I Personally Need 'em To Team Up Real Bad

My favorite appleradio dynamic is prejudiced Lucifer x sassy bitch Alastor.

In Dad Beat Dad, Alastor may have started the passive aggressive jabs, but Lucifer escalated to death threats (Alastor's head on a plate) with shocking ease.

Like: "Okay, Luci. You're at a 10 and I need you at a 2." Man literally needed less than half a reason to start that Loony Tunes bout.

I like to imagine it's a side effect of his need to control everything. Like he was fighting both sides of the argument rapid fire in his head and was then meeting the escalation of an imaginary Alastor.

Sort of like how he answered for/with Charlie when she thanked him mid-song for offering his help free of charge.

It's the type of overreaction that someone that aggravates others for fun would love! Enter Alastor, Certified Public Troll with only a passing acquaintance with self-preservation.

New Mission: How far can I go before this could be considered self-destructive tendencies?

Alastor unintentionally disproving Lucifer's "All sinners are the same" philosophy by just being the worst... and then Lucifer has to face the horrifying realization that he likes the bastard. XD

Lucifer: All sinners are bad.

Alastor: *being the absolute worst person Lucifer's ever met*

Lucifer: You know what, maybe other Sinners aren't that bad actually

But yes, prejudiced!Lucifer x sassybitch!Alastor is my bread and butter. It's so good. They clash so much and that's what makes it fun.

And literally, Alastor may have been passive aggressive first, but the way Lucifer ramped it up was impressive. I made a post before going over the scene when they officially met, and, like, Alastor's comments overall? Not very antagonist. Or, the words at least. Passive aggressive, sure, but the most outright antagonistisitc he got was when he called Lucifer short.

Whereas it was immediate dislike on Lucifer's side.

All Alastor said was (both in response to Lucifer's reaction to his bar and the very first time they spoke to each other): Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color! Don't you think?

And THIS was Lucifer's face ⬇️

"And you are?"

Like, Alastor didn't even sound that passive aggressive. The most I could give him was the smirky little face he gave Lucifer

(god, why is Alastor so pretty right here though??? maybe that's why Lucifer was so mad. Boi turn down those bedroom eyes, Luci can't think. That was Alastor's first plan. He was going to seduce the king of Hell, but then Lucifer insulted his bar, and he decided they were throwing hands instead).

I'm of the opinion that Lucifer was antagonist towards Alastor first and Alastor was just matching his energy (albeit very readily LMAO his eye was twitching the moment Lucifer walked through the door).

Also, yes, thank you for bringing up Lucifer answering for Charlie, cuz I think that's something a lot of people overlook.

Well, maybe he didn't answer for her exactly. I imagine it's just what he wanted her to say, but still, look at Charlie's face ⬇️

She doesn't look very comfortable.

In fact, she looked awkward, annoyed, frustrated, and uncomfortable throughout most of her interactions with Lucifer in this episode.

(there's a lot more but tumblr has a picture limit)

Wheras, this is what she was like with Alastor:

like

DAMN

Okay Luci, I see why your insecurities were firing on all cylinders.

We all know that Alastor wasn't genuine about being a father figure to her, but there has to be something to his and Charlie's relationship if she's looking at him like this. Especially in front of Lucifer.

I'm getting off topic though, I could do a WHOLE other post on my thoughts about Charlie's relationship with Lucifer VS Charlie's relationship with Alastor, and why it is the way that it is.

Anyway, yes, I agree with you. Lucifer 100% escalated the fight between him and Alastor. He went from zero to sixty with no hesitation, and he wasn't even AWARE of Alastor and Charlie's relationship yet. Essentially, the way I see it, he was acting that way toward Alastor for the sole reason that he's a Sinner which is the definition of prejudice.

And I want to clarify to anyone reading this, this isn't me hating on Lucifer. I love Lucifer. I love his character and his flaws and his insecurities. I love the way it all affects how he interacts with other characters, both negatively and positively. This is what makes him so interesting to me.

He holds so much capacity for love while also being so heavily flawed and it is 😙👌 delicious.

The Kiss of Life - A utility worker giving mouth-to-mouth to co-worker after he contacted a low voltage wire, 1967

What’s with the trend in comics of Jason going on this long, insightful rant on Bruce’s behaviors and shortcomings only for B to respond like “but murder bad” and that’s considered a valid counter argument?

When you summon the devil and he keeps you company at night.

We are trans Alastor truthers in this household

I love hitting my faves with the trans beam

Currently obsessed with the concept of Danny 100% being the most Violent and youngest Wayne. I'm so sorry but the writing opportunity🥹🤌

Danny's rogues were all dead so they can't actually... Die again. Like— not in the normal way, that is. The only way that they could die is by crushing their core.

Cue Bruce Wayne and the whole family Finding out his extremely timid and closed off son/brother (yes, being ooc is the point here stfu😭) is arguably the strongest being in the universe and admitting that he has a tendency to have intrusive thoughts and horrible mood swings so he doesn't trust himself with doing the family's... 'business' (knowing damn well he could kill someone if he gets too agitated) and they're almost not convinced.

Emphasis on almost.

Once they watched as the youngest of them all completely threw down a weird eyeball (they later learn is an 'observant'), threw a green dagger right beside it, kicked it violently and threatened to gauge it's eye out and disintegrate it for interrupting their dinner.

He apologized to the family soon after the thing disappeared, back to completely timid and embarrassed.

Extra, Danny finding out about Joker:

News: Joker found dead in strange circumstances!

Bruce, turning to Danny: Danny....

Danny, who placed a bounty on Joker AND his soul in the ghost zone: *gasp* He died of strange circumstances? How unfortunate!

Danny: I didn't do anything, my hands are clean!

Bruce: *sigh* Chum...

Jason, in the background: Kid ilysm you're my favorite brother now

A really funny idea would be that practically all main Alastor ships are canon, but Alastor HIMSELF is the only one who doesn't know he's in a polycule. (RadioRose, RadioHusk, RadioDust, RadioApple)

(They don't tell him because he doesn't handle being confronted with caring about others very well, and the last time it was implied, he ghosted and didn't talk to Husk for almost a decade. Alastor is very dedicated to being the untouchable Radio Demon, and if you try to make him come to terms with the idea of being Perceived, he freaks out.)

And so, when Angel and Husk notice Lucifer and Alastor starting to circle each other, they grab Lucifer to tell him the Rules of the Polycule.

H: "Hey, we noticed you giving Al eyes, we wanted to let you know how to go about this since he's dating us too."

L: "Oh shit! I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

H: "Nah, you're welcome in. We just gotta give you the ground rules because the last time I didn't, it didn't end well for anyone."

L: "What."

A: "Smiles isn't big on being seen as soft, so you just gotta avoid letting him know he IS, is all."

H: "Here's our current schedule, let us know the best times for you and we'll adjust it fairly."

L: "You....you have a SCHEDULE???"

And they hand him a sheet that's basically like:

No telling Alastor about the polycule!

No telling Alastor anything that implies he is soft or cares about you or anyone in the polycule! (He WILL disappear for another 7 years, and everyone else in the polycule will be mad at you)

No trying to force Alastor into doing anything with you (Obviously!)

Ask before joining someone else's Alastor Time(tm) (One on one time isn't always required, but it's just rude to hijack it for no reason)

Try to stick to the schedule the best you can (adjustments are allowed with prior notice, other conflicts, or Alastor himself asking you to do something outside your time)

Dating others (in and outside the polycule) is fine, just be respectful

Respect everyone else in the polycule!

VOX IS NOT ALLOWED IN THE POLYCULE

DO NOT LET VOX SEE THE SCHEDULE

L: "What's...what's with numbers 8 and 9? The TV guy???"

H: "Ugh, he's the reason FOR these rules! I tried to let him join me and Rosie a few years back, and instead he tried to make Alastor his own, permanently. Not only did he tell Alastor that they were dating, and tried to force him to join the Vees, he tried to kick me and Rosie out of the picture! Dealing with that mess was a NIGHTMARE. It took Rosie months to get him to talk to her again, and he practically ignored me before he completely disappeared. We JUST got everything back to normal after that mess."

L: "Uh, okay. Got it, no Vox."

And then, without Alastor ever noticing, he just gets another member of his polycule.

Heimerdinger had to 'die' in the other dimension because if he came back with Ekko he would've derailed the entire arc with one sentence.

Heimerdinger, to Jayce: My boy...I'm afraid we have to go put my former assistant out of his misery. For the greater good.

Jayce [was about to go kill Viktor]: He's my partner. And I'm afraid I can't let you do that.

Heimerdinger: That's not up to you, my boy, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry it had to come to this.

Jayce: me too.

And then Heimerdinger gets the Salo special.

---

Basically, like what happens when parents tell their kids to clean their room RIGHT when they're about to do it themselves, Jayce loses all motivation to kill Viktor when Heimerdinger says it's the only option.

yeah so,

the audacity of that guy