*Y/N Is Talking About Their Past*

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Loki: We need to get through this locked door. Thor, give me your credit card.

Thor: Here.

Loki, pocketing it: Thanks. Y/N, kick down the door.

Natasha: All of your existences are confusing.

The Team: How so?

Natasha: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Y/N, to Sam: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Sam, motioning to himself and Bucky: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Sam: There's a spider! Quick!

Bucky: *grabbing rolled-up newspaper* Where? Where?

Sam: Right ahead of me! Get him! Get him!

Peter: Hey- What?

Sam: There it is! There it is!

Bucky: *smacks Peter*

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Peter: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Peter: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Ned: Merry crisis.

Y/N: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.

MJ: Hoe hoe hoe.

Peter: Guys, please.

Steve: Hey, what have you two been up to?

Thor: We were helping Y/N write their vows, but they kicked us out because Bucky was making inappropriate suggestions.

Bucky: How is “Loki, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

Bucky, after a nightmare about his time at HYDRA: How are you still holding yourself together?

Y/N: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Peter: …Mood…