bitchystxrk3000

Latest Posts by bitchystxrk3000

Peter: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Ned: Merry crisis.

Y/N: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.

MJ: Hoe hoe hoe.

Peter: Guys, please.

Steve: Hey, what have you two been up to?

Thor: We were helping Y/N write their vows, but they kicked us out because Bucky was making inappropriate suggestions.

Bucky: How is “Loki, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Peter 3: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Peter 1: Milfs.

Peter 2: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

Peter 3 : Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

Y/N: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Y/N: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

Peter 2: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Peter 3 : WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Peter 3 : I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Y/N: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Peter 1: What? No! It isn't!

Y/N: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

Peter 2: Y/N...

Y/N: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

Peter 2: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Y/N: PETER 3 , DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Peter 3 : The word milf has been ruined for me.

Peter 1: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

Peter 2: Y'all are dumbasses.

A/N- For those of you that don’t remember…

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Y/N: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Peter 3: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Peter 1: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Peter 2: Guys.

Surprise, Surprise

A/N- Please keep in mind, this is my first time writing a Reader Insert. So, I'm sorry in advance if this isn't that good.

Loki x Fem!Reader

F/F= Favorite Food

Imagine on the elevator, Thor talks to Loki about a girl he met while on Midgard, having no idea that girl happened to be Loki girlfriend of 6 years, you.

"I'm sorry, my lady." Thor's voice booms throughout the kitchen after having bumped into you after turning away from the fridge. You smiled softly and nodded your head in thanks. "It's no problem Thor." you said. "Would you like to have lunch with me, my lady? Everyone seems to be out of the Compound at the moment." Thor asks in a surprisingly soft voice. "Why the hell not? My name is Y/N L/N, by the way." You smiled widely. "It is nice to meet you, lady Y/N. What would you like to eat?" Thor grins, gesturing to open-planned kitchen in the Avengers Compound. "I'll just take a plate of F/F from the fridge, Thor. Thank you." You spoke before sitting at the dinning room table, as Thor plated both you and him some F/F. After heating both plates up, Thor flopped into the chair next to the one you were sitting in, after putting both plates on the table. You and Thor got to know one another as you both ate. Loki had told you about Thor and stories about when they were little, but you didn't think Thor would have such Golden Retriever energy based off of what Loki had said. You guys eventually went separate ways as Thor said he was off to the gym. You bid goodbyes as you went back to Loki's room. As you arrived at Loki's room, you could see him walking down the hall towards the Elevator. "I'm going to get a new book, my Queen." Loki spoke softly but loud enough for you to hear, without turning around, as if sensing your confusion. "Ok, I'll be in your bedroom, my King." You spoke before heading into Loki's room and closing the door.

Loki got to the elevator the same time as Thor, and coincidentally the Library and gym are one floor apart. Going the same way, down. Thor held the elevator doors open for his brother which had Loki nodding his thanks. "I met such a wonderful maiden today, brother." Thor announced as the elevator doors closed. Loki raised an eyebrow in question, which Thor noticed. "Why yes, she was the upmost kind and sweet woman I've ever met. I think you would love her. She has a mischievous side but also has a kind and caring nurture to her. I think you and her would get along great after some of the pranks she told me she's pulled on her older brother." Thor explained with a bright smile. "Who is this, you speak of Thor?" Loki questioned with genuine curiosity. "Her name was Y/N L/N. She was brilliant, she was." Thor spoke, with wild gestures of his hands, before smiling at his brother. "I think you and her would get along great." He added quickly, noticing Loki's amusement to the situation. Loki nodded with a mischievous sparkle to his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind, brother. Thank you." He spoke with a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. "No problem, brother." Thor grinned while giving Loki a pat on the back.

As Thor and Loki went their separate ways once arriving to the destined floor, Loki smiled to himself, a genuine smile, just thinking about you and thinking he's ready to tell the team about you. He knows you're the one for him. You complete him. You make him feel things he's never felt before. You are the love of his life. He doesn't know what he would do without you. You make him a better person. Loki is happy for the first time in what feels like forever because of you. He is beyond grateful he met you. He would go to the end of the Nine Realms for you. He would kill for you. He would do anything you asked of him. You have him wrapped around your finger like there is no tomorrow.

Loki, negotiating with Steve & Bucky

Loki: We have Y/N. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Y/N: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?

Steve & Bucky:

Y/N: MAKE IT ONE MILLION-

Steve & Bucky, in unison: Y/N STOP

Thor: I put the pun in punishment.

Ned: I put the top in unstoppable.

Peter: I put the cute in execute.

Y/N: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

MJ: I put the ass in class.

Loki: I put the D in Y/N.

Thor: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Steve?

Steve: Bruce, easily.

Bruce, laughing: What the fuck, man.

Steve: Well, Tony would be too easy. He’d probably be into it.

Tony, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

I was summoned?

Please reblog if you enjoy Marvel and you're a woman

I have been having an argument with a friend and he says that Marvel is for guys, please help me prove to him that there are lots of women who like Marvel!

Peter: Croissants: dropped

Bucky: Road: works ahead

Loki: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Y/N: Shavacado: fre

Steve:

Steve, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Y/N: This food is too hot... I can’t eat it.

Bucky: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: *silence*

Sam: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Tony: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

Loki: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Thor: Actually, Y/N is my favorite.

Loki: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Loki: We need to get through this locked door. Thor, give me your credit card.

Thor: Here.

Loki, pocketing it: Thanks. Y/N, kick down the door.

Loki: I told Bucky their ears flush when they lie.

Y/N: Why?

Loki: Look.

Loki: Hey Bucky! Do you love us?

Bucky, covering their ears: No.

Y/N:

Shuri: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Peter: 'Prettiest Smile'

Ned: 'Nicest Personality'

MJ: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Y/N: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Sweet Caroline

A/N- This is my first imagine so please be patient, I am trying my best but I've only ever written full stories or Incorrect Quotes. But there is a first for everything, right?

Fem!OC x Avengers(Platonic)

Fem!OC x TwinBrother!PeterParker

All the Avengers excluding Celia and Peter Parker were in the lounge area, talking when suddenly music started blaring from the floor above them. Tony knew what was going on and leaned back in his chair with a hand over his face and a roll of his eyes. Noticing this, Stephen Strange, cocked an eyebrow curiously over at the Genuis, Billionaire, Playboy, who simply huffed before answering. "I tried sending Celia and Peter to bed." He spoke, answering vaguely much to the Teams annoyance. As the music continued to blare, muffled voices can be heard in the room directly above them, which happened to be the Twins room. Tony tried giving them separate rooms but the twins always ended up in the same room. After interrogating them, Tony came upon the answer of which they've shared a room since they moved in with their Aunt and Uncle, and of which after having their Uncle shot right in front of their faces, they find comfort in each other to make the nightmares go away. Tony understood completely where they were coming from and ended up combining two of the rooms to make one big one by knocking down the wall in between the once separate rooms.

Upon further listening, the team realized that the song playing was Sweet Caroline from Neil Diamond and of course, their curiosity gets the best of them. One by one, the team went to the floor above them to listen better. Once everyone, including Tony, was upstairs, listening at the end of the hallway, by the elevator, they do admit, that it was worth coming upstairs. As soon as Tony, the last person to come upstairs, set foot on the floor, all they heard was Celia and Peter singing, "Sweet Caroline! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Steve was absolutely and utterly horrified at the young kids language, while Nat, Loki, and Bucky were smirking. Tony just huffed in annoyance, mouthing "Every. Night." Sam and Wanda were smiling trying to bite back their laughter. Stephen Strange and Thor's eyes were sparkling in amusement, with a slight lift of the corners of their mouths. Bruce and Clint were gaping in pure shock at never hearing such foul language from the two babies of the team, Pietro was silently howling in laughter and Vision was off to the side wondering what the hell was going on.

Upon coming back to the lounge, all they heard was a sound of glass shattering. Suddenly, FRIDAY spoke up. "Miss and Mr. Parker wish to apologize for breaking a lamp in their room. They promise to at least try and be careful next time." FRIDAY had said. "But they can't promise it won't happen again." FRIDAY had quickly added. The Avengers apart from Tony laughed at Tony's disgruntled expression. "Their lucky I love them." Tony muttered with a sigh before plopping back down on his armchair. The rest of the team shared a laugh before going back to their original seats just like Tony had done, while upstairs, Peter and Celia were in their assigned beds, letting each others sound of breathing and heart thumping inside the others chest, lull them to sleep, knowing that their other half and best friend were safe.

A/N-For those who don't remember which one is which, Tobey is Peter 2, Andrew is Peter 3, and Tom is Peter 1.

Peter 2: Y/N, you'll be working with Peter 3 and Peter 1.

Y/N: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Y/N: ...Of people on a team.

Bucky: HELP! I TOLD Y/N I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!

Steve, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Bucky: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

Y/N & Steve:

Y/N: Was it Steve?

Tony: Y/N, Peter, I’ve left a letter telling your guardians not to worry—

Y/N: They won’t.

Tony: That you’re safe—

Y/N: That’ll just depress them.

Tony: —and you’ll see them in a few weeks.

Peter: Do we have to?

Y/N: If you had to choose between Steve and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Bucky: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Steve: Bucky!

Y/N: 63 cents.

Bucky: …I’ll take the money.

Steve: BUCKY!!!

*Y/N is talking about their past*

Y/N: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.

Bucky: Y/N, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!

Steve: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!

Y/N: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip.

Y/N: But we lost Pietro.

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip!

Nat: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Wanda: Hey, Nat, how was your day?

Nat: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Wanda* Hell.

Y/N, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Loki: What’s your biggest fear?

Steve: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Stephan: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Peter: Zombies.

Steve: ...

Stephan: ...

Peter: BUT they can open doors.

Sam: There's a spider! Quick!

Bucky: *grabbing rolled-up newspaper* Where? Where?

Sam: Right ahead of me! Get him! Get him!

Peter: Hey- What?

Sam: There it is! There it is!

Bucky: *smacks Peter*

Loki: What's that?

Peter: Chocolate.

Loki: What's chocolate?

Peter: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Loki: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Peter: No wonder you're so bitter.

Y/N: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Peter: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Loki: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Peter: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Peter: *yawns*

Y/N: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Peter: Then you must be exhuasted.

Loki: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.