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That feeling of self doubt when you think you've figured somthing out about yourself but you don't fit what's expected.
Th feeling of hiding in plain site from everyone. Those who would understand and the others that could never.
I tell myself it's fine if I'm wrong it can't hurt anyone. But itcan. If I lied you suffered the effort I'm putting abd have put to rebuild the unstable walls of our friendship will crumble again.
And I can't lose you.
Is it wrong to say I miss you. That I miss the way out bodies fit together like the puzzles my grandma tirelessly works on.
That I miss your little smiles when I said something stupid and made of fool of myself.
Your hair draping over my shoulder at lunch your stomach pressed against my back.
But that's not fair. You aren't mine and as much as I want to be I'm not yours. I told you I couldn't l9ve you. I told you I would never love anyone. I told you I was wrong. I don't want to do that again.