We Are Trans Alastor Truthers In This Household

Not in my usual format but oh well

Danny only knew three things about Gotham, the dark and aptly named city he had accidentally showed up in after some inter dimensional shenanigans in the infinite realms. One, Gotham was practically overflowing with bad vibes and crime. Two, Batman was Gothams usual vigilante, the one who kept the bad vibes and crime at a reasonable level. Three, for about a week and a half, Batman had been MIA.

Now Danny didn’t know much about this Batman fella, hadn’t even seen him before, but he figured it was a heroes job to step forward and help the other with his city so it didn’t go crazy.

So Danny bought a domino mask for cheap from a souvenir booth, got some heavy duty pants and a dark and thick hoodie from a local thrift shop, grabbed his Creep-Stick and decided it looked enough like a baseball bat, and went out into the night to help his fellow vigilante. The petty criminals were horrified of the new vigilante with glowing green eyes and a bat to match, and the batfam (most of whom were holed up in the mansion trying to keep Bruce from working himself to death directly after a near-death experience) were a bit interested and a bit wary.

Finally, one of the Batkids hunts him down, asking him “Who are you?”

“Oh ancients! Does no one see the bat? I’m Batman! Duh!”

Combat-Fashionista Paulina AU

Paulina is horrified by the ugliness of patented Fenton wearable combat technology like the Specter Deflecter and Fenton Peeler. (Fenton Lipstick is okay though). So she decides to design something just as efficient in combat but with style. 

Paulina moves to Gotham to get sponsors and test out her new combat fashion line. Her first shop is set up in Crime Alley.

For maximum amounts of hilarity, imagine her in the same AU as GCPD!Dash and Science Teacher!Fenton. 

I love this addition! Tom absolutely had experience minding kids. 

Now I imagine that entertaining the babies and toddlers, while probably not fun, was still easier for Tom than interacting with kids older or around his age, once he got the hang of it. Babies are simple, you don’t have to put up a mask around them, and I imagine Tom found that relaxing to have every once in a while. Masking can get exhausting. 

It also puts an interesting light on Tom’s choice to go after people so much younger than him to join the Death Eaters. Outside of the fact that the generation he was apart of would not have looked twice at him, these were 20 somethings in their prime following a middle-aged man (I know a few fics that explore just how jarring the age difference could be sometimes but I can’t for the life of me remember the names). Tom could’ve recruited abroad (Karkaroff is right there so obviously he dabbled in it) or tried the purebloods who started Hogwarts immediately after his graduation and therefore did not have enough knowledge of Tom Riddle to connect the dots. 

But Tom knows how to deal with kids, the orphanage taught him. 

Tom Riddle & The Orphanage

I’ve already talked about the under-utilization of Nobby Leach, but what about the Orphanage? 

As someone who had to live with several people (adults & children both) who made my life miserable and disliked me just as much as I disliked them…there’s no way Tom Riddle was able to avoid them all to the degree canon wants you to believe. 

Sure he has his own room, but he still has to eat, take care of his hygiene, do his chores, go to church, help with the younger children, etc. He’s going to have to interact with the other orphans and matrons at the orphanage, there’s no way around that. 

And some of the other kids may be afraid of him, but children have no fear and are always ready to test boundaries. The adults, Mrs. Cole, especially are already suspicious of him, and you bet the other kids are aware and take advantage of this to taunt and subvert Tom’s authority in front of them. 

Outside of this, there’s also no way to hate everyone and everything at the orphanage all the time. There will be some good moments because that kind of lasting hatred just is…not viable. If not on Tom’s end, then the other kids will undoubtedly become tired of tip-toeing around him. And when the bombs start to fall…no one’s going to give a shit about Tom Riddle and his weirdness, they have bigger things to worry about. And they’re all stuck together anyway. 

Let’s examine some of the relationships Tom had with the other orphans. Tom gets into a fight with Billy Stubbs and, according to Mrs. Cole, hangs his rabbit.  On a trip, Tom lures Denny Bishop & Amy Benson into a cave and traumatized them for life with something so horrible they can’t bear to speak of it.  

Nothing about what caused the argument with Billy Stubbs or why Tom chose those specific orphans to traumatize for life. Because luring two suspicious, jaded orphans into a cave where no one can hear them scream? That would take planning and a big enough motive that Tom thought the risk of Mrs. Cole catching him doing something weird again was worth it. 

But do I believe they were traumatized “for life?” No probably not. This is baby Riddle, not Dark Lord Voldemort, he’s new to the traumatizing children thing. 

So here’s where I go into the more questionable headcanon I have about the orphanage: Tom Riddle has a sibling relationship with these kids he supposedly traumatized. 

Hear me out. 

Tom killed Billy’s rabbit and traumatized Dennis & Amy; how is that sibling-like? 

I can tell you from personal experience. I have 9 siblings (technically) and several cousins who barge into my house uninvited. I also grew up on stories my mom had about her 3 siblings and my grandma had about her 11. My mom pushed her sister off a roof and cut off a piece of her tongue with safety scissors while she was sleeping. Me and the sister closest to my age drive each other crazy. Siblings are the worst to each other and routinely traumatize each other. My sister still will not let go of the things I did as a kid, and vice versa. 

Now these kids may not have chosen to be siblings, but rarely does anyone get that choice anyway. (And if they do, they have moments where they regret it).  

It first starts out with annoying the shit out of each other. You know, barging into their room and not closing the door when they leave, ganging up on the youngest (probably Tom), stealing each other’s toys and hiding them-Oh. OH. 

…See where I’m going there? 

Then once they get older they grow to tolerate each other and gang up on the much more frustrating younger generation of kids who’ve taken up residence in their orphanage. They’ll have to find a compromise on splitting up chores and they’ll need to have the option to talk to people they’re age. Cue reluctant siblings who refuse to admit their siblings. 

Tom Riddle: Why do I get the night shift again?

Amy Benson, to Dennis: Hey, remember that time Tom dragged us to a cave and traumatized us?

Billy Stubbs: And killed my rabbit?

Dennis Bishop: And stole my toys? 

Tom Riddle: You’re never letting this go are you. 

Dennis, Amy, & Billy: Never. 

These 4 kids grew up together and, if they were not adopted-out, grew into adulthood together. 

TL:DR

Tom Riddle does not give off only-child vibes. Discuss. 

i personally need 'em to team up real bad

on the other hand had voldemort not been a parseltongue he'd have brought a rabbit to Hogwarts just to brag in front of Billy Stubbs

Eve!Alastor AU with Fallen!Adam AU

Continuation of this post

A snake demon ascended to heaven, it's only fair that it's the first man that proves souls in heaven could also fall.

But of course, that wasn't quite correct.

Just like with the apple in Eden, it was Eve who had first eagerly jumped headfirst into sin. Consuming the apple and making a deal for access to hell; never thinking of the consequences.

That's how Adam thought of it in his more narcissistic moods. But in his fleeting self-reflective moments, he admitted that it was because she was more courageous, confident, and charming than he ever could be. And he loved her for it in the same measure that it made him insecure.

There was a reason both the women made for him had a personality that shown brighter than the light-bringer himself.

Eve did as she pleased, giving zero fucks about how others perceived her. When they'd both reunited in heaven, Adam observed how the angels saw Eve, they watched her like she was an equal. He was a joke to them, the second human to eat from the apple.

And now the second former angelic human soul to fall. What a fucking joke.

Sorry Mr. King of Hell, Alastor hails from the land of stubborn, violent psychopaths 😔

(what it do my fellow americans)

hmm I think one of the best things A Series of Unfortunate Events did was establish that being nice =\= being kind, that being polite =\= being helpful, and that a lot of adults with real agency let bad things happen because they are “trying to mind their own business,” (which looks especially damning when you contrast that with our protagonists–literal children with no agency, and no choice as to whether or not they can afford to “just mind their own business”) and that’s why: 1) you get such a real sense of despair at the end of it all 2) it’s an effective statement about how nothing gets better if people go on their whole lives thinking that they can just be nice and polite to others without ever really engaging in the world around them

THANK YOU. Finally someone says it!

I can’t even count the number of fics and hp theories I’ve read that completely ignore this fact. 

I honestly think the reason why so many people forget this is because the characters themselves never acknowledge it. And the fact that most of the people Harry surrounds himself are firmly entrenched in Magical Society. He has a lot of Pureblood allies and friends for example. I don’t think many of them understand just how deep discrimination can go. Nor do I think they understand the difference between being called a blood traitor vs a mudblood. It’s the difference between being sympathetic to muggles rather than actually being related to one and that shit matters. 

They associate anti-Muggle sentiments with Voldemort and the Death Eaters. In their minds, as soon as they’re defeated everything will go back to normal! Normal just being more subtle and unspoken discrimination that can be waved away by the few well-meaning but ignorant Purebloods, “Oh Sally from accounting said something to you? You must’ve misunderstood! I know her very well, she’s no Death Eater.” 

I’ve lost my point, if you can’t tell I’m really interested in the politics behind hp discrimination, I’m very sad that there aren’t more fics about it pre and post-Voldemort. But back to Tom. 

Another factor is the fact that Dumbledore canonically theorizes Tom had a gang of Slytherins following him called the Knights of Walpurgis (KoW) during school. I think that bit of canon is absolute garbage and I hate it because as you said: he’s perceived Muggleborn. I swear every time I read a fic with this ‘gang’ that isn’t a crack fic I want to scream. 

You’re telling me that this man worked in customer service for years voluntarily? When he had like 5 Sugar Daddies on speed-dial? Honey, please. Magic I can rationalize but KoW is just straight up unrealistic. 

Also, fun fact Dumbledore 100% knew Tom wasn’t a Muggleborn because of his Parseltongue abilities (or at least suspected). This man let Tom be discriminated against and did not say a WORD. Nor did he attempt to help find Tom’s family. And poor feral baby Tom probably didn’t tell another soul about his ability to speak to snakes during school because of Dumbledore’s reaction when he told him. 

Considering his Catholic upbringing in addition to Dumbledore’s response to learning about his in-built Snake Google Translate, Tom was probably like “Ok so the Magical world also has bad associations with snakes. Good to know.”

And then Tom probably found out Parseltongue was an indicator for Slytherin ancestry during the Chamber fiasco and flipped the fuck out. Because that meant his elitist-ass housemates were disrespecting him in what was essentially his own fucking house??? I’d be mad too if I went to school somewhere where the students worshipped the ground the founder walked on and used the founder’s beliefs to try and prove I didn’t belong. And then discover that I was related to the founder they would use as a reason to bully me? The audacity. I’d implode on the spot. 

(In answer to your last query, I headcanon that his hiatus from Britain was so he could re-brand himself. Tom Riddle was the bullied Slytherin Muggleborn. He had to disappear. Voldemort was the messiah-like cryptid who emerged from the shadows with all of life’s answers. He just needs your first born.)

Tom Riddle, aka, Voldemort was canonically perceived to be a muggleborn for many years before he found out about Merope Gaunt. Because only for muggleborns does a teacher visit the parents/guardian/orphanage. Harry was simply given a letter even though he lived in the muggle world, while McGonagall visited Hermione.

In the same vein, Dumbledore visited Tom’s orphanage to inform him about Hogwarts. 

where am i going with this?

the sorting hat put a perceived muggleborn in Slytherin. Don’t try to tell me that oh no, the sorting hat knows who or what you and your ancestors are. No it doesn’t. It reads your mind. it’s very much possible (and by that, i mean i’m certain) that the gaunts did not attend hogwarts.

He might’ve turned out to be a half blood, but at the time, he was considered muggleborn, both by magic and by himself-even though he hated the thought of it.

there are muggleborns in slytherin.

slytherin is cunning and ambition. not blood purity.

(also, i do not understand how people like the malfoys and the blacks and the lestranges and other blood purity fanatics followed a perceived muggleborn. like did voldy tell them that oh no, i’m a half blood? or was it because he was so charismatic that he made them forget that essentially, he was not a pureblood?)