Ok Let’s Say All Kids Who Want To Go To College Decide To Join The Military.

I cannot have children because I envisage the following conversation between myself and their teacher:

Teacher: Little Zeke called Little Polly a “goatfucking twatface” today, do you know where they learned that?

Me: Well, was the bitch playing like a goatfucking twatface? I don’t know what your fucking problem is.

if my son is stealing pies off windowsills its because i taught him to do that bitch 

Lucifer and I share the same philosophy.

“Hell is other people.”

Luci... Hunny... You mean to tell me that staying in one room in the human world with your 6 brothers and myself is hell when you live in the Devildom? Like... actual HELL

This is actually a joke I’ve heard a couple times from Latinx folks:

Policia: Papeles?

Conductor: Tengo tijeres! Gane yo?

Mammon gets pulled over by a cop

Cop: *walks up to the window* Papers?

Mammon: HA! Scissors, I win, later LOSER! *drives off*

~

Y’all need to follow this artist. Abuela Lucifer is hot and also will straight murder you with LA CHANCLA.

GET RID OF THE COUCHES!!! WE CANT LET LORD DIAVOLO KNOW WE S I T!!!!

Let’s say, hypothetically, I am madly in love with Gritty and Gritney. And maybe I want to be in a Grit sandwich. Are they related? Would that be icky? Or are they just the same species?

I’m asking for hypothetical reasons.

Hypothetically.

Apparently there's a gritney now?

riotrogers from twitter made the gritney costume and it's honestly amazing.

If Elliot Page isn’t Sexiest Man Alive 2021 I will cut a bitch.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Raphael is about to see some gangsta shit, ngl

I dare you. I double dare you.

Beel: who's on dinner duty tonight?

Satan: that would be mammon.

Satan: he should be here right about-

Mammon, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: GUESS WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DINNER

Reminds me of the time I met a guy who got stopped by the police with a car full of baby alligators.

(which were illegal, but less so than the trunk full of meth)

Beel: It’s not illegal

Police officer staring into Beel’s car trunk which is full of bread: it’s just... there’s so much-

Beel: but it’s not illegal, is it

Police officer:

I need a new tarot set and if you don’t make a whole set and sell it to me I swear to Diavolo---

OBEY ME! - TAROT CARD SERIES

(XX) Barbatos— "Judgement"

"Referred to as a time of resurrection and awakening, a time when a period of our life comes to an absolute end making way for dynamic new beginnings."

Upright: Decision Making, Awakening, Inner Calling, Absolution, Redemption

Reversed: Poor Logic, Poor or hasty Judgement, Self-doubt, Stagnation

Finally got around to drawing the second card. Please click on it for better quality!