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Library slash bedroom in Treme, New Orleans

"Like water, too much pressure can lead to escape."

- Titan Academy

Sat, Feb 20, 2021 - Sun, Feb 21, 2021 (Hah. I wrote this at 11 PM and finished at 12 AM.)

Have you ever envied people because they have group of friends? Their bond: the meet ups, group dates, group pictures, tagging on social medias because they somehow reminded them of this thing, and the way they talk to each other—yes, the comfortability.

Because I have. And I dislike it. I dislike feeling this way. It reminds me of how much of a loner I am—which shouldn't seem negative but it feels like it.

I don't have friends, and I say it's my fault. I am so asocial. Searching up my name results to the synonyms cold, dismissive, bitch-faced, nerd. Or may be, looking it up results to nothing at all because I am just no one. I am a nobody.

I want to have friends. But thinking about it now, it's impossible.

The kinds of friends I want? The extroverted ones. And extroverts seem to not like introverts. According to them, us, introverts are plain, boring, awkward, stoic. We are not fun to be with.

That's why it's really impossible to have what I want.

Imagine having a group photo where everyone else is posing so carefree, so chaotic and... there's me, standing straight, posing a peace sign, with an of course, awkward smile. Really not nice, right?

So what I'm saying is... I don't know. Really. Just why can't I have friends like that? Why can't I experience those things?

Maybe, my friends are really just books. Only that, I can't converse to them verbally. I can't share foods with them. Laugh together—because it would be so weird if books really laugh with me.

Hmm-mm. Friends.

...

...

Didn't I just wish earlier to be away with people?

Shit.

“The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.”

— Lord Byon

It’s a scary thing, this life could be.

- AA | 180602

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

21.01.24 || New year, same old me with the pics from my study abroad two years ago. Where does the time go?

Term started late this year due to covid, but classes finally started last week. I’m taking three language courses and am in absolute heaven right now. I feel like I finally have the time to focus on the smallest details of Greek and Latin and can nerd out over grammar constructions with my professors. Maybe teaching a language is my true calling, since I’m at my happiest in a language class.

Also lerne ich Deutsch und lese Der Kleine Prinz. Wo sind die Deutschsprache studyblrs?

What really gets me is when you're reading a book and the chapter labels have, like, vines or floral details around them or something. it makes me so soft - just- the fact that someone was like 'ooh we can add beauty here, we totally should' and they did it

My dad said I'm transferring to a school here in his place. All of a fucking sudden. I thought I'm only having a vacation, now what is this?

Lol. Why am I even shocked even? Mom did this too. I was just taking a vacation at her house, then all of a sudden, she said that I'm already enrolled at a school at her place.

Just how fucked up my life is with my parents separated.