Ngl Him Watching Me From Afar, Keeping Track Of Who I Talk With, Clenching His Fists In Jealousy, Finding

I really wanna get on medicine. Wanna get a diagnosis incase I have something. But I don't have the balls or strength to actually go.

Mostly I don't wanna go cause it's embarrassing if there is nothing wrong with me. Wasting their time and seeming self diagnosing and dramatic. I am not having a breakdown almost everyday anymore, so it feels like I'm too mentally well and stable to go. But thats also what I thought when I did have breakdowns very often.

But perhaps my hesitance to go just shows that things ain't that bad at all. Just gotta make sure I don't get bored for even a second or I'll get suicidal.

What do I have to do to attract a yandere?? Do I have to summon them with a ritual, bring a sacrifice??

atp im convinced im made to be isolated from others. when i dont have particularly friends i have no problem going to classes and going thru my days without much distress. i have no problems socialising during group tasks and i make small talk but thats all. but if i get talking to a person in particular, outside of classwork, thru messages it quickly becomes too much and it causes me distress.

It's Friday night and I'm crying over things that will never change. I can't can't fucking cut myself since my dad is in the room next to me.

I just wish is wasn't myself. I wish I had a different mind, a different body, a different existence. That I didn't exist at all

3rd day back at school/the dorm and I already binged

When you had started to kinda forgot about him but then see him again after a long time:

Do I actually like him or do I wish someone would make me feel literally anyhting else else other than sonder, hopelessness , anger, dispear, misery or just emptiness??

I guess we'll never know.

I hate how i have no brainpower in the evenings, the worst thing is that I have no self discipline aswell. I'm just a disgusting pile of useless and self sabotaging flesh.

Since i was a little girl ive always wanted to throw up blood and die

I really wish I had a good spot to cut at home. I have literally nowhere to do it and it's so unfortunate and frustrating.