But What If I Wrote War Time Letters That Bucky Sent To People That Went Up In The Smithsonian ( Until

@whumpgifathon | Day #25: ALT PROMPT "Begging" Upgrade (2018)

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he smiled, tight lipped and still slightly grim, but it was a smile nonetheless. he watched her go, only once she was out of sight did he turn his eye to the shelves of books. it took him longer than he would have liked to admit to really pay attention to what he was looking at. he picked his way through, trying to remember the last time he actually read a book for leisure at all.

eventually, she returned to him and bucky arched a brow as she presented him with her find. the teasing was gone now, but he knew the feeling well—the hesitation before offering a piece of yourself. he took the book from her hand and blew out a breath, the velveteen rabbit. his expression softened, thumbing through the pages absently.

❝ okay . . . i'm impressed, ❞ bucky admitted, ❝ i didn't think this place would have it. ❞ he turned the book over in his hands before presenting her with his own find. milk and honey by the poet rupi kaur. what is stronger than the human heart, he'd read while thumbing through the pages. ❝ we might need a third opinion. ❞

kara stepped further inside,  the dim light filtering through cracked windows,  tracing the curve of her cheek as she smirked over her shoulder.  ❝oh,  you’re on, ❞ she said,  voice laced with something playful but edged in challenge.  her fingers trailed along the spines of forgotten books,  their titles half-erased by time,  their covers worn soft like well-loved things.  there was something about places like this — untouched,  abandoned,  yet still breathing with the weight of words left behind.  ❝winner gets to pick the next adventure, ❞ she added,  glancing at him as if daring him to up the stakes. 

she disappeared into the stacks before he could answer,  moving through the rows with an ease that came from years of seeking refuge in places like this.  a quiet sanctuary,  where no one asked who you were before or what you might become.  her fingers stopped on a book with a cracked leather spine,  its gold lettering dulled but still there.  the velveteen rabbit.  she exhaled softly,  thumb brushing over the title.  a story about being loved into something real.  a story about survival.  about what it meant to endure. 

when she found him again,  she held it up without a word,  her gaze steady.  a moment passed between them,  something unspoken stretching in the quiet.  ❝i think i win, ❞ she said finally,  but her voice had lost its teasing edge.  there was something else there,  something weightier,  as if she was offering more than just the book.  a piece of herself,  maybe.  a quiet understanding,  waiting for him to take it not knowing that behind her back she held yet another surprise. ❝ you find anything?❞

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HEADCANON : relationship with violence .

Bucky Barnes experiences his most vivid sense of self when engaged in combat. Fighting provides him with clarity—free from guilt, doubt, or horror, he exists solely in the moment, absorbed in the simplicity of violence. Unlike the intricate moral dilemmas that plague his daily existence, combat offers a straightforward equation: him versus his opponent. It is within these moments that he is most open, most expressive, and paradoxically, most talkative. The physicality of battle is a release, a channel for emotions too tangled to unravel through words alone. He grins, laughs, and embraces the fight with a raw, unfiltered intensity. Yet, this momentary freedom comes at a cost.

The aftermath of combat is where the exhaustion sets in, not just physically but emotionally. The clarity that violence provides fades into the murky waters of introspection. Bucky is left questioning himself: Does he enjoy fighting because it is inherently satisfying, or has he been conditioned to enjoy it? The doubt creeps in—did his opponent deserve the extent of his aggression? Was the violence necessary, or was it an instinct honed by years of programming? Even his own thought processes become suspect. When he deliberates whether he should have sought a second opinion before acting, he is unsure if this is a natural ethical impulse or a remnant of his conditioning—an ingrained need to take orders rather than make decisions autonomously.

Bucky’s struggle extends to identifying what exactly he derives from violence. Is it the act itself? The escape from his own mind? The power he exerts? The thrill of dominance? These questions drive his inner turmoil, leading to moments of emotional collapse as he grapples with the implications of his own desires. The answer, ultimately, is not singular. His relationship with violence is multifaceted.

Simplicity and Escape: In a fight, the world reduces to its most basic form—winner and loser, attack and defense. This absolves him, momentarily, of the crushing guilt that permeates his existence.

Power and Control: Having spent years as a puppet stripped of free will, there is an undeniable satisfaction in regaining agency, in overpowering an opponent. This newfound control is intoxicating but also troubling, as it blurs the line between reclaiming strength and becoming an aggressor.

Conditioning and Instinct: Bucky’s past as the Winter Soldier complicates his ability to trust his own instincts. Does he fight because he wants to, or because he was programmed to? This question haunts him, making each fight a battle not just against an opponent, but against himself.

While combat provides temporary relief, it is invariably followed by a devastating emotional crash. The pleasure of victory is undercut by the resurgence of guilt and self-doubt. The knowledge that he enjoys aspects of violence—especially the dominance and control it affords—deepens his internal conflict. This cycle of exhilaration and remorse becomes its own form of psychological torment, leaving Bucky to question not only his actions but the very nature of his identity.

Bucky Barnes' relationship with violence is deeply complex, rooted in both trauma and survival. It is an outlet, an escape, a source of power, but also a source of guilt and self-doubt. His struggle lies in disentangling his own desires from the conditioning imposed upon him. As he continues to reclaim his autonomy, the greatest battle he faces is not with an external enemy, but within himself.

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Jet Li, Mike Lambert - Unleashed aka Danny The Dog (2005)

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                 CARRD PROMPTS HEADCANONS

#WINTRB0RN : BARNES , B.UCKY . independent  b.ucky  b.arnes  roleplay  account,  mcu  based  / 616  inspiration, before interacting please read divergences page here . formerly found at @ghststry & @rprgrmmd-a ( lost login details ) . dead dove, do not eat . h.ydra t.rash p.arty dni .

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what are you seeking ?

—  forgiveness  .

“what  should  i  apologize  for;  what  i  am  or  what  i’m  not?”  //  oh,  little  hero,  how  close  are  you  to  crumbling  under  the  weight  on  your  shoulders?  how  heavy  has  that  heart  of  yours  gotten?  how  deeply  has  the  guilt  burrowed  into  your  bones?  how  permanently  has  the  grief  been  seared  into  your  soul?

you  were  so  tender,  and  the  world  so  cruel.  loss  after  loss  after  loss,  each  another  chip  on  your  shoulder.  because  you  deserved  it,  didn’t  you?  if  you  could  be  better . . . faster . . . stronger . . . smarter . . . then  maybe  it  wouldn’t  have  happened.  right?  the  blood  stains  your  hands,  and  it  won’t  wash  out  will  it?

but  darling,  it’s  never  been  your  fault.  you’ve  learned  to  turn  the  rage  and  the  regret,  the  guilt  and  the  grief,  inwards.  if  you’re  hurt,  it’s  your  own  fault  isn’t  it?  because  then  there’s  a  reason  for  it,  because  it  gives  you  some  semblance  of  control,  doesn’t  it?  what  you  seek  is  forgiveness,  for  your  perceived  wrongs.  but  oh,  little  skeleton,  you  do  not  need  it.  stop  blaming  yourself  for  what  was  beyond  your  control.  let  go  of  the  past.  grow.  and  learn  to  breathe  with  both  of  your  lungs.  stop  choking  on  your  own  self  hatred.  the  weight  will  ease,  i  promise.  i  love  you.

tagged by : nada tagging : @staticveil , @sh1elded , @tcbefearless ( amelia ), @deathcrime & you <3

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❝ then i'm not saying it right, ❞ bucky mumbled, because what he was asking her to do was the hardest thing he'd ever attempted. coming back from a lifetime of war, blood, pain, and violence was a constant work in progress and most of the time he felt as if he were performing for some invisible judge, jury, and executioner. ❝ it's not easy. it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. you'll fail, you'll try again, you'll fail again. ❞

bucky turned the mug of coffee absently in his hand. watched the steam rise from the surface and tried not to lose himself in the ordinariness of the motion. he didn't look at her when she asked about him, instead, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed. truth be told, he tried not to think about it.

❝ i don't know, ❞ he said finally, ❝ but i believe it matters that we try. ❞ he nursed his jaw for several short seconds before he met her eye again, ❝ i don't have all the answers. i'm making this up as i go, but i do know this: you're not too far gone that you can't come back, kara. ❞

kara let the silence stretch between them,  let it settle around her like a weighted blanket,  unfamiliar but not unwelcome.  no history.  no past.  just now.   she traced the rim of her cup with a fingertip,  watching the way the steam curled  &  disappeared.  ❝you make it sound easy. ❞ the words weren’t an accusation,  just an observation.  she wondered if he really believed it — that the weight of the past could be shrugged off so cleanly,  left outside like a coat too heavy for summer air.   

her fingers flexed against the ceramic.  ❝maybe it is.  for some people. ❞ she glanced around,  watching the other patrons — people who belonged here in a way she never could.  the man at the counter flipping through a newspaper,  the couple sharing a plate of fries,  the waitress moving through it all like she had done this a thousand times before  &  would do it a thousand times again.  ❝i don’t know if i can be one of them. ❞  but she wanted to be.  what she wasn’t sure of was what she wanted from him.  reassurance? permission? maybe just the chance to sit here  &  pretend,  for a moment,  that she belonged.   

the waitress set a menu down in front of her with an absent smile,   &  kara nodded her thanks.  the gesture felt small but significant.  normal.  she wrapped her hands around the warmth of the coffee cup,  inhaling the scent of something burnt  &  bitter  &  real.  she looked up at bucky again.  ❝&  what about you?❞ her voice was quieter now,  but steady.  ❝do you believe that? that we can just …  exist?❞  her gaze shifted from him. ❝ do you think we can ever have … more? ❞

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capmeme: eight quotes [2/8]

↳ "Is this a test?"

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&. 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝟐 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  dialogue prompts taken from the silent hill 2 remake, developed by bloober team. trigger warning for dark themes. feel free to change as you seem fit. )

❛ in my restless dreams, i see that town. ❜

❛ hey, it's okay. i didn't mean to scare you. ❜

❛ i'm kind of lost. ❜

❛ i guess i don't really care if it's dangerous or not. i'm going either way. ❜

❛ what happened to this town? ❜

❛ whatever it is, it's not human. ❜

❛ i didn't do anything! he was like that when i got here. ❜

❛ you wanna come with? maybe together we can find a way out of this town. ❜

❛ sorry, but i can't leave. not yet. ❜

❛ are you afraid? ❜

❛ did you find the person that you were looking for? ❜

❛ don't worry, i'm not crazy. least, i don't think so. ❜

❛ should i go with you? this town really is dangerous. ❜

❛ what's a big dumb-dumb like you doing here anyway? ❜

❛ hey, that's not very nice. didn't your parents teach you any manners? ❜

❛ do i look like your girlfriend? ❜

❛ i can't believe it. your face, your voice... you could be— ❜

❛ i don't look like a ghost, do i? see? warm. ❜

❛ i can show you if you want. unless you have somewhere else to be? something else to do? ❜

❛ hey, easy there. i'm just messing with you. ❜

❛ you're coming with me? can't you just tell me where it is? ❜

❛ what, you were just gonna leave me here? alone? with all these monsters around? ❜

❛ is it because i remind you of... her? ❜

❛ this place we're going to, what is it, exactly? ❜

❛ you ever stay in a place like this? the walls are so thin you can hear everything. love, hate, jealousy... ❜

❛ i think you just saved my life back there. ❜

❛ hey. you think i'd look good in this one? ❜

❛ this room... there's something wrong with it. i think we should leave. ❜

❛ oh, loosen up. it sure beats running around with those monsters out there. ❜

❛ what will you tell her if... when you find her? ❜

❛ oh, c'mon. don't give me that look. i was just kidding. ❜

❛ can we stay? just for a little while? ❜

❛ this place, this whole thing, it's like a nightmare. i just wanted to get away from it, even for a second. ❜

❛ here. something to take the edge off. ❜

❛ we should probably get going. ❜

❛ we could come back later, if you want. you know, in case we need a break. ❜

❛ i wanted to ask you... what if you can't find [ name ]? what will you do? ❜

❛ thanks for checking up on me. it's very sweet of you. ❜

❛ how do you know my name? ❜

❛ i'm sorry, but i can't let you just run around this place. you might get hurt. ❜

❛ please open the door. there's something in here. ❜

❛ i was almost killed back there! i've never been so scared in my whole life! ❜

❛ all you care about is that dead wife of yours. ❜

❛ you couldn't care less about me, could you? ❜

❛ stay with me. don't leave me alone again. you're supposed to take care of me. ❜

❛ i don't know, for some reason i feel like it's up to me to protect her. ❜

❛ well, whaddaya know... a stroll in the rain. how romantic. ❜

❛ i'm trying to keep things light. just humor me, okay? ❜

❛ you think you could give me a hand? ❜

❛ you're supposed to be the big man around here. how's a little girl like me supposed to help? ❜

❛ what's wrong? i thought you wanted to get out of here. ❜

❛ this place is different from what i remember. i guess... things never really stay the same, do they? ❜

❛ you... still don't want me to go with you? if we stick together, we just might make it out of here. ❜

❛ ain't no big deal. just put the gun to their head and... pow! ❜

❛ you can't just kill someone 'cause of the way they looked at you. ❜

❛ please. i'll be good. i promise. ❜

❛ it's always the same with you. you're only after one thing. ❜

❛ i don't know who you think i am, but i don't want to hurt you. ❜

❛ i thought that thing killed you...! are you hurt? ❜

❛ but that thing... it stabbed you. there was blood everywhere. ❜

❛ stabbed me? what do you mean? ❜

❛ honey... did something happen to you? ❜

❛ are you confusing me with someone else? ❜

❛ you said you took everything. but you forgot the videotape we made. ❜

❛ it doesn't matter who i am. i'm here for you. ❜

❛ see? i'm real. ❜

❛ don't you want to touch me? ❜

❛ i'll come back, i promise. ❜

❛ how many times do i have to kill you? ❜

❛ it doesn't matter if you're smart, dumb, ugly, pretty... it's all the same once you're dead! ❜

❛ you wanna talk down to me some more? tell me to relax? ❜

❛ you know i'll find you! ❜

❛ guess i deserved it, huh? the fartface that i am. ❜

❛ you got any other things planned? i think i saw a dark room back there you could lock me up in. ❜

❛ where are you? i'm waiting for you. please, come to me. ❜

❛ i think you were right. what we're looking for... it's not here. ❜

❛ thank you for helping me earlier... but i wish you hadn't. ❜

❛ i know what you are. i know why i needed you. but it's all over now. i don't need you anymore. ❜

❛ it'd be easier if they just killed me. ❜

❛ why are you still here? i told you to go. ❜

❛ wait! please don't go. don't leave me alone. i didn't mean what i said. ❜

❛ please... tell me i'll be okay. ❜

❛ i'm here for you. so what if i'm not her? ❜

❛ i can give you what she never could. i can be better than her. ❜

❛ what else do you want me to be? ❜

❛ i won't let you do this to me. i won't let you go. ❜

❛ the truth is, i hated you. ❜

❛ i wanted my life back. ❜

❛ i tried. i really did. but... i just... can't go on without you. ❜

❛ i can't forgive myself for what i've done. ❜

❛ i want you to go on. i want you to live. for yourself and for others. ❜

❛ you made me happy. ❜

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- John Wick: Chapter 2, 2017

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