I Need This To Be An Au

Sorry if I missed some details, it's early, but...

Just because Dazai didn't constantly beat up Akutagawa doesn't mean he didn't abuse him. Dazai was cruel to another child. Akutagawa was never good enough for Dazai, no matter what he did. This was all such a constant that Akutagawa's sole purpose in life became pleasing/getting some praise from Dazai. Do people not realize how sad that is? And then when Dazai resurfaces with Atsushi, actually praising him and treating him well....

It's the only logical explanation, imo, as to why Akutagawa had such a visceral initial reaction to Atsushi. It's why he hated so strongly. It's also the reason why he abused Kyouka.

This post is NOT justifying Akutagawa's actions, or anyone's really. I'm just saying. I say a screenshot where someone said Dazai didn't abuse Akutagawa, and it got me kinda ranting ngl.

Dazai: I wish I was a dinosaur.

Atsushi: Why? Cause they’re big and scary?

Dazai: Because they’re dead.

I love how when you first read Catch-22, it can be, well, kind of confusing near the beginning. However, at least in my case, since it was interesting and well written I personally didn't mind.

But slowly, everything sort of ties itself together. It also gets increasingly more and more serious. An obvious example of this would be chapter 39, 'The Eternal City.' But for me, one that really stuck out to me was chapter 32, 'Yo-Yo's Roomies.' It really did a good job of showing how much Yossarian truly missed Orr, no matter how many times Orr pissed off Yossarian.

At the same time, that chapter I also found notably funny in the way it's written. Especially the lines "They reminded him of Donald Duck's nephews," and "They had not brains enough to be introverted and repressed." and I just love how it's them being nice and friendly to Yossarian with overall good intentions xD.

Also rereading this makes things so much more understandable. All the random details mentioned, its even better when you know the context behind those little references, like "It was still more frustrating to try to appeal directly to Major Major, the long and bony sqaudron commander, who looked a little bit like Henry Fonda in distress and went jumping out the window of his office each time Yossarian bullied his way past Sergent Towser to speak to him about it." It's fun reading that actually knowing who Major Major Major Major is and why he does in fact, jump out the window.

I think that's kind of why some people dislike/give up on this book (well part of the reason) because it can seem kind of random the first time through, but for me personally, that was part of the beauty of it the first time I read it. Idk though, I just personally reveled in the beginning chaos.

I always read this as Mariah Carey going "it's TIIIIIIMEEE."

Idk why I needed to say that-

azula's character introduction will always remain iconic

“Yes I can give you a reason to live” said the man with the most dead inside stare in human history

the strangest thing to me about the BSD fandom is the fact that the vast majority of people in it are dazai fans, while also consistently assuming the absolute worst of him, disregarding the circumstances around his actions and giving him no grace or consideration of his situation whatsoever.

there's no doubt dazai is a bad person in many ways. he did plenty of unjustifiable, inexcusable things. he's pathologically manipulative with a totally skewed moral compass, most of which was undoubtedly brought on by his upbringing in the mafia. but at the same time, i see such a huge number of people taking that and somehow ending up with - and vehemently defending - this idea that he's a remorseless, indifferent, innately cruel person by nature?

are we forgetting this is the same dazai who was forced to false-witness a murder at fourteen years old? the same dazai who already wracked up numerous suicide attempts barely out of his pre-teens?the same dazai who was referred to by everyone around him as a 'demon' at fifteen years old? the same dazai consistently described as having grief-filled, empty expressions and detached, vacant reactions to practically everything when he was so young? the same dazai that oda described as "a child crying in the dark, alone, left to fend for himself with a hole in his heart as large as the world itself"?

that dazai is an indifferent, heartless, innately psychopathic person? really? i'm not convinced.

Matthais being killed essentially by a younger version of himself will never fail to make me sad. Even in SoC, I always had a bit of a soft spot for him. I'm not sure why, but I just...did, I guess? And I was so happy when he made it over his hurdles in SoC. When he finally accepted how much he actually adored Nina.

But mostly, it's him coming to terms with the fact that maybe Grisha aren't all that bad. I absolutely loved his arc of overcoming his own prejudices. I also love how it isn't very rushed. His acceptance didn't feel sudden to me, it made perfect sense when it happened considering everything, at least in my opinion.

I only watched season 1 and a bit of season 2 of Shadow and Bone, so if it's different in the series (which I wouldn't know myself because I don't really remeber the show other than somehow squishsing the Crows in with the main story,) disregard this post.

This is genuinely why there's no BSD character I 100% dislike. Everyone in BSD is portrayed in such a human way (even Fyodor and Nikolai). Personally, for me, it's what makes BSD very beautiful, in all the ugliness shown in the story and relationships. I find in some media that there's a narrative for certain characters being 'good' and some 'bad.' I'm not saying BSD has no protagonists or antagonists, I'm saying that BSD doesn't shy away from showing the character strengths and flaws of either. There isn't that much of a narrative going, 'Oh, you should like this character and dislike this one.' Tying back to OP, one amazing way BSD does this is how it portrays abuse.

Hi by the way I'm never going to not throw up when thinking about what BSD says about abusers and victims. Abuse can occur out of love or a desire to protect or save or help someone and it's still abuse. Abuse can occur and years later you will still feel the affects so deeply it's as if it's a part of your body. Your abuser can change and regret and sometimes that means you will walk away over and over and sometimes it means you will throw yourself at them over and over and both are because you never developed a sense of self beyond what they made you to be. Your abuser will die and you will cry and you will hate him and in your weakest moments his memory will be there. Your abuser will live and become a better person and you're still stuck there unable to move on. The sheer complexity of what it allows and asks of us - to understand that at the end of the day we're all people fucking each other up and making mistakes. No one is a monster and wouldn't it just be easier if we were?

My favourite thing ever is the fact that the Trials of Apollo chapter names are all Haikus