was sad. I didn't quite understand if between the lines she was also telling me I shouldn't look like that bcs how it would look to customers. But I tried to smile more.

And now my mom got angry at me out of no where bcs like she said, I always look like im dying, whatever happens I look like I'm dying. She also said that life wasn't so hard which I agree, my life isn't hard. She also ranted some more but yh.

I guess I'll have to train myself to smile all the time. Idk how to tho lol

Me and my mother went to see the fnaf movie. She is overall very much against horror, but she agreed to go with me for some reason. After I started to rant about my opinion, details and lore about the movie. And then suddenly she told me to stop and got really angry with me. She spit some things at me and told me she felt like she was gonna throw up. I know she just doesn't like horror, but it started something in me.

I rarely talk about things enthusiastically like that because I don't think anything that has to do with me or my interests is something that is worth for other to hear, especially for more than a sentence. It's so silly and stupid, I'm being too sensitive, but her being so angry at me sharing a piece of my real self really hurts.

Just majorly reminded myself how much I hate myself. How everything about me sucks. The way I look, the way I act, the way I think, things I enjoy or don't, my interests, my opinions, the way I view life etc etc. There is just nothing good amount me. And that's so jarring. How can a person be just so worthless, so ridiculously stupid. I wish there was just one thing good thing about me. Even something almost good will be appreciated. I'm so pathetic in a way I pity myself, it's not a empathetic pity, rather a disgusted one lol.

I feel like I'm one gained kg away from taking an hammer to my Jaw so I couldn't eat solid foods again.

Starting to cry as soon you stop into your home or room for no reason <<<<

The fact that the thought of skipping the whole schoolday tomorrow just to go buy food and eat all day even comes to my mind, even though I have eaten more than I need today, is absolutely crazy.

Ngl him watching me from afar, keeping track of who I talk with, clenching his fists in jealousy, finding out as much information as he can abt me and yearning for so much more and finally ploting his way into my life would be so cute.

Gonna fast till Thursday noon. Right now it's only almost at hour 10, but gotta push thru it.

I’m at an awkward stage now where my body begs me to rot in bed, but I know better.

Still, I’ve been at that awkward stage for years now, and I know better.

I should shower, I should eat, I should become active, take my vitamins, take care of myself, because I know better.

So why is it that I know better, but don’t do any of that?

Seeing him makes my head hurt with desire. I don't know why, but I want to bleed on him, tie him to me in way that he can't erase from his mind. I hate that a part of me even wants him to cut me. Him gently caressing the area before, holding my hand with his other hand, whispering sweet and reassuring words whilst quickly wounding me so I could taint him with my blood. After I'd just wanna lay with him, no words would be needed, I'd just wish to admire his skin painted with my blood.

Need to keep myself in check cause I feel so close to asking my mom if she could live on if I died.