Why Am I Like This - Blog Posts

Have u ever hated yourself for the bad fandom decision you've made? Cuz I sure as Fuck have! Like why is me loving solo many different fandoms at once ever been good for anyone.. I dont own enough brain cells for it yet look at me. Still fucking multi-fandom human who cant function

I never thought I'd be able to say that I don't love you anymore.

But now I can

My class was canceled and I literally didn’t find out until I 👏 HAD 👏ENTERED👏THE👏BUILDINGGGGG👏

which it’s my fault for not checking Canvas more often cause the teacher literally sent it last night (but why would I be looking at Canvas at almost 10 at night 🫤)

So first day in figure drawing class, I’d say I’m doing rather well.

Teacher: ok you have 20 minutes to draw what you see. Can’t wait to see what you guys come up with 

My brain: ok simple enough human just two models doing an anime pose-

Me: *does one paint stroke*

Brain: OH! SHINY! LOOK AT THOSE REFLECTIONS!!!!! Very very pretty lady.

Me: * Does a paint stroke too far* oh cr-

Brain: ANGEL!

me: What?

Brain: Angel feather, very pretty lady, do more! Oh, oh, oh! Biblically accurate angle!!!! Yessss! Eyes! Add da eyes! 

Me: Q^Q w-wha pls i just want to add a bit of detail! Pls! 🥲

Brain: But it could be like this.

Me:.....

Brain:.....

Me: your not wrong.

*two minutes later*

Teacher: ok we’re done let’s see what this talented bunch has come up with 

Me: *looks at what I’ve done* DAMMIT I DID IT AGAIN! Brain: heheheh~ Me: YOU!!!!

Brain: ACK-!

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Summery-Reader mourns the death of her love, Billy Hargrove after his death in the Starcourt Mall Incident

1.3k words

Billy stands from kneeling over Eleven, facing the Mind Flayer. Eleven starts to back up, Y/N reaching out to grab her and help her up, but is distracted by the long tentacle-like arm that comes out of the monster's mouth. Before it can grab onto Eleven, Billy takes hold of it, pushing back on it. More tentacles emerge from its body, slamming into the teen's body, first on his left, then his right. Another two to his back. Billy lets go of the first tentacle, screaming in pain. Y/N wills her body to stay put, knowing she'll only make it worse if she tried to make it release her boyfriend from its slimy grasp. 

Billy falls to his knees, looking at the monster head-on, almost as if he's asking if that's all it's got. Black goo and blood oozes from his mouth, rolling down his chin and neck, down to his white muscle shirt. 

The Mind Flayer opens its mouth once more, another tentacle arm coming from its mouth, shooting out and embedding itself in the center of Billy's chest. The troubled teen falls quiet, slumping down and to the side when the tentacles let go of him. 

Y/N is the first at his side, her hands falling to his blood and goo-covered cheeks. Billy sputters, spitting blood and goo onto her face, but Y/N couldn't care any less right now.

"I love you, Y/N/N." Billy whispers to her, giving her a gentle smile.

"No, no Billy, come on, we gotta get you out of here." She says, trying to get the boy she loves to move. Max falls at her side, telling Billy to get up. 

Billy looks at his step-sister once before uttering his last words, "I'm sorry." Y/N watches as his chest stops moving, his eyes becoming unfocused and glazed over as he looks at the ruined ceiling. 

Y/N's eyes shoot open the moment she wakes up. Her body is drenched in a cold sweat, soaking through the thin layer of clothing she has on and into the bed sheets under her and blankets around her. A harsh breath leaves her trembling lips, her eyes momentarily closing to try and fight off the tears filling them.

The shaking girl pulls herself out of her bed, throwing on a random sweatshirt from the floor and grabbing a pair of shoes. She treads lightly down the stairs and out to the driveway to the car awaiting her. She quietly slips into the driver's seat, pushing the keys into the ignition, listening to the engine's roar as it comes to life. The newly fixed blue Camero is quickly backed out of the driveway and tearing down the roads of Hawkins in a matter of minutes, driving to the only place the driver can think of.

The Quarry

Y/N steps out of the Camero, sitting down on the hood, looking over the cliff's ledge. The screams from her dream comes back, running through her head again. She closes her eyes again, trying to will the tears away, but it doesn't work this time. Salty tears roll down her cheeks, falling onto the sweatshirt she's wearing, which she just noticed was Billy's. The tears flow harder down her cheeks when she sees the police lights roll up behind her. It's only about a minute between the tires coming to a stop and the door of the Blazer being opened before Chief Jim Hopper is standing next to the hood of the Camero, letting out a sad sigh.

"Max call?" Y/N asks, looking out over the water instead of the chief.

"You know she did. She heard you start the Camero and drive off. She called for me to check on you, make sure you didn't wrap yourself around a tree." Jim says from next to her, taking off his hat and tossing it onto the hood in front of Y/N.

"Yeah, well you can go now, Chief. As you can see, I didn't wrap my car around a tree, so you're free to tell her I'm perfectly fine." Y/N said, a slight edge to her tone.

"Look, you and I both know you're not fine. Max, Steve, everyone knows you're not fine. We know you lost someone, but so did Max, Joyce did last year, and Nancy did two years ago. You're not the only one who has lost someone in this mess. You're not the only one hurting, so maybe you should stop looking at it like you're the only one hurting, 'cause you're not." Jim said but immediately felt guilty as soon as it left his mouth. A tear slid down Y/N's cheek when she looked down at her lap. "Y/N, I didn't mean it like that." Jim tried to backtrack, but it didn't work.

"Leave," Y/N whispered, still not looking at the chief.

"Y/N, c'mon, you know I didn't mean it like that." Jim said, reaching out to rest his hand on her arm. 

Y/N flinches away from the contact, raising her voice to get her point across. "I said leave! You can see I'm fine so leave me alone!" She yells, her voice echoing around the quarry. Jim lets his hand fall from her arm, backing up and back to his Blazer. Y/N watches as he drives back down the road, turning around when she can no longer see the large vehicle.

The mourning girl is quick to jump off the hood of the Camero, standing there and staring out at the blue water before she screams. And screams. And screams until her voice cracks and breaks, until her throat is raw. She falls to her knees on the rocks, letting sobs rack her body. She's uncaring of the way the rocks dig into her knees not covered by her pajama shorts. The pain shooting up her legs from the rocks is nothing compared to the pain of losing the one she loved the most. 

Y/N is unaware of the BMW pulling in behind the Camero, a concerned Steve and even more concerned Max step out. She has no idea how long she sits on the ground and sobs. It could have been minutes, hours, or even days, she doesn't know. All she knows is as she's crying, warm arms wrap around her from behind, pulling her off her knees and resting her butt on the ground. She begins to cry harder when she hears the sweet and soothing sound of Steve Harrington talking to her gently.

"I know, Y/N. I know you're hurting, I know. I'm so sorry." He says, repeating how sorry he is for her. Not long after Steve embraces her, Max is wrapping herself around her brother's girlfriend like a koala. Trying to soothe her cries.

Y/N is once again not sure how long the three of them sit on the ground in a tight embrace, but her cries eventually slow to small sniffles. They continue to sit in silence for a few more minutes before Max pulls away, looking at Y/N. "Let's go home Y/N/N. Billy wouldn't want us out here this late at night." Y/N nods her head, letting Max up first, then Steve, and finally, Steve pulls her to her feet. Max walks to the passenger back seat, sitting down in the car, waiting for the other two.

Steve pulls Y/N into one last bone-crushing hug. "You have no idea how sorry I am Y/N. I want nothing more than to bring Billy back, even if I hated his guts. I hate seeing you in so much pain. I wish there was something I could do for you." Steve says, ending his words with a kiss pressed to Y/N's hairline.

"I know, Steve. I just need some time." She says, squeezing his middle one last time before she lets go and walks over to the BMW. The Camero would be picked up later when Y/N was a little more stable.

The Camero would be just fine in Billy's favorite place. Just for one last time...

I have the skill to draw things and this is what I decided to draw in Math class.

is my college essay about trauma ive gone through? no.

is my college essay about little gay plastic ninja who spin around real fast? yes.

let’s hope people think it’s funny so i actually get into college-

THEY REPLACED ME

theyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedmetheyreplacedme

they said i was their favourite

they said they loved me

they said that IM their number one

WHY DID THEY REPLACE ME

DID I JST MEAN NOTHING TO THEM

DID THEY JST LIE THIS WHOLE TIME

IF THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, HOW DID THEY REPLACE ME SO EASILY

am i rlly that replaceable?

I hate the way I look,

I hate my smile,

I hate the way I talk,

But you loved everything about me

You took all the hate and replaced it with love I never had before

Now I'm left with the essence of your love mixing with my hate not understanding how I could ever let you go

I hate myself more than ever

Me a supposed writer that has never written anything public in my life when I can't find a fanfic thats pacific to the random scenario I thought of at 3:00am: Am I- am I just supposed to wright it myself??? 🤨🤨🤨

Why do we cook bacon and cook cookies?

Why don't we cook cookies and bake bacon?

I stopped using Tumblr when I was like 14/15, and decided to come back a year or so ago and now I’m BACK because Eddie fuckin Munson has me in a chokehold.

I am 23 trying to get a degree but instead ✨brainrot✨ over Eddie Munson

MISS PAULING GAY AS HELL!!!!

(insane pansexual rambling under the cut)

IF THAT WERE ME AND THE ADMINISTRATOR WAS ALL UP IN MY FACE LOOKING DESPREATE AND INSANE AND EXITED AND TIRED AND INSANE I'D GO INSANE!!! ME AND THAT DYING MAN AND HER ALL NIGHT EVERYWHERE ON EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE!!! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!! NOT ONLY WOULD I GIVE HER THE ROCK ID SHOVE IT DOWN THAT CORPSES THROAT FOR HER SO SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET HER HEAVENLY MAGNIFICENT HAND DIRTY!!- AND WE'D KISS INFRONT OF HIM SO HE HAD TO WATCH US WHILE HE SUFFERS!!! THEN WE'D KISS HIM AS WELL!!! MISS PAULING NEVER LOVED THE ADMINISTRATOR!!!!!

IVE BEEN SILENTLY OBSESSED WITH THE ADMINISTRATOR FOR 17 YEARS!!! IM BREAKING MY SILENCE!!?? ADMINISTRATOR KINNIES RISE UP 😭😭😭

Wanted to listen to all of Ruin tonight but I got home late and have to wake up early

"You'll grow out of being sensitive."

"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."

"You can't let everything hurt you like this."

Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...

And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.

Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?

today is one of those days where I'm pissy and can barely even push up a bit of sympathy, so that's wonderful /s

seeing ppl with disorders you're sure you have, displaying different symptoms as you feels like such a fucking invalidating feeling for no reason. Like no no no no stop it. You can't do that. I don't do that. Stop.

Sometimes I get overly obsessed with a certain person, and then I slowly start to despise them as I realise they do, in fact, have flaws