*cranks That Carrie Underwood*

I have so many questions.

Does the author think boobs are like testicles, and they get all wrinkly and drawn in if it’s cold? Is sperm stored in the boob?

Do Madeline’s nipples also get droopy, like sad puppy dog eyes?

Speaking of puppies, can she wag her titties when she’s happy?

Does she have sad day bras and happy day bras? Did she throw out all her push-up bras and buy a Patton Oswalt album to listen to before a hot date?

Why are men?

I know we’ve already read a lot of “men writing women” crap, but I am absolutely losing my mind at this passage

me: *gets depressed*

my breasts:

Y’all like pickle chicken? I’ll give y’all pickle chicken. AutomaticTastemakerTheorist’s homemade Nashville hot chicken:

You’ll need a pound of chicken (I buy the tenderloins, but breast works too, just cut it into strips). Marinate in pickle juice and a dash of hot sauce for a couple hours.

Make your dunkin’ juice: 2 cups buttermilk, 3 eggs, pickle juice to taste (start with a couple tbsp), Crystal hot sauce to taste (I use like half a bottle, because I like it hot), and a pinch of salt and pepper.

Dunk your chicken like its name is Lebowski and it owes you money. Roll it in flour. Dunk it again. Roll in flour again. Let it sit for about 15 minutes.

Fry it up - I use an air fryer, but vegetable oil on the stove works too.

Make your sauce: 6 tbsp cayenne pepper, 2 tbsp brown sugar, 1 tsp garlic salt, 1 tsp chili powder, 1 tsp paprika, mixed up in about half a cup of olive oil.

Toss the fried chicken in the sauce. Serve on Wonderbread with pickle slices. 

Use your leftover dunkin’ juice and flour to fry up some sliced okra. Your tastebuds will thank you. Your arteries, not so much.

Yes, Chick-fil-A’s Foundation Still Donates to Anti-LGBTQ Causes

Plus, Utah’s pickle-based dessert, and other news to start your day

Memo To The Media: Chick-fil-A Condemns, Discriminates, And Campaigns Against LGBT People

https://thinkprogress.org/memo-to-the-media-chick-fil-a-condemns-discriminates-and-campaigns-against-lgbt-people-3e2dbb7b8056/

Fuck them for sure.

And if you’re really worried about stress eating or being unhealthy during the pandemic, you can do better things than shit yourself silly after drinking whatever diet tea you saw on Instagram. Besides the fact that they don’t work, a lot of diet programs you find on social media will either harm you (because they’re extremely restrictive or call for taking some unregulated supplement containing hell knows what) or your wallet (because when you order a program they’ll steal your credit card number or sign you up for some autoship mess).

Go for a walk, do some yoga, play with a dog, make something healthy but tasty, like an omelet with veggies or pancakes with fruit (yeah, I love breakfast food, come at me bro). Doing these things might not even make you lose weight, but they will make you feel good.

Or engage in my favorite form of self care, dousing yourself in Vaseline and sliming around the floor while you play at being a slug.

You don’t owe it to anybody, at any time, and especially not during a global pandemic, to be a certain size or shape. You are making it through an unprecedented disaster and that makes you a certified fucking badass.

I love you all and I support you in doing whatever you gotta do, you rock star.

Diet companies will be hitting hard this year. Be prepared to hear repeated sentiments of “It’s time to get rid of that Quarantine 15” and “In these hard times, commit to taking care of yourself with healthy living and weight loss.”

This rhetoric is going to be everywhere. And due to the nature of modern advertising, the vast majority of it will be coming from people online who just look like they’re trying to share some good advice with the followers that they love so much. You’ll barely be able to see the money getting thrown at them from the weight loss industry.

Don’t reward them for using these manipulation techniques - Buying their products and losing weight isn’t going to make your year any better, or erase the stress of the pandemic, or be the first step in self-care.

Please please please see these ads for what they are - A way of preying on your insecurity and trauma in order to make money.

Can you imagine how much fun it would be to take a baseball bat to a giant fucking sea cucumber and just watch it go

GOOSH SPLAT

And then it panics and ejects its guts at you and you just keep beating it

GOOSH GOOSH GOOSH

I'm really mad about the fact that in the new event the brothers didn't let me fight against that fucking giant sea cucumber and just told me to stay away from it, they even told Solomon to fight, but not ME?! 😤 I'm so indignated right now I am not kidding 😡

You can pry my Picrew out of my cold dead hands.

Cold.

Dead.

Hands.

(Picrew me has had enough of your bullshit)

i know people are calling picrews cringe and all but i can not hate the simple joy of making and dressing up a little cartoon person and then looking at it and going “it’s me! :D”

Y’all know the Bermuda Triangle?

Everyone who got lost there disrespected pronouns in front of Dolly.

You can’t prove me wrong.

I’m impressed! Your linework is much cleaner, with a more defined structure. Colors are blended well and I can tell you’ve thought about the lighting and shadow. I’m so excited to see what you do in the future!

Wanted to redraw some old art and see how much I improved so be my judge! How'd I do?

Art on left is 2-3 years old while art on right is recent

In the immortal words of Queen Bey:

And in the immortal words of JoJo:

LEAVE

GET OUT

Raphael is about to see some gangsta shit, ngl

I dare you. I double dare you.

First of all this is beautiful.

Second of all my first thought was “oh hey it’s Bruise-ifer” and I am going to joke hell now, ok bye.

Some fallen lucifer :( this was greatly inspired by the song 'Saints' by Echos - and by inspired I mean I listen to only that song while I was making this because it just fit the mood for me.