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Joel Smallishbeans - Blog Posts
" all you wanna do is see me turn into a giant woman "
HOW DID WE LIKE THE FIRST EP OF WILD LIFE CHAT !!!!!
SILLY SMALLETHO ART!!!!
(not ship art lol)
Honey Honey Honey..... Must be runny....
He sent like 5 more books by the way
iskall's stream going fucking insane
I was going through my procreate files. And I. Wat. 3 am Ian strikes again ig. A new contender in the “which hermit is which musical artist” debate has risen heh.
3 am me even signed it lol he was confident that this was a masterpiece. Anyway uhhhh you know what fair 3 am me, I think Joel really needs to put on the infamous cheerleader dress and set stuff on fire with a blowtorch while screaming MCR lyrics. I don’t think it would make him better but I think it would be funny. Plus he gets to be a vampire and you know what I think vampires are really neat. Killjoy Joel goes without saying he is already basically a killjoy. 3 am me didn’t draw parade or revenge era, but those also. Because. Black parade is literally like such an embodiment of life series Joel, plus he would look really cool in the parader outfit, and revenge is like. Also literally him and I know he is meant to be Gerard but he would look so awesome with the x over his eye like Frank had! Plus drawing him covered in blood is always fun hehe. Perhaps I will do some proper drawings of Joelrard some time lol.
do you see the vision?
okay I admittedly have yet to beat echoes of wisdom. But i mean. It is too perfect. Princess Lizzie on the run with only her fairy companion for company, using her magic to defeat enemies in the name of rescuing some weird overdramatic rando with a sword from a demon. Also to stop the demon from destroying the world, but mostly the rescuing part. He left his cloak behind! It’d be rude not to return it! Anyway i want pictures of Spider-Man on my desk by morning meme but about desperately needing a fic of this. Joel being pathetic, Lizzie being badass, Joel being absolutely Whipped for this awesome magical warrior princess come to rescue him and Lizzie being like. “Uhh you forgot your cape. Here have it back. Goodbye! ^^” (again, haven’t actually beat the game yet lol) anyway yadayadayada they eventually get married and live happily ever after the end because happy endings make me happy. *Eleanor Shellstrop voice* CAUSE IM BASIC! (I know she would never say that i just can’t call anything basic without thinking of that show lol I’m getting off topic uhhhh)
Could I ask for some smallidarity perhaps… (esmp2 maybe) /nf
Woah totally unexpected request from me, who would have guessed
never in a million years could I have foreseen this! /silly
here you go, the sillies! I freestyled their designs, but I think they came out really well and I’m actually really proud of these!
Idk I just think they are cute! And I really like how joel’s hair came out in particular, I might use that on my main design! And thank you sm for the asks these guys are just so silly this was really fun to draw. Plus one more vote for biggri nation yay!
Last chance to apply guys form closes tomorrow! (Also btw guess who is mod Din lol it’s me I’ve decided to say it for bragging rights purposes)
It is time. Cue the ominous music and fog machines. Send for the crisp packets and dip. Turn on the lights. Then if that doesn’t work turn them off again and then back on. If they’re still being fussy, give the drywall a few good kicks and that should do the trick.
So. The moment you have all been waiting for. Yes that’s right, this is the culmination of all of our hard work and the high point in your life. We’re certain you thought of nothing but this for the past *checks watch* uhhhh however long it’s been.
CONTRIBUTOR APPLICATIONS ARE HERE!
Do you like smallishbeans? If you don’t like smallishbeans… what the heck are you even doing here?? We told you two forms ago to return to your average toast-making and sock-donning activities!! Begone from here, unless you want swamp muck in your shoes and Canadian YouTuber Etho Slab obsessed with you. Just Jeremys here now? Good. We don’t have to extol the virtues of Joel here to convince you to apply, because there are too many to list, and he is always happy to tell you some in any video of his you may watch, so we’ll skip right to the thing at the center of the onion (a metaphor more prominently used as “at the heart of the matter”, but we took it upon ourselves to improve it because we are benevolent leaders): the applications.
If you want to apply but are still reading this instead of applying you are doing the wrong thing.
Great, now it’s just us mods, so we will have our secret mod conversation unbeknownst to everyone else:
Cars are really neat. I like cars. And donkey Jeremy. Did you remember to say your daily prayers to Jeremy? Well duhh of course I did! Shrek shrek eefo shrek Jimmy solidarity shrek shrek we love Ldshadowlady
some frames I drew for a boat boys animatic that never was
I’m really proud of how these two specifically came out. The second one is a how they died each time in double life and the first is just em dancing.
edit: I also forgot this one:
Joel was there two but I accidentally deleted the layer I drew him on
What if killjoy wild life Joel???. Another post that appeals to me and end of list. Also ignore how bad this drawing is lol I’m mostly posting cause I like the colors
Some doodles from my shortgrass au!!
I actually love this bdubs design sm, ‘tis now my official design lol
doodle page of Joel Torreto!
CW: blood. Also he kinda looks like someone maced him in the eyes lol
Last life Joel one of my many beloveds (the other beloveds are every other Joel era). Unstable wizard man I miss you.
The song lyric is from Jeremy by Pearl Jam!! As soon as I have more time to art, I wanna make more pieces based on specific songs because ohoho do I have thoughts.
bean man in wonderland I forgor why I drew this I am very eepy rn also first time watermarking with my new url yippee
POV you take the phrase spill the tea way to literally. Idiot/aff.
He’s so wild like wild life btw I’m still insane about wild life Joel win will talk more later I just came up with a great pun about being bi wanna hear it? Too late here it is: the ‘bi’ in bisexual/biromantic doesn’t stand for two it stands for ‘whatever your gender is, it’s fine bi me’ hahaha did you laugh I can make that joke cause I’m bi I probably shouldn’t post when I’m sleep deprived. Time lord Bdubs or whtvr he calls himself when he is supreme ruler of clocks beds and eepyness would be so disappointed and I cant possibly disappoint bdubs so I’m gonna go schreep or however you spell out what he says.
It is time. Cue the ominous music and fog machines. Send for the crisp packets and dip. Turn on the lights. Then if that doesn’t work turn them off again and then back on. If they’re still being fussy, give the drywall a few good kicks and that should do the trick.
So. The moment you have all been waiting for. Yes that’s right, this is the culmination of all of our hard work and the high point in your life. We’re certain you thought of nothing but this for the past *checks watch* uhhhh however long it’s been.
CONTRIBUTOR APPLICATIONS ARE HERE!
Do you like smallishbeans? If you don’t like smallishbeans… what the heck are you even doing here?? We told you two forms ago to return to your average toast-making and sock-donning activities!! Begone from here, unless you want swamp muck in your shoes and Canadian YouTuber Etho Slab obsessed with you. Just Jeremys here now? Good. We don’t have to extol the virtues of Joel here to convince you to apply, because there are too many to list, and he is always happy to tell you some in any video of his you may watch, so we’ll skip right to the thing at the center of the onion (a metaphor more prominently used as “at the heart of the matter”, but we took it upon ourselves to improve it because we are benevolent leaders): the applications.
If you want to apply but are still reading this instead of applying you are doing the wrong thing.
Great, now it’s just us mods, so we will have our secret mod conversation unbeknownst to everyone else:
Cars are really neat. I like cars. And donkey Jeremy. Did you remember to say your daily prayers to Jeremy? Well duhh of course I did! Shrek shrek eefo shrek Jimmy solidarity shrek shrek we love Ldshadowlady
@sc0rpain I really like your fic Go Anywhere but Here
Late night at the convenience store with the biromantic block people
(Click for better quality tumblr fed it through a paper shredder)
btw I’m still Really Normal about wild life Joel win
Also I have so many thoughts about card symbolism. The guy whose entire gimmick sounded like a very unsubtle mafia family won the casino themed death games lol. Also I maybe want to do a piece that’s a sort of sequel piece to this one because in hearts (real card game btw) the queen of spades is the worst card to have unless you are trying to shoot the moon. Which. Double life symbolism stuff hahahah I’m really normal about well all of this really I love all the life series.
This is for Han specifically (oh my gosh you have no idea how many tries it took to spell specifically lol). Shadowbeans marriage! I decided that they should both wear dresses because dresses are more fun to draw and also I kind of suck at drawing suits.
Sigh… I miss empires. Big fish wife and tiny clay husband.
I’ve been working on this drawing for a while and was planning to do a background but kinda lost patience with it lol so uhh here
It for a story I have in my head that is somewhere in the space between an au and headcannons about winner Joel. Also it was really fun imagining what sort of pajamas c!joel would wear. My favorite part is the fuzzy socks, and also yes those are *technically* his swim trunks but whatever he seems like he would wear swim trunks to bed anyway lol. It’s meant to be like him waking back up on Hermitcraft after he won. If anyone is interested in hearing about this au/complicated series of headcannons I will happily ramble!
everyone better compliment me I’m looking at u person reading this I was gonna demand you all notice one specific part but actually I’m proud of all of this. Also he has a Mohawk because Risi is obsessed with bald Joel and I like drawing him with long hair so compromise! /sily also Mohawk oriental-cyberpunk Joel is cool as heck. Also the crown says wild life but tumblr killed the quality.
Deity Joel from empires s2 with a trans flag please?
Omg anon I was so excited that I got an ask I totally speedran this drawing lol
Anyway wooohoo!!! Everyone go vote Joel in the @transmcytshowdown!!!!
it’s uhh Joel in a wedding dress
I cannot for the life of me remember why I drew this uhhh I was possessed okay?
maybe next Lizzie in a suit and they can get married once more
Yours being hypnotized woOOooooOOo votejoelvotejoelvotejoel woOoOoOOooOoo are you convinced yet? WoooOOoOoOo votejoelvotejoelvotevotejoelvotejoel…. You wanna vote Joel right?
Please vote Joel. I’ve never really done poll propaganda before, but send me an ask showing that you voted for him, and I’ll draw you a thing!
also: see if you can guess who wrote the really long project-y trans Joel propaganda. Wink wink it was me wink wink really obvious wink winking
Joel Smallishbeans:
Submitted for: Hermitcraft, Third Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Wild Life, Empires SMP Season 1, Empires SMP Season 2
Headcanons: Transmasc, he/they; Trans man, he/him; Genderfluid, any pronouns; Trans masc, it/he/she; Transmasc Genderfluid, he/any; Identity not specified, they/he
Propaganda: “He’s just a silly little terracotta man with only a vague understanding of human gender he tries to impersonate but fails at.”
“Lizzie and Joel are a t4t bi4bi couple in [the submitter’s] heart. Lizzie transfem (she/her) Joel transmasc+gender fluid (he/any).”
“Basically anywhere you see him. Just like, the constant ‘Ooh i'm so manly, the manliest, I’m so tall and strong and handsome,’ and always insisting that he’s really tall despite being super short and the way his voice will sometimes get all high and squeaky these are all very transmasc coded things. He’s one of us, okay, he’s got the vibes, trust, he’s got our humor. Every time he goes mining on Hermitcraft there is always a caption that’s like ‘straight white male mining content’ which is more of his constant need to assert how macho and manly he is and in double life he says he’s not going to get in the pool cause he’s ‘ashamed of his Minecraft body’ which is very trans behavior. He’s got that confidence he can wear a dress for mcc and still know he’s a man which is very transmasc cause other men just got handed it, but we afab men have to look at masculinity and go ‘yeah that’s me’ and then make sure everyone knows it like that’s how you know being trans isn’t a choice because men kinda suck and I still went out and actively was like um guys I’m actually a man sorry. Some days he’s cool with just throwing gender norms out the window and some days he feels the need to yell for the whole world and the next couple galaxies as well to hear that he’s DeFiNiTeLy NoT WeArInG a CoRsEt GeM. Can you tell [the submitter’s] projecting? Cause [they’re] projecting. You can pry this headcanon out of [their] cold dead hands lol.”
“He has fluctuating chest dysphoria so sometimes he doesn't bind and sometimes he does. His bad dysphoria days are rare enough that he's not gonna bother with top surgery.”
“Transmasc Joel Smallishbeans is everything to [the submitter] and [the submitter] like[s] to think that forming the bad boys is what made him plug the tv back on and turn the brightness to the max, like he went ‘Oh we’re bad boys?? Guess I’m finally a boy now!”
“Nonbinary bad boy Joel except he is not a boy.”
Marma1ade:
Submitted for: Server not specified
Headcanons: Transfem, she/her
Propaganda: “Transfem Marma1ade is my special headcanon [the submitter] think[s] [they’ve] shared with. Two people?? But she is very beloved to [them].”
“[The submitter] think[s] if asked about her gender, she'd just be like "yeah I’m trans" but everyone including her has got WAY more important things to worry about than gender so only like 3 people know.”
hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*
First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses
Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.
smalletho demolition lovers au?
//CW: Blood
I mean it’s too perfect. Psychopathic bisexual demonic serial killer x depressed emo angelic weapons dealer? I couldn’t resist lol. if you want story context and/or to have a good cry, look up the lore to three cheers for sweet revenge by my chemical romance it’s beautiful and very very sad, which for MCR is also very very on brand. Anyway internet please validate me and my efforts I spent a really long time on this.
uhh I sketched this a month ago and forgor to post. But um here have them. Ignore the terrible quality I know this is a really bad drawing.
I just think that they are all neat. Idk man it came to me in a dream or whatever. Also I was rewatching esmp season 1 this time from Jimmy’s pov so now he is a fish. To me. And also to a lot of other people but I’m now one of them. Anyway yea idk what happened to Joel lol he just looks off and I can’t figure out why. I think maybe his head is too small. Or too big. One of the two, probably.
I’m really proud of this so I’m reblogging. Please give me validation not that I need it of course oh no I’m so handsome and smart and talented and humble I don’t need to ask for validation because I’m already the validest I’m only asking for it so that you guys can practice complimenting other, less confident people. You believe me.
hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*
First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses
Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.
hey guys who likes wild life *raises hand* I mean really likes it, loves it in fact *raises hand even higher, stands on tippy toes for how high I’m raising my hand* no I mean like loves it is obsessed with it it is your pride and joy *falls over from how high I am raising my hand, stands back up and goes to space with how high I’m raising my hand* yeah but can you prove it by spending 5 hours rendering grass to be almost entirely covered up? *me: bet*
First of all thank you boat boys discord and especially Risi for sponsoring this drawing lol and by sponsoring I mean loudly proclaiming the virtues of gribeans in my immediate vicinity. Anyway yeah they are meant to be standing in front of the bam hill with the wings blocking the top and the sun just peaking over them. Also the words on the explosion are lyrics from the song Don’t You Dare Forget the Sun by Get Scared which inspired the poses
Anyway as soon as I figure out how to draw cars it’s all over for you guys I will project my very specific vision that is essentially a combination of danger days good omens and back to the future onto you all I have so many thoughts!!!!! I will elaborate in the future, I will elaborate so much that you will say “Ian, shut up with your elaborating” and also I have an au based on session seven planned because the superpowers happened to coincide with an overly complex magic system I’ve been developing for about five months now lol slowly in the background. Also maybe an animatic if I can figure that out maybe possibly don’t hold me to that…? At least I know no one will take the song I’m planning to use in the meantime lol because the MCR and trafficblr fandom overlap is fairly small.
hey guys back from the dead sorry I haven’t arted in a while I’ve got like a million different pieces and projects that I’m like half finished with but uhh in the meantime, here have a doodle of emo Joel ig. Also that recreation of the 3 cheers cover art on his shirt took forever lol.
ramble under cutvvv
I saw that he had Welcome to the Black Parade on his feel good music playlist, and. Joel. You know what that song is about right? You know right? Right? /silly but yea so I drew this ig um also he’s singing because I was watching his latest ep on Hermitcraft while drawing and he both made another song (yay!!!! And it was a parody of the brobecks as well who I know. Dallon Weekes is an overachiever lol. Panic! At the Disco, The Brobecks, and I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THE FOUND ME ? Three banger bands? lol I actually saw idk how live recently, it was my first time going to a concert, and it was awesome) and also played another pop song during his timelapse, and so this is propaganda that the next song he either parodies or plays during a timelapse should be MCR. Please Joel Smallishbeans do this it would be like the greatest thing ever. I mean it’s fine if you don’t, I also enjoy the pop music I am being educated in pop and I’m enjoying it. I just. I really want a Joel cover of an MCR song I would listen to that forever and ever lol you have no idea. Collision of my interests like the social collision line at hot topic and okay now I’m getting cringe bye guys back to the grave to continue working on my million bajillion projects!!
you guys!!! It’s here!!! Smallishzine is starting!!!! Hooray!! The form is just as AMAZING as last time I enjoyed filling it out greatly lol. Thank you mod Dinn for your service to Jeremy kind, and I agree: donkey Jeremy IS too cool for pronouns.
What up losers and also non-losers, whichever you may be? I said a while ago not to wait around for December first for the mod applications to go out. This is because really you should have been waiting around for December second! Hahahaha I’m so awesome and cool and productive that I finished making them far earlier than when I said I would!!! And I’m so humble and modest as well, that I’ll tell you that probably more energy drinks than are good for my health were consumed in order to get these done, but it was worth it to laugh at you all over my totally intentional sneaky trickery! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! Haha! For those of you who may be confused as to what exactly I am referring to, and maybe somehow haven’t heard of this totally awesome amazing and super cool zine (I feel so sorry for those people. Missing out on quality content such as “some guy pretending to know what he’s doing” “some guy insulting people on the internet” and “some guy complaining about people insulting him on the internet”, what must their lives be like!?!!?) do you like smallishbeans? Yesyoudoyesyoudoyesyoudoyesyoudo. Yes? Great!! This is a zine all about him!! If you wanna be a super cool and awesome mod of Smallishzine too, then fill out this form!
Uhhh… fast and furious joke because I haven’t made one yet:
oh dude I almost had you! That’s it that’s the joke are you laughing yet are you laughing? Why are you even still reading when you should be filling out the form? Answer me this! Huh? Huh? Thought so.
anyway I included responses to a bunch of your reminders from the interest form on what I forgot to include. Rest assured, this time we definitely didn’t forget more chicken murder, Eefo, horse death, more donkey Jeremy, or smallishbeans!