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Wizardposting - Blog Posts
Don't look behind me adventurer. I think the golems are following me and I need your help. Whatever you do, do not look into their eyes. They're glamoured to entice you like a siren does a sailor. They're built for sin to draw you in and bring about your end. Do not engage. Spread the word and get. me. help.
I believe you need a bit more stirring in your combination process. While the stripes may look nice in the cauldron, you'll get much more consistent results when the batch is a solid hue before firing. Good conjuration work besides, though.
I hope the oath wins over the curse. It's much more interesting to be sworn to amber and rot. That necromancer raising dinosaurs from oil in a modern fantasy would be killer. Sworn to take down the corruption of the corporate overlords. Bonus ancient diseases from raised bugs or using amber bound creatures as a focus. A curse is involuntary and dull. An oath is purposeful and full of volition.
let's make a "the [noun] of [noun] and [noun]" fantasy book title!
"That simple?"
"That simple." I said, handing the paper over.
"What's it do?"
"Kid, that's a ward against scrying and blood magic. Don't ever accept a deal like this again. You failed."
Wait, are you saying that magic is real?" "Yes." "And you can test if I have magical potential?" "Yes. It's simple: a piece of paper, a drop of your blood, and a simple spell."
Beginning about first quarter of the first sextant of the solar cycle there is a special state of psychological being that allows one to engage with the arcane even in the waking state of those living in the mundane reality. This is the time that wizards thrive.
Gertrude, is that you?!
When preparing to sell your tower to other prospective wizard buyers, remember to have your unseen servant sweep and mop daily to be ready for showings. Your familiar's fur builds up quicker than you think. While you may not be bothered by, or even prefer dusty corners and that spider by the back entrance that kills pest bugs for you in lieu of rent, others prefer to let their dust build up and choose their own multi-legged tenants.
I was simply enjoying a drink on the beach, admiring the sunset and waving my hands back and forth to make the waves dance to the song I had playing everywhere in my dreamscape all at once when a woman with branches growing everywhere on her body and overflowing with lush green leaves stepped in front of me out of thin air. I frowned at her.
"Will you do something? Anything? For the love of Mother Gaia, I'm so booooored!" she said indignantly with that petulant stomp and balled fists you'd only see better performed on a toddler.
I waved my hand in a dismissive gesture and her leaves quickly faded through the shades of Autumn before they shriveled up and fell in a ring around her feet. She huffed and crossed her arms, her face giving them a run for their money as she glared at me.
I took a sip of my drink and stared back impassively.
Finally relenting, I raised my eyebrow and said, "You're the one that put me here. I'm perfectly content. Bargain well struck in my book."
I materialized a book in my hand which flipped itself open to a page with the words "Bargain with the Fae: Well Struck." I grinned at her indignant "Urrrrgh..." and gnashing teeth. They made a sweetly satisfying sound of wood grinding and creaking like I was back in the forest where this all started.
"You know how to end this, love. Now if you'll excuse me, I was playing with the ocean." I said as I waved my hand and she disappeared in a flurry of dead leaves.
I awoke with a start. Killed in my sleep again, I assumed. Sure enough, there was the wood fae at the foot of my bed. Her back was to me, which wasn't unusual but she was slumped forward instead of leaning back on her hands, which was very unusual. I yawned, preparing to go back to sleep, figuring it was another game that I didn't care to play.
"Cassia." she said, sullenly. I paused.
"Excuse me?" I asked in a deadpan. My expression went flat, not that she could see. That was until she spun around angrily, her hands propping her up as she was nearly sideways on the end of the bed.
"Cassia! That's my name! You're so infuriating!" she said, spinning back around with that last statement and throwing her hands in the air.
"Cassia..." I said, rolling the name over in my mouth. There was a faint shudder to the space around me as I felt something form between us. I smiled gently as she stiffened then looked over her shoulder at me hesitantly.
"It's a lovely name." I said to her before I began rummaging in my bag by the side of the bed. I pulled out a book and flipped to the newest unused page, finally able to write something in it again knowing it would stick.
Bargain with Cassia: Well Struck.
"I'm glad to have met you, Cassia. I always wondered why this inn smelled of cinnamon every morning. You have a mighty gift with time magic. We are going to do great things together!" I said, the excitement growing in my voice.
Cassia looked relieved and even had a shy smile on her face. She quickly tried to school it, however, before saying, "Maybe now you won't be so boring, I hope!" and crossing her arms, her face anything but cross in accompaniment for once.
The Fae that trapped you in a Groundhog Day-style time loop is extremely frustrated that you’re taking advantage of the situation to just sleep all day, every day.
Curse thee, foul lizard! Be warned, brethren! The dragons have turned against our circle and joined the enemy and exposed our plot to thin their ranks!
Counterspell does not require any verbal or material components so a gesture, say the hand of a sized up giant ape flipping off your spell, is sufficient to tell that filthy sorcerer trying to fireball your party where he can stick it while polymorphed. Just a... random example.
What's the most random thing you've got memorised for no apparent reason, that isn't useful in any other context than the one where you learned it?
80% of 1600 is 1280. I can remember no other percentages.
The hat's the only point allowed in these halls.
what is the FUCKING POINT then???
These and memes like it make me want to get an easel and pallet and paint wizards in nature and I likely places.
I was going to embroider a rose or something in the corner of this handkerchief, but then I realized I could do a wizard, so obviously I did a wizard.
Commission of a DnD campaign character
Spam Bot Resistance Update
as some of you may know, i have called the factions of the skeleton war together for the common goal of defeating the dreaded Spam Bots
as our numbers are beginning to increase, i saw it fit to make a post briefing everyone on our plan.
first, of course we must all know how to properly combat a Spam Bot-see here:
but in order for us to truly make a difference we must spread the news to each corner of the Skeleton War, and beyond it. so i found it fitting for us to have our own tag, that we may find and support each other with no barriers for if we wish to win we must be united!
i have begun making use of the tag #spam bot resistance to represent our cause. this is still the skeleton war, but i felt we ought to have a way to find our comrades quickly.
remember, in order to turn Staffs gaze on these foul Bots, and put an end to the blight on this land, you mustnt merely block them, but report them as spam! these are the words we must spread, for the good of our home and for the good of the people here.
remember that Tumblr runs on word of mouth, so we will need not only to be fierce in battle, but quick in news.
good luck my brethren, of any type or alliance, and godspeed!
@8ball-wizard @mak-worse-imagination @basilikum7 @opalescent-apples @treerainer (hope you all dont mind the tags, just want to get word out there. let me know if it bothers you)
Sometimes I want to be a mad scientist
Sometimes I want to be a vampire
Other times I want to be a wizard
Is all three possible? Nobody knows.