I Thought I Felt This Way Because I Miss You But I Probably Just Have A Disorder. Maybe It’s Both.

Sometimes my anger is too much

The way it feels like the way I imagine it might if you smashed all the glass in your house from screaming and then used those shards to construct new eyes by digging them into the already existing ones.

The same way i imagine it might feel if I pressed nails into every inch of my skin

Like open heart surgery without any anaesthesia

Like constant electrocution

I’d rather any of those than to feel my own anger over the fact that you never text me back.

I'm so fucking tired of splitting on people. I just fucking said a bunch of shit I didn't want to say cause I'm overwhelmed and stressed and I just...I'm so fucking alone and didn't know what else to do. Fucking hell I want to be rid of this stupid brain.

The way I was so upset and tired and I started to dissociate and drift off and then I got a text message from you and my mood instantly changed. I couldn’t stop smiling and I was bouncing on my feet. And you have no idea. Text me back u rat I need saving again.

but sometimes I am also a narcissist and am afraid everyone is in love with me

I have bpd, of course I assume everyone hates me until proven otherwise

next time you say something even slightly mean or offensive I’m going right for your throat

honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water

"just be yourself" i dont know who the fuck i am

you don’t understand my heart literally lights up when he texts me how can he not be for me when I feel this strongly about him for like four years now it’s not fair it’s not fair 😭😭😭😭😭

i want to live out my anger, i want to be able to scream and smash, i want to defend myself like an adult. then why am i crying every time