If Ur Teeth Aren’t A Little Fucked Up U Scare Me

when you go to bed significantly earlier than usual, a little menu should pop up asking if you want Wake Up Early or More Sleep. and then you should get what you requested. that's my human body UI improvement for the day.

Hey babe wanna take my spine? Not in a sexy way

watching my husband and his daughter and her girlfriend get sentenced to death and shaking my head the entire time so they know i think its wrong

yo 44 year Old man please let Me bite You

a good mango smoothie can save your life a little

wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

I like making random noises at my dog and watching her turn her head in confusion. I just know she's thinking "what the hell is this idiot doing" and I think that's beautiful.

being a simultaneous optimist with crippling self doubt is actually easy as shit. im certain the world is full of joy and hope for everyone in the world except me. what’s not clicking.

sorry for being cute and earnest and silly I’ll try harder to be more nonchalant and unbothered and mysterious

It is not enough to get into a comfy sleeping position- one must go through several and spin like a rotisserie chicken to arrive at the position you started with.