Edit: I Forgot To Add The Transcript 

rival team captains au

lance, visibly pissed: he’s always being put in the spotlight.. god sometimes keith just makes me wanna slam him against a wall and–

lance: (realizes keith is behind him and listening)

keith:

keith, smirking: why’d you stop there? it was just getting interesting

SUGA: *CROSSES HIS LEGS, GETS UP THEN SPINS* “I AM A GENIUS“ 

| Cr twt blackxagustd

Patreon June Exclusive: Mika/Yuu ‘the hooker i ordered turned out to be my best friend’ AU

Mika taps on the confirmation e-mail again and scrolls down to the meetup location details. He’s already in the hotel room, perched on the edge of a large king-sized bed, but it never hurts to double check.

Barry’s Luxury Rooms

Third Floor, Room #17

November 2nd, 8:30 PM

Alright, so maybe calling this place a hotel was cheapening the term. From the way none of the other men Mika had passed in the small lobby met his eyes, it wasn’t difficult to guess the reason they came to this…establishment. Mika can’t judge them, though. He was here for the same reason.

He’d been nervous about entering the building. This was Mika’s first time doing something like this, and he’d imagined that once he stepped inside, everyone would stare and whisper. Surely everyone would know exactly what he was there for, what he was about to do.

He needn’t have worried, though. Everything had been arranged, just like the agency had promised.

The receptionist, a young blond woman with oddly juvenile pigtails, handed him the keycard without so much as a glance once Mika gave her his reservation number. From what he could tell, she’d been preoccupied with a Youtube tutorial.

Mika absently wonders if there’s a Youtube tutorial for this. Probably not. Hiring an escort isn’t exactly legal. At least, not where he’s from.

Biting his lip, Mika glances at the time. 8:20. Ten more minutes until the man the agency sent him knocks on his door. He really hopes the escort isn’t a new hire- he wouldn’t know where to start. Mika has never been in this situation before.

The confirmation e-mail included a description of the escort the agency was sending him, based on his submitted preferences. Mika has read it about twenty times since receiving it the week before, but he scrolls down to look at it again. A small smile curves his lips as he reads the words he’s practically memorized by now.

Your carefully selected companion, Irino, is happy to meet you. He has been selected for you based on your following preferences:

- Sex: Male

- Nationality: Japanese

- Height: 5’5”-5’7”

- Hair Color: Black

- Eye Color: Green

- Body Type: Fit, Trim

Please confirm by October 21st to proceed with your reservation.

Mika had confirmed within five minutes of receiving the initial e-mail. The description continued to appear in the following messages, reminding him of what he was paying a hefty fee for.

An hour with his best friend’s proxy.

Mika has long passed the point of being ashamed. How could he be, at this stage of the game? The moment the thought had crossed his mind during one lonely night a month ago, Mika couldn’t think of anything else. This was his last resort.

If fucking an escort who looks like Yuu won’t make him stop pining for his devastatingly straight friend, Mika doesn’t know what else could ease the pain. He can’t possibly cut ties with the only person who’d been at his side all those years ago at the orphanage. Yuu is his family, and Mika refuses to lose him over some silly crush.

…a silly crush that has been ruining his life for the past year, but surely it was nothing more than the result of Yuu moving in after Mika’s previous roommate moved out.

Regardless of why or how it happened, Mika is determined to let off steam tonight and return to their apartment a new man. One who doesn’t need to pretend he isn’t watching when his roommate is walking around the room in only a towel, searching for shampoo. One who doesn’t cling a second longer than socially acceptable when hugging his best friend. A man who doesn’t paste on a fake smile when meeting his friend’s girlfriend.

Maybe, once the night is over, Mika will be able to be genuinely happy for Yuu and Shinoa.

Mika frowns.

Well, the night wasn’t over yet. He still has time to indulge in his fantasy before letting go.

Taking a deep breath, Mika goes over the mental to-do list he’d put together for the night. Lists always seemed to calm him down, for whatever reason. Maybe it was the illusion of control. He hasn’t been able to control his feelings or his body around Yuu lately, so perhaps this was his way of pretending that he still has some semblance of authority over the situation.

Mika stands up and looks at his reflection in the mirror hanging over the desk in the corner. He’s a little pale, but as he tries on a confident smile, Mika would like to think it wasn’t too noticeable. He’d showered before leaving the apartment and his hair is still a little damp. He runs his fingers through the darkened blond and decides to tie it all back. Maybe he could get Irino to pull his hair.

Mika’s face regains some of its color at the thought, but he doesn’t have the time to appreciate it.

There’s a knock at the door.

All the tension leaves Mika’s body as he turns in the direction of the door and crosses the room. He might agonize for weeks over something and lose sleep because of it, but once he’s in a stressful situation, he takes charge of it. A common coping mechanism, but Mika is rather grateful for it. He wouldn’t want Irino to think that he’s some sort of nervous virgin who has to pay to get laid.

No. This is merely a business transaction, and if there’s one thing Mika knows, it’s business.

So Mika stops in front of the door and clears his throat. Much to his relief, his voice doesn’t shake.

“Yes?”

“Room service,” the person on the other side says, exactly as the agency e-mail had indicated they would. Mika closes his eyes for a brief moment, allowing himself a moment’s reprieve, before lifting his head with a polite smile and opening the door.

“Of course, please come-“

Mika can’t recall the last time he’d been rendered speechless. He isn’t sure it’s ever happened before. But it was certainly happening now, because for some crazy reason-

“Mika?!”

Yuu is standing in front of him.

Chuuya: i failed the safety and health course today

Dazai: what happened?

Chuuya: one of the questions was “in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?”

Dazai: … and?

Chuuya: apparently, “fucking large ones” wasn’t the right answer

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women be like. hot...

alright, listen up people. if allura dies? we riot

yoongi with dogs = major uwu

Legend

method acting at it’s finest 

Guren: there is only one thing worse than a rapist *pulls back paper on board* boom

Yuu: A child